She was raped by two different people on two separate occasions, different circumstances, no charges were ever laid. That's not really the point. She's my first sexual partner, I'm not even close to her first. We've been experimenting with some bdsm, and are exploring each other.

She only told me the story, in depth, of how she was raped the first time, several nights ago, and it's been making it hard to fall asleep. The day after she told me I cried for several hours. It was the first time I'd cried like that since I was probably 12.

It came up that she would like me to roleplay rape her. I felt ill to my stomach almost instantly. We talk alot, and I told her I don't think I could ever do that to anyone. I'm not only worried about what affect it will have on me, but if I triggered something I don't know if I would be able to live with myself. That was my initial reaction. I felt terrible as well because she sounded disappointed that I had said no.

I'm somewhat timid, and not a physical or violent person. Being dominant with her as opened me up. I feel it affecting my daily life more and more. I like it. But rape is such a horrible thing. And I know it's just roleplay, but I don't know if I can bring myself to do it.

This is several hours later (NOW MORE THAN A DAY LATER, FEELINGS NOT UPDATED), and I'm thinking I could at least try it. She always says she'll try most anything at least once, why shouldn't I? It doesn't sound that bad now, but I don't know why I feel so different a couple of hours later. It may become easier to think of as time passes, because her rape story is so fresh in my mind. And I want to do everything I can do to please her, but I'm just not sure that it would be good for our mental or sexual health. Please help me think about this, especially if you were ever in a similar situation. I need to hear what people have to say. Thanks

TL;DR; girlfriend who's been raped before what's me to roleplay rape her. Internal struggle ensues.

P. S. I hope I'm not making too big a deal of this, or making it seem that way. Just wanted to hear from people. I posted this to relationships and they suggested I post this here. I also posted it to BDSMcommunity and someone suggested I post it here. My views have changed a little but still there is a good discussion to be had. I have no idea what this sub is about