My Pre TRP relationship vs my Post TRP Relationship

August 13, 2018

TL/DR: Go to lessons and summary

Part 1

Personally I feel field reports when used correctly can be some of the greatest learning mechanisms on this sub. The majority of the content on here is simply theory. Field Reports are the practical test of this theory. The sidebar, the posts, they're all meaningless if they don't get tested out in the real world. This is where the true lessons are internalized.

For me reflecting on my many years on this sub nothing formed a better real life example than the comparison between my pre TRP LTR and my post TRP LTR. The behaviors I employed in the first relationship and the behaviors I employed in my last one and their corresponding results. For me It was astounding to see the effect it had not only on my life but my partners too and the joy we derived from the relationship.

For me TRP was never about getting girls as I was doing fine in that department, I was naturally athletic and always lifted. For me it was about managing my woman. I was naturally good with woman, and there's the illusion that because someone gets a lot of woman they know how to manage them, I can tell you that is false in every sense of the word. I could never understand how despite my best efforts the results were constantly more uphill. I couldn't understand why doing what they asked of me was yielding little to no results. Even as someone who got girls blue pill programming encapsulates my pre TRP relationship and the results it had.

My pre TRP LTR was Kayla. I somewhat wanted an LTR(like it's a goddamn nice pair of shoes) and was sleeping around quite a lot but felt none of them were quite the full package enough to LTR. I held the notion that there's a perfect girl out there for you and that it would just click once I met her. I met Kayla at a party, typical girl who liked to party, although that seemed normal. She was an absolute stunner, petite body, perky ass, beautiful face. She was a model and worked as a promo girl. She had a great sense of humor and was fairly smart too. She also came from a single mother household, but more on that later.

At the time her partying habits, and promo girl work seemed completely normal to me and to be honest I think her beauty clouded a lot of my judgement. I thought that she was that "perfect girl" out there, but in reality it was simply attraction masquerading as soulmate. She was sitting perky on a pedestal from day one. We spent quite a bit of time together over the coming weeks. I had a good time with her, and I was always good at conversation and making her laugh.

She knew how hot she was though and knew how to make me work for her. Obviously I wanted to sleep with her, but she was having none of it. First date(which I paid for) I got nothing, not even a kiss. Second date, still me paying, nothing. After 2 weeks and me starting to show slight disinterest at the the constant rejection I finally got a kiss. I was clearly happy about it.

Throughout our dates this woman would have men feigning after her. Constantly messaging her phone. Big Instagram following. Guys looking at her when we were out. Constantly bumping into one of her orbiters when we were out. She had no problem openly displaying all the affection she was receiving from other guys. She wanted me to know. On the one hand this obviously made me pretty chuffed with myself being the one with her on my arm, but on the other hand it made me think I've gotta treat her better and woo her better than all these other guys could. I worked harder to show her how "special" she was. I was excessively romantic, took her to nice places, did amazing things for her, I was getting kisses at this point but I wasn't getting a whiff of her pussy.

She kept on telling me she needs to be serious with a guy before she sleeps with him, despite having fucked a lot more guys than she's had boyfriends. With that knowledge in mind and with all the attention she was getting elsewhere I thought I need to lock her down. After about 6 weeks of dating I asked her out, she said she's not sure yet and would think about it, but let's keep doing what we're doing. I was like the needy plate wanting security. Over time we carried on, me trying my utmost to please her, bare in mind I was a guy getting a decent amount of pussy before this but I had convinced myself she was the one.

I cut out all the other woman I was talking to and focused solely on her, because that's what gentlemen do right? Finally SHE said okay we can do a trial period. I thought this was great, I was dating a stunner, guys were jealous of me, woman ogled me with her on my arm. There was just one problem, I still hadn't fucked her. I tried and tried and slowly I went through the bases like a toddler and after 3 months of knowing her I finally fucked her, and sweet Jesus did I fuck the shit out of her. I was experienced enough and gave her a great time, but what a journey to get there.

We decided everything together in the relationship, because you know we're a team right? Sadly most of the time it was her bitching about things I wanted to do, and me compromising on things she wanted to do. I thought it was best to just keep the peace. Seeing my friends and family was always a drag for her, but I made all the effort in the world to acquaint myself with her family and friends without question.

The theme of me having to work for everything continued throughout the relationship. Most people thought I must be happy because I'm dating a model. But despite constantly convincing myself I was, I was anything but. She would constantly tell me she's not sure about us and just needs to see more from to know that she's sure. Dedicated me thought ok, let me do what she's saying she wants. I would write letters, give her cute gifts. I would constantly be available for her, constantly showed her how much she meant to me.

Throughout this period she would still go out to work and do promos in clubs with men flirting and drooling after her all night. She would also chat with guys while out at work and although she never flirted directly with guys in front of me she would also never make a point of batting them away, she was "just talking". When she bumped into orbiters she'd chat at length to them. In short she was an attention whore. Wherever it came from. Her Instagram, when we were out, the fact that she mostly had guy friends, because "girls are so bitchy".

I would get jealous all the time and openly show it, she would deny any wrong doing and make it seem like I was being controlling. All the while if I ever went out alone or spoke to other girls it would be a major issue. So being the good little blue smurf I was I would avoid going out without her, I would avoid talking to other girls, i would make a point of not making her jealous, because it clearly upset her and I wanted her to be happy. This was a one way street however.

She was constantly moody, like the Grinch moody. Always had some issue or another and would take it out on me. Arguments became more and more regular, and every time we would argue it always had to be me to back down and apologize. I didn't want to lose her. I would make it up to her with some soppy apology or do something nice to make things right again. I started to spend less time with friends and even family, because it would be an issue if I did almost anything without her. I started to focus less on my job to pour more time and attention to my relationship. But, it was to no avail, I couldn't understand why the more I was trying to make her happy the more upset she was.

I had always heard that communication was key in a relationship. I tried to tell her how I felt. I would tell her about all the trials and hardships I was going through. It baffled me as to why things weren't coming right when we were talking and being open and honest with each other.

My friends and family could see it, and tried to speak to me, but I denied everything, told them they didn't know her like I do, in fact this distanced me even further from them. I was spending way too much money on her, my lifting had taken a back seat. The sex was becoming less and less. Then one day I was deleting old pics off an old phone and saw one from right before I met her. It was at a party. I was smiling, ripped to the core, and had a hottie on my arm that I banged later that night. I looked in the mirror that day and saw how much weight I'd loss, the bags under my eyes, hair scruffy and unkempt and thought "what the fuck has happened to me".

I used to do what I wanted, bang who I wanted, see who I wanted. Woman used to love me, but here I was sacrificing everything, giving everything of myself to please this one woman. Overnight I checked out of the relationship. I simply stopped caring. Stopped caring how she felt and started caring how I felt, in fact I resented her. I started going out with my friends again, stopped communicating with her. Started doing what I wanted when I wanted. Didn't care if she got jealous. I didn't care if the relationship ended. I basically started living life for myself.

We had been together for about 2 years at this point.

The change in her was almost immediate. Suddenly her moods disappeared. She was so much happier and positive all the time. She suddenly started working less to no promo shifts all on her own. She started making cute little things for me. She went out of her way to make sure I didn't get jealous. She shut down guys when they approached her. Told me regularly how much I meant to her. She suddenly wanted to have sex all the time. She was becoming the woman I thought she would be when I was doing everything in my power to please her.

I tried to get back into it but I was dead at this point. I held far too much resentment. Why now? Why now that I'm out is she suddenly in? Why didn't she care when I was trying so damn hard? Eventually we Sat down one day and I told her it was over, she sobbed and cried, and said she was so sorry. That she knew she was difficult, and didn't appreciate me. She said she would change. She said she would be different. But it was too late for me, I had made up my mind. I walked out and never looked back.

She continued to contact me, trying to reconcile. It was hard at first, but I never replied. I knew it had to be a clean break. I knew that I had to focus on myself for a bit. Rebuild myself. The relationship was so draining and I had no sense of who I was anymore.

One day I was chatting to a friend about it, telling him that I just couldn't figure out how the harder I tried, the worse she became, and the less I tried the better she became. He directed me here and the rest is history.


  • Vetting is imperative. I did zero vetting, fuckall. Had I taken my eyes off her ass long enough to see her many shortfalls I would have saved myself tons of uphill.
  • There is no soulmate/destiny only compatability. Going into any relationship with that notion is a cancer. It's good as long as it's good and if it's not no matter how much you think it's your soulmate it's time to walk.
  • A woman will not reward you in proportion to your efforts. In fact the opposite was true for Kayla. The more I gave the more she took. The less I gave, the more invested she became. I made her happiness my priority and the nett result was that we were both miserable. Her moody and me baffled as to why she wasn't satisfied with it. In reality all I was doing was showing that I was a low value man, that would put up with whatever shit she threw at me. I gave her comfort, and that gave her license to behave how she wanted. And how she wanted was to extract as much from me as possible.
  • Woman have no idea what they want. Despite my best efforts to do everything she said she wanted it never satisfied her. She was her most happy and devoid of moods when I checked out of the relationship. The prospect of losing me suddenly dawned on her and she finally started treating me the way I had always hoped for her to. A woman will only respect you if she knows you can leave her.
  • Abundance abundance abundance. I cut out all woman to make Kayla worry less. What I was doing was engineering the demise of my own relationship. She didn't appreciate me for this, she only saw it as more reason to behave how she wanted without consequence, because I removed every consequence out of my life.
  • Set boundaries. There were many times I should have walked. But every time I didn't she pushed those boundaries a little further the next time. Partying, talking to other guys in front of me, I should never have tolerated that shit, but I did, so she kept doing it.
  • When you give her comfort, hypergamy runs rife. This is why she would go out all the time, talk to other guys. She was constantly gauging her market value, seeing what other options were available to her, I think the only reason she didn't branch swing was because I still held some value in the form of looks, social status, career.
  • Sex and commitment. I handed over commitment on a silver platter, she never had to prove herself worthy. All the while I hadn't even fucked her yet. Which she kept dangling in front of me like a banana to a chimp. She never had to work for my affections, that came free of charge. While I was a circus clown trying to bang her, it was only when my interest would waver that she'd finally give it up.
  • A woman can not respect a man who isn't a strong leader. I thought making decisions together was a great relationship move. I didn't set boundaries. I blame myself for the problems in the relationship. I didn't lead, and without me leading she was left having to lead herself. And the direction she lead herself in was neither pleasant for me or her.
  • Your willingness to leave is what keeps her invested. She will not honor your undying loyalty. Your devotion is worthless to her. It simply devalues you in her eyes. A strong alpha who's biology is to spread his seed but sits like a loyal little puppy for one special little woman can't be all that high value after all.
  • Simply can't negotiate attraction. As much as I would express my issues and spend hours upon hours arguing, my logic fell on deaf ears. A woman will behave based on her feelings. If you want her to change, make the way she feels change. Logic or reason will simply not yield results
  • Maintaining yourself in a relationship. I began to let myself slip and all this did was lower my market value. Which lowered my value in her eyes, this only makes her more comfortable and hypergamous.

Part 2

It's been a good few years now. I spun plates for many years and enjoyed myself. I was living for me and it made me happy. I had no stress and no worries. I built up my business, got seriously back into lifting, solid group of friends, overall I was in a good space.

I had finally gotten to a point where one of my relationships had progressed to the point of emotional investment. Although this time it was different. So very very different.

At this point I was a different man, held different beliefs about woman and their interactions with men, but most of all I had different expectations from them. I was plating two woman at the time and would still get something fresh here and there in between.

I met Sarah at a mall. She was walking towards me, and I was looking directly at her. Beautiful face, small petite body, perky ass(again) she had a very natural beauty about her with deep sparkly eyes. I've never been one for social anxiety and went up to her and spoke to her, chatted for a bit, got her number walked away.

Sarah is beautiful, she's an ex model(quit because she despised the industry), In my opinion better looking than Kayla, some of my friends agree, one or two think Kayla was hotter, matter of taste I guess. Overall it's a pretty good comparison of two woman of equal social standing.

Messaged her a couple days later and set up a date. Went for casual drinks, nothing fancy. The conversation flowed, we both had a great time. We went out to a casual drinks spot on the beach. We went for a walk on the beach afterwards and I went for the pull in. She was very much into it and I could tell the close was on the cards. I lived a short walk away and Invited her to come and see the view from my place. She was keen, we walked back, had glass of wine and fucked like rabbits.

Over the next few weeks we saw each other about twice a week, sometimes only once (depending on other plates). It was mostly casual, her coming over to me and if we did something it would be very casual. The sex was good, I was happy and enjoying myself and so was she.

Throughout this time I continued seeing my other plates and even gaming new girls.

After about two months or so we started spending a bit more time together. I had a lot more fun with her personality wise than my other girls. She was fun, easy going, chilled, smart. I would want to do something or go somewhere and I'd find myself taking her along. She loved the fact that I was showing a little more investment in her.

Slowly but surely I started seeing the other girls less(but not completely). I didn't explicitly tell her I was seeing other girls but I didn't exactly hide it either. Sometimes one of them would leave something at my place and the other would find it. But I didn't care, I wasn't exclusive. I was also chatty to other girls in front of her, I didn't tell her what I did during the time I wasn't with her. In fact most of my life besides some fun here and there and my bedroom she knew very little about me. What she did know was that if she left at any point that I had other options.

It wasn't long before the dreaded "where is this going talk" came up. She was used to guys chasing her hard but said with me she had no idea where she stood. I brushed it off mostly, saying I'm having fun right now and so are you right? So lets just keep enjoying ourselves and it goes where it goes.

We started doing more and more together, but never at the expense of my work or family and friends. When I had work the next day it was in bed by 10. When I wanted to see my friends I did. But when I was with her I was with her, I would take her on weekend always to my holiday place. We would go out a little more, for dinners, or to the beach. With me cutting down my visits from my other plates I felt myself investing a little more emotionally in her. This was something she was never to know. As per our discussion I kept taking it day by day, simply enjoying the process.

After about 6 months I had cut out seeing other girls. It was just Sarah now. Things we're good. She was an animal in bed and wanted to fuck all the time. In fact I had trouble keeping up with her. We would bang every time I saw her, which was about 3 times a week at this point. We would do alot of fun things together and I think she picked up on the little more investment she was getting. She seemed genuinely over the moon about it. Despite "the talk" coming up again, I never gave her anymore security. She still didn't know how I spent my time apart from her, and I would stilll keep contact with other girls. We'd go out and I'd bump into other girls I knew, I'd chat and be friendly(as i am). I could see the jealousy all over her face every time I did.

I was happy. She treated me like a king. Always doing cute things for me, massages, dinners, blowjobs in the car. I'd go over to her place and she'd be naked in kitchen waiting for me. Things were good, one day she even blurted out "I love you". I simply smiled back and said "I know" despite my overwhelming feeling to say it back.

I was the leader and she supported me well. She was an angel 99% percent of the time. She never went out and partied, and if she did she'd make sure I came along. She'd bat away any attention she got from other guys, in all the time we were together I think there was only one thing she did that I didn't agree with. I cut down contact for a day. She apologized a day later and it's never happened again. I never told her she can't see other people. Never told her to bat away other guys, never told her she had to do anything for me. She did it all on her own.

She did alot for me and trust me I appreciated it. But it wasn't all one way. I'd do/buy nice stuff for her sometimes as well, mostly when she was being cute or sweet and I thought she really deserved it. I would take her on amazing adventures. We'd do crazy things together, We'd be wild and naughty. We'd get drunk together, Get high together. I would help her with her career. I'd give her advice. Her life was heading in a much better direction as a result of our time together. Her closest childhood friend even told me one day that she never seen Sarah happier.

A couple more months went by and upon the next "talk" I told her we can give it a go and see how it goes, but we'll take it day by day. It's been over a year and half since we met now and nothing has changed. The sex is still wild as ever, We still have a ton of fun. She is still the same sweetheart I met, who cooks naked, massages me and comes home with a cute surprise for me.

To this day I still lift hard as ever, my work is still a top priority and she loves spending time with my friends and family.


  • Approach and have confidence throughout relationship. From the moment I approached her to now, I did everything with confidence. If your confidence/frame is unbroken by her beauty, shit tests she'll perceive you to be high value.
  • She's not special, don't treat her as such. There's a million more like her. I never did all the mushy nice things I did for Kayla to Sarah. Kayla sat on an undeserved pedestal and gave me no reward for my efforts.
  • She needs to work for your attention. The nicer Sarah was, doing nice things the more attention she got and deservedly so. The worse she behaved or had unnecessary moods, the less attention she got.(which was next to never) A woman will work for your attention when it's given sporadically.
  • Maintaining other options. I never cut ties with other woman, she knew this. I spoke to other woman(not flirt) in front of her. Your ability to get other woman is directly correlated to how well she treats you. If she knows theres an abundance of other women willing to step in if she treats you like shit, she will cease to do so.
  • Commitment is earned not given. She continuously worked to prove she was a good option for a relationship and continues to do so. A woman will not reward you for committing to her. She will reward you in an effort to gain your commitment.
  • Lead in decisions. I'll tell her we're doing something fun this weekend, or that we're going to a cool place for dinner, she appreciates and takes comfort that she doesn't have to worry about these things. As much as society says it's a "team effort", there can only be one captain steering the ship and it better be you. A woman can relax and be happy knowing that she has a strong, capable leader who has her best interests at heart.
  • Comfort Kills attraction. This deserves it's own post. Kayla was as comfy as can be, Sarah knows her spot is not guaranteed. The more comfortable she is the less effort she puts in, and why would she? Knowing that you can leave if she treats you like shit, or that you can replace her is what keeps her invested.
  • Keep up your own life. With Kayla I slacked on lifting, family and friends. She saw that as all the more reason to put less effort in. Sarah knows my life will still be great without her. Maintain your market value. Career, Friendship networks, lifting. A man on a mission who has his own kick ass life and goals is what makes her want to be apart of that journey. If you can't look after and respect yourself, neither will she.
  • Treat her when it's earned. I bought Kayla nice things and did cute little things to make her feel better or happy and she instinctively picked up that shit moodiness, tantrums yielded investment from me. Sarah gets rewarded positively and she behaves positively to earn it.


Ultimately there is always game going on. Whether you decide to play it or not is up to you. She is constantly measuring your performance. Not with a scorecard or checklist, but subconsciously she is measuring the way you behave towards her and determining your value based on that.

How she values you is significantly important. It's the determining factor of how she treats you. I played towards all the markers of a low value man in my first LTR and I got treated as such. I take responsibility for that. In my most recent LTR I'm playing towards the markers of a high value man, and I'm getting treated as such, and she is happier for it too.

Often when i mention this people will say "I don't want to constantly be playing a game" but in all honestly when you've done it long enough it almost becomes second nature. You're conscious of it but the way you react to things is almost automated.

More importantly, she's playing the game, as the selector she's measuring her selection all the time. And when you've been deemed to be a good one, she will treat you as such. She will be happy, sweet, sexual, supportive. A moody, sexless relationship is a sign of a woman who's not entirely happy with her selection.

I'm thankful for both relationships, one for the growth it drove me to have and the other for the happiness I derive from it. Most of all I take comfort knowing that the success of it lies entirely in my hands.

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Post Information
Title My Pre TRP relationship vs my Post TRP Relationship
Author KeffirLime
Upvotes 742
Comments 128
Date August 13, 2018 3:48 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/TheRedPill
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[–]elaferney108 points109 points  (31 children) | Copy Link

I have to say I liked this post a lot. Where I find it most challenging is that when youre single its easy to be aloof/mysterious/hard-to-get. Its after that period passes and Im in a relationship that the blue pill comes out. I guess I get in a relationship, I let my guard down, I figure the chase is over and she likes me for me and I like her for her. I find in that period where I start dropping my guard and being vulnerable is the time that the dynamic shifts or that the girl suddenly is in the drivers seat. When Im single its easy to not care, when Im in a relationship I start to show jealousy, happiness, sadness..any range of emotions, it seems as soon as I become emotionally invested the relationship takes a turn for the worse.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 69 points70 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

Sadly the game never ends, they’re always scoring you.

And even more sadly they never like you for you, only who you appear to be. Which is why it’s important what traits you display to them no matter how long you’ve been together.

Certain traits will deem you to be high value and certain will drop your value.

You have to be aware of which traits you allow them to see. Over time showing them high value traits becomes ingrained in your character and almost automated. You just have to be cognizant of them in the beginning.

[–]captaindestucto14 points15 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

So in other words you can never really trust her or let your guard down, even in a crisis.

Assuming your post is an honest account, I'm not sure exactly what you gain from the relationship with Sarah other than sex and a transient form of satisfaction. TBH I think I'd end up fucking hating her. Looking into her eyes must be like staring into an abyss. Nothing beyond a predictable set of reactions. And in the end this is the person you're sharing your life with, and most of us would naturally want and hope for more than that.

(Obviously I'm no Red Pill acolyte but I am genuinely curious how the guys on this sub can be halfway happy like this.)

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 15 points16 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

So in other words you can never really trust her or let your guard down

I trust her so far as she's earned it. I wouldn't say fully as you never know, and the consequences for breaking that trust is simple. You can keep you guard up or you can let your guard down, no one is coercing you into doing either, just be prepared for the consequences of either.

I'm not sure exactly what you gain from the relationship

Sex, companionship, nurturing, a person who enthusiastically enjoys participating in things I enjoy doing. I quite enjoy the mentor dynamic in the relationship and watching her grow but I'm interested to hear your views on what I should be gaining from the relationship?

Nothing beyond a predictable set of reactions

This applies to most woman. You act a certain way and they'll react a certain way. It's human biology more than anything. Personally I'd rather know how my actions affect my life than taking shots in the dark and hoping it works out fine.

naturally want and hope for more than that

Back to earlier point, what more are you looking for?

[–]captaindestucto12 points13 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I trust her so far as she's earned it.

Misses the point; you can't ever trust her. According to this philosophy she's not capable of caring, only filling a void in herself, maybe pretending to care to keep the relationship going. You said it yourself: they don't love you, they love what you represent.

It's reasonable to ask then what happiness or comfort someone with these beliefs about the opposite sex could derive from a LTR.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 17 points18 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Misses the point; you can't ever trust her.

A woman who has a history of cheating, doesn't have sex with me, goes out alone all the time - She would get zero Trust. Based on my girls behavior she gets a little more, ultimately it's not even about trust, it's about the evidence. If I'm getting treated well then I'm happy. If she cheats on me, the relationship ends and my life goes on. So trust doesn't really feature. Simply evidence and consequences.

she's not capable of caring

No one is saying that. What were saying is she cares because of what you show her. Not because you're such a great guy.

they don't love you, they love what you represent

Sure, but if what they love about you is ingrained in your nature then they love YOU. Thats the goal of TRP. To do these things naturally. To practice the behaviors that yield investment from her until they're internalized. In the beginning you have to be aware of it, eventually it becomes second nature.

Bare in mind almost all relationships are transactional.

Your workplace hires people not because they're nice, but because of what they can add to the organisation.

Your friends are your friends because of how you make them feel.

No matter what philosophy you hold, a woman loves you for how you make THEM feel.

happiness or comfort

I told you what I derive, is that not enough? What more should I be deriving?

[–]creamynebula6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for your contributions in this thread, I learned a lot.

[–]TheLaughingRhino 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Any girl with a history of cheating had to start somewhere. Some dude had to be her first that she cheated on.

All women play a game/the game, some play it better than others.

"Sarah" is giving you classic Trad Con strategy. But it is still a strategy. This is the shit they push over at Red Pill Women to trick a guy into marriage. You are talking about evidence you see, but you don't see everything. Trust me, I know plenty of dudes, after the fact, were shocked they were being cheated on. The girls were just very good at hiding it. Also when your balls are being drained, sometimes it's hard to see the things you deep down don't want to see.

Also it's less than 2 years. It's still a "honeymoon" phase.

Listen, if you are happy, in general, I'm happy for you dude. Life is short, take the simple pleasures where you can.

Nothing a woman gives you is "better". It's just "different"

Sarah is not better than Kayla. She's just different. Thinking she's better denies AWALT. Thinking she's merely different FOR RIGHT NOW as long as YOU HAVE UTILITY TO HER embraces AWALT. It embraces Briffault's Law.

No one wants to come off as a hater if you are happy. Just watch your six. No one every expects "their turn" to end when it does. Good luck, brother.

[–]mediandirt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

He's not saying Sarah is better then kayla. If you'd read the post you'd understand that. He's saying HE is better NOW then he WAS.

He's basically making the point that what he has with Sarah he could have had with Kayla if he had the knowledge and TRP experience he has now. Sarah might be a little better purely on the fact that he didn't go just for the ass this time though(by better I mean they have more common interests.)

He doesnt need to worry about AWALT or shit all with Sarah if what he says is true. He has already set boundaries, shown abundance mentality, focuses on himself, and has let her know her place in the relationship. He just needs to realize if she is pulling shit or not. Because if it happens he'll just pull the plug and could give a fuck less. That's if what he says is true anyways.

There is no point to watch your six if you've pulled them into your frame and set boundaries. There is no reason to be suspicious and start mate guarding or some bullshit. They either do it or dont and if they do then NEXT.

Live worry free my dude.

[–]TheShearerComplex3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I think the point is they love you as long as you meet their needs or give them what they truly want. If you stop doing that, they will stop loving you. It’s getting over the myth of unconditional love that is at the core of red pill. Only your parents is possible of that, even then it’s extremely rare.

For example (albeit slightly extreme) you pull a “high quality” girl, who a lot of guys are chasing but she decides for whatever reason she wants to be with you. You have the same personality throughout the relationship but 2 years down the line you become 20 stone (127kg) and a heroin addict, would most girls still unconditionally love you?

That’s why “just be yourself” is a myth.

[–]ReformSociety7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

you become 20 stone (127kg) and a heroin addict

Jesus you don't have to take things to such extreme lengths.

What about crying when you're sad or being silly at times?

[–]mediandirt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

There are stills way to be TRP and do these things. If your parent just died or your dog or something actually terrible then you'll probably be fine. If you're bitching and crying all the time and being pathetic you're as good as dumped. If you get fired and cry, then you're as good as dumped. If you need to shed a tear here and there because something is truly saddening and out of your control, then it'll be fine my dude.

But when something bad happens in your life it doesnt give you an excuse to turn into a sniveling little bitch. You take a short amount of time to mourn/shed a tear over whatever happened and then you continue on striving towards whatever goal is in your life. Everyone's parents die. Everyone's dog dies. It's not an excuse to lose yourself.

Being silly is fine to. Make jokes or whatever. Some will like it some wont. It's all about how you go about it. If you're oozing confidence she's not gonna give a fuck if you feel like wearing a damn clown costume into the sack. It's all about frame and how you carry yourself that matters.

[–]PeteInq1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

This needn't be true imo. As long as you are not needy, you can express your true personality. Even feeling down can be shared as long as one is not looking for approval. Brad Blanton goes in depth into this - how one can be oneself, not be a pussy, and at the same time be attractive.

[–]TheShearerComplex1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Does he have a book out?

[–]ReformSociety0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Source/book for Brad Blanton?

[–]PeteInq2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, the book is called "Radical Honesty".

It is easiest to start experimenting with this over text. You might want to check this article:

[–]Snowaey1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're getting gold when I get home from work.

[–]Tek_Analyst14 points15 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

So, your comment resonated in me and I’m willing to bet, in the majority of subs here. After a long time of being on here and MRP, I’ve realized that the only way to get the aloof permanent feeling, is to be with someone that is beneath your value. Essentially beneath your SMV. She worships you, and as long as you keep increasing your value, doing guy things and maintaining yourself. You won’t lose that leadership role.

The problem is that in the same way that women find unattainable men appealing, so do we. When a woman worships us too much, we lose interest. There’s absolutely no chase. Most guys just keep the worshipper and plate girls on the side. Some live the morally correct way and settle. And some keep forever chasing the younger, hotter, more attractive girls till they can’t.

The way you want to do it is up to you. But there is no magic trick. Increase your value to a point where attractive women worship you. You’ll find that the more you improve yourself, the less you care about the women. Which inevitably leads you to a point where you are choosing what path you want - for you.

[–]elaferney4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

i agree. that makes a lot of sense.

I just picture my past relationships: youre single, you get in an argument, you go home and forget about the girl that wronged you. its easy to get the upper hand/not care/not be invested.

Same scenario, except now youre in a relationship, you argue, you work it out, you apologize, you cold shoulder eachother.

As one who never picks arguments, im historically the one that backs down. I guess I assume in a relationship: "were a team. she wants to resolve this too. were gonna get back to having fun" looking back at those stormy relationships - girls say it takes two to fight, it doesnt. sometimes it takes 1 bully and 1 person to stand up to them. in my case girls brought fights to my doorstep and i folded most of the time. im sure I became a bitch in their eyes, while simultaneously losing the drivers seat of the relationship, as well as felt completely powerless and on my heels the entire relationship.

[–]Tek_Analyst12 points13 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I used to be just like you. Analyzing and introspection of myself left and right. Did I do this or that right. Am I being a shitty leader. People like us that worry tend to struggle the most with the alpha characteristics. You might not think so, but it’s true. Just the simple notion of caring makes you more blue. Which is fine. There’s this big stigma around here regarding beta traits. Don’t let that question everything you do.

It’s healthy to analyze yourself. See your faults, and think about how to better handle situations - not just female ones. It’s part of growing. The very scenario you described, I must’ve lived with 5 different girls since my RP journey. We have to learn to care less. Thing is, most people take that and only know how to do that by being an asshole. But as time passes (and you improve yourself) you’ll just begin to align yourself with people that make sense to you, and go with what you want. It could be cause you’re more likable, a better leader, more attractive. Whatever it is, it just happens. But everything starts with making more money, looking better, and being happy.

You can’t control females, you can’t fix them or save them. But you can control yourself and your progress in life. Just do what you can do and the rest will follow.

Looping back to the alpha and beta traits. It’s not always better (regarding females) to be alpha. You just can’t be a bitch. I have some very aloha friends, and they really struggle keeping their girls happy. At first you tend to admire them and want to be like them cause they’re so dominant. But when you look at their relationship, it’s not a very good one. This subreddit touches quite a bit on the alpha / beta balance.

In my experience, my relationships are much more fulfilling and real than that of my friends that are very alpha. Much like OP I’ve found a girl that falls into the same category he’s described. Years of reading, plates, and heartaches. None of it really meant anything. If I would’ve just grasped from the beginning that the second I got my shit together, was making good money, attractive and financially stable it would’ve all lined up. Coincidence?

If I could take the journey back I wouldn’t, because it showed me truths I wouldn’t have learned otherwise. But I’d definitely go back, worry less, have fun until my life was in order as a man. Like really in order.

This sub talks about pickup game and this and that. Listen. Once you own your shit and feel/look good they will come to you. You just need to learn to weed out the ones with worse traits. And that, only comes from the journey, plating, and having those deep talks after Netflix and chill nights.

[–]jy432 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy Link

curious... i am struggling with the worry less, have fun until my life was in order as a man.

i am 23 right right now. from age 13 to about 21 i feel like my life was pretty much on hold and my parents turned a blind eye to everything i was doing. i was doing a lot of drugs, getting in trouble, hanging out with losers. in fact i went way, way backwards. i was happy, was starting to have a good group of friends, played sports, and was honestly good looking prior to everything that happened. over the course of about the 7 or so yrs i gained a substantial amount of weight (was 220 at 5'9 in 10th grade) grew my hair and beard out really long, i became very very depressed, got ugly. typical alpha mom/beta dad youve read it here before im sure.

how am i supposed to worry less and have fun when i feel like i need to make up for all the years that i fucked around? during the times i should have been improving myself and becoming a man. i am back to looking good again, ive lost all the weight. i am now 5'9 at 170, good physique and taking care of myself again, no drugs or alcohol, etc. but i feel like i cannot relax and nothing i do even though i do it... ride my bike, skateboard, work out 5x a week, eat healthy, abstain from drugs... i get very little moments of joy and happiness. its very short lived. i still do everything that i know im supposed to do but i just feel empty as fuck inside.

[–]ziggy1234kurt 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

LOL you are 23 buddy, at 23 i had no money at all to my name, government gave me a few hundred every week, and that is the year i started reading any philosophy book i could get my hands on and now at 30 i am a millionaire.

My advice is choose something you can make money at and slightly enjoy, and go slowly at it but consistently, think of the next 7 years not the past 10, or the next 1 or 2 years. If i was more consistent from your age i would be in a better position then i am now. Slow incremental gains are the key to success and getting good at something.

Be well rounded:

Learn a language-Preferably an Asian one as it will take you to 30 to get good from now

Play an instrument

Read Philosohy



Learn a martial arts

Go to the gym-learn about nutrition

Go into nature/hikes/beach often

Stop using the internet as much

All this will put you in a position so when luck does come to you, you are ready to recievce and use her to the best of your ability.

You have honestly got your entire life ahead of you and no more then what i did at your age, I learned about all the books that gave me a headstart from the Joe Rogan forum at 23

[–]Blaze_Bless0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great advice well put man, there's alot of love on this sub and encouragement, plenty of bullshit posturing as well but seeing posts like yours actually have a positive impact, lift and direct, cheers mate.

[–]Tek_Analyst3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You can’t make up for time lost. Your story is a common one and you’re not alone. If you’re feeling like you’re empty as fuck, I believe you just haven’t found something that matters to you. A purpose, a reason for getting up and looking forward to the day.

Women can never be that reason, because the moment they know they are your sole reason for living, they won’t want you. They want to follow, not be the reason you breathe.

In hindsight I can say, “I wish I would’ve just relaxed and enjoyed the stupid shit. Family, friends, game nights.” Cause the women come, I promise they come. In fact, you begin to not want them around. But I understand on your end it’s hard to see that, or better yet, feel that.

Just do what it is you need to do to improve your life. Not just lifting, school, certifications, work. Put yourself in a position to succeed in life, and when you do that and actually feel good about that. You will naturally attract women. You’ll be so confident that they smell it on you when you walk by.

I think a part of it all is also learning to have fun with the failures. You have to fail in order to know how to succeed. If you go to a bar, and approach a chick, and fail miserably. You’re going to self analyze and realize whatever you did, didn’t work. But what you don’t realize is that very same thing might’ve worked on a different girl. Just don’t be this super fucking weirdo. Be normal, and confident, and happy. There will be chicks that want you in that way and some that don’t. Have fun with the ones that do, and blow off the ones that don’t. Not everyone is David Beckham.

The struggle everyone seems to go through is they make women the goal. They’re not the goal, they’re not even the journey. They’re just there to compliment us, please us, and make our lives easier in whatever path we choose. But you can’t get there if you’re always thinking about why you’re not there. You get there by doing the things necessary to get there.

[–]ReformSociety2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Here's an excerpt from No More Mr. Nice Guy:

The most important aspect of reclaiming personal power and getting what one wants in love and life is surrender. Surrender doesn't mean giving up, it means letting go of what one can't change and changing what one can.

Surrender allows recovering Nice Guys to let go and respond to life's complex beauty, rather than trying to control it. Surrender allows these men to see life as a laboratory for learning, growth, and creativity. Surrender allows recovering Nice Guys to see each life experience as a "gift" from the universe to stimulate growth, healing and learning.

Instead of asking, "Why is this happening to me?" the recovering Nice Guy can respond to life's challenges by pondering, "What do I need to learn from this situation?"

[–]enfier0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What is she going to do, get stomping mad? So what?

This is the life you get when you are faking outcome independence and a purpose driven life. You don't have to get into the argument, you don't have to work it out or apologize. You've got something more important to work on. If she's there and being unpleasant, ask her to leave.

If she brings a fight to your doorstep, you just shut your door and go on with your day.

[–]Starfuckingman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

While this surely fucking sucks, no doubt. But think about it from another perspective. Men are there to lead and rule, to dominate life and be busy dominating it and applying themselves to their mission, If you can't, frustration awaits you. Whether its in a form of you sucking your wife's/gf's dick or sucking better men's dick. That's why SMV is important, lifting is important, discipline is important and anything you can learn from is important.

[–]LordLoveRocket_870 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I did this too with every relationship ive been in. In the last one i would do too many nice things for her at the start, she did love me i think before we got together or maybe not love but was always interested i was young and playing the field but i dropped all my plates once we got together officially. But there's a fine balance between not giving a fuck and keeping her invested to not giving a fuck and towards the end i didn't bother texting her as much and let her do her own thing and i did mine. That is one of the reasons we broke up i realised now as a didn't do enough for her. (her words)

[–]elaferney0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

so your saying not becoming emotionally invested screwed you?

[–]LordLoveRocket_87-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

No i was emotionally invested i loved the girl and travelled and spent a lot of time with her and made many happy memories, but she asked before was i interested and she felt like i didn't want a girlfriend.

[–]elaferney0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

so... your last sentence there... she felt like you didnt want a gf...because you were acting being distant screwed you? or am i not following?

[–]Endorsed ContributorFeralRed202 points203 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

"Ultimately there is always game going on. Whether you decide to play it or not is up to you."

There are the pill distinctions.

Redpill gives you the tools to play.

Blackpill angrily takes the ball and goes home.

Bluepill refuses to believe there is a game at all.

Great post.

[–]Origami8422 points23 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I am not sure about the "angrily". If you dont like the game, you quit and play something else. And i think that most people dont like the game, they simply enjoy the prizes for the winners.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lol u can’t quit this game.

[–]1cappadocianhawk5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

They took away my 2 hours a week show on the local radio for saying that if you aren't trying to win at life you are losing by default and " I'm not playing this society game " mindset is just you rationalizing your loser mentality.

Was getting bored anyway. Actionable advice is never listened to.

[–]Endorsed ContributorFeralRed3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"Don't pull my head out of the sand! It's warm and comforting and dark and I can pretend that if I can't see anything, nothing can see me."

"Dude, you're an ostrich...."

"Fuck off, I identify as a razor clam."

"You do you."

[–]1ozaku719 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your post is so fucking effortless. It's like you only read the first sentence of the summary and the rest could be added to any other post without context.

[–]Gr0o0vy38 points39 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hands down one of the best retrospections I have seen on this sub.

Sadly, as it has been said, the game never ends... but at least some of us know it. We know that we can not set the rules of the game - but we can adjust accordingly.

[–]Guardian_of_Justice2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

We know that we can not set the rules of the game - but we can adjust accordingly.

But if all the male agents in the market start behaving the certain way, that changes the game rules. So, better start working on a mind control machine now.

[–]light-----------dark15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post.

It’s fascinating how much can be learned in retrospect. Speaks volumes to the importance of maintaining awareness on this journey.

[–]1ozaku712 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Best post I have read so far. In my book, you simply get it and you did everything right with Sarah as far as you have written. This is why women tell you to be yourself, more specifically, Your Self. Have your own friends, own family, own values, respect, princinples, view on life. She is just there to join you on your ride, and your ride has to be awesome for yourself. Women are a mirror who reflect who you are to yourself.

[–]IncomeByEtnicity19 points20 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Wow, Kayla was a Bitch. Sorry you had to go through that. But there are no mis-steps in life. If it weren't for every one of them painful ones with Kayla, you would never have met Sarah. Good post!

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 57 points58 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Thanks man, although I don't blame her. She is a woman and she was simply being a woman. The behavior I was showing her resulted in the treatment I received.

[–]GodOfDinosaurs15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Great FR. I cringed pretty hard reading about your BP behavior with Kayla, but I think we've all been there

I think the biggest takeaway from this post is that Abundance and commitment are actually compatible, and that commitment without Abundance is disastrous. You must maintain Abundance in any LTR or your girl will go the way of Kayla.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No one cringes harder than me, although overall I’m thankful for it. It acted as the reference point during my pill swallowing process. I had more of “oh that makes sense” reaction to what I read here more than anything else.

Not only are they compatible, they are crucial. Doesn’t have to be in a disrespectful way, but it’s crucial she knows you have other options

[–]Gavlar888 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

I wish I could just overnight say no more and walk away. Fucking hate how my mind works.

[–]Nocryingok2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Maybe today you can't. Maybe today your mind works like this. But it can change with time. Just do things right and abundance will come

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Holy shit. Your first relationship is almost like an identical description of my first relationship too 😂

[–]rationalmillenial7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post man. Goes to show that women don't want to hear the lyrics, they just want to dance.

[–]MakeMenGreatAgain4414 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My life goal is to become like you

[–]nester795 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post. Every single man should read this.

I can totally relate on both ends. Gosh reading about your first relationship reminds me of one of mine in the past - good fucking riddance.

[–]Shredderick4202 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Truly a good post, I saw myself in many ways in your pre trp relationship. Nice contrast pulled with the post trp relatioship

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Same I feel like almost every man goes through that type of relationship at one point and it’s just up to the man to recognize what happened.

[–]fuggetboutit3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Very well written, much to learn from this and should be re-read a few times.

[–]flapjacksrbetter2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Very nice post. Was eye opening. I saw the same mistakes u made with your ex with mine. How did u vet her?

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Looked out for certain character traits I like in a woman:

Submissive, Feminine, Family Girl, Chilled, Supportive, Nurturing, Sexual

Also looked out for Red Flags:

Needs attention, Party Girl, All guy friends, Argumentative, Too material, Over inflated ego

There's plenty more if anyone else wants to add.

Over time you gauge where she stands on these points. I also make sure to not commit until many months down the line to see if there's any character changes as she gets more comfortable.

Then even once you do commit the vetting process continues to see for any further behavior changes once committed.

[–]pridebrah3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Needs attention

This one is so fucking hard for me to avoid. Have yet to really find a chick that doesn't fall under this category, especially with the uprise of Instagram making it worse.

[–]Blaze_Bless0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Social media is cancer and chicks seem to be fully addicted to it, I'm highly skeptical of any chick with social media it just screams narcissistic attention whore

[–]flapjacksrbetter1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Its funny how we got here. This shit aint no joke. Male sexual strategy

[–]huckleberry_780 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Like you say here. I think these two girls personality’s had as much effect on the relationship as your own actions. Had you met Kayla second she would have slowly whittled away your worth and confidence even if you started out confident from the past relationship with the other chick. Kayla was just being super attentive after you lost interest because she knew she was losing you. Once she “had” you again, she would have started doing the same shit once again. Sounds like you got a better catch the second time around.

[–]whatsthisgarg 1 points [recovered]  (5 children) | Copy Link

Dude, in some of your past posts and comments, you actually said you were a "natural" and you even went so far as to claim you were "an Alpha" (and I believe you did capitalize it) and yet here you are, you might want to re-evaluate your past assessment of yourself:

I tried and tried and slowly I went through the bases like a toddler and after 3 months of knowing her I finally fucked her

That is some High School shit. Like bottom-tier stuff. One date and no kiss, I would move on, and yet you went TWO WEEKS for just a kiss? If there's no fuck by the third date, it's over. I think when I was a college freshman I gave a woman four chances once.

I'm not trying to be a hater. This was an honest post. Just to pick out two things to emphasize; these are some of those things that a lot of guys need to hear, because if they've never experienced it they do not believe it.

First, the part where you checked out and she checked back in. It's amazing, and it's really that simple. I did this with a woman after a few years she started to get lazy and distracted. I actually was trying to push her out of my life entirely. I completely ignored her or was actively mean to her, and was planning my exit. She did a complete 180 in a very short time. It got good again. I was baffled, until years later I started reading TRP and all was explained.

The second thing is the notion guys have that they don't want to have to be ON all the time, like it's exhausting. Maybe it's because they look at everything like a game, which is just a childish outlook. Guess what guys, you want to be with an awesome woman, you're going to have to be awesome yourself. And I read the responses as "But I don't WANT to be awesome everyday." what the fuck kind of attitude is that? Why would you want to hang on to unattractive behaviors?

My point is, OP is right, these characteristics become engrained in you over time. Eventually, you're not TRYING anymore, you just ARE. I'm the same guy when I'm alone, when I'm with friends and family, and when I'm with a woman. There is no facade. And it's not just for women either, it's a matter of integrity and self-respect.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 14 points15 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

The post in question I painted “Natural Alpha” In a somewhat a negative light. Individuals who were sexually successful early on(like I was) but blissfully unaware as to why, therefore still hopelessly attached to blue pill ideals like “soulmates” and marriage that drive an individual to wait a couple dates for a kiss because he thinks he’s got a nice traditional girl(also known as ze oneitis)

[–]whatsthisgarg 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy Link

Individuals who were sexually successful early on(like I was) but blissfully unaware as to why,

Sexually successful, but lacking abundance mentality and outcome independence?

therefore still hopelessly attached to blue pill ideals like “soulmates” and marriage that drive an individual to wait a couple dates for a kiss because he thinks he’s got a nice traditional girl

This chick you describe did not sound like a nice traditional girl at any time in the telling (I will admit I did some speed-reading; man, you need to learn to edit, just way too much detail).

Anyway, I'll just assume you had some value system in place in that first story that I don't understand.


PS don't use "alpha" as a noun, it reveals a fundamental misunderstanding of TRP. The term refers to traits and characteristics, not individual persons. To give you the benefit of the doubt, perhaps you were using it to refer to an archetype, but the perpetuation of that term as a noun is giving young dudes the misguided impression that they should "try to be an Alpha." It becomes silly.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Abundance doesn’t necessarily mean abundance mentality. When you’re blue pill you can get a lot of pussy, doesn’t mean you won’t settle for one woman.

Early sexual success also doesn’t guarantee outcome independence. A natural alpha(still blue pill) is outcome independent because things are going his way. When things cease to go his way he will become outcome dependent because outcome independence is a learned mentality.

I actually had an entire discussion on the post with an EC and he ended up agreeing with me.

She had some traditional traits, I would have to write a thesis if you really wanted to get to know her. Yes the value system I had in place is commonly known as blue pill programming.

In the post I was using Natural Alpha in a biological context. A large part of it was a biological discussion. That’s why it’s a noun.

[–]whatsthisgarg 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

In the post I was using Natural Alpha in a biological context. A large part of it was a biological discussion. That’s why it’s a noun.

Way to get bogged down in your own defensiveness, instead of actually having a conversation that might have contributed to our own and someone else's improvement. You just completely ignored all the best constructive content in my first reply. I guess that's what you think "an Alpha" would do. LOL

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You misrepresented what I said and I simply clarified it.

The rest of your reply was a comprehensive contribution that I had nothing to add to that I hadn't already mentioned in the post.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

"Your ability to get other woman is directly correlated to how well she treats you. If she knows theres an abundance of other women willing to step in if she treats you like shit, she will cease to do so."

This lesson seemed so counter-intuitive to me for the longest time. I fought it tooth and nail because it directly contradicted my ideal blue pill image of the faithful and strong family man. Looking back on it now, it seems incredibly obvious how wrong I was. That sense of dread is incredibly powerful and honestly has massive effects with even the most minimal use given an acceptable SMV.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 10 points11 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I think Chateau Hartiste said it best “dread for life; happy wife”

[–]fuggetboutit3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I have a question about that. Doesn't this imply to a woman that you arent invested in her and therefore she shouldnt invest in you because you can easily jump ship and seem aloof and not into her that much?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Nothing is more threatening yet simultaneously attractive to a woman than a man who is aware of his own value to women. - Rollo

Part of that awareness is genuinely being willing to walk away because you understand that you are the ultimate prize. If she doesn't invest in you, then she doesn't hold your value high enough and you should place your efforts into the women that do. The women that do will make your life much easier as they end up gaming themselves to your advantage.

[–]Douchelampe0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

but you can't extent this too much in my understanding because you should still be the one who's hitting her up asking for a date or a movie night, right?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sure, take the lead and initiate. However, if she is making the process any more difficult than necessary then you're better off moving on. It usually isn't worth it.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you're with her you're already showing somewhat of an investment. The dread is simply to keep her working for that investment.

Sure, if you show too much disinterest then she'll feel it's futile even trying. There's a sweetspot of showing interest but keeping her working to maintain that interest.

[–]Rabbit-Punch2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for a good post about a healthy relationship, not too common here.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

To feel redpill naturally just be a hard catch. You work on yourself, don't settle for crap. You don't play a game per se, you keep it real and you can just walk or show distance and aloofness if you are displeased.

[–]PolicialX2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I've read all the lines of your report. I truly liked it! But it made lucid a nebulous doubt I always had reading TRP:

How do you know that the difference between the two girls was caused by your behavior changes, instead of just different personalities?

Can I assume that girls, like us man, are different from each other, right?

(I'm from Brasil, if you identify any mistake in the text, please tell me)

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The answer to that is to have had a sample size big enough of encounters with woman using the techniques I did in my first relationship and then using the techniques I did in the second relationship.

I had a substantial amount of both. Although not to LTR level but many for long periods of time where I observed my behaviors and the corresponding effects it had on the women I was seeing's behavior.

The short answer is go out and test it and see the results.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fantastic post. It always breaks my heart to read about the "I promise I can change" conversation that invariably follows the end of any formerly-blue pill relationship. To me, that's like saying "I wasn't willing to be different before, but I am now", which I find to be insulting more than anything.

Glad to see that you've moved on, and that you seem to be quite happy.

[–]MisterTwo_O2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

TRP is mindfuck. I'm definitely blue pill by TRP standards (bluish red maybe?). Most of the posts I read are about having sex with multiple women. When you guys talk about LTR/ marriage, do you mean that there can be no honest and open relationship? That I can't expose my flaws/ show weakness to my SO? TRP confuses me. I need some clarity.

[–]dsldragon2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"she was keen" . . . made this field report sound like bullshit

[–]anonymillions1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

so happy for you! its with an LTR, the other person needs to earn it

[–]panconquesofrito1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This was a fantastic read!

[–]Mad_King1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well played my fella. You unlock the brain of the female human and also all humans. Playing better on a game requires a good knowledge of that games mechanics. Claps /__/\

[–]TheTrenTrannyTrain1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You mentioned that to make a woman change her behaviour, you have to make her change how she feels. I like that idea and I think that's something you can potentially expand in that.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

100%, I'll be expanding on it in a post fairly soon.

[–]jonotol1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am currently in the same position as you, 6 months behind. Your summary of the key points moving forward is really appreciated.

[–]whatsmyname171 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Great post. Are there any books you’d recommend that you feel have influenced your behavior substantially?

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Besides the obvious of Rational Male most of my reading was done on here, some of u/Whisper and u/HumanSockPuppet's stuff is fairly good. Rollo's Blog. Some of Chateau Hartiste's blog.

And then obviously going out and constanly testing what I had read.

[–]Luckyluke231 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

GREAT post man. this is one of the better ones I have read.

you put A LOT of effort into the SUMMERY part of each section. which is where the best part. i learned a lot from them. thanks.

I can't wait till I am able to get the second part. it's only a matter of time now.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks man, appreciate the feedback.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I need me a Sarah in my life

[–]furcryingoutloud5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sarahs are not born, they are made. You don't have a Sarah because you don't yet know how to make one. Go read the sidebar.

[–]awakenedspirit11 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is fantastic. I have a similar background (good at picking up but struggled with LTRs). Great to see the change. I'm hoping to follow a similar path. Congrats!

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, managing an LTR certainly requires a different approach, there's some good content on here. Good Luck!

[–]kankouillotte1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post, really, it resonated a lot with my experiences. I've been in a "before" LTR many years ago and suffered the same, then discovered TRP and had a great 6y long relationship where I was treated like a king until the last year where I slipped back into old habits ....

and recently, I had success spinning plates, but still fell into old habits the minute for what I thought was "that one special unicorn", and she made me pay for that, exact same as your "before" LTR.

So it's a very good post especially for me where I'm at now, I need to get back to good habits for the next girls so I don't get used again, with a girlfriend chatting other men in front of me, and expecting me to do all the work of the relationship

[–]msyhak1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

OP I love your positive attitude. How you didn't blame or condescend the first relationship, but instead highlighted how it helped you improve yourself. Also I like how you explained a lot of red pill concepts with examples rather than just listing them.

[–]pridebrah1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Excellent post here. Spot on for LTR's

[–]buibeans1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

She'd bat away any attention she got from other guys, in all the time we were together I think there was only one thing she did that I didn't agree with. I cut down contact for a day. She apologized a day later and it's never happened again.

What was that one thing she did? And how did you handle it/reacted at the time of the incident?

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Something I said got her moody. She was being silly as it was a civil discussion. I never argue with a woman, I simply said you're being silly and just left, went home, withdrew attention.

She apologized shortly after and never did it again.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post! Had a similar situation with my own ex, except that I let myself loose and was overweight and a slop at that time. Which I worked it off.

[–]RangertheSheriff921 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Very good post man, learned a lot

[–]silvergun_superman1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

God damn this is why I come to this sub.

[–]Expert_Caterpillar1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just remember not to get married and always put yourself first.

[–]civilizedfrog2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

She said she was sorry. This is the part that pisses me off. They do know that what they are doing is wrong, yet they keep doing it. Every girl do this shit.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think sub consciously they do, but they operate on feelings. Biologically they are driven to feel(and therefore treat) unfavorably towards you if you are not displaying high value traits and this overides the sub conscious logic that they’re treating you like shit, despite you treating them well.

It was only once I was out and the prospect of losing me dawned on her that she was FORCED to reflect upon her behavior.

[–]riggedved0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

By jove, the Part I is word to word of how my relationship with my ex was. EXACTLY THE SAME. But mine was worse, it lasted 3.5 years, and I kept hanging on and eventually she left me burnt.

Anyway, OP, I wanted to ask, does Kyla still enter your mind? Did she ever try contacting you again? What's her situation now?

Also, what's your age OP?

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Think we've all been there, and in some senses I think it's necessary that we were there. Our shortcomings in our past relationships has acted as the driving force for changed behaviors in future.

She does but not in an emotional sense, more as reference point for a lot of the stuff I read on here.

She contacts me every now and then and is still somewhat bitter about me leaving her.

She was dating, but is Single again.

I'm 28

[–]riggedved2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Ok. I’m still kind of struggling over my own Kyla. She’s going all out posting promiscuous pictures of herself on Instagram, following new guys every single day. She is a model too. I wasted 3.5 years, a lot of money and lot of my worthy time on her. I’m 31 now. She dumped me 3 months ago, and left the country. Why I asked you about her is to correlate how you and she moved on. I’m trying my best to move on

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it's an overnight fix. It takes time. The important part is not to suppress the way you feel, but understand why you feel the way you do, and then make logical decision in spite of that.

She's come out of a 3.5yr relationship, she's gauging her market value, looking for male attention. The important thing for you to do is cut her out and don't look back. Accept that there is no salvaging anything for you. Don't look at her Instagram, don't look who's following her, your focus from now is you.

Gaming other girls is important. It breaks that mind-dick connection of her being your sole source of pussy. Doesn't stop you from thinking about her immediately, but over time it will. There's nothing left for you in your past(except lessons).

After my 2 years I had built a life that involved her in most aspects, as I'm sure yours does. You need to basically rebuild a life that doesn't involve her. Solid friendship groups, different weekly routines, use the time you usually would have invested in her to invest in yourself, do fun stuff.

Eventually It's a distant memory, that evokes zero emotion in you when you think about it.

[–]riggedved3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you. This was a cohesive response. It's a lot better than it was 3 months back. It's getting better and better as the days pass by. Just like you, I feel more anger towards myself than towards her. Basically, how could I have let that happen to me. How blinded I was, and how she used the fuck out of me, because I was too dumb see through my blue pilled eyes.

[–]furcryingoutloud2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Go get laid dude. Never mind that she's a ten, just get your noodle wet. That is the only way to move on. You did not waste 3.5 years. What, you think a relationship is an investment? You waiting on returns?

Read the sidebar and go get some pussy.

[–]volvostupidshit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Girls from dysfunctional families are almost always a red flag. But congrats on having the results of your journey. It actually baffles me to think that even guys who are pretty good with girls can never win in a war with the system.

[–]awakenedspirit10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks so much for writing this up. Honestly I think this is the best explanation of "how to be a boyfriend.".

There is no guidebook for life. We kind of learn as we go. BP me thought I was "being a good boyfriend." But RP is really the best way to be a boyfriend. My goal was always to make my partner feel happy. Girls are happiest when there's some uneasiness. Not intuitive to me at all.

Appreciate it my man.

[–]ChrimsonChin9880 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I must say, I aspire to achieve your pimp level, perhaps even higher. Excellent post and FR.

[–]javiercer200 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ok... seems you’re definitely looking for a LTR, congratulations I wish you the best... I don’t think that’s red pill but it’s your choice, I’m only here to give out my opinion but... seems your more worried about having a long therm girl there for you, than fucking all around like crazy. You must have your own motivations for that. Just be aware with this chick, looks you’re about to give in into her.

[–]PlanetNinja 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Ah something about models. I’ve always gone for that type also and have experienced exactly what you described in both lessons depending on how I treated the girl. I use dread as needed with my current LTR and it works like a charm. Just by taking them off that pedestal (which is where they are used to being) you become very different from any other guy she’s been with. I also call her out anytime she does anything that is unacceptable and it usually results in her apologizing and trying harder not to to upset me again. The old blue pilled me would have never said anything for fear of losing her and of course this just leads to a lack of respect which becomes the beginning of the end one way or another. Great post dude. Saved for a reread later on.

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks man. Your ability to treat them like they're replaceable is so foreign to them. So few men treat them that way so they perceive you to be a rare high value man.

[–]Sunten1-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

How does this all change (if at all) when you get married?

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

get married

Why would anyone go and do something stupid like that?

[–]tbu9872 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah dont get married. Why would you bind yourself to her with a contract which only benefits her?

[–]javiercer200 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s the same question I’m asking to myself.... why would you get married when there’s tons of pussy out there ready to be taken one after the other ???

Marriage= BETA Insecure way of living

[–]Endorsed ContributorKeffirLime[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Shouldn't change, in fact given the more stringent process of walking away from a marriage it's all the more important.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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