I'm new to this account, so probably this post will be deleted, i hope not because this will be a long story. I'm an only son, 19 yo kissless virgin, thanks to all my crap decisions through life, but i think my father and how he raised me has something to do.

First my father's history: At his youth, he was actually great with women, he had many girlfriends at the same time, he would said and do whatever he wanted to without caring about others, the problem is that he was raised without a father figure to guide him. He left school at 13 and started working since then.

When he met my mother, he got oneitis, they got married he being 18 and she 16, and they had me 2 years later. My father didn't had a great job, he was satisfied with working with some friend or family member, for not very much money, he did not want to improve at all. And he wanted to be always with my mother, she was the perfect woman to him, he felt entitled to her. I guess this is the reason she ended up leaving him when i was 8, she told me to stay living with him, i believe it is because she thought he wasn't strong enough to pass through this.
I remember him crying for many days, praying to god for her to come back, and i think that was not what some 8 yo like me has to learn from his father.

Now me: i started sleeping in the same bed as him, it was because he did not want to feel alone, but it became the norm. I used to think: "My mother did wrong on leaving him, he is a good man" Basically i became a mini-version of my father, i disapproved everything he disapproved, i tried to replicate this bad habits of him.

I developed a PMO addiction since i was 8. I was a beta kid. At 13, i even got my own oneitis with a girl i met like 5 YEARS BEFORE! i lost many chances with other girls that were into me. i talked to her in fb, and i was so needy that she deleted me as a friend. My father kinda taught me that we shouldn't treat women in a sexual way, like other males.

CHANGES Later i started to feel uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed as my father. There are many things he as a man never taught me, one, i didn't knew i had to retract my foreskin to clean my penis correctly, when i found out thanks to porn, it was already too hard to me, and i told him i wanted to get a circumsicion, and as an excuse, i prepared my own bed so i would sleep there because "i would be in pain after the surgery". We lived in a borrowed house from one of my father's uncle for 10 years, and my father NEVER even thought about buying a house, so 2 years ago, this uncle wanted the house back, and my father had to pay rent now.

There was a girl that 3 years before got in love with me, i didn't really cared about her and i was kinda rude, because i had oneitis with another girl, we stopped talking during those 3 years and then she texted me again, i was getting obsessed now with her, we went on a couple of dates, i got oneitis, and she stopped talking to me. I felt deppressed for many time, and i lost my chances with another 2 girls that were into me, do you see a pattern?

And 1 year ago, i discovered The Red Pill, at first, i suscribed because i thought it had something to do with politics, when i started lurking, i saw it didn't. I was reading some posts not very often, until 2 months ago, i saw one video here that talked about the damages of PMO, and wasting time in usless thing instead of improving. I was there, after fapping 5 times, realizing that i had to improve myself.

I got into NoFap for a month to lose my addiction, i started lifting at home, i started to look for another job, i quit soda and started drinking a lot of water, i started waking up early to take cold showers, to walk with a better posture, to talk with more confidence, more eye contact, etc... i'm doing my best to become the alpha male i have to be.

But my father... He finally got in a relationship with another woman, she is very annoying, so they took "a rest". In a month, she was already pregnant by another man, but make no mistake, this was not the "Chad fucked his woman" situation, she did this to make my father jealous, she left this man, and tried to come back with my father now with a baby. She is nuts. Aaand he, against his own friends advices, went back with her, not caring that she fucked another man, because "it is not the kid's fault". He did stopped being nice with her, but there he was, letting her sleep at home with her baby daughter, giving her food, etc... The worst thing, is that he started to love her baby a lot, i believe he developed a strong patternal connection with her. I started to think this was very wrong, not in a "jealous brother" way, but because she is not his daughter. So now my father cares more about this kid than his bitch "girlfriend", sometimes he says to me that he doesn't care more about her, only for her kid.

i'm currently trying to help him to improve, he never says what he really thinks, and tends to lie to avoid telling things, he cares a lot about what other thinks, but he is improving on that. But while trying to motivate him to lift, to drink water, to eat healthy, he refuse to improve, when he comes home from work, he spend his time scrolling down on facebook while watching tv on his bed. I tell him to stop talking to that bitch once for all, she already went in "family trips" with the kid's real father a couple times, and my father does not learn his lesson.

I love my father, but he has been cucked And i hope that one day he will stop being the beta male once for all.