Summary: If you think slutty women suck and you hate them, you’re holding yourself back. Try to understand them instead. Sluts are FUN! Don’t marry them, but for the love of God, enjoy them instead of despising them.

A large number of readers here are “recovering betas”. Guys who previously sucked with women, but today suck a little less. I’m writing to them. If you’re a guy who’s generally done all right with women for most of his life, and just need some fine-tuning when it comes to understanding intersexual dynamics, or if you’re a guy who’s never gotten anywhere with women in the past and still suck today and can’t get laid to save your life, I’m not writing to you.

But to all recovering betas out there: We are our own biggest problem.

When we were younger, we couldn’t get girls. Not for sex, not for dates, not for relationships. Maybe an occasional date or girlfriend or lay, but just sprinkled here and there across an otherwise gigantic dry spell. Maybe we were scrawny or fat and hadn’t gotten in shape yet. Maybe we were socially awkward and petrified of talking to girls and screwed it up every time we tried. Maybe we didn’t understand the game and kept running off girls by trying to find girlfriends when everybody else knew to have casual sex instead. Today, we’re better at this, but back then, we were lucky to find anything.

Meanwhile, all of the girls we would have liked to date, love, or fuck had no trouble with any of this. The majority of the girls we knew were having casual sex and short-term relationships, just with guys who understood the rules and didn’t suck at the game the way we unknowingly did. For the girls, sex wasn’t a big deal. It was just another activity. When you’re hungry, you stop at McDonald's for a burger on the way home from work. When you’re horny, you get your phone out and arrange a hook-up after work. Sex was just one more fun thing they did if they felt like it. The opportunity was always there, so having sex was never really a big deal to them.

Today, all grown up, we know the rules and understand the game. Today, we can meet girls and with some reliability, we can have casual sex, and even a relationship if we want one. But when we learn that the women we’re spending our time with today were having casual sex during the times when we were lonely and struggling, we become angry. In many cases, we’re actually a little jealous. These women were doing exactly what we would have done if we had the same opportunities: treating sex like any other activity – a fun diversion when you’re horny, a great source of physical pleasure, a great source of validation. But we didn’t get to do that. They did.

In our minds, it feels like these slutty women we’re spending our time with have a leg up on us by having all of these experiences we never had. We’re not young kids, figuring things out together with our partners. She already figured all of this out with other guys long ago when we couldn’t get anywhere with a girl. Today, we’re still enjoying our hook-ups because they’re fun and novel. She’s just scratching the horny itch, while we’re enjoying the new experiences. Even though it’s just casual sex, it’s more important to us than it is to her. When sex means something to us that it doesn’t mean to her, we feel vulnerable. Vulnerability leads to anger.

We tell ourselves that these women are bad. That slutty girls are some kind of inferior being that warrants bad treatment and only enough of our precious time and resources to get our dicks wet. We fantasize that there are still “good girls” out there who haven’t had casual sex and are worth so much more of our time, when even young virgins slut it up and treat guys like the ones we used to be horribly, when given the opportunity in a consequence-free environment. We let ourselves come to hate women and the way women are.

Part of the reason we do this is to fight that vulnerability. Recovering betas are like stray dogs. Today, we have consistent sustenance, but each time it’s in front of us, we wolf it down like it’s going to be our last meal for a while, then prioritize the search for more. It’s hard, if not impossible, for us to do what those women do and treat sex like it’s just another activity we do occasionally when we’re horny. After a lifetime of sex being absent from our lives – scarce - every single time feels important, like it might be the last one unless we keep working at it. Which leads us to spend hours thinking about intersexual dynamics, reading about it on the internet, always working toward the next time.

And after a lifetime of sex being absent from our lives, it’s far too easy for us to become attached to every woman that will fuck us. Even today, with our grown-up abilities to meet women and have casual sex with some regularity, we still feel that urge in the back of our mind to dig in our heels, lock her down, make her ours, make a girlfriend out of her, get pissed if she sleeps with someone else. We almost feel grateful to the slutty women who have sex with us and hate ourselves for feeling that way about a slut.

So we tell ourselves that slutty women are evil, lesser creatures to force ourselves to maintain distance and fight off emotional attachment. Don’t get me wrong. Some slutty women (and even many non-slutty women) are sadistic, manipulative bitches. But most sluts are just lost little girls who want to be loved and cared for. And it’s a little sad that no guy (that they respect) will love or care for them the way they’d like, and instead they spend their time trying to feel less lonely and less unloved through casual sex.

We can never truly recover from being the lonely guys we used to be until we let our anger go and let ourselves feel. It’s okay to like the girls we fuck. It’s okay to be nice to a slut if she’s earned it. It’s okay to feel things for the women we’re having sex with. Don’t marry them, obviously, but until we’re comfortable feeling the full range of our feelings, including love, gratitude, and appreciation, toward women, and learning to understand and appreciate how they are, we’re never really free of our past.