If your wife (or girlfriend) left you tomorrow, would this be a significant setback in your sex life? Or would your sex life actually improve? If you can’t answer that second question with a resounding yes, then your marriage (or long-term relationship) is doomed.
I was finishing my workout this morning, getting undressed for my shower, and the gym locker I happened to nab was next to a mirror. I see myself. Damn, I look good with my shirt off. I didn’t always. I used to be your average skinny-fat, introverted nerd. If I’d taken my shirt off then, you could count each of my ribs, yet somehow, I had a little pot-belly, too.
I said hi to some of the regulars on my way to the showers. And some strangers, too, just because they were there. Except when I’m in the middle of a set, I talk to damn near everybody. At the gym, waiting in line for coffee, on the street between my office and wherever the heck I’m going, with people from other offices in my building while we ride up the elevator. I didn’t used to do this. I was shy, introverted. Frankly, I was afraid. I lived in fear of rejection, constantly imagining what people would think about me and how weird I’d seem if I said something stupid or carried myself stupidly or used an awkward tone of voice, or worried that just the mere fact that me, some lanky-ass weirdo, was talking, might get be burned. I told myself that I was just quiet, took pride in minding my own business and having other people mind theirs, that I didn’t mind having only a tiny handful of friends and nothing to do most weekends, but really, I was afraid. And lonely.
I drove to the office along a really scenic freeway, in a city I only recently moved to. It was a good opportunity, a step up in my career, and while I left behind my parents, my friends back home, and my wife really didn’t want to relocate and leave behind her social circle, I moved us anyway. Now, she couldn’t be happier. She has new friends here, our daughter’s thriving and has made more friends than both of us put together. I’m good, too. In charge of people, paid more than I’ve ever been paid, doing a job I’m good at and don’t find too annoying. And I’m leaving this job for an even better one in just a few days. The old me never took risks. The new me has a hard time being comfortable.
It had dawned on me in the locker room, this morning, that if my wife left me, I’d have no problem finding other women. Sure, they wouldn’t be my wife, I’d miss my daughter terribly, I’d lose a shit-ton of my assets, and life would suck more, but I wouldn’t lack sex. In fact, if my wife left tomorrow, I’d be having more sex. And that’s the key. That’s the statement that needs to be true for your marriage or your long-term relationship to be successful: If she left you, your sex life would increase.
Women are perceptive. They know when they’re dating or married to a loser. If you’re the kind of guy who’s only attractive to his wife, no other woman would have him, and she’s his only option for sex, then you’re the kind of guy who’s going to subsist on a trickle of once-a-month missionary from a woman who isn’t that into you. She knows the score. She knows you’ve got nowhere to go, that you’d do nearly anything to keep her since she’s your only option, and worse, she knows, very clearly, that you’re not doing all that much for her. Her friends aren’t whispering in her ear, constantly, how awesome her husband is. If anything, being married to you is costing her points and she spends the hours she’s not with you doing damage control on her reputation due to having a shitty husband. (Depending on the woman, “damage control” might mean badmouthing you to her friends, bragging about denying you sex, bragging about the massive income you provide for her and how little she works for it, and cheating on you with a hot douchebag to prove to her social circle that she’s attractive and not really stuck with you, because they’d oust her if she were actually a loser woman and you were the actual best she could do.)
This is exactly the kind of man who lies to himself. Tells himself that he’s proud, noble, and good. That it’s okay that no other woman wants him, because he’s not supposed to be trying to attract other women anyway. That it’s okay that he barely has any life of his own and nothing to do on the weekends, because that’s more time he can devote to his wife, which is what he’s supposed to do. That he definitely needs to forgive his wife’s flaws and past behavior, not because he has no choice, but because he’s a good man and it’s the right thing to do, right? This is the kind of guy who gets cheated on, and forgives his wife, because, you know, he’s such a good guy. Definitely not because deep down inside, he knows he’ll never find anyone else and this shitty life, shitty wife is his only shot.
This is the kind of man who is constantly denied sex by his own wife. The kind of man who gets nagged to death. The kind of man who gets cheated on. The kind of man who gets served with divorce papers and is genuinely surprised by this fact, because he’s just so darn nice and devoted and that’s how you keep a wife happy.
On the other hand, however, women know when they’re dating a winner. If you’re the kind of guy who’s attractive to lots of women, you’re extra-attractive to your wife. Not just because you’re attractive, in general, but because you chose her, and she benefits socially from having such a badass husband. She’s the envy of all of her friends who have loser husbands. Contrary to many Red Pill pessimists, she doesn’t fuck your brains out with great frequency in some kind of manipulative effort to keep you. She fucks your brains out because she’s genuinely in love with you and wants to please you out of respect and admiration. Hell, if you’re awesome enough, you could even cheat on her, and she’d take it in stride and just try harder – not recommended, obviously.
Bear in mind, however, that women love a bargain. They need to date up. You need to be able to say, with 100% certainty that if she left you today, you would end up with more sex. Not the same sex, not equivalent sex. More sex. Women don’t want to date their equal. They need to feel lucky, like they’ve won the lottery. You need to have options that are better than her, but still choose her. If she’s your best option and you’re hers, you’d think that’s ideal, but you’d be in for a world of shit tests. (Maybe you should marry your second best option.)
In summary, the key to a successful marriage (or LTR) is actually pretty simple: Be more awesome and more valuable than your wife (or girlfriend). Perceptibly more valuable.
A woman who thinks she’s lucky to have you will act like she’s lucky to have you. If your woman isn’t acting like she’s lucky to have you (not just saying so, acting so), then you have some work to do.