Original post by /u/bsutansalt.

Part 1
Part 2

THE GIFT OF GAB Part 1

This entire point of building rapport is to develop the investment we discussed above. The first thing you should seek to do is identify and cultivate commonalities. Tools for doing so are:

  1. Stretching the conversation out through past & future projections, which can create a link in her mind using memories, imaginary as they are.

  2. Branch off of statements. Nearly every statement has two topics (or more). Natural conversation isn’t questions followed by answers, it’s mostly statements spun off into new directions.

  3. Relate your experiences back to her using THOUGHTS and EMOTIONS. This is a big problem for a lot of men because we don't use nearly as much emotional language as women do. When telling a story don't just spit out a bunch of facts of events and what happened. Tell her what was running through your head and what you were feeling when the event occurred. Use analogies as well for things that women might be more familiar with (shopping & movies are huge).

Bad conversation:

My TV broke last weekend during the game so picked up a new one Monday after work and of course Best Buy sucked as usual.

Good conversation:

I was watching TV last weekend and just as my favorite team was making the last drive to tie the game it broke. Just...poof. Nothing. I was soooo frustrated. Have you ever been watching something you were so into and then your power or cable go out and you miss a really important part? Doesn't that suck? Worst still is when I went to Best Buy the sales people were no help. Ever been shopping and everyone sorta just ignores you? Hellooo! I'm right hear people! Talk about frustrating. You know what I mean? I just kept thinking to myself 'I wonder what would happen if I just made up some popcorn in the appliances section and kicked off my shoes and lounged on the couch and popped a movie into the display setup they have?' That would kick ass and you KNOW they'd come running to see what's up.

Get the idea? Thoughts, emotions, and use what I call "checking in" to see if they're following along:

  • You know what I mean...
  • Have you ever...

You want them nodding their head, or even better piggybacking on your conversation thread and injecting their own stories as they relate to yours. A good way of getting them invested in the conversation is vertical conversation. Horizontal is the surface stuff, basic AFC questions. Vertical digs deeper. Check-ins for keeping the vertical conversations going are:

  • What was that like?
  • Really?

THE GIFT OF GAB Part 2

As I mentioned before, another key aspect to remember is to use past & future projections. Try and steer topics away from the present tense. The fastest way to have an audience's eyes glaze over is to talk about facts and boring details, which is often what happens when talking in the present tense. One of the best ways to build a connection is to use future projections. IMO the reason they work so well is they build memories in her mind as she’s imagining the journey you’re describing. As you speak of your hopes & dreams two powerful things are taking place:

A) Women are drawn to ambition like moths to a flame. I suspect Hypergamy has something to do with this, but it's just my gut instinct on the matter and can't point to any evidence at this time.

B) Talking in past or future tense builds memories and gives the two of you a connection, imaginary that it may be. It's how they imagine doing things with you and making mental links between the two of you.

It’s amazing how simple it is finding commonalities while painting the rich canvas of your life.

If you ever get stuck in a conversation and don't know where to take things, just remember what Speer calls the 4WH, which is a great way of getting more open ended answers and investment:

  • What
  • Where
  • Why
  • When
  • How

Note: "Who?" is already covered--it's either you or the woman you're talking to.


CLOSING

The goal of the preceding conversational tactics is to draw out information from a woman and to keep a conversation going. The reason for this is to build some rapport and generate some investment on her part, which is what translates to attraction. The following explains what to do with that information in leading up to the close. Keep in mind that “closing” in this sense is different from closing mentality which is a whole other topic, so I won’t cover that. What I'm providing here is what gets you their contact details, nothing more.

The first step in closing is actually identifying commonalities, which is a large part of why one needs to become conversationally savvy. Generating investment through qualification and making statements are simple ways of making sure they’ll want to keep things going. Another good way of making sure you talk about topics they’re interested in is to discuss the 4 most popular female topics as evidenced by female media (eg Cosmo):

  1. Beaches
  2. Shopping
  3. Movies
  4. Partying

Relate something about yourself to one of those and you’re off to a great start. Seed reasons to close them…AND THEN TALK ABOUT THOSE REASONS! Don’t just mention something and then move away from that conversational thread onto another topic. Flesh things out a bit. Qualify them on the topics at hand. Create a genuine connection and get them invested. This is actually the second phase of closing.

Seeding the closing line: You’re essentially justifying ahead of time why you’re about to swap contact details. You do this justification by using one of the following closing methods:

  • Networking - The networking close is just like it sounds. A typical version is or work purposes and/or professional contact details. You’ll be asking for her details because you might want to swap resumes for a job someone has.

  • Point of Interest - A Point of Interest close is setting up a Day 2 for a specific event, like checking out a museum exhibit you both want to see. You’ll be asking for her details so you can send her the info, or vice versa, about whatever the subject was.

  • Parties - Parties closes are arguably the most powerful for “game” since it sets the frame you’ll be meeting specifically to socialize. Whether this is a house party, an art gallery opening, or something else is up to you. Ideally this should be an event where you are the center of attention. You’ll be asking for her details so you can get the event’s details to her, or vice versa.

  • Direct Interest - Direct Interest is the most popular with direct openers. You like her and you want to go out some time. End of story.

The last step is exchanging details. It’s rather straight forward and self-explanatory. A very solid way of doing so though is to not ask for her number directly, but merely saying the following line:

What’s a good way of keeping in touch?

No matter what contact details she gives you, remember she has complied and that’s a good thing. And don’t be dismissive of Facebook. It’s a good form of contact and one of the better onces IMO as women can check it repeatedly throughout the day, whereas they get in trouble for talking on the phone at work.

To summarize, closing has the 3 following steps:

  1. Identify commonalities
  2. Set up a reason to exchange details later
  3. Revisit the reason you seeded in the conversation and actually exchange details so you may follow-up with her later on.