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Embracing Difficulty

July 31, 2015

It’s become somewhat fashionable for women (feminist or otherwise), male feminists, and even men’s rights advocates to eschew the usual pro-woman, pro-man, or pro-equality fight, and instead fight against a common enemy that all of these people hate: masculinity. It’s pretty obvious why women (and male feminists) don’t like masculinity (or at least claim to dislike masculinity). But the sheer amount of literature out there from men – allegedly men interested in men’s rights and pro-male issues – fighting against real masculinity was pretty appalling. Which got me thinking “Why?”

Why would women hate the behaviors that attract them? And why would men hate the behaviors that attract women? (Actually, this first got me thinking “What the fuck?” But I bummed around the internet a little bit and things started to get a little more clear.)

Women and feminists will tell you that they hate masculinity because it makes them “uncomfortable.” When a man is muscular, a woman will tell you that his obvious and visible strength makes her afraid he’s going to overpower and rape her. She’ll then go home and fuck an even bigger guy. Feminists will tell you that this is just because women are conditioned by the evil patriarchy to think they like men like this.

When a man is professionally successful, a real go-getter, and an all-around badass, women will tell you that being like this isn’t important, and is actually a little bit of a turn-off. Aggression and confidence? That makes women afraid you’re going to rape them. Women will then go home with even cockier assholes. Feminists will tell you that this just because women are conditioned by the evil patriarchy to think they like men like this. Oh and it’s wrong to slut shame them for having random sex with evil men like that anyway.

When a man is interesting, socially networked, full of unique skills and hobbies and shit to talk about, knows everyone in the building on a first name basis, and is having a blast, women say they don’t like that because they feel intimidated. They’d rather have a subdued guy who devotes all of his attention to them, right? They then date a popular guy, non-exclusively, for six months, and the more he blows them off to do his own shit, the more they cook his meals and clean his apartment for him. Feminists will, of course, tell you that this just because women are conditioned by the evil patriarchy to think they like men like this. And that guys like this are “abusive” and women trapped in abusive relationships like that are powerless to get out because they don’t know how to stop texting a guy begging to suck his dick, coming over with no underwear on, blowing him, going grocery shopping, coming back and cooking him breakfast, and washing the dishes. Some people might think that going to all that trouble for someone else is hard. But no, apparently, staying at home, turning on the TV, and not doing all of that stuff for an asshole who doesn’t love you is hard.

Women insist that old-school, traditional masculinity is “toxic” because it’s a mentality of hating women, relegating them to second class citizens, and abusing them. Guys who work out, look good, excel professionally, have ambition and goals, and enforce boundaries and don’t take shit from stupid girls who try to put them through the paces? Those are all “toxic” male figures who are envenoming the world with their poisonous version of manliness, spreading evil patriarchal notions far and wide, setting back female equality for generations to come. They must be stopped. How? Apparently by fucking their brains out.

But women and the feminist movement are not alone in their hatred of “toxic” masculinity. Many men’s advocates also can’t stand real men. Why? They think it’s wrong for society to impose some kind of unrealistic expectation on them to look a certain way, act a certain way, and fit a certain model. That’s “toxic” because young boys and men feel ashamed when they can’t all be Rambo or John Wayne. Some guys don’t want to work out at the gym all the time or eat healthy. They want rest of the world to understand that the world needs cubicle jockeys and that they’re no worse or less important than anyone else just because they’re not as wealthy or professionally successful. Some guys aren’t very social, and that’s supposed to be okay! We should love them the way they are!

Yes, many men are quick to proclaim that society is holding them to unfair standards by expecting them to be masculine, and that this “toxic” standard of masculinity is harming men psychologically. Yet today, more men than ever before are being raised by single mothers, educated by female teachers, put on Ritalin at age 8 if they don’t like sitting still for eight hours a day in a classroom, and groomed to go to college, get engineering degrees, get jobs in cubicles, marry the first woman willing to boss them around, and have a few kids. That path is right there, available for any man, any time. Some of us have been on that path. We know exactly where it leads.

But nonetheless, that’s the path endorsed by society. That path right there -- the non-masculine, non-toxic one -- is precisely what’s expected of men. Women don’t fuck you for walking on that path, even though everyone tells you that you’ll meet the right girl along it. Society doesn’t reward you for that path, even though you’ve been led to believe you’ll get a great job and a lot of wealth and happiness if you keep at it. People don’t like you or respect you when you walk that path, even though you’ve been told that it’s a respectable path and they’re supposed to. But the path is there. And that’s the path we’re all led to and encouraged to take.

Nobody is telling anybody to get buff, act manly, start a business, take risks, climb mountains, and be more like Rambo or John Wayne. Nobody’s actively encouraging “toxic” masculinity. But men are slowly coming to realize that society rewards this “toxic” model, even though we’ve been led our whole lives to follow the other path. And some so-called men out there are trying to reject this. They’re supposedly advocates for men, but instead of embracing masculinity, they’re fighting it and declaring that it’s wrong and stupid to reward masculinity in men. That, much like feminists, they want to fight against these unfair and toxic expectations forced upon them.

But nobody’s forcing these expectations on anybody – these expectations aren’t really expectations. They’re the secret story behind the scenes. Everybody pretends that we live in a modern, equal, feminist world where we’re all supposed to be kind, generous, equal, respectful, go to college, get good jobs, and eventually support a wife and kids. But behind the scenes, we’re still living like cavemen. Women are fucking the buff guys, the risk takers, the socially connected – the badass men. While society pretends that it’s all supposed to be about that college degree, good job, house, and meeting the right girl and falling in love. Men who wake up and say, “Holy shit – this is so toxic” were never actually encouraged to be men. They just suddenly realized that the whole time they were busy being modern men, the old-school model never actually went away.

Why do people hate “toxic” masculinity? Do buff guys and confident guys really rape women and loathe them as inferior beings? (I’d argue the less “manly” men are the bitter rapists.) Is it really an unrealistic and damaging standard to hold men to? To be physically fit, professionally successful, confident, socially connected, and interesting? Of course not.

The real reason people hate “toxic” masculinity is actually pretty silly: it’s hard. Being men is hard. And when somebody else succeeds at something hard that you’re unwilling or unable to do, you bet your ass you feel bad about it.

Being a badass man is difficult. To wake up at 5:AM every day and hit the gym while other people are sleeping in? To cook your own meat and vegetables while the masses stuff their fat faces with pop tarts or stop at Starbucks for 550 calories of coffee-flavored cream and corn syrup? To risk financial ruin at a real job while the rest of the world toils away at something repetitive and easy and safe? To talk to strangers and colleagues everywhere you go, and to seek out opportunities to meet people daily instead of just going home, getting on the computer, and surfing the web or playing video games? To learn new shit all the time, just because it interests you? To be such a badass that when you meet women, you don’t have time for them and will walk when they’re not interesting or useful?

This used to be how most men were. Because most men didn’t have the internet on their smartphones, an endless supply of games and porn, a television in every room of their house, inexpensive shit food they could heat in 30 seconds, and so on. They grew up working and learning shit on Saturdays instead of watching cartoons.

But now men are soft, and we have actual, real live men fighting for the right to be soft. To lower the bar. To change the standards. Because they feel bad. They feel sad. They’re psychologically damaged. Because it’s so unfair that we’re holding them to such “toxic” standards of masculinity that not-so-long ago, used to just be what being born with a penis meant.

A lot of us came here to The Red Pill as soft men. We didn’t learn how to change a tire with our fathers. We watched Saturday morning cartoons, played video games, got that engineering degree and cubicle job, gained weight drinking beer on the weekends, ended up with the wrong girls, the wrong lives. We followed the wrong path. Do we cry because it’s not fair that we have to pay for these choices? Fuck no.

Toxic? I’ll take two. I’ll eat the poison until I puke. They call it “toxic” because it’s hard. It’s hard to be a man. But not that long ago, men used to embrace difficulty. The day you start running from something hard is the day you can cash in your man card.

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Post Information
Title Embracing Difficulty
Author Archwinger
Upvotes 297
Comments 63
Date July 31, 2015 7:17 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit /r/TheRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/embracing-difficulty.35165
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3fbqfk/embracing_difficulty/
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