Former *escort* says pornography destroys men's libidos

I have to disagree with you all here. I think she is actually completely correct.

I spent eight years in a completely sexless relationship. I used to jerk off at least 10 times per week. The very first girl I was with post-breakup gave me a blowjob and I felt absolutely nothing. Going my own version of no-fap, same girl, four months later, the blowjob she gave me felt like nothing I had ever experienced before. So yes, death grip is very real!

But aside from that, to take each point she goes for:

• Lantana Bleu has warned that too much porn is depleting sex drives and resulting in sexless couples... Internet pornography is destroying men’s ability to perform with real women and is creating a generation of “totally sexless” couples.

I would hasten by saying that the usual dead bedroom dynamic is the woman being the low libido partner. When the woman is low libido, together with the full force of the law on her side (stop raping me), the man has very very little recourse to correct the situation.

Now combine this with pornography. "Game" in porn is very very different from "game" in real life. I don't know about you, but I've never had a situation where a girl scout (of legal age) has come to sell cookies and I've ended up slamming her on my snooker table in my snooker room; I've also never had a situation where a black girl who has grown tired of her black husband's cock is absolutely desperate for my large white cock and by the way this is her bestest ever friend who really likes it up the ass...

When men are completely hammered from a young age with "how to treat women", it's no wonder that all these conflicting signals result in a man's idea of how to treat women is completely divorced from how women actually want to be treated!

Now is the fact that there are generations of sexless couples and men looking to porn for salvation entirely the fault of men? No, I would heartily disagree. There are so many more factors, but I would paraphrase this by saying men's reliance on pornography and the perpetuation of sexless relationships is very much a cyclical pattern.

• They consider the lurid scenes in erotic movies – often played out by glamour models – to be the norm and become disinterested in normal acts of lovemaking, she explains

I don't quite agree; but couples do engage in some kinks! I have tied up girls before, I have cum on their faces, I have had ass to mouth, I have had a girl who really loved toe sucking who reciprocated with other activities, I've had sex involving food and I have threesomes with two women. These in my opinion, while I would not like the prospect that the mother of my children had engaged in every single one, are not completely out of this world in terms of sexual activity. I don't remember seeing much in pornography that aside from the fantasy aspects wouldn't be part of a relationship kink.

• she knows "better than anyone” how pornography can affect a person’s libido and performance.

Given her profession, I would wager she sees a variety of different men. Given she justifies it and the fact it does feel true to me having experienced reduced desire to engage sexually, I wouldn't discount this. When your ltr rejects you constantly, what else are you going to do? Once you've had your fap, you get into that mode of turning the porn off then going to do something else. It's a cycle that perpetuates in real life too.

• They also can’t help but comparing themselves to the male star and end up feeling inadequate

What bloke doesn't? When the main source of sexual experience for men these days largely comes from porn, of course they're going to take that on board. If your only source of learning mathematics is from a 50 year old maths book, those are the methods and traditions you'll take on!

When I was with my sexless LTR, the amount of times I was concerned over penis size in comparison to what I saw on screen was insurmountable. I'm being rejected by my LTR, there must be a reason. Wow, all these guys have huge dicks, mine must be tiny. I'm less of a man, better stick the porn back on. (Is this where the cuckold fetish comes from too?)

It shocked me when I broke up with my LTR and started seeing women, getting plates, not one of them has told me I was in any way small; in fact the opposite.

• Lantana says as many as one-in-five men worldwide may now prefer online stimulation to the real thing, and those who do venture into the bedroom are often “clueless and selfish” because they have such little real-world experience of sex and intimacy.

This is a big one as far as I'm concerned. Pornography is easier. Men of mine and the previous generation are set up to fail in so many aspects and certainly with sex and relationships. This is an unhealthy world for men.

When it finally comes time to actually fuck a girl, well. They've seen that sexy girl enjoying being thrown on the bed and fucked doggy style with a hand around her throat, surely the same applies in real life? Oh whoops, nope... it doesn't...

I liken it to starting martial arts. Most guys have never been hit before in their lives. As in properly hit. Their first ingrained reaction is to recoil in fear. I did the same and every man does too. The first time you deliver a hit onto somebody's face, an experienced trainer will know to stand back while the newbie assesses what's just happened. You fast forward six months, being hit on the face is nothing.

You take a man with woefully little sexual experience. And according to his only source of biological information, he has now to pick up this girl and throw her on a bed. Will he a), pick her up with confidence, throw her upon the bed and stand tall ready to dominate this fair maiden? OR will he b) gingerly pick her up almost squeezing her torso, she looks confused, he somehow scrapples her onto the bed, she's even more confused, he avoids eye contact while nervously kissing her, with the whole thing looking like a poorly acted out rape scene from a shit B-movie where the girl is more confused rather than in fear?

While TRP preaches dominance, sexual dominance in the bedroom has to come from experience and not just reading about it or watching it in porn. While I'll happily throw a girl on the bed, I can confidently do it now. I've been hit in my martial arts class and I now have the muscle memory that accepts it as part of the training, not something to react to instantly then sit in the corner and cry about.

• they favoured video stimulation over actual intercourse with their wife.

And now we turn to women. Which would you rather? A quick 20 minute jerk off to a nubile 19 year old, or attempting to dig through your fat wife's rolls to access a rather smelly hole to fuck, all the while she berates you for not being a man? Yep, I can see how this problem may begin!

• People don’t talk about this as a wider cultural problem in the same way as they would the war on drugs

I think this is not talked about as simply the root of the problem for these men would invariably turn out to be the women in their relationships. Women are too self-entitled and have every resource available to them, from God to State. Men are dis-empowered since birth to effectively maintain attraction in a healthy relationship and ergo a healthy sex life.

The prospect of actually investigating this cultural problem would actually mean the issue actually begins with women in the first place. In our feminized society this outcome is simply not tolerable. It's far easier to blame the men here; women cannot be faulted.

But the reality is, the women of the western world really are the ones at fault here.