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How to get out of the depression phase.

August 5, 2015

As someone who struggled with regular episodes of depression, I tested a lot of ways to get rid of it. I tried shrinks, I tried drugs (you should avoid those if possible) and I tried….books. But before I talk about those, let’s highlight the basics. I will give you advices on what to do based on my experience. Those advices will be really hard to follow for those who are depressed but let’s face the reality: It’s do or die. Depression will kill you inside. So grab what’s left of your balls and fight.

If you are depressed, the first step is to take care of your body first

The body influences the mind and the mind influences the body. It means that when you are depressed and thus mentally weak, it will be really hard to perform even the smallest task. Do not let that difficulty stops you. Depression is an opportunity. If you experience depression and manage to get out of it, you will come out stronger. That’s the mindset you must have.

Sleep and hygiene

Go to bed when the sun goes down. Do not eat right before you jump into bed. Keep your bed clean. Keep yourself clean. Keep your apartment cle.an. Waking up to a dirty apartment will kill whatever resolve you have left Dress your best. Force yourself to go out and get some sun (this is important).


I’m no expert in athlete’s nutrition (ask GLO for that) but I work in food science and have thus studied nutrition extensively. You want to avoid imbalance. Do not binge on ice cream, chocolate and alcohol. Do not order pizza every night. Bottom line: don’t eat garbage. Do not stop eating. Force yourself to eat even if it repulses you. Eat a little bit of everything and especially fruits/veggies, it will help clear brain fog. You should also start juicing.

Physical exercise

Hit the fucking gym. Go to the temple and look at the iron. Depression is an abstract thing that stabs you in the back. You can’t really identify it. At the gym, you are on your terms, you decide, you are in control. The iron is real, scalable and loyal. No matter what happens, 100 pounds remains 100 pounds. Lifting will give you something to fight. Instead of fighting against unknown shadows, you now have a clear enemy to beat. It decreases the feelings of hopelessness and allow you to release your feelings. Your head may be sick but don’t let it affect your body. Stronger body, stronger mind. Stretching will also make you feel really good.

The second step is to take care of the mental aspect of depression

Depression is the contrary of expression. That doesn’t mean you should talk about your feelings all day long but feel free to sing, yell, cry. Let the emotions out, don’t let them build up inside. If you still cry your eyes out after a few weeks, schedule an appointment with a shrink. Do not listen to sad songs. Masturbating constantly comes with a hefty price: depression, lack of testosterone, obvious loneliness. Cut the entertainment bullshit: do not flee away from the situation by binging on TV, watching porn or playing video games. You have a problem, acknowledge it and solve it. Meditate every day.

Do not rely on your girlfriend/plates

It will be tempting. Don’t do it. You can talk to your male friends but don’t abuse their time complaining. Ask them for help, take practical steps and show them results. Don’t forget to thank them. In most cases, you can rely on family.

Take responsibility

That’s something no one will tell you, shrinks included, because it’s rude and no one wants to be mean to a depressed and borderline suicidal guy. Take responsibility of yourself. Nobody will hold your hand. Your shrink only helps you because you pay him. Your friends has limited patience. Your girlfriend will dump you if you show weakness. You are alone in life and no one will helps you for free. You have to do it yourself. It’s hard, but hazards and difficulties are what hardens boys into men. That shit broke you, great. Now you can build yourself back up as you want to. And let me tell you, when you experience depression to the point where you literally lay there and give up on everything AND get the fuck out of it by yourself, you will look back on it and be proud of what you did. Once you experience true and absolute powerlessness, it will help you during future trials: I know what powerlessness is and although I’m having a hard time right now, I know I’m still in control. Let’s do this shit.

Miscellaneous advices, reading list and suicide

Here on TRP, people goes through the depression phase because of their new understanding of reality. Nothing to do about it, it will pass with time as you grasp more proof from the real world that TRP’s theories are real. That’s the hypocrisy of my post: I don’t talk about going out of the depression phase. I talk about healing depression. Which is the same in the case of the depression phase because the only way to get out of it is to wait while not letting the resulting depression fuck you up, which is what this post is about.

I suggest reading Feeling Good: the new mood therapy by David M. Burns. This will help you recognize how you distort reality “I’m a piece of shit”, “I can’t do anything right”, challenge those affirmations and change the way you think. It will allow you to tear down the veil of depression and make you see reality for what it really is. It will also teach you other practical tools as well as an understanding of what is going on. This is a must read.

Study stoicism (A Guide to the good life: The ancient art of stoic joy by William B Irvine), Marc Aurelius and Epictetus’s handbook. Those will be a salve for your mind.

One of my trusted friends also suggested “A guide to rational living” by Albert Ellis. I didn’t read it myself but I trust my friend’s opinion. As a review the main points are as follows: 1) don’t expect people to act in a specific way in-line with your beliefs, 2) always remember to ask yourself if your emotions are reasonable and 3) worry is a wasted action where you exaggerate the actual impact of a negative event.

Suicide: I am not qualified to say anything on this topic but I couldn’t write a post on depression and not include a few lines about suicide. If you do feel suicidal, read this NOW http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

A note on shrinks

Some are good, some will fuck you up even more to ensure a lifelong flow of cash from you. Meet several shrinks. If something doesn’t feel right, get the fuck out of here and never come back. Once you find your shrink, he/she will likely tell you that you should be 100% open. While it’s necessary, do not let your guard completely down. If you have money, be careful not to say anything that could reveal that to the shrink. Basic stuff. Remember, he is not your friend and he has the ability to fuck your brain. People will take advantage of weak people. Shrinks can do that to.

EDIT: Thanks for the gold.

EDIT2, two years later: Thanks for the second gold.

post written by user Redasshole.

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Post Information
Title How to get out of the depression phase.
Author Redasshole
Upvotes 531
Comments 116
Date August 5, 2015 2:54 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit /r/TheRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/how-to-get-out-of-the-depression-phase.35298
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3ftvdq/how_to_get_out_of_the_depression_phase/
Red Pill terms in post

[–]mpbikeman72 points73 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is good advice. Depression is something I don't see addressed here very often and I think it's probably a lot more prevalent than we realize. I've struggled with depression off and on for years. I've recently discovered the book "Feeling Good" and can attest this is a good recommendation. Stoicism is also solid advice. My personal favorite book about Stoicism is "The Obstacle is the Way" by Ryan Holiday. You hit the nail on the head with the the big things: sleep, exercise, nutrition, and mindfullness (meditation, stoicism, etc). You're absolutely right that at some point despite whatever hell you're in you have to take responsibility for your own healing. Therapy et all is helpful but won't get you anywhere if you don't take ownership of where you're at.

[–]PedroIsWatching43 points44 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And people still say TRP is a hateful community. This post gives more real world advice for combating depression than anything I've seen in any "Ask" subreddit.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Go to the temple and look at the iron. Depression is an abstract thing that stabs you in the back. You can’t really identify it. At the gym, you are on your terms, you decide, you are in control. The iron is real, scalable and loyal. No matter what happens, 100 pounds remains 100 pounds. Lifting will give you something to fight. Instead of fighting against unknown shadows, you now have a clear enemy to beat. It decreases the feelings of hopelessness and allow you to release your feelings. Your head may be sick but don’t let it affect your body. Stronger body, stronger mind. Stretching will also make you feel really good.

Relevant: http://www.oldtimestrongman.com/strength-articles/iron-henry-rollins

[–]razorwan10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

After a close family member passed away midway through one of my college semesters, I had to e-mail a professor to let her know that I wouldn't be coming in that week. She was actually one of those older hippie liberal types, maybe a bit of a feminist, but a pretty solid person. She told me the one key to beating depression that I wish I'd taken much earlier-- keep busy. You may think that you can "battle" depression by battling with your sad thoughts, but take it from me-- you'll lose that battle. Just stay busy-- exercise is important, of course, but stay busy by studying, working, etc.

[–]1aguy015 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The key is to stay busy with things that are moving your life forward. Binge watching netflix or gaming all day will only make you feel worse when you finally disconnect. Working on yourself will at least relieve you of the negative feelings that come with procrastination.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You may think that you can "battle" depression by battling with your sad thoughts, but take it from me-- you'll lose that battle.

Yes, that always makes it far worse. Studies prove this again and again (look for studies on 'depression' + 'rumination' for more details). It's tempting to try to "problem solve", but all you ever do is fuck your head up more. To get past it you need to get yourself into a better mental state first, through healthy lifestyle choices and keeping busy.

[–]jackbetterman12 points13 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Mines bad right now, I can't get anything done, I can't improve myself, I could barely even focus enough to read the entire post. I honestly think I'm even more fucked up then just depressed, I can't focus on anything even stuff I want to do. Its like I can't even hold the thought in my head long enough

[–]2012Aceman17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I've found that when I get depressed the best thing to motivate me is to say "Do I have anything better to do?" Nope? Lift then. Read then. Clean something. The best thing I did for myself was stop talking to other people about my problems, especially people who aren't Red Pill. They don't understand you. They don't understand that you need to be productive in order to be happy, that endlessly prattling about your problems just makes the issue worse. Personally now I love when I get those depression mood swings, because I know that when I get passed them the next day I'm going to feel awesome for beating it.

[–]1IamGale0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Personally now I love when I get those depression mood swings, because I know that when I get passed them the next day I'm going to feel awesome for beating it.

Great mindset! This is slightly motivating for me to beat this.

[–]R3v4mp3d3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Follow the steps in this amazing post (+1 OP!) and then choose.

Depression/ anxiety can be fought if you choose to fight! Start being positive. Stupidly positive! Even if something seems wrong, expect a good outcome.

Example: my salary was supposed to come in 2 days ago. Instead of thinking "Omg! Are they firing me? Is my boss a scoundrel?" how about you think "Ah well; probably some bureaucracy wasn't done or the HR chick is on vacation a few days; it will probably be here sometime this week.".

Keep going like this and in 2-3 months you'll start seeing the difference in both your mentality and everyone and everything around you.

[–]novaksnow-3 points-2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Or maybe better, they are thinking of giving me a raise so it will take a lot longer finding the money to pay me.

[–]Upvote_To_The_Left4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just remember that depression has a way of making you THINK you are more fucked up than you really are.

[–]1aguy014 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is most often a symptom of nutrition/lifestyle. There's a lack of vitamins or calories, too much or too little exercise, not enough sunlight, not enough good quality sleep (that begins shortly after the sun goes down), etc.

On the other side, you may be exposing yourself to toxins that impair mental function. This could be shit in food (preservatives, food dyes, allergens, mold that gets mixed in with processed food), in the water (pesticides, heavy metals, chemicals), or in the air (mold in a building).

[–]trpthrowawaymane2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Definitely this. People drink coffee in the morning with hella sugar, eat some fried chicken for lunch, and a sandwich for dinner and wonder why they feel like shit.

Our bodies are biological machines with nutritional needs to function.

If you're not taking a basic multivitamin, do that, at least. For depression/anxiety, 2 of the most important minerals are calcium and magnesium. For hormone health zinc and selenium. Cholesterol for brain and hormone health (cholesterol doesn't cause heart disease, inflammation does). Fruits and veggies for vitamins, minerals and antioxidants. Meats for the protein.

Avoid fried food (causes inflammation). Avoid grains like wheat and oats, they're tough on the intestines to digest and cause inflammation.

[–]razorwan3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Stay busy and focus on productive shit. Get your ass off reddit for a week (really, don't access the site at all), and get started with putting your life in a better place. This means exercise, studying, working, etc., anything to get your head out of rock-bottom and out of self-pity.

Words are the easy part, but actually doing this stuff is hard, which is why I suggest you stop looking around for advice and just start DOING it.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Can I ask for further clarification on:

Go to bed when the sun goes down


Force yourself to go out and get some sun (this is important).

Firstly what are the benefits to the first one and how much sunlight for the second one? I've heard sunbathing for example is bad?

[–]Redasshole[S] 9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy Link


  • When you are depressed, the lonely evenings are the worst. Go to bed early and wake up fresh next day instead of having a self pity party all night long. Sleep is also better when you adapt to the light pattern.

  • Sunlight is what triggers the melatonin production. If you don't get enough sun, the hormone is not produced and it fucks up your sleep pattern. When you are depressed, you feel like staying inside and shutting your shutter. Don't do that. No need to go sunbathing however, just go out like normal people do.

[–]modernwolf671 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Careful with the science here - sunlight shuts off melatonin production, it does not trigger it. I am a big supporter of sunlight (in moderation) to help boost mood and Vitamin D production, and to help the circadiam rhythm, but its not a melatonin producer.


Sunlight shuts off the body’s production of melatonin, a hormone produced at night that makes you feel drowsy. Constant exposure to sunlight can help your body maintain its circadian rhythm. Your circadian rhythm is a 24-hour cycle that regulates biochemical, physiological, and behavioral processes and makes you feel tired when it’s dark outside.

Going outside for 15 minutes at the same time every day, preferably in the morning, tells your body that it’s no longer nighttime. Sunlight that’s unhindered by sunglasses will reach the brain’s pineal gland more easily and signal it to stop releasing melatonin.

[–]xkcd_puppy4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I need to say how important regulating your circadian rhythm properly is for mental health. It took me a long time to realize the effect the sunlight exposure, waking hours and sleep hours had on my depression.

Case example, I live in Trinidad. Sun sets at 6pm. By 7 it's dark. Visited Canada for 2 months this summer and my sleep patterns are completely fucked. Sun sets 9-10pm there in summer. I am now back home less than a week and I am so depressed. I have been chronically so after about 4 weeks there. I hope that within the week my circadian rhythm will be back to normal and I can start my road to recovery.

You need 8 or more hours of sleep. Sleep with the night, wake with the day. Get direct sunlight exposure daily for a bit. Your skin and your eyes need this to keep your brain healthy. Yeah, go stand in the sun for a bit every morning. All the therapy and medication for years never helped me effectively until I discovered the power of the sun.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I started laying out, naked in the sun for 20-30mins 3-4 days per week about 2 months ago. I do it within a few hrs of peak sun.

In addition to tanning my pale ass, it has improved my mood significantly. This can be especially significant if you're already low on vit D. Sometimes in the morning, I will mediate standing facing the rising sun and it literally feels like nourishment for my soul.

Edit: tanning beds can be bad. If your light skinned, probably avoid anything overy 10 uv index, but is healthy and safe as long as you don't burn.

[–]1aguy014 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sun in the morning helps ingrain the circadian rhythm, as well as some light physical activity (doesn't have to be a workout, just walking around is good) and a meal.

Getting to bed early is just as important as getting enough sleep. There is a 4 hour window that begins shortly after the sun goes down where the cellular activity in your body is primed to repair itself and produce testosterone. Staying awake during the first 4-5 hours of darkness makes any sleep you get far less rejuvenating, and your body will actually transmute that restorative energy to keep you awake (which is where 'night owls' get their 'energy' from) instead of using it for testosterone and muscle repair.

[–]czatara6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Depression is a disease of modern society, beat it with a Therapeutic Lifestyle Change:

  1. Exercise (lift, yoga & fight)

  2. Omega-3 (1000 mg EPA daily)

  3. Sunlight

  4. Healthy sleep

  5. Anti-ruminative activity (work for love!)

  6. Social connections

This is scientifically proven! Source: http://youtu.be/drv3BP0Fdi8

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

That is one of the most important TED talks ever, yet relatively few people have seen it.

[–]czatara0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

If you are into brain chemistry and evolutionary psychology, take also a look at http://youtu.be/ReRcHdeUG9Y.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for the recommendation. I'm a fan of Simon already, but haven't seen this one.

[–]AdonisHera22 points23 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Ah depression. My old nemesis. We had our first major battle when I found my father shriveled up and dead on this very couch that I'm typing this from. It came again after I got my heart broken in high school. Came again when my "unicorn" was nothing more than a low self esteem whore. And throughout our many battles, I've always fought him and sent him retreating. He's a tough son of a bitch, but I'm tougher. The gym became my home. I to this day escape the Bullshit and my own thoughts through the iron. Sleep, meditate spot on. Deep within every man, there is a trigger. That trigger awakens either a man on a mission or a coward in retreat. Here's the best part: You decide what that trigger awakens..

[–]B_Primal 4 points4 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Give me one good reason to believe that which you say is legitimate. I challenge you because depression is a tough motherFucker, and yet every time I meet the bitch I get fed up with tussling and twiddling. The battle gets shorter each time, and yet it draws out longer because I'm no longer going to a shrink, no longer a sniveling coward afraid to show true self, and no longer asking for unnecessary help.

Meditation, maybe I'm not doing it long enough? Maybe it's more than waiting until im feeling better, then getting up.

[–]Shermanderland5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I watched this today and it spoke to me. It's sort of long but if you can spare the time at night it's a really good talk and the guy shares some good info on all the brain chemicals associated with depression and what you can do to help activate/deactivate them.


[–]ImTheBanker1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for that video. Never would have found it and it had some great ideas.

[–]AdonisHera5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think you need to reevaluate my statement. If my post offended you, that's too damn bad. I responded to the post not referencing to anyone in particular.

[–]NicolasMage690 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You realize depression is a serious illness right? Just "fighting through the pain" isnt going to do jack shit for many. Im glad it works for you, but saying it's a choice is bullshit.

[–]Kangajew105 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I needed a post like this so bad, i'm struggling with depression myself and seem to start masturbating when times get stressful. Don't see a lot of posts like this. It's especially helpful for guys like me who are trying to swallow the pill and realizing how many times they fucked up any good chance they had

[–]Redasshole[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

i'm struggling with depression myself and seem to start masturbating when times get stressful.

There are two ways to decreases stress: passive measures and active measures.

Passive measures are something you do everyday whether you are stressed or not. It helps reduce the probability of getting stressed out. For example: meditate every day.

Active measure is what you do when you are stressed. In your case, you masturbate. You can find other ways like running, breathing deeply, punching something.

The idea is to combine the two kind of measures to reduce overall stress and to better deal with it when it arises.

[–]Stythe5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Depression had been put on a pedestal as an incredibly serious condition in today's society. If it gets bad, it's a sign that you need to change your life, not that nothing can be done and you need to kill yourself.

First off, you're right. Everything you post is important in beating depression. The biggest and most overlooked part I see is that depression can be positive as it leads you to problems in your life that need to be fixed. Once you fix them, you learn to avoid that trigger in the future.

I've had depressive episodes through most of my life. I gave up on doctors when I was 18 as my mom kept drugging me up and I found that that did nothing in the long run. So I did what you recommend here. Ate healthy, exercised, lost weight, quit smoking, starting pushing myself physically and mentally, picked up and learned to play guitar. I did anything I could to improve myself, for myself, and ignored the bullshit people spewed that I disagreed with. It worked.

TRP helped me understand why I was so depressed with my ex (worst depression I can recall and I stopped doing everything mentioned here and lost all self-respect). When her and I split, I struggled until one day I realized I'm still alive and it wasn't time to give up. From there, I spent time getting back onto healthy habits, pushing the tainted, victimized mentality I developed living with her out of my head for good and searched internally for the hardest problems I could resolve within me.

They turned out to go back to childhood and how I was raised. I realized that I was obsessed with idea of family because mine had neglected my needs and kept living that cycle. I in turn became whole. I accepted my strengths and weaknesses, I realized I am strong and began to embody that. There's no going back.

The actions take time to cement into life, the mentality takes time to internalize and the hardest part for me has been distancing myself from people who enable me to victimize myself, but I've become a different man, and traits I thought were shitty before (alpha male traits) I'm finding I embody naturally, but rejected due to being raised with a victim mentality.

I've effectively managed to solve my depression by realizing it's natural to get bummed out. I'd say I'm positive I'm allowed to have a bad day, hahah!

But now...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zf0hjLJZFng

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I thank God I had my varicocelectomy done 2 years ago. If I hadn't, I would've still been bitching and moaning everyday. Having my varicocele repaired rose my testosterone high enough to the point where I realized that there was a serious problem with my life and life plan and that it needed fixing. That inevitably lead me to Nofap, and from Nofap I landed up here. As I sit at my desk (just finished my assignment) and think of whether I should do arms (which I skipped yesterday) or just do my regular back exercise, I realize that I am no longer in the deep depressive state of hopelessness, anti-depressives, and day long crying (after waking up at 4pm and binge wanking all day). I have a long way to go and many issues to tackle before I'm anywhere near where I want to be. I lack serious discipline and have a big inferiority complex, but fuck it! I have a lot to live for now and it's thanks in part to this sub and posts such as these..

[–]Dan-Man[🍰] 10 points11 points  (18 children) | Copy Link

The reality is that very few people are going to read this and follow these steps if they are depressed.

You think people who are depressed give a shit about some words on a screen? They are depressed, it is not something you can reason with.

Most need people to help them through it, but they probably don't have those people for motivation and support. Hence the depression.

I have been reading advice like this on Reddit for years. It is just not enough. People need real communities and proper emotional support. Not some words on a screen, no matter how well they are written. But here we are I guess.

I think an approach to minimalism would work better these days for those in trouble and need of direction in life. A simple 3 step guide with just a few words to point someone in the right person direction, let them figure out the angles themselves. People just don't read and absorb long intellectual guides any more.

[–]Dueperdue9 points10 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

It's pretty comic. I actually feel depressed because of lack of friends. The loneliness is killing me. No amount of vagina is ever going to tap the whole that I have in my heart. As we all know, you cannot share your feelings with women otherwise they just go fucking somebody else.

Unlike most people here, I am not in actual search of somebody to fuck. That has not actually ever been my problem. My problem is wanting to transform girlfriends in my mother, and make them give me the love my parents never gave me when I was little.

No matter how fucked-up that sounds, that's what I need. I don't need a hole where to put my dick. I need somebody to hug me. Somebody who will share with me my success. Somebody that will just stay there, in silence, and hear me out.

No matter how many comforting words I read on the internet, this never helped me finding somebody willing to listen.

On the gym argument: I don't feel it does anything to heal my depression. I actually just go to fuel my anger. Iron doesn't complain when you hit it. Being in shape is a side-effect. At the end of the day I am still alone, no matter the amount of Kg I can squat.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

You've not incorporated a sense of self. You expect everyone to help you. That's feminine by definition. News flash: no one can possibly care about you more than your own ability to care for yourself. You need monk mode and stoicism training like it is air my friend.

[–]Dueperdue2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

I would say I focused on myself too much. I have a nice work with no financial issues, I am fit and have no problems attracting girls. The problem is the fact that after living with myself, alone, for all these years I started being full of myself. As I said, what good is to be handsome, with a great brain and with no financial problems if nobody gives a shit about you other than yourself?

[–]exuals4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

If you don't wake up feeling like a god amongst men, keep working on yourself.

[–]my_sfw_alias0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

TIL: I'm doing something right.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nice little nugget of wisdom, this.

[–]WolfenSatyr1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You need some bro time.

You know, a couple of like minded male friends that will celebrate your success with a clap on the back and a friendly insult. In a male friendly environment like a bar.

[–]kindablack0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I can't help but feel as though you still have yet to truly realize yourself. Happiness and success are relative. This subreddit always preaches going to the gym and having a steady income so you can get laid; and while this is great advice for the layman, there are absolutely those of us for whom such simple measures and accomplishments do not suffice.

I can not tell you exactly what you should do or how to do it, but that shouldn't be necessary. You are you. You are a man. If you're not happy with the way your life is going, or how you feel on a day-to-day basis, then change it. Change your life. Leave your career, your city, your family.

If you truly feel as if there must be more to life then you are correct. YOU are right. You only got one life to live, and there is plenty of time to settle down once again and reestablish a foundation. Go wander. Make friends, lose friends, fall in love, leave your lovers, make connections... discover what it is that makes you feel whole.

Your fate is in your hands. Don't be content with discontentment. Best of luck.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Dude, I have the same struggle. I'm not close with anyone. At 41, the loneliness and social isolation I've experienced throughout my entire life would have crushed the average man a long time ago.

I've been battling depression for over 10 years now and the last 5 have been fucking brutal. Like you I got in awesome shape. Became addicted to crossfit. I compete with guys 20 years younger... but it didn't fix the fundamental problem, which was my loneliness.

What I've found that extinguishes it completely is the realization that no one will ever love me, understand me or accept me the way I want them to. Looking for this is akin to unicorn hunting. It's a fools errand. A heavy dose of DGAF and pure selfishness was in order.

I've transformed my isolation into blessed solitude. It sounds easy, but it's not. I'm proud of myself for doing this all on my own and glad there wasn't anyone there to help me through the tough spots.

The reasons for my social ostracization became evident when I began studying evolutionary psychology: I am exceptionally good looking (been told I could be a model more times than I can count. People mention my looks ALL the time.), I'm tall (6'1') and white. I am also well above average with intelligence. I am a HSP (highly sensitive person) with a strong inclination towards honesty, integrity, justice, kindness, compassion, empathy, generosity, etc. I'm also very artistically gifted and have been a musician, luthier, inventor, performer, entertainer for most of my life. I'm outspoken, naturally confident and alpha. I think you get the idea.

Men are usually jealous of me, women I won't fuck hate me and the women I do fuck hate me because they can't control me. People back stab and try to take me down a notch or two all the time. Everyone makes assumptions about me that are incorrect. So I find myself utterly and painfully alone in this world.

We must give up on searching for love and validation and learn to give those things to ourselves. Fuck other people. They're selfish, manipulative, petty and stupid. I would rather spend my time alone anyways. Ahhh, the peace and quiet...

[–]Dueperdue0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

The fundamental problem is: what does it matter what you have accomplished if there is no one you can share it with? Doing things just for yourself is enough up to a point.

I am a success based on society's standards, yet I am more alone and damaged than ever. I would give everything away and live in a shitty favela if that would mean I would have people around me that loves me and encourages me to be my best.

Yet here I am. Young, successful, pretty good looking with a great brain and yet utterly alone and depressed. Fuck.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why do you need someone else there in order to appreciate what you've accomplished? Share it with yourself dammit! Doing things for yourself is ALL there is. All there will ever be. Even altruism comes from a selfish place...

As long as you keep thinking that you need someone, you will suffer. You're looking for love and validation from other people. They will sense this and perceive it as weakness, neediness and then draw away. Once you no longer need anything from anyone, become truly independent and self-sufficient, then people will be falling over themselves offering you love and validation. When they do, realize that it's always conditional and only because of your strength. As soon as you become week they will disappear.

You can't have what you want and need to give up the chase because it's an illusion. We are biologically programed this way. To be the romantic. It's what made our forefathers stick around to raise children and they passed this trait onto us. The side affect is loneliness. It's a disease that only YOU can cure.

I know it sounds fucked up, but that's just the way the world works. Stop acting like a little bitch and man the fuck up!

Nobody cares about you unless they see something in it for themselves. I care enough to try and give advice but ultimately I do it for selfish reasons (it makes me feel good). The ONLY unconditional love in the whole universe is the love you can give yourself. But you must learn how...

Once you get over feeling sorry for yourself and take the necessary actions to improve your situation, you will be grateful that no one was there to help you. You did it all on your own. Now you become a real man.

Realizing that you are alone in this world and always will be is difficult to accept, but you must let it go and learn how to NGAF. This doesn't mean that you become cold and uncaring. You can still cultivate compassion, empathy, kindness and generosity. But realize that you ultimately do it for yourself and never expect reciprocity. I like being kind and helping people because it feels good. I love animals, nature and women. I LOVE them deeply, but I don't need them.

Don't rob yourself of love, it's wonderful. Allow your love to spread infinitely across the entire universe. It feels fucking great. Love with all your might. But only a fool expects to be loved in return.

Every wise man has played the fool at one time or another, but it's much more fun to be a King. A wise King, a master of your reality, the captain of your destiny. The pain you feel now is necessary for liberation. Men aren't born they're made. By the fires of suffering, the unbearable pain of the crucible. Which is so hot you think you will die, but what's happening is you are being forged into a flexible, unbreakable steel. A sword that cuts through the delusion and tastes the satisfaction of victory.

[–]Dylonspithotfiya0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You want to feel understood and accepted, and that is the most human desire of all.

I related a lot to your comment, although my parents weren't awful by any means, they were just somewhat absent.

I know the exact thing that you're looking for with women and I've been looking for the same thing, as I've been getting better at not needing them I've gained a little experience at keeping them around and not unloading unresolved emotions on them in a way that isn't relatable, it's been a process and I lost probably the most amazing woman I've ever met through my inability to self regulate.

I've found some solace in male friends, obviously the same rules that apply to women apply to men, if you share too much with them, the relationship will change and become unstable or you will be seen as undesirable, so there is a game of waiting for the right time, but in doing so the simple enjoyment of something like throwing around a frisbee fills some of that emptiness that you feel.

Something else that helped me in a big way was having a counsellor who I felt comfortable telling everything to, most of the time she didn't even necessarily have groundbreaking advice or ideas on what to do in my life situation, but being seen completely as the person you are by someone who genuinely wants to help you is incredibly beneficial.

If you ever want to chat free to hit me up

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I relate to what you're saying. I had one of the shittiest childhoods you could imagine. I recommend two things for you:

  1. Get out in nature. For reasons I cannot fully explain, it somehow removes the feelings of loneliness and replaces them with peace.

  2. Go on Meetup and join some groups. Doesn't matter too much which ones. Just get around people and have fun. Not partying fun, though. Look for something less hedonistic.

[–]Redasshole[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have been reading advice like this on Reddit for years. It is just not enough.

I agree. I went through this.

I think an approach to minimalism would work better these days for those in trouble and need of direction in life.

My post can be summed up by three words: body, mind, fight.

[–]oldmanwho 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

if they read op, and they read that, then let them read this: no help is coming. none is left.

that help, that was so given to others for free, cannot be given to you now; it's all been eaten. so you have to fight now.

don't worry, you'll like it better, i promise.

[–]1cover200 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What help, and how was it all eaten so it can't be given to you now?

Or, are you writing something objectively irrational but well calculated to get them off their asses in a productive way?

If it's the latter, I salute you.

[–]MrChillBroBaggins16 points17 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Nutrition, posture, exercise and meditation. These are what helped me handle anxiety and depression. For anxiety, don't be like me and sit in front of computer thinking it will resolve. It will not fucking resolve.

Anxiety: Check where you're muscles are tense. If you aren't breathing properly address it. Deep breaths from your balls, let the air 'fall out' on exhalation.

Depression: Be good to yourself, primarily. Take meds as a last resort.

Protip: Unless you are exerting yourself, stop mouth-breathing.

Mouth breathing stimulates the Sympathetic nervous system, and simulates fight or flight. That's fine if you're picking a fucking barbell off the ground, but you're sitting here reading my anecdote so stop already.

[–]FindingOrderInChaos 2 points2 points [recovered] | Copy Link

You mean sympathetic nervous system right?

Overall sound advice though.

[–]razorwan14 points15 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I'm studying this stuff currently lol; sympathetic= fight or flight.

Parasympathetic= rest and digest

And just to be clear, this guy is spouting nonsense. "Mouth breathing" doesn't stimulate shit. Both "subsystems" of the autonomic nervous system are in play to some extent, but environmental change can cause one or the other to kick in more.

[–][deleted] 6 points6 points | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]MrChillBroBaggins2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not goofing ya wad. I meant sympathetic, obviously.

Paul Chek 4 part series on mouth breathing

[–]MrChillBroBaggins1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Stop being daft, the message is still the same in context.

Paul Chek, nutritionist on Mouth Breathing

Covers: Psychological causes

Congenital/Physical causes

Biochemical causes

[–]detachedbymarriage0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Mouth breathing stimulates the Parasympathetic nervous system, and simulates fight or flight.

Interesting. I have an issue where I can not take proper breaths through my nose(it is genetic, father and 2 of my children do it too)

I wonder if this would still be the case for those who are forced to mouth breath?

Edit, nvm, debunked in post below.

[–]MrChillBroBaggins1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Not debunked, here:

Part one, basics Part two, Psychological causes Part three, Congenital/Physical causes Part four, Biochemical causes

Paul Chek is a world class nutritionist/naturopath. Take whoever's advice you want, I'm giving you what helped me.

[–]FindingOrderInChaos -1 points-1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

He's a Naturopath? Riiiight..

I think this is a good place to stop.

[–]MrChillBroBaggins1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Nice straw-man 10/10 did not realize ur a farmer

[–]Kose2kose7 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I'm depressed because of my situation in life. Not because of some mental imbalance. I'm depressed because I have a minimum wage job and work 40+ hours a week doing it and still barely have enough money to fucking step outside of my parents' home that I live in.

Because I have no money, I have zero drive or will to talk to girls or form relationships with anyone really because I just feel like I have nothing to bring to the table.

I might be getting a hoopty car soon with the measly pennies i've saved. So that's a step. For the longest I didn't have a car. But I've been working at this hell manual labor fucked up dirty disgusting job and saved every penny. Literally, I didn't spend anything. All because I so desperately want my situation to change. So I figured money = car, car = mobility and freedom, freedom = confidence, confidence = more money and pussy.

Now that I will have a car, I can feel a little bit better about myself. But not even, because I still have to pay for it to sustain it. With the little amount I make, I will be basically putting all my money into the piece of shit car I get for a while.

I work out almost every day and watch what I eat. I've made significant gains and I'm happy with my body. I'm 6'2 and I always get compliments from people and girls at work that I'm so handsome etc. And i know I am too. But for fucks sake I can't get over how I'm broke. It doesn't matter how good looking you are. If you don't have money or transportation, what girl would want to hang out with you? Even so, I just don't fuckin feel happy enough to talk to people if i don't have money. I feel like a bum loser and it totally kills me. Until i get a lot of money, i won't be a happy outgoing person. You need money to back yourself up. You need to be able to offer value and bring something to the table. You can't go anywhere because you can't truly enjoy yourself without spending money on stuff you like. Don't give me that bullshit about how the best things in life are free. No, they're not. I want to take trips all over the world. That's not free.

I have a bachelor's degree in business. I graduated with honors. I'm not stupid. So that frustrates me even more and makes things feel even more hopeless. Why me? Why me who tried to do everything the right way? Life's not fair that's for sure.

And sometimes i think, what if things never change? What if i remain a loser? What if i never catch my break and get a good job or find out what i want to do in life? What if i just end up being a loser addicted to drugs? (had former drug addiction issues, been clean for a while now though)

So here I am. Im in my 20s and while everyone around me is getting busy and establishing a career and having fun and enjoying life, i'm in a hellish dead end physical labor job that kills my body and drains me of energy to do anything because I get out at 2am. I work fucking 13 hour days sometimes with little to no breaks.

My life is shit. And until things change, i will feel darkness and unhappiness.

See, it's easy for the betas who were nerds and worked on computer programming or some science shit and got a great job but THEN discovered TRP. You are already established and have a career so it's easy to go about your life from there. Once you have money and security, you can then work on fixing yourself comfortably and feel good about confronting girls because you can tell them you have this prestigious job and probably drive a decent car and since you've been working out and all that, you have a lot to offer.

Me on the other hand, never knew what I wanted to do. All my passions are hobbies and there's no way I can make money from them.

So everything is basically shit. My family is about to lose our house and my father is jobless struggling for work. Another man who did everything right in life and for some reason is not getting what he deserves. He's old and has to look for a job in his 60s. Smh.

Everything is fucked. Nothing is right. And my life is absolute dog shit. "Be positive!" people tell me. Stfu and die. I make the best of my situation and am struggling to change everything. It's slowly happening. I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. That's why i don't break down and cry all the time. Because I'm steadily advancing and improving. I'm looking for jobs and saving money from my current shitty job. I work out and am hopefully getting this car soon. I'm doing everything i'm supposed to be doing. But it's not fast enough. Things look bleak until things get better.

[–]Philhelm1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm 35, and I moved in with my parents when I was around 28, and spent a few years there. I lost a bout with depression, and even spent three days in the loony bin because of my suicidal ideation (of course, being there just made me more depressed). I dropped out of college and was fortunate that my Army Reserve contract finally ended, and left the state to live with my parents.

It was pretty bad. I had no job, no money, no friends, no pussy, and a mountain of debt accrued through sheer apathy. I was literally only getting up (at around noon, no less) in order to play a Dungeons & Dragons Ravenloft RPG server for Neverwinter Nights, in which people would roleplay their characters (so it wasn't just about fighting monsters and such - it would actually be a fun game, but it is not healthy when that's all there is to life). It was pathetic beyond measure.

Eventually, some spark of life finally returned. I finished my degree online, since my requisite classes were already completed before I dropped out and only had some electives to take. I finally found some door to door sales job which sucked so much ass (long hours, low pay, hot summer), that I quit the next day and immediately enrolled in the nearby community college in order to get a certificate (and more GI Bill money!). I was even able to start getting some pussy, despite being unemployed and living with my parents. Hell, I had a few women approach me at bars finally (30 year old male > 20 year old male)! I think my saving grace was that I had a pretty face and was more of a Beta Prime, despite my pathetic existence and near self-destruction. I fell from the ladder into the darkest depths, but ultimately I did not break...not completely.

Now I'm steadily employed, and have my own office. The money isn't all that great, but it is a stepping stone. I currently live with my wife and two daughters. I don't recommend marriage (I actually miss unrestricted freedom more than random pussy), but it's still an improvement from when my soul was plunged into the abyss. I'm not even close to where I want to be, but the game isn't over yet, and I will slowly, relentlessly, claw and scratch my way up that ladder. Never count me out, bitches, unless my lifeless corpse is confirmed.

Anyway, I think that it might help you to go back to school, at least for some certification. It sounds like you'd even be better off becoming a paralegal, nurse, or a medical tech. If you can get extra money through student loans for cost of living and such, it will help kickstart you in a sense. Obviously, it would be money owed, which isn't something that I would normally advise, but when at rock bottom sometimes it can be necessary. My student loans and GI Bill helped me to regain my life and pay off my other debts. Obviously, I still owe money on my loans, but that is much more manageable than brooding in eternal darkness. You aren't going to achieve anything by remaining at a dead-end, minimum wage job.

[–]Kose2kose0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thanks for all that. And yea ur right I could go back to school but for what? I guess the paralegal thing is a good idea. I'd love to be a lawyer. I guess I could do law school but I'm already in mountains of undergrad and graduate debt. I went to grad school for a year and had to drop out due to a number of reasons. Plus I was studying for something I hated.

But the law school thing might be something interesting to me. I want to look into it. But how do you go about getting loans when your credit is shot and you already owe tons of federal loans? My family has no money and I have no money. Wtf do I do?

[–]Philhelm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well, if you are interested in law school, you will need to do the following:

  1. Find a few schools that you would consider attending.
  2. Complete the FAFSA for the next available period of enrollment.
  3. Go to LSAC website, create an account, and register to take the LSAT.
  4. Apply to law school (you will use the LSAC website for this).

I had bad credit at the time, and was still able to take student loans.

[–]Porter_West1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hey man, I don't have the solution for you but maybe it will help for someone to frame part of a situation in a different light:

  • You have a college degree. It may not be helpful right now but you have proven you put in the time and effort to earn it. You may need some stepping stone jobs to get to a better place, my personal opinion would be to broaden your job search (if you haven't already) to ANYTHING that is better than where you're at now.

  • You're tall. People literally and figuratively naturally look up to taller people. You may have to fake some happiness and confidence for a bit, but that coupled with your height can help.

  • You're a hard worker. Use this to your advantage. You can frame the gym and hobbies outside of work in a resume or interview situation to indirectly (or directly) show your ready to work hard for an employer.

  • You have family and other contacts. I'm not trivializing your troubles and struggles, just saying that some people truly are really, really alone.

  • You're still in your twenties, and sound like you have a decent head on your shoulders. Shit sucks right now, but it can get better. I'd say put the pussy on the back burner right now.

I had a rough period where I went through some issues and ended up dropping out of college. I was a leader on campus, I had a strong social network, I had a job. I kinda threw a lot of it away. I moved to a different state and works nights (real nights, 1am to 10am) at a job slightly above minimum helpdesk job in an expensive city. I had next to no social life... but I put in good work and got my contracting agency to do a bit of networking for me.

With a bit of luck I was able to land a much better job (with normal hours, thank god) in my home down. I've re-established a lot of my social network while making new friends. I still have other troubles, like a lot of debt and a major medical situation that was out of my control, but I feel I'm in much more control now.

I'm kinda starting to rant so I'll close this up, but feel free to PM me.

[–]unassumingusername72 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

We talk about the anger phase so much here, it's easy to forget that you don't jump straight from anger to acceptance. It's good to bring some focus to the other phases of the journey. I'll have to check out those books.

[–]nantucketghost2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

deleted What is this?

[–]CRUSHPUSSY_MARRYAMAN2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post. One thing I'd like to clarify regarding "shrinks." If you decide to see one (and there's no shame in it at all, do it if you need to) make sure you see a behavioral psychologist, NOT a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist wants to load you up on all kinds of anti-depressants and muscle relaxers until you "find the right mix of medication." A behavioral psychologist wants to discuss your problems and help you figure out how to fix yourself through introspection and constructive feedback. Chemical alteration might relieve the depression and help you become more productive, but it also often has nasty side effects and can leave you feeling like an empty shell; not suicidal, but not good either. Getting better through discussion and verbal therapy is a path to getting better on your own and actually being self sustainable.

[–]unsafeword 3 points3 points [recovered] | Copy Link

There's lots of solid advice here, but I'll focus on one point of disagreement in the nutrition section:

You should also start juicing.

The body doesn't really care where vitamins come from. Juicing is just one way of getting vitamins, but it comes at the expense of introducing a lot of simple carbs.

If an individual is trying to regain balance there's a good chance that weaning of of simple carbs will help more than introducing another source of sugar-fuelled mood spikes. You're better off with a stalk of broccoli, a multivitamin, and a fish oil capsule.

For anyone who does want to take the advice and start juicing, be sure to research the recipes in advance. Avoid sugary ingredients like carrots or apples, and take the rest in moderation. If your thought half an hour after having a cup is that you really crave more, think about why and read up on your ingredients.

[–]Redasshole[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The reason I gave this advice is that juicing allows oneself to eat a lot of vegetable and fruits without having to actually eat a lot. You just drink a cup of juice and that's it. It requires less effort than eating the equivalent in fresh fruits.

You made an interesting point though.

[–]ThreeLF2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This will probably get buried, but if you've been depressed and start to have suicidal thoughts...good! Suicidal thoughts are actually a sign of rebound from depression, and most often begin to occur only after you have passed through the depths of depression. Just don't give into them, and know that it means you're well on your way to returning to a positive mental state!

[–]Philhelm3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I will say that suicidal ideation can actually be somewhat liberating. When in the back of your mind there is always the option to end it all, it makes certain situations less stressful. Why not get that woman's number? Why not ask for a raise? Why not change careers? Why not do anything? When there is a possible exit plan, one can say, "fuck it all," and have more internal freedom to act without fearing potential consequences as much.

[–]Johnie_moolins1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Solid advice. As someone who has suffered from depression/anxiety and also suffers from severe rheumatoid arthritis (in other words lifting unfortunately just is not an option), it really just comes down to setting a goal and doing everything in your power to reach it. I guarantee every step you take toward that goal will be a boost in confidence and happiness.

[–]qwertyleftme1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A very important note on shrinks:

From personal experience, I have noticed that many of them promote feminist ideas. These ultimately hindered me more than anything. This includes feminist manginas. If you feel that they are promoting feminist ideas and don't know the term misandry get out of there.

[–]CrownChief1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Protip on meditation: don't try and just observe the shitty thoughts/feelings, try and observe the part of you that can't accept the shitty feelings. Surrender to that resistance, because what you resist, persist. That should give you enough space to transmute the negative thoughts/feelings.

[–]WolfenSatyr1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

A note on shrinks

Some are good, some will fuck you up even more to ensure a lifelong flow of cash from you. Meet several shrinks. If something doesn’t feel right, get the fuck out of here and never come back. Once you find your shrink, he/she will likely tell you that you should be 100% open. While it’s necessary, do not let your guard completely down. If you have money, be careful not to say anything that could reveal that to the shrink. Basic stuff. Remember, he is not your friend and he has the ability to fuck your brain. People will take advantage of weak people. Shrinks can do that to.

In my experience you'll want to avoid women, men who act like women, men who act like a friend, and men much younger than you.

If they have you doing things that seem....weak, walk away. I got lucky in that the therapist I was seeing at the end of my beta days was a red piller. He didn't advocate my going to manosphere sites but instead gave me printouts from various articles with site names blacked out. His reasoning was that he didn't want me going to those sites because it would trigger my white knight reactions. I still found them and worked on quelling the SJW urges.

Not surprisingly my depression came from my BP indoctrination. Go figure.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Therapy sucks and the mainstream world encourages you to identify with your mental illness as though you are wearing it proudly.

[–]McPinus1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Your nutrition part needs to include seafood(oysters are best) for omega 3 fatty acids that can help relief depression substantially. Also if you can handle raw seafood its even better because cooking oxidizes the fat, at the very least cook it lightly. I Have also read most fish oil supplements go rancid after sitting on shelves and from not having the nutrient components needed to prevent oxidation as well.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I Have also read most fish oil supplements go rancid after sitting on shelves and from not having the nutrient components needed to prevent oxidation as well.

Get the better quality ones from an actual health food store. Most supermarket and bodybuilding store brands of any supplement are shit. The molecularly distilled versions are good, as are the fermented fish oils (fermented does not mean it is rancid).

[–]mascalu0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I want to add my input on good books about depression: an older, well-read, much more experienced friend of mine recommended me, after reading it, The Noonday Demon by Andrew Solomon. He said that this book is written in such a way that it could help the reader to treat his/her depression. It’s on my reading queue, after Covey, because I also have a mild depression. Good luck guys and thank you Redasshole for the post!

[–]TankerBuzz 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Im in a real bad phase of depression right now. Ive been taking meds since I was 13 (now 19) and I cant seem to kick it for good. Things in life get better and I beat the depression for awhile then shit hits the fan and I spiral back down. I find the hardest thing is to find the push to start the ball rolling.

The last few weeks I havent been able to focus or remember a thing. The fact i cant remember what i did a few days ago just makes me think im an idiot. Reading this thread has not helped much either, its made me feel like a real beta fgt and i every opportunity my brain gets it tells me this and creates ideas that she is cheating or doesnt like me anymore. I know what I need to do. Its just putting it into play...

[–]Redasshole[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Don't listen to your brain. Don't listen to your feelings. You are in hell right now and there is only one thing to do: use reason and logic to determine what you have to do, then do it.

(insert Shia meme)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

Why not eat right before sleep?

[–]Redasshole[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

It's better to not be in full digestion mode when you try to sleep.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm pretty sure that's just old information that gets handed down and passed around.

I don't think it matters at all from a health perspective.

I do it all the time :D

[–][deleted] -2 points-2 points | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]Redasshole[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This guy talks about how to eat to lose weight and make gains. As I said, I am no expert in "how to get ripped/loss fat" nutritional advices. This guy surely knows better than me how to eat to make gains and lose fat.

However, as I also said, I am talking about health & nutrition. Although there has been a few studies lately that indicates that one should eat more for dinner than it was traditionaly advised to, eating late is still not a good idea.

[–][deleted] -2 points-2 points | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]Redasshole[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I will check them out thank you.

[–]Nia_Hills0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Start with physical exercise before thinking of sleep hygiene and nutrition.

[–]Merica9110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

He's a good video on depression.

Insight Into Depression - Sadhguru: https://youtu.be/hzvT0vy5cjE

[–]Senior Contributoradam-l0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This article by a depression survivor is interesting: Overcoming Negative Thinking - The #1 Cause of Chronic Depression.

She says that Depression is actually a defence mechanism against negative thinking. Negative thinking stresses the mind and body, so depression depresses its negative physical consequences. Goes on to give advice on how to change habitual negative thinking.

[–]Addictedtoiron0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Being someone who's constantly fighting against depression, I loved your piece about exercising. Fuck, all your advice is precious. I found some new points I can tackle in the next depression wave. Thanks!

[–]crawcraw150 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Best post I've ever read on reddit. Thank you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post! I am also just getting out from a long period of depression. I would put

  • Take responsibility

  • Do not rely on your girlfriend/plates

at the top of the list, along with "TRP will help you more than a good shrink". Now that I am a few months out of depression I look back and the major culprits were the toxic people in my life, and the toxicity has a name "Blue Pill Poison".

I have severed many of my old friendships, I have a whole new set of people around me, and a handful of old acquaintances are now friends; funny how life works.

I have been meditating regularly for many years, and lifting/eating right for a few years, my depression was so severe that I was depressed in spite of those 2 items; fitness has been my point of strength all along.

Taking responsibility has allowed me to work well with my therapist, I started with one and then switched right away to someone that I felt was better suited; but taking responsibility is key.

Being under the influence of Blue Pill is a poison of the mind, the Red Pill is the liberation.

[–]bnft0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Awesome! Helped me a lot this text it did. Thanks :)

[–]Wreckn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You should also start juicing.

Healthy diet and start a cycle of steroids, got it.
Jokes aside, this is some solid advice.

[–]SW98760 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I never understood the depression phase. You should be happy that you are now privy to knowledge that the vast majority of people do not have or understand, and with this knowledge, you are able to do incredible things. What's depressing about that?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm in the depths of depression right now post separation from my wife and am fighting my way out. One thing that is helping immensely is to create three "Must Do" tasks for the day. I check them in the morning and highlight them as completed at night. No matter how shitty I feel, I have to complete them to fight my way through this hell.

1 is my workout for the day. I track everything and seek to exceed what I lifted or how fast I ran last week.

1 is to complete a study goal (I'm studying for Grad school)

1 is income-related as I freelance (i.e. work X number of billable hours).

Sometimes it takes me until late at night to complete the goals but I know that without this structure I wouldn't get out of bed, and I would just wallow in despair.

Also, Les Brown is motivational as fuck. He's old school but his message is powerful. Dude sounds like Martin Luther King, Jr. and gives me chills.

[–]xkcd_puppy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Amen brother. And men, as soon as you lose frame your woman is going to start voicing her doubts and how she needs some time to think. I have Major Depressive Disorder and I have to manage my life. She claimed that she would understand and try to be understanding. You and I know that was a lie, but at the start I sort of fell into believing it.

Right now I'm going through a phase of depression and I know it takes a while to recover. I know how these things go. I have been dealing with depression all my life and learning how to manage it. And suddenly my girl says she needs some time to think, away from me. The moment I showed weakness it happened. I know what's going to happen. I know I have to take care of myself and recover, by myself. She will be gone soon.

So thanks a lot for this post OP, for reminding me of the game. Those with MDD have to try extra hard every single day, and some days aren't going to be good. All I can say for us is to hold frame and recover silently. Don't become complacent and expect all the things she said how she would understand and support you to hold true at this point. The moment you expose yourself to your woman she checks her options for the future.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Something about sleep:

You might experience insomnia during depression and not be able to fall sleep. Lie in bed for hours and finally give up.

The solution to this was counter-intuitive for me.

Everybody tells you not to sleep during the day. In order to be tired enough to fall asleep quickly.

That might or might not work.

If you force yourself brutally not to sleep during the day the following could happen:

It might be even more difficult to fall asleep because you have trained your body to stay awake even when it is completely tired.

This happened to me. for more than a month I could only sleep every other night. Without sleeping during the days.

I tried everything, but the solution was to lie down everytime I felt tired. Sometimes I slept, sometimes not.

It didn't take long and I were able to fall asleep relatively easy again.

[–]JohannFriedl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Get up, dress up, show up. Repeat this every morning. I find it helps.

[–]PlanB_pedofile0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Also should emphasize to keep reading the redpill and sidebar material.

Men get no sympathy for depression. Society shames men for having depression. And above all, you will get zero validation for your depression.

There's a reason why men are more prone to suicide than women. Women will talk about depression, brag about depression, post on Facebook about their depression and they do it to seek validation. Depression stories are becoming as common as rape and abuse stories.

If you post on Facebook or mention your depression, you'll be labeled a pussy and lose what little smv you have left. That's what it is being a guy. You have to suck it up buttercup. You're the disposable male.

Accepting your place in society is a first step in recovery. Recognize that you are a worm. You have to work hard to become more than the worm.

[–]NeetoPp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

OP, i've been to redpill about 1month, today i was feeling shit as usual when i'm not getting high or everything is going well. You gave me hope, i've been fighting with my mom (single parent) for a couple of weeks and i was thinking about leaving my home. Now i feel like i can overcome all this, and i can be the man this house needs. I already talked to a friend about start lifting, and he's going to help me and he's even going to pay my fee for the first month. I already brought the book 'Feeling Good' after watching a podcast where Mr. Burns talks about the book and overcoming depression and anxiety, i already went to a cognitive psicologist but was too depressed to write the way i felt about things and see rationaly that my fear was irrational. Thanks, OP, tomorrow i'm going to look for that intership i so desire (i'm in law school) and today i'm solving my problems with my mom.

Sorry for any language mistakes (i'm from Brasil)

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points | Copy Link

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[–]new_account_1234560 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Gentlemen, when you feel depressed, it is essential to feel the physical pain caused in your body by the depressing thoughts of the mind. Pinpoint it with laser accuracy if you can.

When I am depressed, I like to visualize it as a dark ball of smoke, about the size of a baseball. I note that there is an acute yet subtle pain in the area of my heart and diaphragm where this ball resides. The goal should be to focus in on this pain - but with your body - not with the mind and internal narrator.

Let the mind chatter away. Acknowledge the thoughts and move on to the next. There will be many repetitive thoughts that will not serve you.

Do not distract yourself from it by doing other activities. Do not analyze the pain ("I feel this way because..") as this is just your mind trying to come up with excuses and justifications as to why you feel the way you that you do and why you should continue to feel this way. Do not try and sedate or control the pain with external substances (other than lifting at the gym).

You can even try and amplify the physical feeling just to see if you can.

The pain is very much real and it is meant to be felt through and through. However, it needs to be felt with your body fully in the present.

If you're able to stay present long enough and just FEEL without getting caught up and lost in thought, the pain WILL pass without killing you and you will be a stronger man for it. Once it has passed through your body, the mind will follow.

There is always a lesson to be learned from any pain. Harvest the gold that is there and then leave it in the past where it belongs.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm an FNG so I won't say much, but I will say this:

If you do all this, and commit, and you're still struggling for years... consider medication. I experienced it first hand, I tried everything and just recently I forced myself to try it. It's different for everyone, and for some people it's just better.

ONLY after you're sure that everything else OP said isn't working. Throwing your hands in the air after "trying" for 2 weeks isn't long enough.

[–]Xeusi-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This article's advice in summary.


It was for their women's conference, but there tends to be a lot of good articles in there for topics like that which...are very TRP friendly.

I know TRP tends to be more anti-religion, but I'd say it depends on the fruits.

Look at that fruit and tell me it isn't already extremely close to the above? Also on a similar note you'd find guides on starting a business, preparation, self-reliance....and other extremely important principles to TRP are taught by the LDS faith.

Most importantly it ingrains a sense of responsibility into people that I don't see too often in the world.

I think red pill is pretty great, and I see it as a compliment to my faith due to how it already structures and agrees with many of the same teachings.

[–][deleted] -1 points-1 points | Copy Link

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[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

And before anyone starts with the "Money can't buy happiness!" bullshit, do you even know struggle?

Yeah, it's well explained in pretty much every actual scientific study on the topic, ever. They all show that more money does not lead to more happiness. If anything, a slightly reverse correlation is true. Once you have a little more money than you need to live, it plateaus and there is not really any more positive effect. It's only an issue for happiness when you don't have enough money to live.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And listen to straight outta compton. Redpill as fuck.

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

"How to get out of the depression phase."

Stop coming onto this reddit with it's negative stories

All you learn here is "lift" and not to act like a bitch around women.

I learned more from sluthate than I did here....

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points | Copy Link

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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

i mean what i say

read again fuck face

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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