Summary: If you were a anxiety ridden loser in high school, or have had zero luck with girls or in life in general, the only advice I can give you is to learn and apply the principles of TRP in everything. Amazing changes are possible, but they must occur inside you before they will occur around you. You will ride a roller coaster of emotions and progress. You'll get girls, lose them, get success at work, and fail. In the end, it will be an upward trend.

Also understand that you can NEVER go back. Once you know and gain reference experiences, you will never experience true love anymore. But ask yourself, do you want to know the truth or live a lie?

Body: This will be a long post. I will keep it as short as possible, but things need to be said. I'm a 27 year old male, white, MBA, corporate job. I'm 145lbs, 5'11". In middle and high school, I sucked with girls... and even just making guy friends. Recently I found out that most, if not all, of my anxiety was caused by porn usage and masturbation over about 15 years. This was a coping mechanism for growing up in an overly religious background and being taught sex is evil and will send you to hell.

I was taught to work hard and good things will come. I never missed a day or work through high school and college. I never skipped a day of class in college. Do it by the book, never act out, never express your true self. You can see the issues this creates with women and really just in life. Throughout my life, I have continuously been the one doing 110% work, doing it well, performing well, and looking for rewards that never come.

In high school, I got my first girlfriend. We were together for 3 years, when in senior year, she left me for a freshman football star with a cocky attitude. We did not have sex. In the end, he used her and bounced. I was the 'nice guy'. Haven't we all heard that before. She is now married to this beta provider guy after riding the cock carousel. I immediately searched for someone else, had a rebound, but then go into a relationship with another girl in college.

Coming from a poor background, I went to community college, then transferred to a state school to save money. My new girlfriend came with me to the same school. At first, she was shy and innocent. Again, same as the last, this girl just eyed me up and liked me for some reason - I didn't choose her. I latched onto anything that expressed interest in me. All was not lame though. Once she moved to the same apartment complex with me at school, she really opened up about her kinks and sexual nature. My college time was filled with more BJs than you could imagine and multiple hand induced orgasms a night for her. She loved to dress up in outfits, sky high heels, be handcuffed, forced to do things, and had a rape fantasy. Through all of that, we never had 'sex' - we both agreed we didn't want to risk pregnancy. I didn't know it at the time, but I was becoming a big-shot in college. Parties were always at my apartment, 20-30 people sometimes. Huge social circle. Basically, my college SMV was high.

Senior year again, I became beta. I stuck around to get my masters. I had to get my shit together. 3.9GPA. She left though, said she wanted to explore more. I cried, begged, and pleaded for 6 months. Ultimately she left. Got fucked by some guy as I waited around. I went into 6 months of depression. You don't know what depression is until you wake up everyday for months on end, barely able to eat or do anything. I did this to myself.

It was around this time, a female college friend told me I just need to go out to bars and stuff more often. Even my ex's dad told me do so. I looked this up online and I hit my first real big expansion in life - pickup.

I told myself I would never let that happen again. I tried and tried, but it never worked for me. My mindsets were all wrong, I was laced with porn induced anxiety. I had zero self confidence and esteem. Thus, without knowing about TRP, started lifting and learning because I had nothing else to do.

One night on NYE, I was at a friend's party and met his girlfriend's cousin. We hit it off immediately. I used every 'game' and 'PUA' tactic in the book. Made out in a closet within 2 hours. The date I brought saw and left after reeling me out. She lived in Boston and ended up moving to my city after meeting me. This was the start of a 3 year relationship with this new girl... one which would bring me to TRP.

Again, with this girl, she was religious and a virgin (everyone I dated before were virgins too). She went to Europe with her cousin and came back saying she wanted a breakup and her life sucked. From what I did before, begging and pleading, and knowing every PUA tactic in the book, I agreed and left. Within 24 hours, she was begging to have me back. My plan worked.

For six more months, we continued on, but nothing changed with me. Over 4 years, I went from being awesome to a boring, lame beta. This is my vice in every relationship. Little did I know she was snapchatting and texting an Australian she met in Europe. By December, I was caught in an international love triangle. He was coming for Christmas and NYE. She promised he'd only sleep on the couch (ha). I agreed thinking she'd come to her senses that an Australian farmer would never be able to support her.

Two days before he came, we were out, shit went down with her cousin and I and I ended up back at her place waiting for her after she left her keys in the car. I debated throwing her keys in the river and telling her to fuck off, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. She came home, kinda drunk. We got emotional, did our usual BJs, dry humping.... and that's when we slipped up. I went in. Bloody sheets, extreme pain. Within 15 minutes, she was hyped up on so many endorphins and hormones, begging to be treated like a complete slut. Asking I do everything I asked her to do in the past. She dressed up in lingerie, stockings, heels (she rarely did and only when a begged). I made her do everything I wanted.

The day before he came, I lied and said I was going to by her a ring. This is what she wanted, along with 4 kids and house. I went as far as creating a fake CL ad of me selling a ring to show I had bought one, but returned it after finding out about this other guy. This 'almost' worked. She said she wanted to experience the Australian first and then choose, but she was edging towards me. I spent the holidays seeing pictures on Facebook of them at Niagara Falls, traveling, and football games. I never heard from her again after being defriended on Facebook. [Note women want Chad, not commitment. Also notice the power shift.]

Because of my journey thus far, I was seeking answers. Pickup didn't seem to work. I found Reddit through NoFap and this really helped me. Then I found TheRedPill....

Everything in my life made sense (girls, work, etc), but I didn't want to believe it. My reference experiences all reflected typical beta behavior. I got back into lifting, went monk mode for 2-3 months traveling, and started approaching without any PUA tactics. My success with getting numbers skyrocketed. For the first time, I was alternating going out with 2-3 people on a regular basis. I even attended a seminar by Julien Blanc after following his work for 3-4 years. $50 well spent, but I'd still urge everyone to just do TRP and not spend loads of money on gimmick products.

I went through the typical stages of bargaining, anger, etc. I knew I was progressing over about 6-7 months. The tipping point was yet to come.

Daygaming on day, I met this girl, Laura, downtown. I laughed, she giggled, we joked around, and it was easy. She was hot. Got the number, hit up for coffee... textbook. Ultimately, I went on 7-8 dates with her over the last 2 months. I really started to believe she was a unicorn. She modeled on TV before and was the prom queen the year I graduated, but from a school in Ohio. Me, the HS loser, anxiety ridden beta, was now dating the prom queen. TRP was working.

I even brought her to a work happy hour and everyone's jaws dropped. I felt like the man. Even an older lady, about 40, we work with said "Damn, cmiovino, I had no idea you had this much game!". All the guys were going nuts too. It was unreal. I felt great - but after knowing TRP was working, this felt wrong. My validation was coming externally, over a girl. This was so wrong.

I dreamed about being invited back to college friend's weddings and rolling in with this girl. The same with our 10 year HS reunion coming up. You guys need to understand. I had zero friends at the end of high school, was a loser, and had nothing going for me. I fucked up for 10 years learning and finally made it. I was flying higher than a kite. I never felt better about myself and about life.

Laura and I went on 1-2 more dates. Magical shit. Making out on bridges, goofing around, drinking. Seeing our city like never before. Other than being a 9 or a 10, Laura's personality is great. We both enjoy fitness. She's passionate about running, marathons and shit. It's rare you find girls who aren't just into Netflix and drinking. I was getting Oneitis. One night, after getting frisky, she invited me back to her place. I accepted.

Keep in mind, besides 'the slip up', I'm still mostly inexperienced when it comes to 'sex'. I'm a god of foreplay (you have to be to keep girls interested after 3-4 years), but knew what she wanted. I didn't have condom, nor ever used one. Thing got awkward, we just slept. She asked me what was wrong. I'm pretty sure her mind exploded from not having a guy want to fuck her after so many dates. Her attraction has declined significantly and she's not even texting me back at this point.

Two weeks later now, I hit rock bottom. I broke down and cried last night. I hit the depression stage of TRP. I don't give two shits about validation or women right now. I don't care if I lost Laura. I realize the deeper issues about sex, validation, and just life in general. It's all really idiotic and dumb. We put ourselves through all of this seeking others attention and approval. All for what? Putting your dick in a wet, warm hole.

In the end, it's really all really shallow. I kept telling myself I wanted to go back to the blue pill. Believing in the fantasy of true love and the one - this is the 'easy' road in life. I know at this point that's not possible and accepted that part at least.

I know in my heart the full 'acceptance' stage is on the horizon and look forward to reaching it. For now, I feel like going MGTOW and just going back to traveling, working on cars, and hanging with my male friends. Drama free and enjoyable. We'll see what happens.

Lessons learned:

  • TRP works. Hands down. I went from being the biggest beta you'd ever know in high school and marginally college to increases my SMV tenfold. My confidence and self esteem went up through solo traveling, getting back into hobbies, and enjoying new ones. I made new friends, male and female, became an overall more fun and enjoyable person to be with.

  • The 5 stages of TRP are true and you'll go through each at your own pace. I was stuck in 'anger' for 3-4 months due to all the pent up hate towards the pain women caused me in my past.

  • Pickup and quick fixes DO NOT WORK. You can try all you want and I won't say some pickup material doesn't work. Your results will be greatly limited.

  • Don't be ruled by women. You are a man. Act like it. Take charge, lead, and know when to detach from a girl. Don't hang on. Don't be noble. Don't try to save her and be her knight.

  • This has been said many times, but there are no unicorns. Women are women (AWALT). Some of higher and lower calibers, but all are the same. The general mindsets and teachings work on all.

  • The best approach is walking up to a girl and just saying you want to meet them. Period. They'll even giggle and smile, or look at you like your nuts. Your next move is really easy based on that feedback. Keep texts simple and for logistics only after that and your golden.

  • Sex is important - VERY important. Get VERY good at it to keep quality women around. You need to absolutely rail the shit out of girls, even more so the hotter ones. When with my college girlfriend, treating her like a complete slut and making her do everything I wanted her to do made her attraction spike weekyly. 7-8 dates is insane for waiting and commend Laura on her patience to that point. Most dip after 2-3 dates. If you have an sexual issues in your head, get them handled. I know I really need to. Sex is only an enjoyable physical experience... and a bonding experience for both parities. But it's nothing to put up on a pedestal.

  • Never forget to keep improving. I would get girls attracted with higher SMV than them, date for 3-4 years, then have them fall off after becoming beta, comfortable, and lame again. Don't do this. This is similar to what happens after people get married.

  • Don't believe you situation or life is any different than the next average Joe. We're all the same and go through the same shit.