Forgive Yourself to Get Bitches

June 28, 2016
324 upvotes

[removed]

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Post Information
Title Forgive Yourself to Get Bitches
Author ShitsWithTheDoorOpen
Upvotes 324
Comments 49
Date June 28, 2016 8:16 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/TheRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/forgive-yourself-to-get-bitches.60330
https://theredarchive.com/post/60330
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/4qbjga/forgive_yourself_to_get_bitches/
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Comments

[–]WhySoRuff168 points169 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

My dad has a green thumb; and has over a dozen different kinds of fruit trees around the house uncluding, apples, oranges, chili peppers and cherry tomatoes, etc, you name it....

He has always taught me that the branches of the tree above the ground reaches as tall and spreads out as wide as it's roots are deep and spread out.

Whenever he would plant seeds and little 3 or 4 inch plants would grow out of small plastic cups it would be time to move it to a bigger pot. He would always choose to plant the plants with the most extensive root system (thick, spread out, healthy) no matter what the stems and leaves looked like above the dirt.

He would ignore the perception and bet on the strength of what can't be seen without digging. Chicks might be impressed with what they perceive but it's only a matter of time until they dig to find one weak mother fuckin root system.

[–]ShitsWithTheDoorOpen80 points81 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And thats exactly why they shit test. They kick at the tree to see if its gonna go timber at the littlest breeze. Spot on.

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[–]bhaknu59 points60 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

On the Internet, no one knows you're a plant.

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[–]Fulp_Piction16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I almost grimaced at myself reading this. OP's right though, no point hoping for a better past!

[–]SouthPorn1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Perfectly describes my last relationship. Had I not come across TRP I could very well be married by now.

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

cool post. I've been focused heavy on self improvement this year and it's been paying off in terms of what I eat and how I look. Despite these improvements, my sex life is practically non-existent.

I know I could get attractive women, yet I think I might be afraid of actually following through due to some feelings of inadequacy or lack of self respect.

Anyway, you mention self-forgiveness as a meditation exercise. Can you elaborate on this technique?

[–]ShitsWithTheDoorOpen25 points26 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I can explain what works for me. What we are trying to cultivate in meditation that parallels this in pickup is letting go of the past, accepting where you are now, and not trying to rush to some ideal future too soon. Just. Chill. No need to be perfect yet. Your self improving? Great. Perfect. You have a day where you slip up? Great. Perfect. Same for meditation. You have a beautiful thought? Great. Perfect. You have a terrible thought? Great. Awesome.

The idea is that everything has its place. Pain has its place. Failure has its place. Pleasure and success also have their place. Don't put too much importance on either one of them, and don't ignore all the neutral stuff in the middle. They are all a part of life, and therefore a part of living life more fully. Accept the good and the bad, and don't cling or reject either. Accept that a girl can like you just for you being you. Accept that you can enjoy the moment even if its painful or neutral. Make sense?

But once again, this is not an excuse to do nothing, as that is not a fun life to live. You still take action, you still go approach women, you still have goals, you just don't berate yourself so much for not having achieved them yet. Everything will happen in time if you let it. You don't have to force things or judge yourself so much. But its all a cycle, because you'll get this concept and then you'll attract a girl and then youll start to get attached and think you're the shit or something and then you'll lose her and not understand why and youll go on doing that for as long as it take you to internalize this shit and realize you just needed to let go and be yourself the whole fucking time lol. But telling a noobie "be yourself" isn't helpful so we give him something to get started on the journey and off he goes.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Well said.

The idea is that everything has its place. Pain has its place. Failure has its place. Pleasure and success also have their place.

This idea was recently presented to me while watching a YouTube video on the channel actualized. In it he explained that everything that happens, from atrocious to glorious, should happen. From that perspective, all the guilt is released from the word should and a weight is lifted from my shoulders. Reading your elaboration helps reaffirm my suspicion that I'm on the right track.

you'll get this concept and then you'll attract a girl and then youll start to get attached and think you're the shit or something and then you'll lose her and not understand why and youll go on doing that for as long as it take you to internalize this shit and realize you just needed to let go and be yourself the whole fucking time lol.

Man, that helps a lot. Before TRP I did fine with women. Experienced "young love", heart break, and hook-ups. A year deep into TRP and I've been attracting the lowest quality women I ever have, because I feel the need to posture myself as "alpha", come off as idk, weird, then settle for some chick I'm not attracted to. I can feel the insecure rigidness take over me while an attractive girl walks by. It's fucking exhausting to front. To get this perspective is refreshing.

[–]ShitsWithTheDoorOpen10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

A year deep into TRP and I've been attracting the lowest quality women I ever have, because I feel the need to posture myself as "alpha", come off as idk, weird, then settle for some chick I'm not attracted to. I can feel the insecure rigidness take over me while an attractive girl walks by. It's fucking exhausting to front. To get this perspective is refreshing.

Yes, that extremely common. Not just in TRP but in other seduction communities as well. When you begin the journey and start implementing new suggestions and ideas you will actually do worse, and it will be tempting to blame those ideas or the people who gave them to you. But in reality you just havent figured it out yet. You havent completed the journey yet. Its all cyclical. Dont worry man, you'll get it. Just keep truckin

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, that extremely common.

Good to know. At first TRP seem like a shortcut. I'm realizing it is a foundation. Thanks SWTDO.

[–]Fulp_Piction1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The enlightened man is not always happy, the happy man is not always enlightened.

[–]Sir_Distic2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's something this post, and your comment, made me realize. I haven't been approaching women, not because I'm afraid I'll fail but because I'm afraid I'll succeed.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Getting rejected doesn't really bother me. Very easy to shake off.

At the other end of the spectrum is getting emotionally tied up with a girl and having my heart ripped out. That I am afraid of.

[–]markyLEpirate15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think I needed this more than I knew. It's like something was holding me back all the time and I couldn't tell what

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[–]ShitsWithTheDoorOpen39 points40 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Take the girl completely out of it, YOU rejected you before she ever did. She just ended up following your lead. Girls are passive, they follow what WE do. If YOU reject yourself because of self judgement then she will 99% of the time. If YOU truly forgive and accept yourself and believe you're entitled to her then 99% of the time she will too. You're always leading, make sure its to where you want to go.

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[–]ShitsWithTheDoorOpen12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Meditation is a great way to learn how. The essence of it is to learn to stop judging so much, let go of the need for a particular outcome and make peace with whatever arises. A lot of what arises will be your stupid ass distracting thoughts. Now I say stupid ass jokingly because the whole point is to not judge yourself or anything that happens and just accept it as another perfectly ok moment in your life. Anyways there are a ton of resources for meditation, I personally recommend the free ebook Mindfulness In Plain English, thats how I got started and its great.

Another approach could be just soul searching, asking yourself "Why wouldn't I deserve 10s" and really listening for any thoughts that would arise. Your mind will tell you whats holding you back if you make an effort to try and listen. There are many ways to do it, hell maybe you will invent your own way, but atleast you understand what the problem is in the first place.

[–]aRedThought0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Realize that you have no choice. You have to let go of your anxiety. You will remain a virgin your entire life if you keep doing what you have been doing. You have the means, you are holding yourself back. Guys that look just like you but aren't in their heads/way dumber than you get bitches so you should too.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Girls are passive, they follow what WE do.

Maybe the simple minded girls you choose to hang around.

[–]Rdeasnuts0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

One of the best things I've read on this sub in a while.

[–]Zombocom19114 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes. Negative self judgement and criticism , even if you are trying to "fix" yourself through self improvement, is based on the idea there is something wrong with you to begin with. Inner peace, that you might find in meditation is naturally there when that negative self concept is absent.

[–]TomilloDanup3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

But how? I mean, how do you forgive yourself. I know you talk about a bit on letting go, accepting yourself and lowering the bar. I myself have been trying self compassion (which is totally different from pity) yet has been very difficult not to be hard on myself. I have had some success on it I have com from being my worst critic 100% of the time to just 70% of the time.

For example y finished a very demanding masters program from one of the top schools in my country earlier this year, and everyone congratulated me on my success and achievements. I know it was difficult and all but I feel that I made that choice and It had to be done. So for me was like "yea it's cool" but didn't get any more confident or happy. Same with the gym.

I hope my question makes sense and someone can answer it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As Within, So Without

Another way to say this is to lower that expectation of what a man who deserves 10s should be such that you are him as you are right NOW.

Beautiful bro.

You're the perfect man, if you're fulfilling your masculine polarity everyday. Strength. Courage. Mastery. Independence. Assertiveness. Everyday, you are the perfect man everyday. It's your actions, your attitudes, your thoughts. Self-Mastery.

Change yourself to become who you want to be, diagram from The Slight Edge, the entire book is summarized in this set-up. Get to work.

[–]burnusclean1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I wish I could upvote this again! Great Post!

[–]AmericanHistoryAFBB1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good post. My take on this is that if we can all learn to start using the right hemispheres of our brains (which focuses on the present) instead of our left hemispheres (which focuses on the past) then we can all change what bad beliefs we may have had about ourselves and adopt healthier mindsets.

It's very true that if you believe negative things about yourself, you act as if those beliefs are true...so if you don't believe you're good enough for a 10, you won't even give yourself a chance because you've already lost the game before starting.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

[deleted]

What is this?

[–]CashFrags1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is a fantastic post, I actually started lifting and seeing definitive progress to the point that it garners attention. Yet I still see myself as my former person.

I'm going to spend some time working on my inner me this month. Outer me is doing fine now.

[–]MalVortex1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A very good post SWTDO. I'm heartened to see this kind of discussion propping up more on TRP - you've touched on a very real hurdle that I'm facing in my life. As I've traveled along my 'RP journey', I'm finding more and more that its my own self-perception that can't keep up with the very improvements to my life I've always wanted. It's a very surreal feeling. When you live with negative self-perception and low self-esteem for too long, your emotions become your own demented, self-defeating schema for evaluating life. Like the curvature of spacetime, we just wind up back where we started.

Changing the circumstances of our lives - promotion at work, newfound success with women, whatever - is one crucial and difficult piece. The other half is accepting those changes, owning them, and genuinely recognizing that you're an awesome human being. Self-acceptance is really hard for me... there are days where I really, really miss being a loser addicted to MMOs. I'm still working on it. I've made a lot of changes in my life this past ~year, and still the road ahead of me is long. But I'm working on it.

[–]scissor_me_timbers001 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You don't "deserve" shit in life. Any sense of entitlement is a delusion.

However, you are in essence correct in this post because not forgiving yourself prevents you from becoming a grown ass male who has mastered his domain (which starts with mastering the mind).

[–]J_AsapGem1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There's beauty in the struggle, powerstuff thread bro, people have no idea how powerful self acceptance is, when you've accepted yourself for who you are, you will be unstoppable, i'm not close to getting there yet but i've had a few glimpses and it's beautiful guys, i love this video by julien definitely changed my life

[–]TRP_DarkTriad1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As his Holiness the Dalai Lama said,

"Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck."

Being a fuck-up is not at all bad. It's a sign that you're trying.

[–]dr_warlock4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You can ghost all your old friends, you can delete your texts and trash your cellphone, you can terminate all your old accounts, and move to another country, but the NSA will always know.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Some good insight here, but also do this in moderation or at least wisely.

Shame and guilt are useful sometimes to guide us. Don't so easily forgive yourself that the thought of the way you'll feel later does not act as a deterrent in the present.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Disagree. Shame and guilt are unnecessary, they go against the concept of outcome independence.

Simply categorize as constructive or destructive. Did that action get me closer or further away from my mission?

[–]Timber_Fall_Nation0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Awesome post, thank you for it

[–]ex_addict_bro0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Perhaps this explains the energy boost that I felt when I approached girls that I really liked. Not girls that I find myself "entitled" to, but beautiful women that I wanted to fuck. And I was like "fuck where I am in my life now, I want to date this cutie"

[–]LazyMagus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Is it coincidence that this post arrives just as I am reading and really digging the classic The Magic of Believing by Claude Bristol?

[–]dark_g0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

BTW, why obsess with 10s. My memorable ones were 8s or 7s. I've had 10s; they tended to be shaky and unbalanced, so maybe I'm biased. YMMV.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's the concept. 10s are your ideal.

[–]Throwawaycuzreasons00 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Posts like this with high upvotes and a good approval rating(80% or more upvoted) need to be put into side bar as one link.

Thank you for this. I got off work a hour ago and I work a factory job. I often end up ruminating on negative things. This post definitely helped. It's going to simmer.

[–]peterson20040 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

An important tool to help build inner confidence is to visualize.

Visualize yourself visiting your child at vulnerable times, and tell that young boy things will be okay. Coach him at the weakest points and give him a hug. It will help.

[–]redpillschool0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/about/rules/

Address the community properly

[–]Kolantah0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

That is a great feel-good speech but don't fall into "forgiving yourself" so much that you really do believe you deserve 10s without having to put in the effort. Then you're not much different than a fat girl feeling entitled to respect, love and positive judgment.

It's a fine line to walk between having a low self-esteem that prompt you to improve but repulse girls, and having a high self-esteem that attracts girls but keep you stagnating in mediocrity.

Of course, do push your self-esteem sky high! PRIZE mentality. That is the best pusssy-moistener there is. But never forget you're still a long way to your goals. No slacking

[–]ShitsWithTheDoorOpen3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You SHOULD try to improve yourself, these two approaches work in opposite directions like a tree reaching higher into the sky versus its roots penetrating deeper into the ground, both are necessary for a strong powerful tree, but I feel that most men here understand the self development side well and are at least trying to improve there.

Dude, reread the post. I mention your point several times. And you're right it is a fine line to walk, therein lies the challenge and the fun.

[–]ToSeeAndToHear0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you are on track to be the baddest motherfucker on the planet, act like you're already him. Do what he would do, while keeping up with becoming him... fake it til you make it.

[–]ValarMorghulis900 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I wanted to give you gold, but I'm a broke college fuck who just finally was able to afford an apartment. Solid stuff. I hope some new guys read this and take it to heart.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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