Hi, I'd like to begin by saying I wasn't always the handsome sex-god you see before you.
I know... I know... As hard as it may be to believe, there was a time when I too was quite the Nice Guy. (<<< I'm told this is the standard way to open a guide on game.) In recent weeks discussions of game on TRP/askTRP where people asked "what do I say here" somewhat reminded me of the Nice Guy part of my life and I'd like to share some wisdom I gained which helped me escape that, for the benefit of men here, who are still wasting their time thinking rather than acting on the answer they already have.
Why the title?
The title of this post is a line that helped me understand the difference between these two states, and helped me stop searching for what to say. I said it while opening conversation with the hottest girl I could find in a large cafe, at the beginning of my RP journey. At the time, I was not fit nor muscular. Not handsome. Certainly not rich. But that day, I got my first genuinely cute girlfriend. And it seemed I could do no wrong. I have only gotten better in the years since, getting dozens of different women in 11 countries until my current gf today. I've said things that led to success that in mixed company might be considered really outrageous ("That bikini looks distractingly delicate. Can I pull on it?" and then she said yes, and I pulled on it, and it opened, and she laughed.) or really needy and tame ("I like you. I also need money for food. Please date me.").
The Meaning of Inner Game
To be clear, I don't want you to copy the line in the title. There is nothing magical about it. Its only the mindset behind it that is rare.
Let me ask you… if I subtracted all of your fears, (of rejection, failure and success alike)… what would you say to women?
The truth perhaps? Whatever you would say, congratulations, you are saying it in the mindset of a high status man. One not encumbered with a lifetime of anxiety and feelings of worthlessness that naturally accompanies being a bottom 80% man... at the bottom of the... dare I say... dominance hierarchy (don't ban me pls redpillschool). I imagine you would finally tell women and the world what you're really thinking.
The meaning of Inner Game is displaying your intentions, desires, interests, thoughts, and feelings without fear, and staying true to them no matter what (this second part is how I came to understand frame control). Remember this great way to visualize this: If you minus your fears and assume that women are not playing games, and that they will do all the ungodly things you want them to... if you assume you are a high status man with nothing to fear... and that nothing you say could be awkward or stupid... what would you say?
[This post was inspired by an answer I wrote on this thread where the OP debated the merits and demerits of conveying interest to a woman directly or indirectly]
Direct and Indirect isn't the differentiator for success, both can work. The real differentiator is...
Being true to your intentions. Fearlessly congruent.
If you truly in that present moment just want to tear her clothes off and have sex with HER right then, and you honestly can't contain yourself, then yeah, sure, ask her to have sex with you. And watch how it flows out when its honest, it'll just feel right. And from her end, it is always going to be very attractive. She might say yes, or no. But staying honest and saying what you're REALLY thinking is going to be attractive. The reasoning is that not only are you a seriously impressive dude for having the guts to put your balls on the chopping block, but the way you will do it when you've stopped thinking and just started honestly acting on your inner being, is just infectious. Its going to be new, exciting, fun and just something she wants to be a part of.
She might still say no, to be sure. But in my experience, 9 out of 10 women will still revel in the attention of such a man. They will keep that conversation going as long as they can. They will laugh, blush, feign shock and outrage but will always remain intensely engaged with the idea of talking to you.
Of course, you will still not eliminate rejection from your life in doing this...
This is still the superior way to act. Why?
- 1) It prevents wasting time.
- 2) When you're acting according to your true intentions in that very second, you are always going to have fun, by definition.
- 3) All women are attracted to this sort of behaviour. They may not always rationally like what you've just said or done but you can tell via tone of voice, body language, expressions, that she's intrigued and attracted.
- 4) It prevents her manipulating you.
- 5) It automatically passes you in all congruence tests.
Number 4 is the true game-changer though.
Inner Game prevents you from being manipulated
When I approach women while fearlessly displaying my intentions clearly and honestly, it prevents anyway for her to manipulate me. How? Manipulation is a two-way street. When I try to be a gentleman and become friends with her first before stating my interest, or even if I'm more forward than that, and say to her "Can I buy you a drink?" I am creating a covert contract of sorts. I don't want to buy her a drink. I don't want to be her friend. I actually want to talk and flirt with her, I'm just hoping to manipulate her chance of reciprocating by the promise of a drink or first maintaining a long friendship. Women are masters of manipulation and usually subconsciously, they realize what you're doing and use it as leverage over you. They realize that they're in control. And they use it to waste your time and shit-test you because they know that you're invested in them staying around.
So, instead of saying "Can I buy you a drink?", follow your intention, whatever it is. This is something only you can tell, and it requires present moment awareness. Lets say, my intention is to practice my approach game. In this case, I would literally go up to her and say "Hi, can I practice flirting with you for 10 seconds? I'm following this guide online on how to pick up chicks."
It will work. Trust me. As long as you're true to and self-assured of your intentions, your behaviour will be attractive no matter what you say. And there is no way she can manipulate you based off of that. Its just so straight-forward. No wiggle room for her to operate. You will get what you're truly seeking or you won't.
What they mean when they say Rejection is a Good Thing
Even if you don't get what you want... even in that case, why worry? What's the worst she could say? "No"? So what. You saved your time from someone who was never going to fulfill your intentions anyway and you had fun. On to the next item in your intentions. If I'm really rooted in present moment awareness, I might perceive I want to keep playing. So I might say, "OK, so its a no. But can I practice my negotiation tactics with you instead?".
I realize many of you even reading that line will experience fear of awkwardness: "this will never work" "it needs to be more clever" "it needs to be less clever" "women have blown me off for much less". You have not yet seen the world from the eyes of a man with frame. Nothing will redpill you more than the night and day difference in how women behave in front of a dominant man they like vs someone else.
Most of the time, you'll get intense engagement with the woman you connect with, both while you're there and promises to meet up in future (which they actually look forward to and are much easier to arrange because you never think "Must wait 3.4584 days to call her. Must write 0.45x the number of words as she does and 0.33x the number of "I love you's". Instead, you are always acting and speaking according to what you want. You don't even consider whether your formulas are OK or not.) In my experience, even women who aren't interested in sex or dating, even they'll still go along with you because your behaviour is so fun. In which case, just enjoy the present moment.
If she's the type who's persistently bitchy (which can happen), that behaviour will just naturally put you off (if it doesn't, your self-respect is a bigger problem), and following your intentions will lead you to next her like you wouldn't believe (like you're a millionaire rapper or something. It just flows out when you're genuinely not interested anymore)... rather than the teary breakups us Nice Guys are used to. "Onto other better, more promising prospects", you'll instead think.
What's more, you will never feel bad about her turning away because when a woman turns your true intentions down rather than wastes your underground tunnel-like efforts on manipulation, there will be no resentment. You will know that you weren't compatible on a deep level and it will genuinely be a mutual and amicable parting. It never feels like regret. Nor does it feel like rejection. Its a genuinely satisfied feeling, of you having fulfilled your intentions. And over time, as you expose more and more of your repressed feelings, desires, thoughts, interests, behaviours to the light of day... you'll naturally learn more about yourself and how to best make yourself happy. And find women who fit best with that.
As you make acting according to your god-given male sexual instincts a habit, you'll find yourself connecting with women you didn't even realize you were flirting with. There are more hot women in your city than you know what to do with.
Naturally strong frame
I almost forgot to mention, being fearlessly true to your intentions automatically passes you in the most common form of shit-tests a woman will give a man approaching her; the congruence test. Since you're already acting according to your intentions, and have already overcome your fear in order to do so, that's easy. You are already congruent.
Men who are fearful often fall into women's frame because they have no frame of their own. There is no real meaning or substance in their words as they're often just saying what might get them laid. So its easy to distract them. High value men's words are genuinely rooted in their intentions, which they're invested in, they naturally won't get distracted.
Why does this work?
Just like a woman naturally grows an attractive body and naturally knows girl game, you also know male game. Right now, this very minute. You don't need to learn someone else's routine. Just unleash what instincts you already have. Your instincts know how to flirt better than your rational, egoic mind. Though I've phrased it as "say your intentions honestly", I do think that is just a gateway to learning to unleash your naturally attractive masculine sexual behaviour and impulses over time. Why doesn't this happen more often? It does. A lot of the times you clicked with women, this was happening. Your healthy male sexuality. For most of us, fear and socialization creates a huge ego and prevents it. For me personally, fear from a life-time of bullying and other family troubles removed any confidence to assert my real desires.
I also don't think male sexual behaviour is encouraged in civilized society in the same way as low-risk female sexual behaviour. But trust me, you were born with those instincts just like women were. It's just that not every man can actually act on those high-risk instincts. Fear inhibits vulnerable behaviour. There may be evolutionary reasons, I don't really know.
As Mark Manson wrote in his book 'Models' (paraphrased) women can smell your intentions. As long as your intentions are alright, the rest will follow, including the honest vulnerability that women find attractive.
Do pay attention to the things that create your fearful behavours, which is wrong assumptions and terribly negative self-talk. Just stop self-talk altogether if possible. Don't think about past or future, only present. Do not assume women are playing games. Don't assume women will say no. The key is present moment awareness, and just observing what you want to do and naturally allowing yourself to do it. Don't think about whether something is weak or OK or not. Get to making mistakes. You will hone that over time. Its very important to start.
One key thing to stop doing is to analyze women's words. Fearful men only react to interest women show, rather than act on their own interest. In order to judge if a woman's interested or not, they constantly try to rationally analyse or see meaning in women's words. There is none. For her, words are a fluid trap. The same set of words can be turned into an innuendo by a high-status man and she'll go along with it, (in the comments I told the story of a woman who called me "like her big brother". I used this to kiss her on the cheeks. Later on, she went along with it, and had me pick her up and "take her home") OR turned into a clear display of disinterest to a Nice Guy, and she'll be astonished he didn't get the hint. (speaking generally ofc)
Acting is always better than reading, but if you want, here are some recommendations. What I learned is all from men greater than me.
The Book of Pook (Pook is a great example of a guy who unleashed game from within, i.e. game he already knew. In the book, Pook claims to help you unleash a "Promethean fire inside you" which greatly resonated with me)
The Power of Now (this book is about present moment awareness. it's message of letting go of ego greatly strengthened my frame, This book is truly a key in making this practically happen in the real world. It helped me understand my inner state, as well as manage my fears)
One Key Step to Not Giving a Fuck (My favourite TRP sidebar post, all about letting go of ego, which is the source of fear)
How to get laid like a warlord (The all-time top TRP post. Very Good and somewhat similar concept, though wildly different approach. I also agree that tests are good for you, but I don't think you especially need to work hard to pass them. A good response to a shit-test is to dismiss her authority to test you in the first place which comes naturally when you're not fearful.)
No More Mr Nice Guy (all about unlearning Nice Guy tendencies, which is basically just repressing your desires and creating covert contracts)
Starting Strength (There is no alternative to lifting. Lifting somehow naturally unleashes your natural male behaviours. It moulds your attitude into fearless behaviours very effectively)
Mind Illuminated: A Complete Meditation Guide (meditation helps. A year-long practice will do wonders for your sense of peace, happiness and ability to remain a master of your reactions.)