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[–]gynothailand points points points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Hey man, I get it.
I work from home (have for eight years) and whenever I do end up going out and interacting with people it's usually just to go to a bar and talk to strangers.
By the end of the night I usually have convinced myself that everyone is a waste of time. I kick myself for going out in the first place.
I moved to Southeast Asia thinking I'd be able to get out and meet some new people. I'd purposely stay in hostels (even though I hate them) just so I'd be forced to interact with people.
Still didn't like it.
I've tried as hard as I fucking can to go to clubs, and I don't even understand them. The music sounds like a 56k modem fucking a fax machine while someone jackhammers asphalt in the background. It costs $20 for a watered down drink. You can't understand anything anybody is saying and you're always about to have a seizure because of those goddamned strobe lights.
To me, a club is what it must be like in hell - because having to stay in those environments for more than an hour is torture.
For years I've attempted to get some kind of fulfillment out of other people and through just normal friendship style relationships and I've never quite been able to hack it.
Every time I think I meet someone who I could connect with on a well-rounded level - even work together on a project or something with as a collaboration - I quickly lose interest in them. The relationships never really pan out.
You say drinking is for faggots, but I've always been a drinker. Goes along with the territory of being a writer, I suppose.
And I've always liked dive bars - quiet holes in the wall. If I remember, there was some point in my early 20s (I'm 30 now) where going to those spots and drinking and talking and meeting people was fun...but it didn't last very long and I think I've always been trying to get that back in some shape or form since then, but it just keeps getting further and further away.
These days, the only people I have relationships with are clients (for my work) and some of them are even good drinking buddies! But, that's about the extent of it - we talk about work (as we're all entrepreneurs).
So - I get it.
Honestly - working.
I've built a high six-figure income all online. I get up in the mornings, go to the gym, then work.
I'm always coming up with ideas, I've always got something I'm trying to get done so I can move to the next thing.
Sometimes I get up at 5AM buzzing and wired to work because I'm so excited to try a new idea, and stay at it for 14 hours straight (I actually wrote a 100,000 word educational tradebook a few months back, and I completed it in just two weeks, one day I wrote a total of 11,476 words in a day, to give you some perspective Steven King is known as one of the fastest writers alive and he caps his word count at 2,000 a day).
Sometimes I'm pacing the floor, furiously jotting down notes, filling up entire legal pads, and in complete and utter overwhelming excitement and elation.
Other times I'll need to learn something knew for a project and I'll spend days just researching new and interesting topics (I have a project right now i'm doing for a client, and I've literally read three books in three days on the subject of commodities investing...over the weekend...in fucking Thailand where I could have been out fucking a high-class escort for $100 or drinking Sangsom with Swedish backpacker girls who lost their inhibitions the minute they got off the plane to "find themselves" in Asia).
Because I get so lost in my passions I forget that I haven't left my condo in days or weeks (sometimes months) and the only place I've gone is the gym and the same fucking restaurant down the street.
And I don't worry about missing a thing!
There are times where I get burnt out...where I just HAVE to get out of the house. There are other times where I legitimately have nothing to do. No projects, no deadlines, everything is finished, I have days or even weeks to kill.
That's when things can get bad.
When I have nothing to do (or I've reached that burned-out state) I have a complete and utter loss of knowledge of what a normal functioning adult with a healthy and active social life is supposed to be doing.
Do I go to the bar?
Do I hop on Tinder and try to game a girl (which is increasingly more and more exhausting for me these days... I don't even fucking feel like it anymore)
Do I try to reach out to people I met at some point, but barely know, and see if they want to hang out even though they don't even know me and I blew them off the last five times they invited me somewhere?
What are you supposed to do?
That's when things get hairy and I really don't have an answer for you.
My default during those situations is to go on a fucking helpless bender to blow off steam, make an ass out of myself, meet people I don't are about and probably won't remember, then snap out of it, decide I fucking hate everybody all over again, and go back to working projects with a renewed vigor.
It is what it is.
I would say the best thing you could possibly do is find a passion and envelop yourself in it.
I suppose doing something like team sports might be good or something productive that you do with a group (like volunteering) would be good...but I don't even follow my own advice on that.
Suffice it to say - you're not a lone.
Most of the guys on here seem really excited to just be social and go out and meet people and they seem to have all this energy to be out there and in it.
I have zero energy for that and I never have. The thought of it is about as attractive to me as pulling out my own teeth.
So, there are guys out there that are like this and I'm one of them.
That's how I deal with it (primarily).
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
You legend - I've built a 200k career in tech, moved to Sydney but I really want to get myself to Bangkok or Saigon and live in Asia for a while. My company has offices everywhere but fuck having to be stuck working for someone else if I'm in Asia.
Struggling to come up with a way to keep the income I am accustomed to while in SE Asia.
note: I know SE Asia is cheap but I don't want a massive salary drop so I can still get back into an expensive western city should I wish without being broke.
I'm in Chiang Mai. I'm not a big fan of Bangkok. Just too many buildings, too much traffic. You don't get views like these from your balcony: https://www.instagram.com/p/BUEnl9nDSYO/?taken-by=the_restless_artist
Not sure what exactly you're doing in tech, but I'm sure there are some ways to freelance remotely.
I use the cheapness of living here to put about 90% of my income right now into investments. I'm trying to completely 100% retire by 35 and just live off my investments.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
What I do for $MassiveTechCompany$ can't be done remote - I could always go back to being a developer working for people on remote contracts but that would be a massive step down.
I was thinking of launching a service that would make a few hundred k per year, that would keep me happy enough, difficult to pull of though, still coming up with feasible ideas.
Agree about Bangkok - I'm big into surfing so being near the coast would be ideal but I'm happy to bounce around.
My company are happy to move me to SE Asia but the commute across the CBD in any Asian city would suck and I want to escape the corporate world (even big tech is still corporate).
Good for you doing something most people aren't brave enough to do though.
The industry that got me to this point - which is the direct marketing industry - used to be really, really friendly towards freelancers.
More and more recently companies started to cut my supply of projects because there's been this really big, weird shift towards in-office staff...which for my field (which is pretty creative) would be death to me.
I've had people trying to get me to move to offices in Dallas, Baltimore (gross), Del Ray....etc.
I'm really lucky I started my own online business within the last year because I couldn't imagine working in an office on someone else's schedule and being distracted by all that bureaucracy...having to wear presentable clothes and shit instead of just waking up and wearing sweat pants and a moldy t-shirt ha hah.
So, I almost got sucked back into that as well.
But, perhaps the lower cost of living would be worth the pay cut. if you were to drop down for example to something like $70k to $100k a year freelancing (seems like you have a super niche skillset that could command that money, right?).
Then, you could pretty comfortably live off...$3,000 a month (less if you don't drink as much as I do and indulge as much as I do).
You could then talk to a financial adviser (which is where I'm at right now) and look into putting a big chunk of money back into investments.
I keep talking about that, but that's only because a buddy of mine recently fucking retired at 35 after starting his first online business at 30...and he was pulling like maybe $90k to $120k per year.
He just kept his expenses down to $2,000 a month and put literally everything he could back into investments now he's living off them.
I heard that and was like...fuck it...that's perfect.
So, you may be able to take a large cut in pay and use the lower cost of living as a tool.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm in consulting a pre-sales around massive professional services projects using some pretty expensive enterprise software applications.
I might be able to get some remote development jobs but there are a lot of offshore indian teams that suck all of that work up for cheap. My value is getting me in person to fix your broken business and technology you use. I do have a lot of software dev experience from a few years ago though so that could be my path.
Dropping to 70 - 100k sounds very very painful but that's just because I have always chased prestige and equated a higher salary and title to mean success. A 50% pay cut could be easy to live off in SE Aisa; I'm just conservative (minus the move from London to Sydney) and worry about my career stalling and not being able to pick it back up should all go to shit.
I indulge a lot and I'm a drinker - I doubt that's going to change if I go to Asia; if anything it will ramp up haha.
What kind of investments are you looking at? Have you ever though of opening something up in Asia like a bar etc?
[–]Ninokun0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I live in thailand since 3 years and spend maybe 500 dollars per month, and i have beachview from my balcony, no trouble getting laid also, dont know where u pull ur numbers from,
I hear all the time how people live off $500 (or $600 or $800 or whatever the magic number is) and I think that's fine if you essentially live like a Thai and scrimp and save and scimage.
But I have no interest in that and I wouldn't recommend anybody else do that either. I don't think it's realistic.
In order to live off $500 a month you'd have to get a tiny, itty-bitty studio apartment (likely without AC, but if did have it you'd need to keep your costs down by rarely running it) that would cost you...3,000 to 5,000 baht a month ($90 to $150 a month).
I don't know about you, but I hate those places they are shitty, small, uncomfortable hell holes as far as i'm concerned. Usually just a bed and a bathroom and nothing else.
Then, you'd only be able to eat strict Thai food so you could be about 30 baht to 50 baht a meal (100 baht if you're splurging).
Again, I don't know about you, but I get REALLY tired of just eating the same Thai food every day. I actually like to go to nice restaurants in nice places and also eat Western food a few times a week or get food delivered from places like Food Panda...etc.
You probably wouldn't be able to go out to the bars that much.
A single Leo is going to cost you something like 70 baht. So, a night of drinking JUST Leos...let's say five of them is 350 baht let's say you do that every weeekend and you're at 1400 baht.
So, let's be conservative.
Your place is 4,000 baht a month.
You spend no more than 150 baht a day on food (50 baht meals, all Thai) multiplied by 30 days that's 4,500 baht.
Now we're at 8,500 for a tiny place, and three tiny Thai dishes a day that's $245 out of your $500.
Of course, you'll need a scooter, which is going to run you about another 3,000 baht rental (unless you own one).
So now we're at 11,500 baht, which is $332 out of your $500.
Let's not even factor in gas, electricity, Internet, coffee, clothes purchases, or laundry.
That leaves you with a grand total of $168 that you can either save or spend on entertainment...but it would go pretty fast after two nights at a bar or a couple of days at the mall.
However, if we were to factor in gas, electric, coffee, laundry, fruit shakes...etc I'm sure you'd have even less left.
So to recap...
You live in a tiny hut
You only can eat three tiny Thai dishes a day
And you have barely enough money for a couple of beers at the end of it
Sorry... but that's not realistic for most people who would actually like to have some kind of mobility.
Here's what I spend...
$700 a month on two-bedroom, two-bathroom condo with mountain view and huge balcony, right next to a nice mall in the high-society part of town of Chiang Mai (Nimman district).
$90 a month for scooter rental
$15 a month for Internet
$90 a month electricity
$27 a month for gym
Already I'm at $922
I spend between 300 baht to 1,000 baht a day ($9 to $30 a day roughly). On Food, coffee, beer, movie tickets here and there.
I eat a mix of Thai food and Western food. I get food delivered and I also buy food at the store and I also go out to restaurants regularly.
So let's average that out to 600 baht a day that's 18,000 baht a month ($520).
So now I'm at $1,445
Factor in three nights out a month - I'm talking start at 7PM and don't stop until 2PM, hanging out with friends, getting with girls in various red light districts, and we're looking at $300 approx.
$1, 745
This is where most people (including myself) would feel pretty comfortable - at about $200 a month.
I usually end up spending another $1,000 a month on various stuff - renting a motorcycle and driving up to a nearby town and getting a hotel and other weekend excursions to clear my head, for example.
[–]Ninokun0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I dont live in a tiny hut, i have 56sqm by myself, its a one bedroom appartment, i also have seaview from it and a spacious balcony, i dont pay any rent, will pay it off fully in a year or so
I own a motorbike so no rental costs,
70 baht beers is realistic, but it doesnt matter if cheap bar or nightclub, i just dont go to the overpriced locations, but you can have very nice clubs where the beer is 70 baht only (Ibar) (8080 or maybe 85 as those are the most popular clubs already i dont see a reason to spend more than that.
my homeprovince is one of the biggest producers of wine in europe, so everytime im there i get my fill already, no need to drink inferior shit here, also not a cocktail guy.
so i live more comfortably than u presume, anyway i simply dont have more money, i get 2000$ salary per month, and i like to do 50/50 split, work 6 months vacation 6 months, so now you know where i get my numbers from.
i have nice clothes a nice motorbike , women, i just value my free time more than anything in this world. I dont impress with my valuables, i impress with my youth, also im not interessted in white women, i date exclusively asian (i just prefer the looks, i dont hate white women), and they are very happy to meet me and so i get to enjoy some nice restaurants on their dime also.
im simply not more rich thats a fact, my life in thailand is definitely better than if i stayed in Austria. only depressed sobs there.
[–]Psychocist0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He moved down to Bali and all he does is fuck backpackers, drink coffee, and surf all day. I heard that and was like...fuck it...that's perfect.
Haha! That does sound like the dream.
I'm almost 30, programmer, working FT in-house but am planning to get a remote job and live in SE Asia for a while. In fact, I'm thinking of coming to Chiang Mai!
The plan is to cut cost of living, save up some money, and cut down on programming hours so I can spend majority of time building an online business.
Just in the middle of saving up and securing some work before I make the jump. Glad to hear it's largely worked out for you!
Another note - do you not plan to have a family? Seems like that would keep you plenty occupied and likely give you more meaning than burning yourself out and keeping yourself distracted?
[–]HS-Thompson1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Are you taking adderall? You sound like you might be manic and/or addicted to stimulants.
[–]1scissor_me_timbers000 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
What type of online work do you do and how can one get started in it? Fuck at this point 50k annually online would be a breath of fresh air for me.
I started out as a Direct Response Copywriter (I still take projects on a freelance basis with large international publishing companies). That made me about $200k a year.
But last year I started an online business essentially selling informational products (how to train different breeds of dogs....it's more complicated than that, but that's the nutshell), which has scaled to $800k or so and growing.
I'm more surprised than anybody else. But, eight years in the direct response marketing industry, working with the pros culminated in being able to pull that off, I think.
[–]1scissor_me_timbers000 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for the tip. What exactly is direct response marketing/copywriting? Any place I can learn about that?
[–]Psychocist0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I've been programming for a good 6 years, but originally wanted to get into internet marketing about 8 years ago. I wish I'd stuck with that!
Not going to make the same mistake again, so I'm jumping back over to the marketing side of things and using my programming to build products - will likely be SaaS.
Any suggestions on sites/books or pathways to get up to speed with effective marketing? I know I can't absorb your experience, but any suggestions to help me level up would be appreciated!
[–]Redditron57 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Drop some LSD, you will feel more connected with people afterwards. It's a lifehack to rewire your brain.
[–]BlackJ10 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I keep hearing about this micro dose craze for psychedelics especially for LSD. Apparently last month there was a conference on it.
It sounds overhyped but I'm curious if you have any personal experience with it.
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
Lift and check your testosterone levels and relevant hormones, first and foremost. You justed used the term "boyos". Illimitable Man's recent post on fixing energy levels applies here. Was a great post.
Second, read books connected to your issue. "How to Win friends and influence people" "Charisma Myth" "Verbal Judo"....and find/do more things that interest you. Less mentioned but very important is martial arts to the aspiring red pill man. Go train in that and make a connection with the guys. Art, music, coffee, underwater basket weaving, whatever the fuck, go do it and meet people and apply the concepts you learn from reading relevant books or relevant posts written by pointed or endorsed contributors in TRP. Never say "boyos" again, or they'll have to make a gay Red Pill for you to go and complain about problems you could solve yourself if you did your homework.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You took the words right out of my mouth. Read How To Win Friends and Influence People
[–]Need2LickMuff-2 points-1 points0 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Lifting doesn't do a thing for me. (Can guarantee some one dimensional fuck downvoted because of this alone.)
I legitimately don't care about too many things anymore. I have moments where I care about everything, but they typically just dissipate. I just don't have the same sort of connection that most people have with each other.
This isn't a 'homework' issue. This is a series of things in my life that have gone fucky issue. I'm not going to share my life story, but I had no real support growing up and have had problems with knowing when people like me and why people like me. No matter what hobbies I pick up, I never really have shit to talk about because I feel stupid talking about something I've just picked up/only been doing a year.
Nomsayin, boyo?
I legitimately don't care about too many things anymore
probably testosterone problem
This isn't a 'homework' issue
Ah, so you have read those books and applied the principles and didn't find success?
Lifting doesn't do a thing for me
And it's not going to because you are acting like a lazy victim of circumstances who is determined not to own their shit. But it IS a core tenet of TRP and if you are not going to accept it, take your victim puke circle jerk somewhere else.
I had no real support growing up
So fucking own your shit now, instead of blaming your upbringing. This is fucking pathetic.
[–]Need2LickMuff0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's like saying my symptom of a headache is a brain cancer problem.
Me saying lifting doesn't improve my mood =/= me saying I don't lift. Bit presumptuous.
What's pathetic is you can't seem to understand that all I am doing is outlining why I am the way I am, not whining about it.
[–]TehJimmyy3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm sick of having the toxic behavior that keeps me alone. What the fuck do I do.
Chill , do whatever the fuck you want. Then take what sparks you and make it your mission. Try again later.
[–]lItsAutomaticl1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm with you, man. I spent most of my childhood alone and on the internet or Game Boy and that's what my brain has wired itself around. I've gained a lot of confidence over the last few years and had success with my work, but none of that has resulted in me enjoying social activities more. I think clubs and bars are stupid too but I envy the people who can have fun in shit like that.
Happy for you, bro. Keep it up and escape this bs.
[–]Jloch981 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I used to be just like that, especially with girls. I would get so nervous talking to girls that it felt like my body would start to shut down. Not because I liked the girl, but because I never really talked to someone of the opposite gender.
Although this scenario is much different, I think the way I improved would be almost the same for you. I went to college and forcefully put myself around girls to strengthen my overall social life so I wasn't hanging with just guys. The only way you can get better with something is with practice. The only way I got better was by forcefully putting myself in the situations that made me the most uncomfortable, which, in this case, was hanging around girls. Over time, it became so easy that I preferred hanging with girls rather than guys.
I think what you need to do is forcefully put yourself into social situations. If you're not in a conversation, try to get into it. If there is no conversation going on, bring up something that might interest all people (even if it turns into an argument lol). It just takes some practice and determination and you'll no doubt enjoy talking with others and being social. You got this 😉
[–]TermsOfColors1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
don't want to go to clubs because I hate dancing and house music
It's just not for you. Plenty of people don't go clubbing, hell the vast majority of people.
I've been reading this sub looking for something that I can apply to my life to fix the fact that I live inside my head, and that I live with a blank mind half the time
Do you have any interests at all?
[–]Need2LickMuff1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Meh. I don't have really any passion in any of the things I do like. My days are basically me mentally masturbating when I was a kid and actually having a supportive family, the possible paths I could have taken, girls I could have fucked, and then that turns into mentally masturbating killing myself at 30.
[–]Sartyrh1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A few others have already said it, but I'm exactly like you. Very little desire for interaction.
I've found the only thing that helps is putting intention into getting interested in people. Trying to find that little nugget at the core of the person that they hide away, afraid to show the world. Knowing people that deeply is satisfying in a way, even for someone who generally doesn't care about people.
That... or get a dog, and love it truly and completely. They will be loyal, and always loving. You will be their hero.
[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
For the big fix, you'll need to reach into the gory core. Going to take some pain and some work to do it, so only pick up the following book recommendation if you're thoroughly tired of paying for this bullshit in lost opportunities and happiness, and are ready to get rid of it:
"Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender" (D. R. Hawkins, successful clinical psychotherapist)
What fucking pathway of surrender, is this still the Red Pill, you may ask? Never you mind that, that's the guy's personal terminology - what he means by surrender is not the same as the impotence of the vanquished that the word conjures up. It's the closest to "remedy in book form" for all these kinds of problems that I've ever read.
[–]Herdsengineers1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This doesn't come natural to me but I take an attitude of entertain myself, not other people. So I reach out and talk to people in a way that entertains and satisfies me. Subjects, jokes, whatever is on my mind, etc. What happens then is some are receptive, some aren't. It's all good, so I've learned to use this strategy as a filter, people that are similar to me and I match well with engage, bad matches don't engage.
I'm usually stuck in my head when I'm trying to figure out how to please others, when I remember to please myself first, I loosen up and it gets easier. It's not natural, I have to remember to think about it at first and keep my awareness of it. Once people respond well, though, it gets easier and becomes more natural in the moment.
[–]Ygnerna1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hey. Here's a lot of good advice here, but it's hard to take it if you don't give a shit about anything. That's not a criticism, I've felt the same. I was really bad at talking to people, especially small talk. It's like a script everyone else had I couldn't get a copy of. It's gotten better, but honestly the only way it did, at first, was by seeing what other people did, and copying it like an alien. Also being comfortable in yourself. If you don't want to talk shit, you don't have to. Sometimes it is just a pointless waste of energy, same goes for drugs/alcohol/clubs. Maybe you really are surrounded by boring people and you need to find others you can genuinely connect with. The elitism/general disinterest in other people is really gonna make that hard though. Honestly, it sounds like you're depressed. Going to ask a professional to help unpack it, or find out if anything is out of balance chemically, is a good idea. Good luck
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I've been reading this sub looking for something that I can apply to my life to fix the fact that I live inside my head
This sub may not even be old enough to fix whats in your head. 10yrs to mastery, thats the kind of commitment to journey you need to have. Stop looking for the 1minute (or even 1 month) hack that will fix you.
comebacks/roasting, AFAIK this is not part of TRP. You dont need to tear anyone down verbally and not putting up with their shit is called frame. Read "When I say no I feel guilty" if you're having a hard time keeping frame. I even should reread it myself as its been years.
Sometimes the pain comes from expectation-- expectations that things will come fast and be easy. This life is a grind, and we get the rewards for that grind, but they are slow and building. Women are like newspaper in fires, hot, flashes, out of fuel and forgotten. about. Men are more like the big log, you have to season it before it even looks useful, then you have to kindle it, tend to it, surround it with other fire and slowly but surely it will catch. Once it catches its hot, long burning and even when you pour water on it, it may keep burning or recatch
[–]Need2LickMuff0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm too old to be the way I am. That's why I want a quick fix - it has nothing to do with effort involved, just has everything to do with not being behind people the same age as me.
It's an absolute joke being 23 and having the social skills of a kindergarten kid. What's worse is that a lot of girls find me attractive and try to get with me, but I can't talk to them properly because I can't talk to people properly, so they just kind of wander off or I don't engage them (receptionists/trainers at the gym always hit on me but I'd mumble my way out of it, cashiers at stores always hit on me and I just brush them off and hurry along the food, girls stare at me on PT or out in public and I'll either break eye contact or look at them mean so they won't be as inviting, women used to orbit me all the time without any effort from my part, girls at parties would try to hook up but I'd avoid them like crazy).
You get the point.
I get the desire for quick fixes. Take the quick wins you can, but also realize the big stuff is gonna take effort and likely time, unless you become solely devoted to fixing this one area.
[–]SocietalEngineering0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I was the same way all through college, literally. I went entire weeks only saying a few sentences to maybe a roommate or a professor. I was so alone, and so clueless as to what to do about it.
For the big problems in life, the solution is usually more simple rather than complicated. I don't mean easy, but I do mean simple.
Basically, it's all about doing things step by step. Even using really really tiny steps if necessary. Take a tiny action. Then a little bit bigger of an action. Then more. Then more. You build internal power the more action you take towards your goal.
Have a big goal to shoot for, keep reinforcing that goal mentally, then work towards it in any way that you can.
I remember the days when all the redpill strategy was so out of reach for me. Like it used to piss me off even reading any of that stuff because I was just like...but how do I even leave my room and talk to a girl. Like how do I even have a real conversation.
In my opinion, the overall PUA and redpill community in general operates at much too high of a level for a lot of people that come looking for help. This is why you sometimes see blue pilled men and betas fighting in favor of the system and against TRP - because its just at too high of a level for them right now.
What you need is some life advice. And some technology on how to get your mind straight in a general way, not just in reference to women.
I know self-promotion is really frowned upon, but my book is super relevant here because I have a lot of the same experiences that you do. I wrote a book about how to get your head straight, and how to undo the conditioning of modern society.
If you get your head working right, these problems will fade away, trust me. Link
[–]AiAmDreamer0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Amazing. Not one mention of doing improv. Improv is honestly a great way to reprogram your brain so you can be more charismatic, though that's just one result of many. Find a good improv group or class, one where you have to make things up on the spot. I clarify this especially as there are many improv groups who like to do pre-scripted skits and scenes, and they often do the same thing over again.
Make it your goal to become the zaniest guy during the scenes. Do the ballsiest shit possible, as soon as it comes to mind(and it fits with the scene). After some time, you'll find yourself naturally doing weird things all the time, and trust me, people will love it.
Not giving a fuck about what you're saying is not the issue, you really shouldn't care. The issue is that you need to make it second nature that you can do or say whatever comes to mind, especially in a charismatic manner.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I had similar problems, what I learned. 1. Listen to understand not reply. 2. Don't worry about impressing anyone just listen and see if they impress you. 3. Talk to everyone it gives you social value and people will not want to be left out so they will make an effort to talk to you. Even if it's just small talk make an effort to say hello. I've got people I hardly know including doctors making an effort to talk to me because they've got the impression I know everyone else and I'm worth knowing. 4. Smile and make eye contact they will fill the silence because it makes them uncomfortable. 5. The alpha game is not a bunch of tips and tricks you learn it's a mindset you have to develop through meditation lifting and focusing on your own development.
Leil Lowndes How to Talk to Anyone is good.
[–]PUSSY_ALL_DAY0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Do you do anything interesting in your life that's worth talking about?
Do you watch a lot of porn and/or stay on your computer most of the day?
No and yes.
I've been a shut in my whole life. Always had people trying to be my friend, but I hated everyone (for lack of a better term) and just kept to myself instead. Don't know how I managed to have a gf, get laid, and have chicks orbiting me in highschool since I was just a depressed elitist.
[–]1nonthaki0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You think talking is hard? More than texting or sexting ? lol
[–]Need2LickMuff0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah, dude. Pretty much any form of communication that doesn't revolve around discussing how stupid of a person I am is hard for me. I can chat about how fucked I am all day, but shit that people actually enjoy like having a stupid conversation about who would win in a fight between a gorilla and 20 lemurs is difficult af for me to have.
[–]1nonthaki0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thats pretty sad. I can give you some kind of basic idea of what I feel should improve someone. Its all about timing and reading the non verbal cues of people(i.e. knowing when they attack, at what point to interject and start a conversation etc). You have to first appear more knowledgable than the people surrounding/following You (a little knowledge in every field is enough than superb knowledge in one field). My advice : Go to the most smack tacking people , who might constantly make fun of You . Slowly by Slowly , You will read their non verbal cues and timing subconsciously. After a few months of this training, go to normal people who talk less . You will be amazed at how better you have become. Also negging and making fun of is most important, but should be done in a humorous way and dont over do it and do it with people who are comfortable with You .
[–]whatisshappen points points points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I can't drink booze or smoke weed like any regular person because I think it's dirty and for faggots
stop judging others. you're allowed to have fun too. don't take yourself too seriously.
If I were you (and I have been), go out and make a fool of yourself. don't be afraid to look like an idiot. this social stuff takes work. i spent a long time in my head, but i had to force myself to get out and make friends because life will pass us by if we dont try. whats the worst that can happen? the people say "oh hes weird, i dont like him" so what? theres so many people out there. maybe think about relocating to a new city. one with a great young people population/nighlife scene and reinvent yourself. I believe you can do it, now its your turn to.
I'm not actually judging others. I don't care that people drink or smoke, I just don't do it because I feel stupid. You can always ask someone what the context of their statement is if you don't know - I won't bite.
[–]you-cant-download0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
"I can't drink booze or smoke weed like any regular person because I think it's dirty and for faggots"
hahahahah wew laddo smoking weed and drinking dirty and for faggots? you think too good for the things people have been doing for as long as recorded history?
no wonder you don't have any friends you judgmental piece of shit. Re-evaluate what's important.
Aww, did my opinion hurt your feelings? I'm sure you'll feel better after a few tokes, you fuckin' sissy ahahaha.
[–]you-cant-download0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
if your really sick of having toxic behavior that keeps you alone you need to look at these opinions and ask yourself why other people think otherwise or you will forever be a bigot. Tolerance comes from understanding, not from labeling people who drink or smoke (this would be the majority of people ever.) as dirty faggots
Hey man,
Previous people, and most of the posts on this sub, are about how to interact with other people. You should find information on that, if you look for it. But, if you approach someone and have nothing to talk about, the fact to walked up to them means fuck-all.
So... Get a hobbie. Something that interests you, and could be interesting to other people. Preferably, without a social stigma attached; playing music is a great idea, whereas collecting vintage star wars stamps is going to make for hard conversation- for example. Oh, and even if playing an instrument isn't your hobby, find music you actually like. It's cool if you like pop, but don't be a top 40 slave, and accept that what's popular is what's good. Most of those rankings happen because companies get things played so much, and stuck in your head you begin to think you actually like it.
Read books. If you don't like reading books, audio books are great too. Find interesting ones, with greater messages about what it is to be human within.
Work out. Working out, is good stress relief, boosts self confidence, and people think higher of you without meeting you, which makes conversations easier.
Get some stories. That is, if you don't have plenty already. Really though, you can never have too many. One of my goals, is to have enough stories, that almost any conversation could relate to something I've seen/ done. Having stories, gives you options. You can take from other people's comments, and divert the conversation to something you saw/ did, or, you can ask then about what they said. Both, are good options. People love when you follow up on their stories, asking questions, and making comments (especially like "that must have been crazy scary", or "what did you think about bla.bla.bla...") Because it makes them feel heard, and validated. If you don't have the ability to tell a story, or somehow push the conversation forward, it fizzles out and dies. Even someone with tons of stories, won't tell more than maybe 3 at one time, out or respect. You gotta be able to push things forward, or they die. To get stories, you need to experience stuff. Take trips -you can do this for virtually no money, talk to strangers/ crazy people, perform your own social nonconformity experiments (more fun when done with friends), pursue your hobby (you did find a hobby right?!), and live your life looking for interesting things happening around you. Get out of the club, because they suck. Nothing much interesting happens there. Find ways to make your life interesting, and small-talk becomes a breeze.
Good luck man!
[–]evilcatnap0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Put on a voice memo on your way to work and have a conversation with your iPhone. Sounds stupid, but do it until you figure out that you can actually talk forever. The thing holding you back is that you hide in your head, paralysed by doing something the other person might dislike - this is an unconscious habit. You'll even rationalize that they should say something instead or why should you bother, these are excuses to make hiding easier. You know it's wrong, you can feel it inside your chest.
After you've done the talking memo thing enough, watch how it starts to impact on your conversations.
Edit: Aware btw
[–]dmc359 points points points 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
INTP personality? : https://www.16personalities.com/personality-types
Used to be in same boat.
"I've come to the realization that talking to people will never be a strong suit of mine"
Gaining knowledge from interactions can be fun : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmC_Ui69ius&t=1801s
"faggots" - offensive word, drop your bigotry
I get it, vanilla life....so boring.
Research BDSM with an open mind (Dating has only been around for the last 50 years, i think there is a lot of elements in BDSM that relate how man used to interact and connect with men and women since ancient times.)
https://fetlife.com/ ( dating website, like facebook but for non vanilla people )
I ordered this book the order day : https://www.amazon.com/Gorilla-Mindset-Control-Thoughts-Emotions-ebook/dp/B0100Q4S7E
Author - https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=PLwpYloVYnkiTCXt5YAn3fM_ZIzFTECc3m&v=2z6jKZQbr4w
[–]Need2LickMuff5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
You lost me at bigotry - at best I'd be a homophobe.
[–]you-cant-download1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
"I'm not a bigot - I'm a bigot"
[–]Need2LickMuff1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Bigot - a person who is intolerant toward those holding different opinions.
Faggot - You. Bigot - also you
[–]you-cant-download1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
all you're doing is proving you're a bigot? such hostility... almost... intolerance? all because I think something different than you! wish there was a word that accurately described it
[–]dmc359-1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Sorry about that. Why do you hate gay people?
[–]Redteen2241 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They always put it in too hard
[+]Jewbano-7 points-6 points-5 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Man the fuck up, and talk to someone. Quit bitching and moaning like a damn prepubescent girl for fuck sake.
That's all you can do. If you don't have the balls or intelligence to form basic conversation then have fun being alone. If you can't even look someone in the eyes it means you're weak and afraid, and nobody respects that. It's your fault for not making an effort, the world owes you nothing side from pain.
[–]Need2LickMuff7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow, great advice mate! So, to get over being in my own head and having nothing to say, I should just talk to people!
You're trying way too hard to be alpha right now. It shows by how you said a whole lot of nothing.
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