~ archived since 2018 ~

Loving Yourself Loves Others

May 28, 2014
3 upvotes

I just got into work late today from our daughter’s first dancing recital. She’s three, so it’s a bit of a stretch to call any of the activities “dancing” (though she still dances far better than I do, or her mother), but I wouldn’t miss this for the world. Before I had a kid, I never understood stupidass parents filming a toddler’s tone deaf singing and barely mobile motor skills, but having raised our daughter for the past three years, it’s totally worth being behind in work for the rest of the week to have been there for her barely proficient demonstration of motor skills. I never thought I’d be that guy.

Sitting there, watching all of the moms and dads watching their kids through their cell phones while filming shitty videos instead of actually watching their kids with their eyes, I started thinking about each of them. What they do, what they might be like, how they looked. I was reminded of all of those after school specials and media-driven stereotypes of workaholic dads I grew up seeing. Dad always travelling on business, always working late, and early, and never being a substantive part of junior’s life. Mom eventually leaving him while the whole world agrees it’s the right decision. The message was always, “Dads, just be there. Just be present. Be a part of your family’s life!”

It struck me how feminine that message is. While the importance of being present in your children’s life absolutely cannot be downplayed, looking back at that message today, it’s plain as day how different a man’s love and a woman’s love for their family are. The female role is to “just be present.” Be the mom, be there for the kids. That’s how she loves her family. By being there, always present, always available. That was her role for her entire life. She went out, she sat there, she looked pretty, dad picked her up, and ten years later, they’re married with kids. By just being present, she found love, she advanced her life. That’s how she shows love – by being present.

Again – being present in your children’s life is very important, but equally important is the fact that men show their love differently. Men love their families by being valuable. Looking at all of the moms and dads at my kid’s dance event, I thought about what it would be like if I was there – if I were present – but if I had recently been laid off. How tense things would have been between myself and my wife. If I was there. I was present. But if I wasn’t valuable – wasn’t providing well for my family. My wife wouldn’t have been grateful that I was there.

I thought about what it would be like if I was there – if I were present – but if I were the fattest, ugliest, worst-dressed man in the room. How everyone would have noticed. How that would have reflected on my family. I realized that there’s actually a point where if you’re too ugly, too fat, and/or too underdressed, you actually do more harm than good to your family by being there. Showing up in a dirty T-shirt and ripped blue jeans while weighing 350 pounds would be akin to showing up drunk or unwashed.

If I was there – if I were present – but I didn’t socialize effectively with the other parents, same deal. I’d have damaged my family, not helped it by being there. My wife would have been pissed that I showed up at all.

While it’s important that men be there for their families, it’s equally important – maybe even more important – that men be valuable for their families. By being physically fit, professionally successful, confident and socially apt, fostering useful skills and interesting hobbies, a man loves his family. When a man loves himself, respects himself, and improves himself and his life, that is how he shows love to his family. A man who sacrifices all of that to “just be there” more often is actually loving his family less by being less valuable to them.

As men, we owe it to our children, our wives, our girlfriends, and even our plates/FWBs, to become the best men that we can, and to never sacrifice or compromise when it comes to being those men. This is how we love them.

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Post Information
Title Loving Yourself Loves Others
Author Archwinger
Upvotes 3
Comments 3
Date May 28, 2014 4:12 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit /r/TheRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/loving-yourself-loves-others.15992
https://theredarchive.com/post/15992
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/26peoo/loving_yourself_loves_others/
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