A lot of Red Pill advice changes slightly when you’re married. Once you’ve married a woman, things are different. When you have children, things change even more. The reason is obvious: when you’re married, your wife is metaphorically holding you at knifepoint, forever more. Any time she wants, for any reason or no reason at all, she can leave. Completely putting your love for her and your feelings for her aside, and ignoring how that event would make you feel, if your wife leaves you, the courts are going to award her primary custody of your children. The courts are going to give her the deed to your house. The courts are going to give her at least 50% of everything you have in the bank and the property you own. The courts are going to take away a chunk of every future paycheck you earn, before you ever touch it, and give it to your wife. And she can do this to you any time she wants, even if you’re the perfect man and never do anything wrong. Even if she’s psycho, even if she cheats, even if she abuses you or the kids. Or if she happens to get bored. Any reason, or no reason at all.
Many of our detractors gloss over this. Most divorces happen for a reason and most wives aren’t mercenary about it, so we’re all just paranoid woman-haters. Besides, we have an equal system. Men are allowed to file for divorce, too, just like women, so it’s fair. Any time a man wants, he’s free to leave, give his ex-wife primary custody of the kids, give his ex-wife the house, give his ex-wife half of their property, and give his ex-wife a chunk of his future earnings. He shouldn’t care about stupid shit like money, property, and being around his children anyway. If her were a real man, he’d only care about loving his wife and she’d never leave him, right?
So one of my wife’s friends is really religious, and this friend's bible study group is reading one of those stupid improve-your-marriage-through-God books. Interspersed with a whole bunch of bible quotes and instructions that families need to pray together hourly and beg God for answers every time they have a minor argument, the book’s essentially like any other text marketed to women. The gist is that men and women communicate differently, it’s men’s fault because they’re stupid, and men need to learn how to express themselves better, be less selfish, and respect the women they love. Like all good Christians, my wife’s friend can’t shut up about her religion, and she loans my wife this book. My wife asks me if I’ll read it.
I will always, hands down, without any issues, read a blue pill book. Pay attention to this part, guys: blue pill literature is more useful and more instructive than all of the stupid red pill bullshit you’re going to read on Reddit. That blue pill shit tells you what women want to believe and what they think reality is. If you want to actually understand women, that’s far more useful than reading up on game. That blue pill shit is also an instruction manual. You know those lists? 24 things abusive men do, and shit like that? That’s a fucking cheat sheet. That’s a list of 24 things that work on most women. That’s why those things are dubbed abusive. Nobody cares about the shit men do that doesn’t work. Shit that doesn’t work doesn’t make it on the “abusive” list. If somebody tells you that certain behaviors or ways of doing things are abusive, what they’re telling you is that it works. You don’t have to do those things if you don’t want to or if you really think there’s something wrong with some of them, but read the blue pill books anyway so you know what those things are, just in case. If you’re paying attention, you’ll notice that women do all 24 of those things to you already. But nobody writes books about that.
So anyway, rather than blowing my wife off, I get about 15 pages into this book. I thumb through a few of the other chapters. I try to find something remotely intelligent. It’s crap. It’s not even useful as a blue pill text. It’s just not well written, not interesting, and is completely devoid of information of any kind. It even has typos. Men need to communicate better. God can help. Literally, those eight words are the entire book. A whole bunch of generalities and bible quotes, a little bit of anti-male prose, and those eight words, restated as many ways as the author could come up with. I have work to do, so I stop reading this bullshit.
So a couple nights ago, my wife tells me she thinks this book is really helping our marriage. “Seriously?” I ask. She says yes, and replies that we’re both being a lot more respectful of each other. I say: “I have to be honest with you. I stopped reading that thing about 15 pages in. Our three-year-old’s a better author.” She replies that I clearly got something out of those 15 pages, then, because I’m being less abrupt, less selfish, and more respectful.
I’m a bit taken aback. I haven’t changed a thing. If anything, I’ve been a bigger ass than usual this past week. I’m under the gun at work and don’t have time for her usual bullshit, and have been telling her so. Nothing about me is different. The only thing different is my wife’s perception of me.
This is the part where being married is different Red Pill advice than the norm. When you’re a young single guy lifting weights all day and doing your own shit, you’re doing it for you. You’re not trying to impress women. You don’t care what they think. You’ve got your life together and shit to do. You’re on a mission. And as a side-effect, that’s pretty darn attractive.
When you’re a married guy and can lose your kids, your house, half your shit, and a bunch of your future earnings, in the few seconds it takes your wife to say, “I’m bored,” what that particular woman thinks about you actually matters. Because what she thinks can affect your future happiness. Any time she wants, for any reason or no reason, your future happiness can take a big hit.
Most of the time, the same Red Pill way of life applies whether you're married or not. Because attraction is attraction, and you want your wife to be seriously attracted to you. But when you’re married, you need to do some extra blue pill work maintaining your wife’s perception of you. And that’s different than improving yourself – you’re not just doing your own shit. You need to improve how your wife perceives you. This is about her feelings, not reality. This is about what she feels is true. If you do all the self-improvement in the world, but she perceives that she’s unhappy or your marriage is bad, you’re done. If you’re the biggest fuckup in the world, but your wife perceives that she’s happy, your marriage stays.
Apparently my wife was right about this. We need to work on our marriage. More specifically, she needs to work on our marriage. She needs to spend about half of her time working on herself, and the other half working on her perception of me. My job is to let her believe her perception is right when it’s flattering toward me, and wrong when it’s unflattering.
What I actually do with my life doesn’t matter for purposes of maintaining our marriage. Her perception of what I do matters. Marriage is pretty fucked up.