Men seeking to have sex with women, that fail at this task, are often shamed. Reviled. How dare he, an unattractive man, attempt to assert his wants, uninvited, on an innocent woman who did not want or welcome his attempt? Doesn’t he know how uncomfortable he made her?
Even worse, this man didn’t just walk up and grab her by the pussy, Trump-style, but actually tried to introduce himself, talk to her, learn a little bit about her, and maybe even buy her a few drinks. And only then, after evilly getting her guard down by acting friendly and making her think she was about to make a new, unattractive man-friend, does he start to touch her and act interested in sex or romance. What an ass!
And then, after being very sternly rebuked, which he deserves for being such a misleading shit, he just leaves and doesn’t even try to salvage the friendship or make his insolence up to her! He never wanted to be friends or chat amicably with her in the first place. He wasn’t really interested in how her night was going, or that story she told about her friend Jenna, or what she does for a living. That whole friendly conversation was him angling for sex! The horror!
She was enjoying a friendly conversation with a stranger, but there was a hidden cost. He wanted something.
Life is transactional. Nothing is free. Everybody wants something.
Think about all of the times you’ve asked people how they’re doing or how their day is going. How many times did you actually care about how this person’s day was going when you asked that very vague, non-specific question? Especially if you weren’t speaking to a close friend but were meeting a new person. How many new people have you met in your life that you weren’t sure you were ever going to see again? In fact, you’ve probably met a lot of people you knew for a fact you weren’t going to see again, barring anything unexpected. Do you really care how a stranger is feeling today or what he or she does for a living or whether he or she has any siblings? Of course not. Not unless you want or need something from that stranger.
When people make small talk, the huge majority of the time, they don’t really care about the other person. They want something. Yes, given the choice, people generally prefer a world were complete strangers are happier versus one where they’re sad, but nobody is really and truly invested in how some stranger’s night is going or what she does for a living.
When people interact, they want something. Sometimes, they want something very basic. Maybe they’re busybodies that enjoy running their mouth and just want someone to listen to them for a bit. Maybe they’re curious, nosy types that love meeting people and asking them shit, just for fun. Maybe they’re in a group social setting and have to demonstrate proper social norms by engaging in proper conversational topics with those present, even though they don’t really care and aren’t really interested in what the other person wants to say. Or maybe, in a very, very dark and evil world, the person they’re talking to is physically attractive, and they’re making small talk to warm that person up for a bid for sex or romance. (The horror!)
Gentlemen, when you talk to a girl – especially a girl you don’t know well, though this also applies to girls you know – there is always an undercurrent of suspicion. She is uneasy. She is wondering why the hell you’re talking to her and what you want. She is bracing herself, with catlike readiness, suspicious that you’re going to touch her or ask her out or ask for her number or say something sexual. She is ready and waiting with that rejection. Because you have a penis and you’re talking to her, and she knows that you don’t really give a shit about her dog and she doesn’t really give a shit about your aquarium and all of this is just some long prelude until you make your move.
Don’t disrespect a girl by keeping her waiting like that. Don’t give her rejection blue balls. Don’t babble on and on about stupid shit if your intention is to fuck her. I’m not saying grab her by the pussy, but make your move. Early and often. Chat just enough to see if she’s interested, make your move, and if she rejects you, bail and move on. Talking for an hour about stupid shit doesn’t raise your chances or warm her up to the idea of fucking you. In fact, every minute that passes lowers your chances.
You need to get that girl attracted and interested in you early. Then, and only then, do you spend time making her comfortable with you by letting her run her mouth long enough to feel like she knows you. If you don’t have that interest in the first five minutes, ten tops, move on.
More important than any of this, however, is the corollary. When somebody is interacting with you, he or she wants something. Nobody gives a shit how your night is going, what you do for a living, or what your parents were like. If you’re talking about yourself and somebody is listening and asking questions, that person wants something. Because that person’s life is completely unaffected by the story you’re telling about the time you went bike riding. That shit doesn’t matter to the person you’re talking to at all. That person is not invested in your bike riding hobby.
If somebody is talking to you, that somebody wants something, even if it’s just something small like using you to alleviate boredom. If that somebody is a girl, and she’s asking shit about your life, she’s either interested in you, or she’s interested in using you. A woman doesn’t ask about your dog because she cares about your dog. She’s asking about your dog because she either wants to fuck, wants to date, wants to get you to buy her a few drinks, or maybe wants to get you to buy her a few meals under the guise of dating. Or she's just bored or doesn't want to be seen standing alone not talking to anybody in a social setting.
When you’re in a social setting, pay attention. Peel back the small-talk layer and try to notice what people actually want. If somebody wants to get to know you, that somebody wants something. If you can guess what somebody wants, you can appeal to them a lot more easily than just blindly playing the small-talk game. And if you can recognize interest and move along quickly when it’s absent, you’ll get a much bigger return on your time.
And quit pissing women off by not hitting on them. They’re waiting to reject you. They know what’s up when you walk over. Don’t insult them by blabbing on and on about stupid shit and denying them the opportunity. Be aggressive. Flirt. Touch them. Don't make friends. Make them feel smart for having that suspicion by validating it. Women love feeling smart.
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