As everyone here knows the Red Pill is not a reactionary ideology that came about as a direct response to the SJW feminism of 2013. No! It is a state of the art research facility where angst ridden virgins, chubby divorced dads and spectrum spergs trade notes on their scientific findings to delve into the mysteries of getting women to "open bobs and vagine." The Red Pill is a community of lab coat wearing scientists who analyse 100% true unbiased field reports in order to unlock the secrets of quantum "All Women Are Whores."

As rational empirical alpha male sex scientists the logical way to begin our research is by measuring our penises. This however presents the issue of replicability and the need for a Uniform Penis Measurement Standard (UPMS). How do we determine where the base of the penis truly begins? Is it where the shaft emerges from the fatty mons tissue? Or do we press the ruler into the pelvis to obtain a measurement at the dick stem? How do we account for odd shapes and curves? Akin to an HB scale, we need to an objective amalgamate unit scale that takes all factors into consideration. A True Penis (TP) value of 1- 10 which factors in all elements including testicle size weight and symmetry, scrotum wrinkling, moles rolls factor, pubic hair trimming, as well as aftermarket decorative elements like jeweled cock rings.

In order to obtain a complete scientific understanding of a particular penis, the penis in question must be submitted to the Uniform Penis Measurement Standard (UPMS) and the True Penis (TP) examination protocols. The Uniform Penis Measurement Standard uses the Archimedes principle to obtain a volumetric measure of a particular penis. In order to conduct this highly scientific clinical measurement a penis is inserted into a large beaker of 37C distilled water which sits on a scale tared to zero grams. Although a true stoic alpha can obviously maintain an erection during even extremely adverse physical conditions, through extensive testing it was found that the variability of a flaccid penis's volume when inserted into room temperature or colder water was unacceptably high, so body temperature water is recommended for this test. The buoyant force of the water acting upon the inserted penis manifests as an apparent change in the scale's reading, which is then transformed into the desired volume measurement by using rho = ~ 0.993 g/cm3 at 37C for water. This measurement should be repeated at least three times, under both fully erect and flaccid penile states. Despite the objective nature of this measurement, an impartial referee or other official governing body must still be present to observe the procedure to ensure that 1) the scale is indeed tared at the start of the measurement 2) only the shaft is inserted into the water and not additional appendages or foreign objects 3) that the penis is, indeed, completely flaccid for the flaccid portion of this measurement 4) the measurement is not compromised by unnecessary movement or splashing. The use of a shrill whistle or other auditory feedback device during the test by the referee is encouraged to ensure compliance with the Uniform Penis Measurement Standard protocol.

While the UPMS is an objective volumetric measure. True Penis (TP) is a holistic multivariate analysis of all genital aesthetic elements assessed at a 1-10 scale. In order to submit a penis for TP assay, a photograph of both erect and flacid forms must be submitted to a certified TP specialist. These Rational Males have dedicated their entire lives to analyzing men's penises. In fact they are so invested in penile assessment that they have little time to invest in physical health, masculinity or serious intellectual endeavors. All these men have time for is assessing and analysing cocks which is why they are exempt from Red Pill's lifting requirements. If you're are interested in undergoing a TP assessment do not hesitate to contact our specialists. They love getting paid to stare at cocks almost as much as they hate lifting and will get back to you promptly with the proper information on how to submit your specimen.

Now that we have an understanding of the protocols and procedures needed to obtain a complete scientific measurement of a particular penis, the next logical step is interpreting the result. You got your numbers back and their not very good. What do you do now? If that's the case simply abandon hardline biological determinism and adopt a liberal subjectivist attitude. Don't be ashamed to revert to determinism at a later date if it suits your egoic fulfilment. TRP is not about what size of dick is best, but how to have the BEST dick no matter what that means to you. It could be no dick at all.

At this point you have two options: self improvement or self delusion, although the two are not mutually exclusive. Jelquing is the art of pulling on your ding ding in a desperate attempt to make it bigger. It's not about the penis you currently have, its about the penis you one day will have. Jelquing requires patience effort and consistency, qualities that are in short supply among redditers. The second option is "Faking It Till You Make It". Pretending the issue is resolved is much easier than actually doing anything about it. Buy a dick sleeve. Using a fixadent like product glue your penis into the dick sleeve. Don't worry about the logistical nightmare of having a plastic penis glued onto your real penis. It's not about the reality of your penis, its about her perceived reality of your penis.

This brings me to the deep philosophical conclusion 80% of the Red Pill will never comprehend. Is penis measuring both in the literal and metaphorical sense a coping mechanism for living in a castrating NeoLiberal society? Man feels castrated by society so he measures his penis in a desperate attempt to affirm that it is still there. Isn't measuring the penis a castrating act unto itself which inevitably leads to a positive feedback loop of more measurement? Furthermore if penile measurement is itself a symptom shouldn't we seek to overcome it rather than endlessly enjoying the symptom? Isn't it true that the more empirical a man is the more castrated, humorless, boring and lifeless he is? Aren'tt impulsivity and spontaneity key traits that make a man attractive? Then why are we striving for the exact opposite in a community dedicated to helping men get laid? Finally since women find humorless scientific empiricists boring and unattractive shouldn't you instead strive to be a fun guy who writes April Fool's day posts?

Since everything is currently going into lockdown now is the perfect time to focus on self improvement. I've mentored thousands of men through fitness and philosophy coaching, here are a few of their experiences in their own words. You can contact me through that link or shoot me a PM if interested.