Hello dear readers. In light of it being Super Bowl Sunday, I'd like to engage in some non-sport prognostication. Today, I'll describe how every single relationship you will have from now until your death will transpire in four easy steps! Afterwards, we'll discuss some takeaways.
You like each other
One party realizes he or she is more invested
Invested party makes a demand of the less invested party
Less invested party faces a choice:
Accept or capitulate to the demand, building some level of resentment towards invested party
Reject demand of invested party
Now go back to Step 2.
What happens at each stage?
Let's use an example to walk through how this plays out. We'll go full lifecycle of a relationship. This might hit a little close to home for some of you!
The Circle of Life
Step 1 - Guy attracts a girl and they're dating and/or fucking. This is the blissful part of the relationship where no one is really asking too many questions, they're both enjoying each other and having fun. This stage typically lasts a few weeks up to a few months.
Step 2 - Said girl either realizes she has been giving up the goods with limited investment on the male side or gets ready to deploy her strategy to restore balance. This creates distress either way.
Step 3 - Girl demands monogamy from guy.
Step 4 - Guy accepts monogamy from girl without much of a fight. She's a unicorn, after all! Occasionally, he has intrusive thoughts about one or two of his plates, and realizes he has made no small sacrifice for this girl.
Step 2 (Round 2) - Couple enjoys some bliss of the new relationship status. Girl stops trying as hard, knowing competition has been eliminated. Guy becomes more invested party. Oops.
Step 3 - With the sex falling off and the choreplay rising, the man negotiates for pussy and demands the blowies and dirty sex he was used to in Step One.
Step 4 - After a big blowout fight, the girl successfully shames the guy into believing he's not making her happy enough to get the sex he wants, effectively rejecting his demand. She is massively turned off by this episode.
Step 2 (Round 3) - the man is now frameless and getting a shit deal. He's also still the more invested party. Girl branch swings because that whole negotiation for sex was REALLY unattractive.
Relationship status: over.
Takeaways and Notes
- The less invested party always has the power
Be the person making the choice, not the one forcing a choice on the other. Can't stress this enough.
- Women typically demand monogamy in Step 3, but in an LTR this demand can be "more time/more quality time".
Men making demands in Step 3 as the more invested party almost always lose. Unless she is certain you can replace her, your demands are hollow and even her acceptance will create massive resentment. Don't be that guy.
- Which party is more invested can flip flop before a demand is made!
A big reason we preach frame is that women will tolerate being the more invested party for quite some time - but you need to be prepared should a demand arise. Likewise, getting complacent and not having either options OR abundance is a recipe for disaster.
Be cognizant of where you are in this cycle and be the less invested party. You'll find success where you previously were confused or caught off guard.
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