I was folding my laundry today, when, out of nowhere, an embarrassing experience came flooding back from my younger days. Luckily, I have since learned from this moment, and I think other guys will as well, so I'm sharing it here.
If you want the whole story, read below, if you want to skip to the actionable lessons, go all the way to the bottom.
Years ago, in the pre-Red Pill days, I was living in a different city, far away from home for a few months, and was sharing a house with a friend.
I immediately became connected to this friend's social circle, which included a girl, Sarah. Sarah had a fair bit of slut tells. My friend had revealed in the past that she got around, and he had even hooked up with her. I thought she was cute, but didn't think any more of it.
We saw each other a couple times during the summer, and on one occasion, we went bar-hopping with Sarah as the only girl in a group of guys. A lot of the guys were younger than me, and I was showing them the ropes in approaching girls. I winged for one of them and got these two cute college students to bounce with our group to another bar.
I got to talking with Sarah. Although I didn't know it at the time, preselection was doing its work: she was keenly interested in me and the girls: "So, which one are you going for?" I laughed and explained I was merely winging for my friend and wasn't interested in either. We got to talking about approaching and how it's not normal for girls to approach guys.
"You know, if you didn't live with [our mutual friend] I would have been much more aggressive towards you," she said, poking my stomach. Even in my Blue Pill oblivious days, this was about as clear of an IOI as you could get. But I was too much of a pussy to make a move.
As she drove me and a couple of the other guys back home. I mentioned casually that I was home alone and my two roommates were out of town. Her eyes got as big as dinner plates. She dropped the other guys off and soon it was just us two in the car. 100 meters away from my house, she starts to say, "You know...never mind." I laughed.
- "You know what?"
- "Sarah, I'm not getting out of this car until you tell me what you were going to say."
- She sighs, meekly: "You know, you could just come home and sleep in my bed, if you wanted to."
- "Wait, you're attracted to me?" my oblivious self was confused.
She then went on to explain how she was trying to test me all summer by throwing tons of IOIs my way, all of which I was completely oblivious to (Example: once, while sitting down at a picnic bench, she laid her head down on my lap to see what I would do. Answer: nothing).
I ended up going home with her, but even then I was reticent to make a move. She basically forced me to kiss her, and we left it at that. We slept in the same bed, made out a little bit, talked a lot, but never had sex.
Soon after, I left that city and went back home. We continued to communicate occasionally via text and chat, but never anything flirty.
Six months later, I visited my friend again. This was to be my time, I decided. I contacted Sarah and pitched dinner at her place. I was giving pretty clear "We are going to make dinner, and then fuck" signals. She seemed receptive, but as we were coordinating logistics, she dropped the bomb.
- "Are you staying at [friend's house]?"
- "My stuff is there, I can do whatever."
- "Okay. Just trying to think. I am supposed to mayyyybe hang out with a friend later tonight."
Womanese translation: You are going to cook dinner for me, and I am going to fuck Chad later tonight, not you, because you are in the friend zone.
And that's exactly what happened. We cooked dinner, we laughed, we joked, I went home.
Do I regret this happening?
Not really. I learned my lesson, eventually found TRP, and went on to fuck fifteen other women that year.
Sarah and I are friends now, and I'm OK with that. The sporadic times we talk, I'm reminded of my the past before the Pill.
I used to be terrible at this. It's always fun to talk to girls I've thought of as friends in the past and have them say: "Remember when we did [x]? I really wanted to fuck you that night." I remember went to the movies with a "friend" when I was 19 and she invited me back to her place at 3 AM to watch another movie, then asked about my sex life. I didn't make a move (in a related story, she confessed how badly she wanted me many years later, then I tried to fuck her and she turned me down).
If a girl wants to fuck you, she will LET IT BE KNOWN. Touching you, maintaining eye contact with you, putting her head in your lap are minor IOIs. If you don't pick up on these, aggressive girls will even make it as clear as possible, like inviting you over to their place. You want to bang them? Act on these and escalate.
Take the Lead
I had a number of chances to take the lead with Sarah. I could have initiated contact before, I could have escalated her IOIs, I could have invited her to my place that night, and even after I was at her place, I could have grabbed her roughly, started kissing her, and threw her down on the bed.
But I didn't. I blew it. I forced her to show her cards, to lead me, and it turned her off.
You are the man. It is your job to lead.
Leaving the Friend Zone is Nigh-Impossible
I failed the litany of opportunities Sarah presented me with to show I was a man, to show I was capable of taking the lead, and thus I was friend-zoned forever. Not even my newfound alpha behavior six months later could change that.
Luckily, I didn't let it affect me. I "next"ed her as a potential partner and focused on other women. Eventually, I found TRP and the entire machinations behind the story and her behavior were revealed to me.
I hope the small amount of cringe at my expense will benefit someone who reads this and ends up in a similar situation.