This post is meant for those in a "dead bedroom" situation who despite having a significant other are effectively involuntarily celibate (incel). Before I found game and improved myself I too was one of you, so this is an issue near and dear to me. Some will say it's just rationalization hamster on my part, but I think it's important to make this all clear that men don't have to put up with their SO's dictating their needs to go unfulfilled.

I want you to take the functional definition of what it means to be in a sexless relationship, which is having sex roughly once a month or less. Now consider what it means to be in a sexually monogamous relationship. The Wikipedia definition is:

  • Social monogamy refers to two partners living together, having sex with each other, and cooperating in acquiring basic resources such as shelter, food, and money.

  • Sexual monogamy refers to two partners remaining sexually exclusive with each other and having no outside sex partners.

  • Genetic monogamy refers to sexually monogamous relationships with genetic evidence of paternity [emphasis mine]

The key thing to take away from all of this is that to qualify as being in a monogamous relationship you must be sexually exclusive with one another. In other words, if you are in a sexless relationship then you are by definition NOT in a sexually monogamous relationship. It is therefore by definition not cheating to have your sexual needs met by a 3rd party. The lack of monogamy makes it impossible to be cheated on in this context.

All that being said, it's also important to be up front and honest and make it clear what your intentions are and that sex is important to you. this is what disqualifies the claims of "that's cheating!". To paraphrase Tom Leykis, he tells the women he's with something to the effect of, "Sweatheart I'm having sex tonight. Who it's with is up to you." Basically be up front and honest that sex is important to you and your needs will be met, whether by her or someone that amounts to being a better match.

I want everyone to remember this, women in particular, when the sex stops and sexual needs aren't being met that people can and will look elsewhere. In this day and age though a lot of men won't, and that's a shame because that lack of intimacy can very much be a type of emotional suffering. For those who's SO's are up front about their intentions, consider yourselves lucky the person is up front about the fact they will go elsewhere to have their needs met if you aren't upholding your end of the monogamous relationship contract.

To the guys who are lingering in incel relationships, to put it bluntly go forth and give yourself permission to get your needs met if your partner isn't holding up their end of the bargain. The only person being cheated is you.

edit: clarified some thoughts