Insecurity in a relationship is asking to be broken up with.

June 15, 2020

We operate on a completely instinctual world, no matter how much we pretend we're above our primal instincts, we are not. My friends fiance recently called it quits after 4 years of a smooth relationship. He dropped his frame for a second, and opened up to her about his insecurities, he was going in heavy regarding being sexually abused as a child, and how it mentally fucked him up, and was crying in her arms. Not even 2 weeks later, she suddenly called it off. This was the first time he ever opened up like this, and even I being his best friend was not aware this happened to him. Women look for security in a man, and once they smell any sense of insecurity they leave, despite how fucked up the situation is. It's best to talk about these things with a male friend, or a female friend you are not sexually involved with assuming she keeps her mouth shut. This is not all women, and I imagine there are a few out there with a more caring spirit that can look past this, but it is not worth the risk. It is so sad, that this is the world we live in, but needless to say, and one of my favorite sayings that still holds true. "Women do not build, they move in".

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Post Information
Title Insecurity in a relationship is asking to be broken up with.
Author h0tB0xing
Upvotes 725
Comments 179
Date June 15, 2020 4:53 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/TheRedPill
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Original Link
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[–]Coolrubbings332 points333 points  (34 children) | Copy Link

True facts.

I had a strong, sexually charged relationship with a girl, and one day I opened up about my broken relationship with my dad(I didn’t even go into much detail).

Suddenly she doesn’t want to fuck anymore, suddenly she isn’t coming over much, and suddenly she thinks « we should go our separate ways ».

Suffer, whine and bitch in private, don’t let a woman see that side of you.

[–]godsbestgift124 points125 points  (19 children) | Copy Link

tbh sometimes i use it as a test to see what kind of woman she is. my traumas aint so bad though

[–]red_philosopher88 points89 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

I talk about my fucked up shit all the time.

When they touch me and say "oh I'm so sorry about that," I say "Why? I'm grateful for it."

It's never what happened to you that matters. It's what you did about it that matters.

[–]godsbestgift57 points58 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Its all about not putting the emotional burden on her. As long as you're maintaining control then your image remains untouched in her mind.

[–]red_philosopher19 points20 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Even when you lose control. IDGAF about what image she has of me in her mind. She brings what I need from her to the table, or I walk. Sometimes that's being a soft spot to fall when shit gets real. She's not willing, she loses out.

[–]godsbestgift11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I wasn't really looking to push the discussion guess I shouldn't have responded. Now for my actual response, same, agreed. I've got severe indifference to whatever happens with women in my life. I fuck up sometimes too but it doesnt matter. Every lesson is a blessin, every interaction can teach you as long as you're willing to learn. Told some quarantine hoe I loved her after the way she hopped off my dick to pull off my condom and swallow my nut. It was really just a 10/10 orgasm but ya kno what, saying ily on the first encounter is a big nono even if you didnt mean it as romantic love xd i knew better but i was xanned / stoned so my mind was far from straight

[–]RacistMuffin1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Saying things shouldn't matter if you dont mean it. If you seen this hoe for a couple of months, saying "I love you" is merely a sweet nothing. You dont mean it at all.

Esp. Saying it after sex since research has been done that women feel more "bonded" to the man as opposed to feeling accomplished. Saying sweet nothings is essential in giving the right amount of validation. Of course you should still push pull and say some other shit that makes her feel a bit insecure.

Doing a mix of both is good. Aka push pull

[–]Jacked5parrow16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Always express gratitude. Life is easier and happier this way. Even if it’s something that fucks with you. Like you said, be thankful it happened because it’s a tool for you to become stronger. Just don’t be a bitch and hold that self pity party for it.

[–]mexipill15 points16 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Onizuka frame. Always look cool, always win, always make it look easy. Thanks for reminding me of this.

[–]macheagle7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What is Onizuka? Do you mean from the anime GTO?

[–]Ill_mumble_that1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I always make everything I do sound complicated and she can't understand the majority of it.

But that's because what I do is actually pretty complicated. Not hard for me, but might be impossible for her and most other people.

[–]Vynxe-Vainglory4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


They do hate hearing about complicated shit, but not if you seem like you have a nonchalant mastery over the complicated thing and you’re not looking for validation. What would’ve been boredom turns to ‘fuck-me eyes’ if she knows that she’ll never have a chance of performing the near-impossible things you do on a daily basis.

[–]KingGerbz2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Life isn’t about the events that happen to us. Life is about the meaning we take from those events

[–]FunLifeStyle1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So true! It shows them that you have emotional strenght, pure grit.

Bad times make strong men...

[–][deleted]  (5 children) | Copy Link


[–]Coolrubbings17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hide it better, or have a higher threshold.

Some will leave as soon as there’s a hint of weakness, some will stick around a bit longer(depending on your value), but the end result is the same.

[–]JimiJons14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don't be a man for her lmao. You'll be betting your reason for being on the fickle whim of a woman. Be the man you need you to be.

[–]godsbestgift1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

she used to be a man with a much bigger penis than yours,

the greatest typo in a response possibly ever, love you

[–][deleted]  (11 children) | Copy Link


[–]surfthroughlife52 points53 points  (8 children) | Copy Link


If you have trauma that is not dealt with and you can't open up about it without getting extremely emotional, that is something to talk to a therapist about, not your girlfriend.

Your girl is not a therapist, so don't act like she's one.

There is a huge difference about being open about a past issue that you have conquered and opening up about something that still fucks with you. Know the difference between the two and act accordingly.

[–]red_philosopher12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

People do not understand this.

[–]surfthroughlife15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I believe the biggest thing I’ve taken from TRP is that you are ultimately responsible for your bullshit, and if you try and throw that on someone else, it just shows you would probably die in the jungle, or you aren’t fit to lead.

That kind of behavior just shows that you aren’t willing to face your own demons and conquer them, as any man or woman should.

I believe as men, we have the inherent responsibility to conquer our inner-bullshit. Some may view this as “unfair”, but I think it’s nature’s way of making sure we utilize our potential properly.

[–]red_philosopher11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Being someone that can conquer their own demons, AND help others conquer theirs. . . Well, that's the king of the jungle.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yes, one should speak to a therapist, if possible, but there's something called relational healing where two people heal each other through a relationship. You might have to pause the red pill model of thinking to understand what I'm saying. A woman can heal a king returning from battle. A man can heal a distressed woman. Sex itself, can physically release emotions from the body for both parties.

[–]surfthroughlife4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I would agree, yeah. From that perspective, you’re talking about a Unicorn type woman.

At the same time, this is something that needs to be discussed and not assumed.

It’s not a woman’s job to process our emotional vomit.

I’m more or less viewing personal trauma as a personal responsibility to overcome.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You're still looking at it from red pill perspective. I can't help you if you can't switch models. I'm saying both men and women can go through relational healing. No unicorns. Yes, professional therapy exists but relational healing does too. They can even be used together. You could get a dog and undergo relational healing.

[–]redvelvet_oreo2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree. There is a way to approach when you are at the point it has to be said. It could be an opprotunity instead of a loss of frame.

LAW 4: Always say less than necessary comes to mind.

Instead of explaining what happened in full detail and how it messed you up, just say X happen and leave it alone. Let her imagination fill up the gaps. Give her enough room so that she craves to know more. Little by little. Never give her the full thing. Maintaining that mystery.

[–]operationveritas3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I resonate with this, although I opened up about my lifelong health struggles. And yup, same thing happened.

Just have to STFU.

[–]afoolforfools73 points74 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Yep. My gf of over 2 years broke up with me when I faced my childhood trauma. We were best friends, great sex, traveled the world together, but this event shook me hard. I just needed to heal and have some support but that was too much for her. Then the way she treated me in the end, it became a blessing that we split. Now I know she's not someone I want to be with anyways. It's hard to watch that change take place and see them become so cold. She projects her anger to justify her shitty behavior. Oh well. Learned from it and I'm moving forward to better things.

[–]_-resonance-_20 points21 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Some people really struggle moving on from something like this. Your attitude is positive and you are sharp. Keep going and don’t forget to be grateful that your autonomy is solid.

[–]afoolforfools6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Thank you, it means a lot. I went NC with my entire family after this process. I'm much happier in that aspect of my life. They are all toxic and abusive. Hence why I end up in toxic relationships as an adult. My focus is on correcting this. My ex has her own unhealthy patterns and behaviors she continues to ignore. I can see them more clearly as time passes. I know in the long run I am better off.

[–]_-resonance-_1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

u/afoolforfools keeps making hard-ass shit sound easy.

[–]afoolforfools2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I didn't even mention the part where my dog of 10 years died suddenly from cancer during the same period. Family, dog, gf all gone in a blink of an eye. I miss my dog the most. Hit rock bottom for sure. But it's only making me stronger and wiser 😎 What is left to be afraid of? There is only one thing that can stand in my way- myself. I'm choosing to move forward. I'm not defined by my past or where I came from.

[–]Facelotion60 points61 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Do you really want to spend your brief existence in this planet being afraid to be a complete human being because someone is going to walk out on you for crying?

Their opinion does not negate your previous and future accomplishments.

We should purge weakness. If you cry and she leaves, guess what? You just accomplished that task.

If we have to choose men crying or men bottling up and committing suicide then I think we can handle a few tears.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah really. If this is the true nature of women than fuck relationships. Better off alone than in bad company. Pump and dump

[–]dynospectrum7122 points123 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

In my experience it is even more true when you are dealing with someone who has their shit together. Been blabbing about this far too much, but my ex LTR was a doctor and had her shit together. I may have made less money than her, and on a looks scale, I had leveled up. But for 99% of the relationship I was the shit in her mind. Frame tight, called the shots, always made forward moves in life.

Foot came off the gas and got comfortable. Let out a string of beta bullshit aver the course of a week or so, and you know the rest.

[–]revrev440545 points46 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

What type of beta stuff? I always wanna know different aspects.

[–]dynospectrum777 points78 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I'm not going far into detail but I can tell you that I started to look to her for guidance/support which was a complete 180 of how 99% of the relationship was.

After splashing Mexican ocean water on each other, we curled up into bed and I started voicing concerns about some things I had going on and looked to her for guidance, help, support. She looked at me blankly. Forgetting that I wasn't on vacation with my mother, I vomited some bullshit about how I wasn't sure what I was going to do for work right away if we decided to move to X city together.

Man, that is all it takes. Did she test throughout the relationship? Yea. She would chop and chop with a plastic axe. No damage done. But when you finally show her your weak side, you will have always been weak.

I can be the worst type of red-pill follower. In the bible they are called mockers. You know the stove is hot, but you just go ahead and put you hand on that shit anyways because you think the rules don't apply to you. "I mean, we have invested so much time into each other! This should be fine." That was me. Maybe I was looking for some support from this woman who has her own everything even though I knew it was a deadly sin. The game is the game.

[–]PM_ME_UR_NIPS_GURL5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Complacency ruins everything.

[–]SimonT19974 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great insights thanks for sharing mate, been there

[–]DadBod2ChadBod3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great field report, thank you

[–]custoscustodis69 points70 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Not sure about this commenter, but in my case, the beta stuff was:

  1. Complaining and obsessing about my weight and struggles with weight.
  2. Too much self deprecating humor about being bald.
  3. Being too available. I never had any other plans when they called and wanted to get together. You need to say no once in a while (even to sex) when they seek you out.
  4. Texting too much. You need to have stuff going on in your life, or else you are basically committing #3 over again.
  5. Being too much of a good listener. Women like when men can listen, but they still expect you to be "a man" in the sense that a lot of the stuff they are talking about should bore the hell out of you.

One thing I've learned over the past few years is that women are constantly comparing you to the other men in their lives. If 9 out of 10 guys pretty much blow her off except for sex, and you come around Mr. Sensitive, always available and always hanging on her every text and every word, she is going to consider you to BE WRONG and scrutinize you even more. At first she may like the attention, but afterward, she put you lower than the other "normal" guys in her life.

[–]dynospectrum715 points16 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

3,4,5 here. I used to get so guilty about blowing her off after a few minutes on the phone and her saying "why, why, why, you hanging up?" or just not answering her calls. I mean, I'd expect the same respect, right? Hell no. Cannot feel bad.

I know its 20/20 but 1,2 could have been easier for you. 1. I'm going to workout, bye. 2. Girl, you know you love this bald head.

[–]custoscustodis17 points18 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yep, cannot feel guilty for displaying normal, masculine behavior as you mentioned. When you did that, it actually registered to her as normal behavior. I guess with women everything is to be the opposite of what we logically think.

I've taken the past 7-8 months off to reflect and to see why I had become so sappy. I realized that a lot of things I did even just 4 years ago, that I recently thought of as "jerk" behaviors, are actually EXPECTED and ACCEPTED by women. It means you are a normal, masculine dude.

2 is normally not a problem, but the past year I had some personal issues, and just became too clingy.

[–]DadBod2ChadBod2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Can't let a woman change you bro, especially when it's presented as a change for the better.

[–]aesky6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

One thing I've learned over the past few years is that women are constantly comparing you to the other men in their lives. If 9 out of 10 guys pretty much blow her off except for sex, and you come around Mr. Sensitive, always available and always hanging on her every text and every word, she is going to consider you to BE WRONG and scrutinize you even more. At first she may like the attention, but afterward, she put you lower than the other "normal" guys in her life.

It's so true. You can try to emphatize but you need to realise that won't maintain the tingles. Ex said i at least tried to 'understand' her compared to her 'abusive' ex. Guess who lasted longer?

[–]custoscustodis1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yep. If it were 5 guys sensitive and 5 guys insensitive it wouldn't be an issue. But when I was young, dumb, full of ***, I was very insensitive.

That's why I had to take some time off from romance pretty much the past year after I got too clingy with an ex-gf of mine. The time away from all the texting, dating, wondering, and worrying has done me wonders.

[–]custoscustodis12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This. Cannot get comfortable. They are constantly looking for signs of weakness, especially in today's world where they can easily trade you in.

[–]jiahsun40 points41 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Yeah my ex of a 3 year LTR seemed to always picked fights whenever I was sick.

Biggest test was when I nearly died from a brain tumor last summer and it became clear how little she sympathized. Two days after coming home from brain surgery she came to talk with me about how it traumatized HER to see me incapacitated and how she was doing ME a favor by staying around despite my condition. She didn't spend a cent. My brother took me to the hospital. My father flew in to nurse me. She just posted on social media about it.

I didn't let that bother me though and focused on myself. Managed to fully recovered from being a hemiplegic and things started going back to normal...then my grandma who raised me, along with my uncle, died violently in a car accident. Left town for a week for the funeral. Held it mostly together before the funeral, but seeing their bodies in person that day broke me. Day of the funeral she went out with her friends and found her next branch to swing to. Day I returned she ended things because I was "different" and "not the man she met"

and you know what? As heartbroken as I was at that moment I wasn't even mad, just disappointed. Because choosing between nursing a physically, emotionally, & financially hurt man (even temporarily) vs being shown the time of your life by chad is a no-brainer. Always relied on myself and knew better than to count on her but man, Dewey said it best "I expect nothing, and I'm still let down."

[–]MigosXdd13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm sorry to hear all of that. But you really are a tough man. She didn't deserve you king. Stay strong.

[–]athrowaway-90017 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

My condolences to you and your family. In my eyes, you did dodge a bullet from a deranged, unsympathetic ex.

In times of trouble and grief, you will see who truly cares for you and who are actually there for you.

[–]lala_xyyz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

In times of trouble and grief, you will see who truly cares for you and who are actually there for you.

nah it's only then when it becomes glaringly obvious and you cannot ignore it. there were probably countless previous times where red flags manifested themselves, but we chose to ignore them because they are not that important, because of sunk cost fallacy or because of our self-delusion usually due to ego.

[–]marowitt62 points63 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Can also attest to this. I just broke of with my gf after 4+ years. A few months ago I let her see me at my weakest. Coincidence? I think not. You have to be a rock, the moment you crumble you lose your value.

[–]ComplexProjection59 points60 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

To be honest TRP also recommend not LTR a girl with past trauma. So they (the girls) are taking the right decisions according to ourselves.

[–]bitchyoubigsad39 points40 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Agreed. If your value dips low enough in her eyes, she’s gonna cut her losses and find another dude.. because she knows/believes she can. This is nothing new, and nothing to be angry about.

[–]mrmaika1028 points29 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yeah TRP isn’t about shaming women for what they’re biologically compelled to do, it’s about leveling up and learning how shit works so you can make it work for you

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link


[–]mrmaika1010 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It seems as though you’re still in the anger stage. Enjoy the decline and learn to embrace it. The system will work for you if you’re determined

[–]psypD3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Shaming doesn't really work on chicks though... They are shameless for the most part.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]red_philosopher2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I frankly disagree, but that's an advanced TRP subject IMHO.

[–][deleted]  (4 children) | Copy Link


[–]custoscustodis22 points23 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yep. And don't tell them about the man's group, either!

[–]Itzmatt88882 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Damn!!!!! That’s crazy! You think it could be a shit test since she’s insinuating you can’t love others aka give HER enough attention and validation?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Why wouldnt you talk about this in person?

[–]acos1224 points25 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

familiarity breeds contempt

its a pity you can never let your guard down

[–]DonkStonx43 points44 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

100%. I’m successful af, good looking dude, as soon as I let a girl know that I have BP disorder and that it internally makes some days really hard for me, it’s bounce city. Women just want an easy lotto ticket, pragmatic.

[–]zueman18 points19 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Sorry to hear that man. BPD can be a bitch. Hope you find your happiness.

[–]vikingsfan34533 points34 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I had a strong conservative Christian girlfriend whom I dated for 3 years, and I opened up to her about all of my insecurities (I had a ton) and cried a ton and she still unconditionally loved and supported me. Heck, she still loved me and missed me a year after we broke up. My point is that there are some Christian women out there with rock solid morals who had strong relationships with their fathers that are out there and wouldn't act like this. I know others from college/church. As far as secular women go though, yea, you're probably right.

[–]jzekyll61 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I had a gf who I opened up to after she was crying because I took her virginity. I salvaged it due to being a dick.

[–]kalisto30102 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

She must have had very little options.

[–]vikingsfan3458 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Maybe. I'd rate her a 5 or 6 for smv. However, I was the first guy she had ever dated or kissed (and she was a virgin), and she had this romantic Disney-esque notion of relationships and love, so I think she was partly just completely infatuated with me and invested in our relationship.

[–]ToraChan2320 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why open up to a female “friend” if you know there is the threat that she couldn’t keep her mouth shut?

That’s a dumbass idea. She won’t care anyway, tell your homies or a male mentor who would actually give a damn.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]johncillo20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ok so I think I will get downvoted but here goes: You cannot repress emotions, they will come to bite you hard, I believe that is what happened on this story and so many more, you cannot say “be a rock and never get to feel” because we are fucking humans. The best thing you can do is have someone and somewhere to be vulnerable, for me, is my therapist, my brother and closest friends. However, you can also talk about these things with your LTR but from a place “I’m working on it”, making jokes to feel comfortable sharing that, however I would recommend not going into details with your LTR, deal with that on your own, everyone needs a hug and to be listen to, do it around people which you have a bond more solid than a rock and can see you who you really are. Your LTR is not your therapist or your mom, she’s there to fuck, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do

[–]custoscustodis18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Facts. Something like this happened to me last year. I was dating a woman, hitting it right, all good. She confided in me about her past, problems her adult children were having, etc. I was like, "Wow, someone I can open up to!" I told her how I could relate to her children and talked about some of my past issues and how I overcame them.

A week later, it was over. She said she "couldn't carry a grown man." So, yeah, I definitely opened up way too fast. I made the mistake of assuming she would want to hear about my problems because she had opened up about hers.

You can open up, but she has to be significantly invested (like married to you with your kids).

Definitely good advice to the gents, OP. Have to remain stoic with women at all times.

[–]_-resonance-_9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So she will feel better about marrying someone who can’t manage his emotions after she is already locked into marriage and rearing children? How does that open her up to caring about the man’s baggage? Seems like she’d be more concerned about her own, as well as her kids’.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

or a female friend you are not sexually involved with assuming she keeps her mouth shut.

OP are you fucking retarded?

[–]Obediah_Stane31 points32 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

As much as women tell you they want you to open up and be vulnerable, they are actually repulsed by this behavior and they don't even know why. They may genuinely want you to open up, but as soon as you do, they start pulling away.

It's a very primal survival mechanism for women to do this. Why? Think about it. If you, as a man, collapse into tears over your past or anything else that bothers you, how are you expected to kill a man in defense of your woman? How are you going to conquer another tribe and protect your tribe if you can't even handle the fact that someone cut you off in traffic or your hours got cut at work?

Women instinctually move away from weak men because they want to survive. Back then, if they stuck with weak men, they'd be killed too. It's why in today's world, some US soldiers may kill some taliban fighters overseas, and all of a sudden their wives and coming onto them. Because they've established themselves as the alphas by literally killing the opposition, and the women are in survival mode for themselves and their kids.

This is why you should NEVER show weakness to your girl. No man is totally immune to all life's problems, however, complain to your male friends. Go out and have a drink, bitch about life with your pals, because they won't resent you for opening up. Women will. Especially your romantic partner.

Also, deep down, women want their men to be invincible and unshakeable. Be the rock in her hurricane, the anchor to her wild ship. You must hold down the fort, at ALL times. Give an inch, even once, and she'll begin to hamster and question whether you're a tough guy after all even if you have not made a single mistake the last 3 years. And when they move on, they'll forget you ever existed to them. In the blink of an eye.

TLDR: Don't ever show weakness to your girl. Ever. Not even once.

[–]SoulRedemption8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Women are attracted to "bad boys", not only cuz of the rush, or the hardcore exterior of a rock, it's cuz they want to fix something, to get in on the "inside" of that armour. Once you see what is behind that tall wall, things aren't impressive anymore.

[–]Xercister13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is not all women

This... Not all women are like this. I will say this to the topic for guys who want to think about opening up.

I told my now current GF about the physical abuse, domestic violence, from my ex-wife in my past relationship to help her understand why I make certain decisions, however, I did not approach the situation in a manner of "woe is me" or anything like that. I expressed it to her in a fact of manner that I am not putting up with that type of BS. I guess it really just came down to the fact that I wasn't looking for support but more of just getting it off my shoulders while at the same time letting her know that I wont stand for it. My relationship with her is really strong and this hasn't been an issue.

At the end of the day, it's not what you tell her, but how you tell her. If she thinks you're a bitch, then she'll probably find a way out.

[–]RedGille12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

it's not what you tell her, but how you tell her

man i think you nailed it.

with opening up, as with everything else in life, you can talk form a position of power and strength, or just whine helplessly.

your past is not the issue here. your present is.

[–]KimJongUghhh3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good point but don’t expect the majority of people here to understand something as small as talking from a position of power.

It’s either all or nothing, when you begin to talk about things in a philosophical sense, the point gets completely missed.

A lot of ‘redpill’ guys here don’t have the ability to understand this nor have the ability to not take things to the extreme.

[–]mrrooftops6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

When you have multiple bridges to choose from to cross a river every day, why would you keep using the one that starts wobbling in the current? To a woman with choices, the risks to her (in her mind) are the same. Your friend didn't lose frame only for a second, he was rocking in the wind for years.

[–]p3n1x16 points17 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

or a female friend you are not sexually involved with

NO (this is beta as hell)

You go fuck that friend and you hope she talks. You don't "talk" to her about man problems. She has zero well-calculated thoughts or input about it (her advice will benefit her, not you). If she is a "friend", why would you fuck her up for the same reasons the original girlfriend left you for?? And perpetuate your cycle of self-bitchness?

[–][deleted]  (11 children) | Copy Link


[–]catsdontsmile5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yup. I've had many. And I've hooked up with their friends thanks to the connection. Its silly not to have female friends, they open many doors. Also being see with a hot female friend who's always around you raises your value IMO. And they always complain I don't treat them like the girls I date and that I'm a cheap asshole with them so I wouldn't call it beta behavior as they aren't getting anything from me.

[–]jzekyll62 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You’re not meeting her friends if she thinks you’re weak

[–]p3n1x3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

  • Good luck with that, and their shitty relationship advice. If you are her "buddy", you are nothing but a friend zone tool. Her tool.

  • If you need to be weak in front of any woman other than your mother, you are still a child.

Despite beliefs of many

It is experience that will tell you otherwise, not a collective fantasy of "hopes" to fit snowflake's delicate inability to accept the truth.

that you don’t fuck (or want to)

What if she wants to fuck you? (that isn't friends)

If you don't want to fuck her, then what is she providing you?

You may be confusing the word "acquaintance" with the word friend, or you don't know what "friend" means.

OR, you are just an insecure Douchebag that requires constant affirmation from females.

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy Link


[–]p3n1x4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I’m able to get deep with.

She wants to fuck you

which includes hooking me up with friends of hers,

She wants to fuck you.

Do you hook her up with your dude friends?

Obviously I take everything they say with a grain of salt and don’t get relationship advice from them...

And it goes without saying my closest friends are male.

Ask your "closest males", she wants to fuck you.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]_ZaurieL_1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I second everything you said. In the past, just male friends and that didn't get me too far in socializing aspects, all my advances were by my own efforts. 5 years ago I became a part of a great group of friends, males & females, and my social side skyrocketed as well my business & women sides (this last obviously merged with early PUA and then RP principles).

I recently found my 1,5 year LTR is a BDP being beyond help (being reading a lot of BDP here) and trusted that to my group. The female ones are the more emphatic for me to dump her along with my best male friend (which also has RP principles ingrained in him). AWALT in terms of relationships no doubt, but a high quality woman can be greatly beneficial as a friend. Sex is easy to get pushing the right buttons, quality people around you, unlikely.

[–]mrmaika102 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Genuine male - female friendships don’t exist (unless the guy is gay). You can always break it down as easily as “who wants to fuck the other” or “what do they gain from this friendship”. Male - male friendships have genuine depth and there’s a connection that simply isn’t replicable in a male - female friendship.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link


[–]SecretlyaFish1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Am I the only person that things some of these people are just off their nut? Asking you since you seem pretty even kilter. Like, you can sense the venom and anger in their words. Sometimes there's genuinely good advice but other times its like, woah dude, who hurt ya, do you need a pat on the back buckeroo? Some of these people seem so bitter and angry, its like, I can't imagine most of the people spitting the venom actually putting much of this advice into effect with girls at all.

Relating to the post, I have BPD, didn't know it at the time but I had an ex of 5 years that gave me blowjobs all the fucking time, whilst having no job for 4 of the 5 years I was with her, she spent thousands of dollars on me, I'd cry and break down sometimes, she'd come get me from my parents house take me back to hers and fuck me. I literally offered I guess my flawed personality and sex and that was it. And in the end, it took a lot for her to finally break up with me.

I have plenty of female friends as well. Probably it is like that, where one would fuck me but I won't fuck them and vice versa. Doesn't mean you can't enjoy someones company, like, I don't understand the need to blacklist everything that isn't getting your dick wet. Seems totally pathetic. Am I wrong here? Or did I miss something. Like, it almost feels like autism here, no grey area, just black and white. Everyone thinking in absolutes.

[–]Domebeers4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"Don't cry in front of women" has been game knowledge for decades...

[–]Wingflier3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

For fuck buddies, obviously there's no need to be sensitive or vulnerable or to even bring up your past.

But if you want to spend your life with someone, and have to hide a huge part of yourself and pretend to be stronger than you are, that is unsustainable.

If I really thought all women were like that I would just avoid LTRs completely.

[–]HangTheGods29 points30 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Let's be honest, it's not just women. How would you react if a man started crying in your arms and unloading about childhood abuse? Nobody likes a weak man - women don't like them and other men don't like them. For many people, especially sensitive guys, it feels too harsh to be true, but when you're a man it's worse than "nobody cares" - it's more like people feel real disgust and actively attack and/or abandon you if you show weakness.

If you need to physically vomit, you don't call up your friends and gf and then throw up all over their clothes and expect them to clean it up. Same thing emotionally - you find somewhere quiet, private and alone to do your emotional vomiting, then you clean up and return to the outside world where nobody is any the wiser that anything just happened.

[–]ToraChan2329 points30 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Depends on what type of man he was before crying in your arms. If he was strong and commanded your respect before, as a man I would value and understand that more than a woman would. So him crying wouldn’t tarnish what he accomplished as a man before then, and what I think he is still capable of doing.

Think of the strongest man you know, the man you respect upmost over everyone. If he cries about something he is struggling with, would you really drop him the same way and for the same reasons a woman would?

[–]Thirstquencherr27 points28 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

One of my best friends found out at 20 weeks into pregnancy that his (first) child would be severely disabled. Second opinion showed it was even worse.

They decided to abort and I went to his home when he just arrived home. She went to her mother.

He been crying for 15+ minutes. Mostly brabling and me listening. Hugging him a few times, he was literally crying in my arms. Never lost even a bit of respect for him during that day or when I think about that day.

[–]RagingMayo10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If one of my bros would come to me and cry, I would surely not lose respect for him. If he would cry all the time, I would probably tell him that this will lead nowhere and that he needs to man up at some point. Nonetheless, if we can't go to women in our weakest moments, we need our brothers to have our back.

[–]HangTheGods0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Perhaps I should clarify what I meant - there's a big difference between guys getting emotional as they talk about some deep issues & struggles, and a guy becoming an inconsolable emotional mess and crying in your arms, meaning he's lost all control and wants to be comforted.

The first is about mutual understanding and support, and the second is more about someone becoming needy, clinging to any support they can find, and knowing that giving it to them will mean them coming back for more - and yes that would mean a loss of respect. Not necessarily an ice-cold "next" like a woman would but certainly cause to reevaluate that person.

[–]Odd_String18 points19 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

Take heed, if you live in a capatlist society - you are expected to pay someone to hear you talk about your problems. No one wants to do it for free - not even your parents.

[–]ToraChan237 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

But the person you’re paying to listen to you won’t give a fuck; they’re just getting paid.

They have no stakes in your predicament. They just have to listen for an hour, then pretend to give a fuck about the next customer who comes in.

[–]HangTheGods7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Exactly - nobody gives a flying fuck, not your family and not your friends, and certainly not your girl. So if you want real useful help you need to pay for it. I've benefited a lot from various therapists, but I've no doubt whatsoever that some of them (especially the women) were shaking their heads after I'd left & wishing I'd just man the fuck up - and then immediately forget I was ever there once the next patient turned up. So what? I give a fuck about me, that's why I paid money for the help.

[–]Odd_String2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The difference is that a professional has advice backed by formal education and clinical experience. Your girlfriend/plate most likely is not equipped to deal with.. anything real at all. You're interested in them because they're fun and pretty - not useful.

[–]HangTheGods10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is what I always tell people who think men should be able to open up emotionally. Both men and women will say how unfair it is that men can't open up, so I just ask them "Would you be willing to listen, or do you just want to be listened to?"

As with everything in life, people who claim to want "fairness" really only want to receive the benefits but not repay them - so yes, if you want real help then you have to pay an expert to pretend to care for an hour.

The upside is, if you find a good one, you'll get way more out of it than you would from dumping on a friend.

[–]Odd_String2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Exactly. Always hire a professional.

[–]_-resonance-_1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why anyone would laugh at the idea of using a talking-stick is beyond me. Whoever has the stick can talk. Why is this funny? Do they chuckle at the idea because they know it should be easy but really is impossible for them?

[–]Cheeseking11-1 points0 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

What makes you think in a communist society you would get it for free?

[–]Odd_String1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Where you been? In socialist and communist societies you all have the same problems, but you're not allowed to talk about them at all. Here, in America you can choose not to be a little bitch.

[–]Cheeseking111 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

OK so why did you mention capatalism? I don't understand what either capitalism or communism has to do with pussy ass men bitching about their problems to women. I think maybe you are trying to relate the censorship enforced in communist societies with the ability of men to use free speech to bitch about their partners? If so then it's not quite right either. Men in communist socieites can still bitch about their partners, it's bitching about the state that get's you killed.

Also actual communist men such as those who served under Stalin or Mao were not little bitches, they were extremely violent and would either chop our heads off without hesitation to place onto spikes to set examples or haul us off to the Gulags.

[–]Odd_String1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Man, I really had to read that gay ass book you just wrote. Capitalism = money. Money = pussy (roughly). You can tell her your feelings - in a Lambo.. on the way to your mansion. If she leaves, shit you'll be alright. I don't know why you're here, but you fuck with my money you are fucking with my emotions. 100.

[–]Cheeseking11-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

You would be better off reading the sidebar instead of projecting your ghetto ramblings.

"Money = pussy (roughly)" - You have learned nothing from the redpill if you use money to get bitches, you might as well just buy prostitutes like the good provider ghetto boy you are.

[–]Odd_String0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

You can relax your anal sphincter. Yeah, I'll make sure to read the sidebar. Where is it again?

[–]Cheeseking110 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Is this considered wit where you are from? The sidebar is to the right of the screen. You need help using the computer too?

[–]Odd_String0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I bet the bitches just love you, pal.

[–]Milofan19993 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Honestly this is why I'm not open about my feelings with my gf I think should would leave me if I told about the negative and some of the positive stuff that goes through my head she wants me to be more honest about how I feel but I don't want her to view me as a different person

[–]_nein_danke3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

But doesn't Rollo talk about 'alpha vulnerability'? I forget what it is exactly, but something like 'once you've proved yourself an Alpha, you can be sensitive/vulnerable and it gives the woman a dopamine kick that she was able to get the strong Alpha to drop his guard for a second'. Maybe I am wrong here though?

[–]alphaonthecomeup2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

How do you recover from this ?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"Women do not build, they move in".

Or as dick masterson says "women do not make decisions, they make options available"

[–]Compeliminator2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I just used opening up of my feelings to get a girl to dump me about a month ago. Works like a charm

[–]white_girl_lover1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Better to just go to a therapist since they legally can’t share your information and you can cry and bitch in privacy 100% confidential if you can afford it

[–]CKDubs1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I feel as if this is bad advice. If you're in a relationship and a girl leaves you because you opened up about something in your life, especially something that deep, the problem isn't you or your buddy, its her and your "strong, smooth, etc." relationship probably wasn't as strong and smooth as you thought it was. Problem is your buddy was with an immature woman, who probably was taken aback by your friend's story. She wasn't mature enough to handle a relationship that she might've had to do work in. Opening up about your insecurities isn't dropping your "frame", and if you have to hold on and bottle up what's going on, your frame really isn't that strong to begin with and its built on a lie. You're basically playing a character, trying to keep up the guise that you're mentally and emotionally stronger than what you really are for the sake of not appearing weak or insecure and "holding your frame". And you're trying to placate an idea that really isn't all that accurate. Women want a winner, someone they can look up to and follow in all aspects of life, not a robot.

[–]19abto1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Needed to see this. I was sexually abused as a kid-adolescence for years and always wondered how any woman I was involved with would react/view me if I told her about that part of my past. My gut always tells me to keep it to myself, which I always do/have done, and posts like this verify why I sensed it felt right to do so.

It’s unfortunate what your friend is going through. My hopes to him making it fully through on to the other side as a stronger, more enlightened man. Continuous living and learning - the beauty of life.

Thank you for sharing your post.

[–]docent34341 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank your for this one OP.

Just a reminder that you should never, ever, take your foot from the pedal.

Woman can never love you the exast same way you want and soon as you forget the Disneyland fantasies, you will prevail.

[–]wolftom011 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So many women (including my current gf) say they're attracted to men that open up about their insecurities when in reality they just want leverage in the relationship

[–]Tungsten_Zill3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Isn’t the fact of sharing life things with woman smth that strenghen the relatioships? I’ve heard a lot of stories were after man showed his true emotion, the female kind of became more linked with him.

[–]mrmaika1010 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You need to read the rational male. A chicks imagination is the best tool in your kit for game. Take that away and it’s that much harder to make her pussy wet

[–]_-resonance-_6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The vulnerability probably made him seem more “attainable.” So the female was able to secure her comfort and more likely controls the relationship frame.

[–]gracieIsNotGay1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

??? I had feelings for my current boyfriend even before I comforted while he was crying, and they only grew from then on. It showed me how much he cared for the friend he was crying over, and humanized him to me.

It actually really bothered me that my ex didn’t feel safe and secure enough with me to cry in front of me. He never wanted me to be around when he was suffering, and that hurt more than anything else.

That’s what a real connection is - loving and caring about someone, and wanting to be there when they’re hurting and understand and ease that hurt. I’m sorry you hold the belief that that’s not how relationships work.

[–]not_your_fan0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

As a woman, I want to say I am so sorry OP for your friend. Not all women are like that. She definitely wasn't the right one for him. I'm glad she showed her true colors before they got hitched but damn! If your friend ever needs a stranger's ear, I am here for him. I wont turn him away.

[–]bone_shadows0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

idk there also had yi been other things, sure maybe shes a heartlesss cunt but honestly why doesnt the guy have a therapist for that shit if it fucked him up so bad. obviously the insecurities were much stronger than that one time, you expect us to really believe that?

[–]Sonny_Luna0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You are mistaken. It wasn’t just that one situation that caused her to end it. It was a culmination of multiple things.

My GF wouldn’t break up with me if I asked her to put a diaper on me and change it thrice a day.

It’s about the intangible aspect of it. It doesn’t matter how weak you appear one time if you’re usually very strong.

[–]CareIsMight0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm in a LTR of 3 years and this is what I'm most concerned about. My father recently died and shit's been rough. Most, if not all, of his assets will go to his partner I'm not blood related to. And as for my relationship feels like we are becoming increasingly detached but hanging on by a thread and there's hope. There's more to that weak side, like heavy mental health issues I've never brought up with her. Part of me feels like I need to tell her for the sake of honesty. F***, maybe it's because it's 7am and I'm restless and can't sleep, but I can sort of relate to your friend's story OP, it's a massive predicament and WAY harder maintaining a relationship and holding frame for 2-3 years, especially when they're almost in your private space 99% of the time at home, way harder than simply acting "Chad" for a few hours and picking up a girl for the night. Woman WILL judge you when you drop your frame so be careful what you say, but if she thinks you're strong enough to stick by then she would be understanding, but of course they can branch hop like that. There are going to be moments when you just can't cover those positive emotions because if you continue holding a frame you can't hold it'll create a fake toxic insincerity that just put your body under stress, especially if you're dealing with intense trauma. It's easier said than done faking heartfelt positivity when you're overwhelmed, and I'm sure it happens to the best of us. Of course, you can manage those insecurities personally and it may just be the case of hiding certain things about you from your partner/girlfriend so as they can continue looking up to you - in the same way you wouldn't tell your children you frequented the brothel whenever you felt lonely in your 20s (a hypothetical), simply anything that would bring disrespect to you in some way, shape or form.

[–]jzekyll61 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You have bigger problems than a partner. Your dad just fucked you over.

[–]CareIsMight0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I realize that but thanks for pointing that out for me.

[–]Tek_Analyst0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This also has a lot to do with SMV.

Hers vs Yours.

If yours is much higher then you can show weakness. You’re still a prize in her eyes. The kicker is, usually when you’re much higher you won’t actually care if she leaves. Which of course she feels.

Which leads us to abundance. . . You know the rest.

Stop trying to be a certain way to keep your girl, and instead simply stop worrying about keeping your girl. Be attractive enough to not care if she goes. When you do that it simply won’t matter anymore.

[–]weimading0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Aye, so true. Opened up recently and now she's no longer showing interest.

[–]Mematism0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Its evolution. women only have contempt for weak men.

They say we can show our feelings, but they always..always...despise us for it.

[–]psypD0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

"It's best to talk about these things with a male friend, or a female friend you are not sexually involved with assuming she keeps her mouth shut. "

No No No don't do that shit either. Get a therapist. Dumping too much heavy shit on a friend is a great way to fuck a friendship. I once had to drop an old childhood friend for a few too many bullshit heavy "opening ups" . I felt like an asshole for a bit but I sure don't regret it for one second because him dumping his shit on me was an infinitely more asshole move. It is a hard red pill to swallow but nobody is required to be your emotional dump.

[–]SKRedPill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fear is a self fulfilling prophecy. So is confidence.

[–]NPC19900 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sounds like he dodged a bullet. Better than getting fucked later with divorce and child support.

[–]ForeverKarlMalone0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hey man, you live and learn.

Next time your friend can avoid repeating the same mistake and learn to talk about insecurities only with his guy friends

[–]ATLTeemo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I keep a journal and write out all my feelings and insecurities. I keep it far from my S/o. But before I did this, I remember I was going through an emotional time and she kept slowly moving away from me and in one argument she said "My mom said "You shouldn't have to be responsible for your partner's happiness". That rang to my soul and I stopped feeding into wanting my love language fulfilled, and started going cold. She then turned around and started going towards be more

[–]Zech4riah0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'd say the time was due anyway. This was just a icing on the cake to quicken things up.

[–]ebaymasochist0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

So here's a story about women..I walked past two women walking on a bike trail, talking about their trauma and emotions. Walk past them again going the other direction, 20 minutes later, still talking about their trauma and emotions.

What's the moral of the story? Women talk about this stuff all the time and have support with each other. It makes sense that they expect us to do the same.

If you are breaking down over some shit that happened years and years ago, you are telling her that you did not have friends for all that time or you were too retarded emotionally to get yourself sorted out.

It's 2020. Literally every television show made for adults makes some kind of reference to past trauma and shit like that. We're expected to be on the up and up when it comes to taking care of ourselves.

[–]five_eight0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

"Always be honest"; "Just be yourself": Advice from women.

[–]jhx2640 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is bullshit.

It's not the insecurities itself that caused her to leave, it's the change in the man who went from holding it back from her to suddenly a man who opens up and cries in women's arms.

Had he been open and honest with her to begin with she may have called it off way sooner and he could have not wasted so much time with an incompatible woman, and found a woman who was ok with who he genuinely is as a man.

Instead he hid his truth from her and she fell in love with a fake version of this man. It's totally reasonable for her to see this as a massive incongruity and lose interest.

The lesson here should not be "never open up about your insecurities but rather "be honest about who you are from the beginning."

[–]GoodCam970 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This same exact story happened to me :( what absolute cunts

[–]BigBoiBahmani0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I call a woman who listens to my emotional bullshit as my emotional condom as they serve the said purpose. Women are much more sympathetic and much more caring in listening to my bullshit, and assist me hugely in not developing ONEitis. Although it is pathetic of me to want this, but hey what the fuck do I know. Important and I can't stress this enough, don't be on any level, emotionally, physically, "spiritually" attracted to this woman at all. 0. No. None. Never. She is a friend and you are a man for letting it stay that way. Anything more than a friend and you should label yourself as a coomer mind beta cunt. Be tight on this, if you want this. And trust me, it's good.

[–]trollreign0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well, he dodged a bullet there at least.

If you had such trauma and it still affects you today, it's highly unlikely it doesn't come out at some point during a marriage. It's better that she called the wedding off than if she would divorce him after two children.

[–]BigAlTrading0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Doesn't sound like a big loss. She would have just divorced him later. If she can't handle a relationship with a real person Dating is fun anyway.

[–]VultureGamer0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Don't generalise like that, redpill is not about negativity. Your observations are right, his female partner fucked up, no excuses, but your conclusions are wrong.

[–]Andyive-3 points-2 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

My gf is an exception, I opened up to her literally not a week into our relationship. Been together for 2 years, still strong

[–]_-resonance-_11 points12 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Whose frame is the relationship built on?

[–]pexalol-3 points-2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

My relationship became much stronger when we opened up to each other about our past, family issues and insecurities. It's not always the same.

[–]_-resonance-_5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Whose frame is the relationship built on?

[–]pexalol-1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

There's no such thing. I've had a lot of relationships where I was the one controlling the frame, it's not worth the hassle. Yes, there are women who behave like OP's friend's fiancee but those women aren't even worth fucking. He should just move on and be glad he got rid of a worthless filth.

[–]_-resonance-_4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

How long were you together when you opened up? When she opened up? When you opened up together? How did sex change afterwards? How is her level of respect towards you?

[–]_-resonance-_0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Nice to hear. Based on my “baggage” and thus my experience with women, it seems part of my self-healing is ensuring my frame is what establishes the relationship. Love the idea of the kind of woman who can hear her man (and maintain fidelity/attraction). Just unfamiliar with it and skeptical.

[–]pexalol-3 points-2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I agree that most women do not want to hear about this stuff because they assume that their partner is mentally stable and emotionally strong, this is why they are with them. Still, I think it's way harder to maintain a long term, healthy relationship with said women, they lack empathy and will leave their partner once they get the opportunity so they should just be treated as disposable fleshlights. They are not wife material.

[–]_-resonance-_1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Quality. Can you shed light on the other questions (“How long...”)

[–]pexalol0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It was almost 3 years into the relationship and everything changed for the better.

[–]pacjax0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Dont get mad at women for not being able to emotionally handle hardships we face/have faced as men. theyre simply not built to be able to handle baggage like that.

Its just like how we dont want single moms or rape victims, we dont want that baggage.

[–]Valyarian0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

this is such a great point

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm a woman and my boyfriend has opened up to me about his insecurities alot (I mean, almost daily for a while). I never wanted to leave... I did want him to see how he had no reason to be insecure, but I fully understood his insecurities because I have insecurities too.

What is maybe more weird is if he waited 4 years to open up to me finally, or to tell me anything vulnerable. I told my boyfriend something very vulnerable about me on date 2, he told me many vulnerable things right away as well.

[–]Bayarea_guy-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

We need more details. May be the relationship suffered from other issues before this.

[–]Virtusvitium-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Protip: always go if girls that you are their first at everything.

[–]pacjax-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

u can cry in front of women about loved ones,or a sad movie etc, but u cant cry under any circumstances about anything else (in front of them)

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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