As a psychology aficionado, I think it's fascinating how your younger self and your experiences set the tone for the rest of your life (unless you consciously work to make changes) - Your communication style, your likes, dislikes, fears, personality, and so on... Which brings me to the topic of my post:

My mother was the perfect woman to prepare me for the insanity that was to come from all women in my life. She was the epitome of the kind of person who the concept "frame" was built to withstand. I'm convinced that she has some sort of BPD-related personality disorder, and she's never really changed over the years despite my aging and maturing. Whatever, love her anyway.

As a young boy, like 10-14, I always found myself, at least once per day in a heated argument with her over something so trivial. I'd try to state my points, "lawyer up" so to speak, and see if I could convince her that my point of view was better than hers - but that wasn't the point - The point was that everything with her was a win/lose situation, and she'd yell and scream and go on and on until I'd given up trying. I'd scream as loud as I could. I'd lose my mind trying to get my points across to the point where I actually had headaches afterwards. This is someone I was forced to live with, so if I wanted to live in a stress free environment, I'd have to learn to withstand the barrage of shit coming my way every day. This took way longer to learn that it should have, partly because of her inconsistency between love/hate/positive reinforcement/negative reinforcement and ever-changing views.

I realized early on that I couldn't beat her in a screaming match. So that was pointless. I stopped yelling at her and decided to try to talk normally, but as it happens, most times that didn't work and it would escalate into her screaming, but this time I'd be speaking calmly, letting her say whatever she needs to and make a fool of herself. This would usually take the same conversational path:

Her: [screaming about something irrelevant]

Me: "Calm down, you don't have to yell."

Her: "Don't tell me to calm down. You always so calm and collected. You don't feel anything! Nothing ever bothers you!"

Me: lol

And I'd just sit there, holding frame, enjoying the show, or if she didn't want to calm down, I'd walk away and retreat to my room to get away. But the difference in the two was fascinating. I stopped trying to win a conversational war. I gave up the yelling and insanity and I realized how good it feels to stay calm while the other person lost their mind. It drives them insane. Now, I never made any leeway with her because of the aforementioned personality disorder, but the lessons I learned from dealing with someone as crazy as her on a daily basis were priceless, and I found they applied to all women. This was my first taste of AWALT.

I learned soon after that most girls/women were like this. They didn't care about making a scene and they didn't have the composure to think to themselves "maybe there is a better time to have this conversation or start this argument". I realized that women don't have a good grasp on context and just seem to spout off whenever they "feel" it. I've seen many women cause scenes in public because for them, as we all know, there are no repercussions. I've also seen many men engage these women in their insanity and lose their frame, their composure and their minds trying to deal with their shit. I pitied the men, and I knew instantly that the worst thing you can do is indulge them in their drama, and when they take a trip to feelingsville, there are no points valid enough for you to "win" the situation. As long as she feels that she has everyone else on her side (and in a public argument between a man and woman, obviously everyone has the woman's back), there are no limits to how low a lot of women will sink.

This has come in handy with women I've dated/fucked as well. They try to engage me in some stupid argument or ask a question that might lead to a fight, or try to "test" me, or a set a trap, and I just laugh it off because I can simply look a few steps ahead and outplay them in this regard - every. single. time. And I do it all without ever raising my voice or being aggressive in the slightest. Calmness is a virtue, and nothing dries up her pussy faster than breaking frame and losing composure by yelling at her, failing her shit tests, or falling for her conversational traps. Even before I found this sub, I realized that women are extremely attracted to men who are confident enough to stay stoic while everybody else around them - all the orbiters, all the betas who listen to their bullshit - give their advice and think that they are turning her on by matching her intensity and taking what she says at face value. She doesn't want advice. She doesn't want you to solve her problems. She wants to know you can stay composed when she isn't.

I do relish in the fact that I am able to hold frame where so many other men would break and cave into a trap of just utter bullshit. It's gotten me many things in life and I really do believe having that frame, having that ability to control yourself under any circumstances is infinitely valuable. I don't put up with people's shit nor do I engage them when I know they are just being emotional and irrational. Through this skill I've gotten a ridiculous, almost undeserved amount of respect. People think it's a luxury to be able to mitigate situations with a calm demeanor and a clear head. I've gotten every job I've ever been interviewed for. I see people for who they are and the subtext of their emotions rather than taking things at face value, which is a huge mistake. I've gotten more girls than I could ever deserve just because I don't put up with their shit and have no second thoughts about walking away, and I never take them seriously - because come on, we all know where that path leads.

Lessons learned:

  • Same old stuff. Hold frame or face the consequences, and if there's anything you don't like about your personality, it probably developed due to your experiences in adolescence.