TL/DR: Go to lessons and summary
Personally I feel field reports when used correctly can be some of the greatest learning mechanisms on this sub. The majority of the content on here is simply theory. Field Reports are the practical test of this theory. The sidebar, the posts, they're all meaningless if they don't get tested out in the real world. This is where the true lessons are internalized.
For me reflecting on my many years on this sub nothing formed a better real life example than the comparison between my pre TRP LTR and my post TRP LTR. The behaviors I employed in the first relationship and the behaviors I employed in my last one and their corresponding results. For me It was astounding to see the effect it had not only on my life but my partners too and the joy we derived from the relationship.
For me TRP was never about getting girls as I was doing fine in that department, I was naturally athletic and always lifted. For me it was about managing my woman. I was naturally good with woman, and there's the illusion that because someone gets a lot of woman they know how to manage them, I can tell you that is false in every sense of the word. I could never understand how despite my best efforts the results were constantly more uphill. I couldn't understand why doing what they asked of me was yielding little to no results. Even as someone who got girls blue pill programming encapsulates my pre TRP relationship and the results it had.
My pre TRP LTR was Kayla. I somewhat wanted an LTR(like it's a goddamn nice pair of shoes) and was sleeping around quite a lot but felt none of them were quite the full package enough to LTR. I held the notion that there's a perfect girl out there for you and that it would just click once I met her. I met Kayla at a party, typical girl who liked to party, although that seemed normal. She was an absolute stunner, petite body, perky ass, beautiful face. She was a model and worked as a promo girl. She had a great sense of humor and was fairly smart too. She also came from a single mother household, but more on that later.
At the time her partying habits, and promo girl work seemed completely normal to me and to be honest I think her beauty clouded a lot of my judgement. I thought that she was that "perfect girl" out there, but in reality it was simply attraction masquerading as soulmate. She was sitting perky on a pedestal from day one. We spent quite a bit of time together over the coming weeks. I had a good time with her, and I was always good at conversation and making her laugh.
She knew how hot she was though and knew how to make me work for her. Obviously I wanted to sleep with her, but she was having none of it. First date(which I paid for) I got nothing, not even a kiss. Second date, still me paying, nothing. After 2 weeks and me starting to show slight disinterest at the the constant rejection I finally got a kiss. I was clearly happy about it.
Throughout our dates this woman would have men feigning after her. Constantly messaging her phone. Big Instagram following. Guys looking at her when we were out. Constantly bumping into one of her orbiters when we were out. She had no problem openly displaying all the affection she was receiving from other guys. She wanted me to know. On the one hand this obviously made me pretty chuffed with myself being the one with her on my arm, but on the other hand it made me think I've gotta treat her better and woo her better than all these other guys could. I worked harder to show her how "special" she was. I was excessively romantic, took her to nice places, did amazing things for her, I was getting kisses at this point but I wasn't getting a whiff of her pussy.
She kept on telling me she needs to be serious with a guy before she sleeps with him, despite having fucked a lot more guys than she's had boyfriends. With that knowledge in mind and with all the attention she was getting elsewhere I thought I need to lock her down. After about 6 weeks of dating I asked her out, she said she's not sure yet and would think about it, but let's keep doing what we're doing. I was like the needy plate wanting security. Over time we carried on, me trying my utmost to please her, bare in mind I was a guy getting a decent amount of pussy before this but I had convinced myself she was the one.
I cut out all the other woman I was talking to and focused solely on her, because that's what gentlemen do right? Finally SHE said okay we can do a trial period. I thought this was great, I was dating a stunner, guys were jealous of me, woman ogled me with her on my arm. There was just one problem, I still hadn't fucked her. I tried and tried and slowly I went through the bases like a toddler and after 3 months of knowing her I finally fucked her, and sweet Jesus did I fuck the shit out of her. I was experienced enough and gave her a great time, but what a journey to get there.
We decided everything together in the relationship, because you know we're a team right? Sadly most of the time it was her bitching about things I wanted to do, and me compromising on things she wanted to do. I thought it was best to just keep the peace. Seeing my friends and family was always a drag for her, but I made all the effort in the world to acquaint myself with her family and friends without question.
The theme of me having to work for everything continued throughout the relationship. Most people thought I must be happy because I'm dating a model. But despite constantly convincing myself I was, I was anything but. She would constantly tell me she's not sure about us and just needs to see more from to know that she's sure. Dedicated me thought ok, let me do what she's saying she wants. I would write letters, give her cute gifts. I would constantly be available for her, constantly showed her how much she meant to me.
Throughout this period she would still go out to work and do promos in clubs with men flirting and drooling after her all night. She would also chat with guys while out at work and although she never flirted directly with guys in front of me she would also never make a point of batting them away, she was "just talking". When she bumped into orbiters she'd chat at length to them. In short she was an attention whore. Wherever it came from. Her Instagram, when we were out, the fact that she mostly had guy friends, because "girls are so bitchy".
I would get jealous all the time and openly show it, she would deny any wrong doing and make it seem like I was being controlling. All the while if I ever went out alone or spoke to other girls it would be a major issue. So being the good little blue smurf I was I would avoid going out without her, I would avoid talking to other girls, i would make a point of not making her jealous, because it clearly upset her and I wanted her to be happy. This was a one way street however.
She was constantly moody, like the Grinch moody. Always had some issue or another and would take it out on me. Arguments became more and more regular, and every time we would argue it always had to be me to back down and apologize. I didn't want to lose her. I would make it up to her with some soppy apology or do something nice to make things right again. I started to spend less time with friends and even family, because it would be an issue if I did almost anything without her. I started to focus less on my job to pour more time and attention to my relationship. But, it was to no avail, I couldn't understand why the more I was trying to make her happy the more upset she was.
I had always heard that communication was key in a relationship. I tried to tell her how I felt. I would tell her about all the trials and hardships I was going through. It baffled me as to why things weren't coming right when we were talking and being open and honest with each other.
My friends and family could see it, and tried to speak to me, but I denied everything, told them they didn't know her like I do, in fact this distanced me even further from them. I was spending way too much money on her, my lifting had taken a back seat. The sex was becoming less and less. Then one day I was deleting old pics off an old phone and saw one from right before I met her. It was at a party. I was smiling, ripped to the core, and had a hottie on my arm that I banged later that night. I looked in the mirror that day and saw how much weight I'd loss, the bags under my eyes, hair scruffy and unkempt and thought "what the fuck has happened to me".
I used to do what I wanted, bang who I wanted, see who I wanted. Woman used to love me, but here I was sacrificing everything, giving everything of myself to please this one woman. Overnight I checked out of the relationship. I simply stopped caring. Stopped caring how she felt and started caring how I felt, in fact I resented her. I started going out with my friends again, stopped communicating with her. Started doing what I wanted when I wanted. Didn't care if she got jealous. I didn't care if the relationship ended. I basically started living life for myself.
We had been together for about 2 years at this point.
The change in her was almost immediate. Suddenly her moods disappeared. She was so much happier and positive all the time. She suddenly started working less to no promo shifts all on her own. She started making cute little things for me. She went out of her way to make sure I didn't get jealous. She shut down guys when they approached her. Told me regularly how much I meant to her. She suddenly wanted to have sex all the time. She was becoming the woman I thought she would be when I was doing everything in my power to please her.
I tried to get back into it but I was dead at this point. I held far too much resentment. Why now? Why now that I'm out is she suddenly in? Why didn't she care when I was trying so damn hard? Eventually we Sat down one day and I told her it was over, she sobbed and cried, and said she was so sorry. That she knew she was difficult, and didn't appreciate me. She said she would change. She said she would be different. But it was too late for me, I had made up my mind. I walked out and never looked back.
She continued to contact me, trying to reconcile. It was hard at first, but I never replied. I knew it had to be a clean break. I knew that I had to focus on myself for a bit. Rebuild myself. The relationship was so draining and I had no sense of who I was anymore.
One day I was chatting to a friend about it, telling him that I just couldn't figure out how the harder I tried, the worse she became, and the less I tried the better she became. He directed me here and the rest is history.
- Vetting is imperative. I did zero vetting, fuckall. Had I taken my eyes off her ass long enough to see her many shortfalls I would have saved myself tons of uphill.
- There is no soulmate/destiny only compatability. Going into any relationship with that notion is a cancer. It's good as long as it's good and if it's not no matter how much you think it's your soulmate it's time to walk.
- A woman will not reward you in proportion to your efforts. In fact the opposite was true for Kayla. The more I gave the more she took. The less I gave, the more invested she became. I made her happiness my priority and the nett result was that we were both miserable. Her moody and me baffled as to why she wasn't satisfied with it. In reality all I was doing was showing that I was a low value man, that would put up with whatever shit she threw at me. I gave her comfort, and that gave her license to behave how she wanted. And how she wanted was to extract as much from me as possible.
- Woman have no idea what they want. Despite my best efforts to do everything she said she wanted it never satisfied her. She was her most happy and devoid of moods when I checked out of the relationship. The prospect of losing me suddenly dawned on her and she finally started treating me the way I had always hoped for her to. A woman will only respect you if she knows you can leave her.
- Abundance abundance abundance. I cut out all woman to make Kayla worry less. What I was doing was engineering the demise of my own relationship. She didn't appreciate me for this, she only saw it as more reason to behave how she wanted without consequence, because I removed every consequence out of my life.
- Set boundaries. There were many times I should have walked. But every time I didn't she pushed those boundaries a little further the next time. Partying, talking to other guys in front of me, I should never have tolerated that shit, but I did, so she kept doing it.
- When you give her comfort, hypergamy runs rife. This is why she would go out all the time, talk to other guys. She was constantly gauging her market value, seeing what other options were available to her, I think the only reason she didn't branch swing was because I still held some value in the form of looks, social status, career.
- Sex and commitment. I handed over commitment on a silver platter, she never had to prove herself worthy. All the while I hadn't even fucked her yet. Which she kept dangling in front of me like a banana to a chimp. She never had to work for my affections, that came free of charge. While I was a circus clown trying to bang her, it was only when my interest would waver that she'd finally give it up.
- A woman can not respect a man who isn't a strong leader. I thought making decisions together was a great relationship move. I didn't set boundaries. I blame myself for the problems in the relationship. I didn't lead, and without me leading she was left having to lead herself. And the direction she lead herself in was neither pleasant for me or her.
- Your willingness to leave is what keeps her invested. She will not honor your undying loyalty. Your devotion is worthless to her. It simply devalues you in her eyes. A strong alpha who's biology is to spread his seed but sits like a loyal little puppy for one special little woman can't be all that high value after all.
- Simply can't negotiate attraction. As much as I would express my issues and spend hours upon hours arguing, my logic fell on deaf ears. A woman will behave based on her feelings. If you want her to change, make the way she feels change. Logic or reason will simply not yield results
- Maintaining yourself in a relationship. I began to let myself slip and all this did was lower my market value. Which lowered my value in her eyes, this only makes her more comfortable and hypergamous.
It's been a good few years now. I spun plates for many years and enjoyed myself. I was living for me and it made me happy. I had no stress and no worries. I built up my business, got seriously back into lifting, solid group of friends, overall I was in a good space.
I had finally gotten to a point where one of my relationships had progressed to the point of emotional investment. Although this time it was different. So very very different.
At this point I was a different man, held different beliefs about woman and their interactions with men, but most of all I had different expectations from them. I was plating two woman at the time and would still get something fresh here and there in between.
I met Sarah at a mall. She was walking towards me, and I was looking directly at her. Beautiful face, small petite body, perky ass(again) she had a very natural beauty about her with deep sparkly eyes. I've never been one for social anxiety and went up to her and spoke to her, chatted for a bit, got her number walked away.
Sarah is beautiful, she's an ex model(quit because she despised the industry), In my opinion better looking than Kayla, some of my friends agree, one or two think Kayla was hotter, matter of taste I guess. Overall it's a pretty good comparison of two woman of equal social standing.
Messaged her a couple days later and set up a date. Went for casual drinks, nothing fancy. The conversation flowed, we both had a great time. We went out to a casual drinks spot on the beach. We went for a walk on the beach afterwards and I went for the pull in. She was very much into it and I could tell the close was on the cards. I lived a short walk away and Invited her to come and see the view from my place. She was keen, we walked back, had glass of wine and fucked like rabbits.
Over the next few weeks we saw each other about twice a week, sometimes only once (depending on other plates). It was mostly casual, her coming over to me and if we did something it would be very casual. The sex was good, I was happy and enjoying myself and so was she.
Throughout this time I continued seeing my other plates and even gaming new girls.
After about two months or so we started spending a bit more time together. I had a lot more fun with her personality wise than my other girls. She was fun, easy going, chilled, smart. I would want to do something or go somewhere and I'd find myself taking her along. She loved the fact that I was showing a little more investment in her.
Slowly but surely I started seeing the other girls less(but not completely). I didn't explicitly tell her I was seeing other girls but I didn't exactly hide it either. Sometimes one of them would leave something at my place and the other would find it. But I didn't care, I wasn't exclusive. I was also chatty to other girls in front of her, I didn't tell her what I did during the time I wasn't with her. In fact most of my life besides some fun here and there and my bedroom she knew very little about me. What she did know was that if she left at any point that I had other options.
It wasn't long before the dreaded "where is this going talk" came up. She was used to guys chasing her hard but said with me she had no idea where she stood. I brushed it off mostly, saying I'm having fun right now and so are you right? So lets just keep enjoying ourselves and it goes where it goes.
We started doing more and more together, but never at the expense of my work or family and friends. When I had work the next day it was in bed by 10. When I wanted to see my friends I did. But when I was with her I was with her, I would take her on weekend always to my holiday place. We would go out a little more, for dinners, or to the beach. With me cutting down my visits from my other plates I felt myself investing a little more emotionally in her. This was something she was never to know. As per our discussion I kept taking it day by day, simply enjoying the process.
After about 6 months I had cut out seeing other girls. It was just Sarah now. Things we're good. She was an animal in bed and wanted to fuck all the time. In fact I had trouble keeping up with her. We would bang every time I saw her, which was about 3 times a week at this point. We would do alot of fun things together and I think she picked up on the little more investment she was getting. She seemed genuinely over the moon about it. Despite "the talk" coming up again, I never gave her anymore security. She still didn't know how I spent my time apart from her, and I would stilll keep contact with other girls. We'd go out and I'd bump into other girls I knew, I'd chat and be friendly(as i am). I could see the jealousy all over her face every time I did.
I was happy. She treated me like a king. Always doing cute things for me, massages, dinners, blowjobs in the car. I'd go over to her place and she'd be naked in kitchen waiting for me. Things were good, one day she even blurted out "I love you". I simply smiled back and said "I know" despite my overwhelming feeling to say it back.
I was the leader and she supported me well. She was an angel 99% percent of the time. She never went out and partied, and if she did she'd make sure I came along. She'd bat away any attention she got from other guys, in all the time we were together I think there was only one thing she did that I didn't agree with. I cut down contact for a day. She apologized a day later and it's never happened again. I never told her she can't see other people. Never told her to bat away other guys, never told her she had to do anything for me. She did it all on her own.
She did alot for me and trust me I appreciated it. But it wasn't all one way. I'd do/buy nice stuff for her sometimes as well, mostly when she was being cute or sweet and I thought she really deserved it. I would take her on amazing adventures. We'd do crazy things together, We'd be wild and naughty. We'd get drunk together, Get high together. I would help her with her career. I'd give her advice. Her life was heading in a much better direction as a result of our time together. Her closest childhood friend even told me one day that she never seen Sarah happier.
A couple more months went by and upon the next "talk" I told her we can give it a go and see how it goes, but we'll take it day by day. It's been over a year and half since we met now and nothing has changed. The sex is still wild as ever, We still have a ton of fun. She is still the same sweetheart I met, who cooks naked, massages me and comes home with a cute surprise for me.
To this day I still lift hard as ever, my work is still a top priority and she loves spending time with my friends and family.
- Approach and have confidence throughout relationship. From the moment I approached her to now, I did everything with confidence. If your confidence/frame is unbroken by her beauty, shit tests she'll perceive you to be high value.
- She's not special, don't treat her as such. There's a million more like her. I never did all the mushy nice things I did for Kayla to Sarah. Kayla sat on an undeserved pedestal and gave me no reward for my efforts.
- She needs to work for your attention. The nicer Sarah was, doing nice things the more attention she got and deservedly so. The worse she behaved or had unnecessary moods, the less attention she got.(which was next to never) A woman will work for your attention when it's given sporadically.
- Maintaining other options. I never cut ties with other woman, she knew this. I spoke to other woman(not flirt) in front of her. Your ability to get other woman is directly correlated to how well she treats you. If she knows theres an abundance of other women willing to step in if she treats you like shit, she will cease to do so.
- Commitment is earned not given. She continuously worked to prove she was a good option for a relationship and continues to do so. A woman will not reward you for committing to her. She will reward you in an effort to gain your commitment.
- Lead in decisions. I'll tell her we're doing something fun this weekend, or that we're going to a cool place for dinner, she appreciates and takes comfort that she doesn't have to worry about these things. As much as society says it's a "team effort", there can only be one captain steering the ship and it better be you. A woman can relax and be happy knowing that she has a strong, capable leader who has her best interests at heart.
- Comfort Kills attraction. This deserves it's own post. Kayla was as comfy as can be, Sarah knows her spot is not guaranteed. The more comfortable she is the less effort she puts in, and why would she? Knowing that you can leave if she treats you like shit, or that you can replace her is what keeps her invested.
- Keep up your own life. With Kayla I slacked on lifting, family and friends. She saw that as all the more reason to put less effort in. Sarah knows my life will still be great without her. Maintain your market value. Career, Friendship networks, lifting. A man on a mission who has his own kick ass life and goals is what makes her want to be apart of that journey. If you can't look after and respect yourself, neither will she.
- Treat her when it's earned. I bought Kayla nice things and did cute little things to make her feel better or happy and she instinctively picked up that shit moodiness, tantrums yielded investment from me. Sarah gets rewarded positively and she behaves positively to earn it.
Ultimately there is always game going on. Whether you decide to play it or not is up to you. She is constantly measuring your performance. Not with a scorecard or checklist, but subconsciously she is measuring the way you behave towards her and determining your value based on that.
How she values you is significantly important. It's the determining factor of how she treats you. I played towards all the markers of a low value man in my first LTR and I got treated as such. I take responsibility for that. In my most recent LTR I'm playing towards the markers of a high value man, and I'm getting treated as such, and she is happier for it too.
Often when i mention this people will say "I don't want to constantly be playing a game" but in all honestly when you've done it long enough it almost becomes second nature. You're conscious of it but the way you react to things is almost automated.
More importantly, she's playing the game, as the selector she's measuring her selection all the time. And when you've been deemed to be a good one, she will treat you as such. She will be happy, sweet, sexual, supportive. A moody, sexless relationship is a sign of a woman who's not entirely happy with her selection.
I'm thankful for both relationships, one for the growth it drove me to have and the other for the happiness I derive from it. Most of all I take comfort knowing that the success of it lies entirely in my hands.