~ archived since 2018 ~

On Abundance Mentality and Being Alone

December 3, 2017

I see so many posts in this sub from people who've already made it to the top of the mountain and almost none from people at base camp. So here's a quick observation from a guy who's just starting out that I wish someone would've pointed out to me from the get-go.

Part of having an abundance mentality is making peace with the fact that you're going to be alone until you're not. You have to act like you have other options, even though you might be going home to an empty apartment week after week.

You have to be ready to walk away from a prospective plate even if you have no other options waiting for you. This can be extremely discouraging, especially early on when it happens over and over. I see now why they call it "spinning plates"-- if you're a guy who's never actually spun plates on sticks before, you're going to be breaking every single one until you get the hang of how to balance the plate on the stick and so forth. This isn't a bad thing. This is part of the process. Every single broken plate is a learning experience.

The point is, you're going to get extremely frustrated. You're going to want to throw your sticks down and punch the wall and go home back to your comfort zone. You can't. You need to keep working out and making yourself into something women will involuntarily find attractive, even on days when you feel it's hopeless. You're going to need to keep pursuing your goals, even when no one but you believes in them. You're going to need to always be ready to next a prospective plate that's stringing you along or being disrespectful with your time, even when you know that you have no one else to go to. Then you need to get up and find someone else and try again. It seems obvious, but I feel like it needs to be said.

So often I see guys here talk about dropping plates like it's nothing and then it becomes apparent that they had other options. It's easy to maintain abundance mentality when you've actually ACHIEVED abundance. This doesn't apply to guys who are just starting out and don't have the Game or the physique that makes it easier to keep other options around. And that's who this sub is really for, the guys who have made the decision to better themselves but are still too early in the process to see results.

If you're just discovering TRP like me, this is something you need to recognize-- you're really going to suck at it until you don't. It's that simple. Keep moving and learning and eventually you'll have a success you can build on. It may take awhile, but if you don't give up it will happen.

Edit: deleted an extra "to"

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Post Information
Title On Abundance Mentality and Being Alone
Author i_amtheice
Upvotes 757
Comments 105
Date December 3, 2017 3:20 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit /r/TheRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/on-abundance-mentality-and-being-alone.47519
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/7h7dkq/on_abundance_mentality_and_being_alone/

[–][deleted] 439 points440 points  (22 children) | Copy Link

When being alone becomes your contentment and you find peace in that, then you're ready to be tempted by emotional lures.

Your reference point has to be solitude. You can't lie to yourself and convince yourself you're content when really your heart is aching to have an emotional attachment to a woman.

Build yourself a life. One where contentment flows from activities, hobbies and interests which you are the sole source. This is the base which you return if women cross your boundaries.

Jumping from woman to woman is not a strategy. Jumping from women back to your own sources of contentment is a strategy.

[–]newls154 points155 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

Pretty much what I was going to write.

Find a passion or a personal project to obsess over. Invest your time and mental efforts into that, not a woman.

I do feel pangs of loneliness at times, but whenever I do hook up or get a steady, I'm always like, "was that it?"

I'm now at a point where I drop any woman who doesn't show signs of overt interest, because I don't give a shit about any one particular woman. They truly are all the same.

Having a project like a side-business is something every man should do. We thrive learning new skills, and having something to tinker with and obsess over.

A woman does not want to be your priority. She will not trust you or feel safe around you if you prioritise her over yourself and your mission.

Men write the lyrics, women just want to hear the music and dance.

[–]greenlittleman37 points38 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I'll add another point - your passion not necessary needs to be something "cool" in eyes of others. If guy passionate about playing games, reading books, or programming then he can make it his "important activity", you just need to ignore overestimation of relationships with women which are common in society. Most hard thing is to go meet people when you are fine even without them. For that you need to start enjoying process of communication and enjoy giving value to worthy people without awaiting something in return.

[–]newls16 points17 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Your passion should be innately yours. Your passion for it, regardless of whatever it is, will shine through, and people will recognise that.

Playing video games doesn't count! At least with chess it's something real!

[–]greenlittleman10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

What do you mean "real"? Nothing "not real" is exist in this world.

You think this doesn't count because it is "not cool" in opinion of society. For example in society being a surfer is more cool than being a gamer, or even programmer. But in its essence there is no difference. And as long as you trying "to be cool" instead of doing things you really like - you'll be needy. If you trying to find your passion just for people to recognise that, then you are on wrong path. Anything that you like can be more important for you than recognition of people - be it a girl, society, or some random guy. As long as you have your priorities.

But games from example is "bad" passion because they don't have secondary value. If you can choose passion, then you'd best to choose something that can profit you in the future. But you can start from something useless as well, as long as its interesting enough for you. Games count for purpose of having something more important, but they don't count for purpose of making yourself better. Though you can learn new language with games, books or other fictions - then it could be useful as well.

[–]newls28 points29 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Literally all I meant was to help readers avoid the misinterpretation of 'passion' to something unproductive.

I enjoy sitting on my sofa, eating pizza, and drinking beer, while watching YouTube on my TV, but that doesn't qualify as a passion.

But unfortunately for most western men that is literally the only activity they engage in outside of their job.

[–]greenlittleman-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

But sitting on your sofa, eating pizza and drinking beer while watching YouTube indeed can be more important for you than talking to some random girl and get her recognition. If it is not, then you need to find some more interesting entertainment. So you can start even from that, but you need to change it eventually, not for other people, but to progress in the life.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's not either or. You don't need to either be chasing girls or be a couch potato.

Passions should energize you and be good for your mind body and soul, video games are terrible imo unless you're making them.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Find a passion or a personal project to obsess over. Invest your time and mental efforts into that, not a woman. I do feel pangs of loneliness at times...

Even with a hobbie or side business which you love and are completely consumed by, you'll still occasionally feel loneliness. But this amount of discontent or neediness is within the range of "toughen up." You can tell yourself you're being soft and to grow a pair - you change your thought pattern and the feelings are gone.

If you haven't built said life, that loneliness or neediness will be so large you won't necessarily be able to just will it away; it's too big of a gap to overcome. Then, the first woman who wanders into your life will have full control over you, as she has filled that emotional neediness gap for you. That is a dangerous place to be.

[–]newls5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

When men talk to me about a fear of loneliness, I rebuff that I'd hold much greater fear over a lifetime of wasted opportunity, all for a woman who holds you slave to her hypergamy and provisioning motivations.

[–]king_of_red_alphas3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Lol wtf. So yeah “whenever I’m lonely, I hook up”.

Jesus fucking Christ. If you can just “hook up when you get lonely” you HAVE abundance.

[–]GarbgeDay0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

english is not my first language, but he did not mean whenever he is lonely, he hooks up

[–]bear_aware 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

I do feel pangs of loneliness at times, but whenever I do hook up or get a steady, I'm always like, "was that it?"

Reread what he said more carefully. I misread it the same way the first time.

[–]king_of_red_alphas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ah. Good catch. I did misread that.

[–]thepontiff_11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well written especially that second part 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Edit: Third part

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your reference point has to be solitude. You can't lie to yourself and convince yourself you're content when really your heart is aching to have an emotional attachment to a woman.

that's the reason I don't believe mgtow or mgtow using hookers - they cannot lie to themselves - "you paid them to leave after sex" is just a bullshit sentence for men who cannot get sex with hot young female without paying...

[–]bickisnotmyname0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Beautiful articulation. Screenshot this and saved it so I can look back on it in times of need.

[–]slicklol-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is absolutely perfectly said.

[–]weems1385 points86 points  (25 children) | Copy Link

To add to this, it's very tempting to say you're not ready yet. It's tempting to rely on your future self working his ass off in the gym, reading books, eating well, resisting all temptations, etc. While it's nice in theory, it never plays out that way. They all play off each other. Social exposure makes it easier to work on yourself and treating your body right will make it easier to go out. If you're stuck in frustration trying to open up sets, then start smaller. Way smaller, if necessary. A little bit of momentum built up everyday is better than not doing shit everyday expecting that one day you'll just wake the fuck up.

[–]Shaney9610 points11 points  (24 children) | Copy Link

I find it incredibly daunting to even talk to a girl in a bar/club.

Have you any 'way smaller' tasks that I could use as goals day by day?

[–]brettfromtibet45 points46 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Way smaller: chat up 20 different elderly / fat middle aged ladies in the supermarket checkout line or at the park. Soon you’ll realize that chatting up an HB 7 isn’t all that different - except you subconsciously assign the hot ones some kind of intense “on a pedestal” status that isn’t deserved or necessary. You will learn that (99.9% of the time) worst thing that can possibly happen is the woman will be curt or unfriendly - and if then, so what? Doesn’t matter cuz the next one is right around the corner.

[–]newls28 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As a bonus you'll have brightened their day. And isn't that nice?

[–]Shaney966 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Good call.

My fear is that of sexual expression. If I'm able to get the "holy shit this girl might realize I want to fuck her" mentality out of my head, perhaps my anxiety won't be so acute.

[–]ctranger16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hint: most available women want to feel and revel in that sexual expression. You have attached shame to your masculinity. Own that expression, but expect nothing in return. Expression without needing outcomes.

[–]brettfromtibet2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

yeah. the very essence of the game is learning to talk to a woman in a way that makes it clear that you want to fuck her, but doing it in a way that is charming, exciting and non-threatening (disarming)... all at once. You cannot talk to them like you would a dude by being friendly, polite and quickly establishing common interests. Just can say "You're Sexy" and she'll know you mean business.

[–]weems1327 points28 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

There are many things that you could do that aren't pick up related. I'll list some. Some I've stolen, some I've made up.

  • Asking for the time/directions; this one is very basic and often a recommended starting point for people with social anxiety. (If you find this anxiety provoking, you have social anxiety and it's suggested you start with social exposure/anxiety ladder) You can utilize this in many ways such as: asking more people the time in a shorter amount of time (5 in 10 min), asking more 'intimidating' people, asking the first person you see (builds up social momentum), etc.

  • Making stupid faces to people driving past you; This is one of my favorite ones for it's simplicity and effectiveness. You may feel uncomfortable but it's so simple that it allows your rational brain to step in. Also, being in a car makes us much braver socially because we know we can just quickly gtfo. You may find that you turn away at the moment they make eye contact with you. That would be sign that you're not adequately warmed up.

  • Dancing in public; Alright maybe not in a club to start with. This could be as simple as doing a little shimmy at the gym or on the sidewalk as cars drive past. A lot of us here are completely cut off from our bodies and don't feel anything. If you are constantly in your head and you would describe your pain as "numb/empty", I'd highly recommend this, meditation, yoga, massages etc.

  • Opening less intimidating people first. The term "less intimidating" varies per individual. Find which demographic it is for you. Most of the times, it's whichever demographic outside of our family showed us the most love/attention growing up.

  • Small talk with cashiers or anyone on the clock. This ones self-explanatory. They will warm you up without any risk of putting you down. I will say this should only be used to build up momentum, don't get too comfortable with this one.

  • If you find these too difficult, start by making eye contact and nodding at people walking by. There's no shame in where you have to start. There's only shame in not starting. This is literal. You will feel shame in yourself and reject yourself for allowing yourself to stay in a rut. Rejection is inevitable no matter which route you choose .

I could list more but you get the point. You'd be surprised how much more you open up simply by doing these exercises. Look up social anxiety exposure therapy. Even if you don't have SA, it's good to read over quickly. Basically you gradually start to introduce yourself to increased social tension. Make a list of things you can do, rank them from a scale of 1-10 in terms of how anxiety-provoking it is, start with 1, move to 2 the next day or when you feel you've gotten comfortable with one 1. If you're struggling making a list, message me. I think I have an old one saved on my laptop.

Utilize momentum. I can't stress this enough. We are not going to climb a mountain in one night. Make a little progress each day, be proud of yourself for it and trust the process. Break everything down to the point where you feel like you can accomplish them now.

[–]CoronaTRP5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Implementing your advice will make a very much needed and direct improvement to my life. I'm lucky I found it in the comment section.

Maybe it deserves it's own post. It's certainly niche but it could help some people like me who just didn't look in the comments.

[–]follow_that_rabbit2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your comment is full of great advices, shame isn't getting exposure that deserves

[–]greenlittleman4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You want talk to her because you want to get laid or be liked by her, you want its all because you need it really much, moreover most likely you expect too much out of yourself - this is neediness as it is.

Your problem probably not the one you can solve just by finding smaller tasks. But here is that you can try - ride to part of your city which you are not familiar with which are far away from where you live. Take with you only money enough for one way ride. Before that you need to choose some place to go in this part of city, but without knowing where it really is. Now you need to find this place by asking people, after you finding it you need to ask people to give you money so you can ride a bus/taxi back to your place.

[–]Shaney960 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's something I could do sometime. Doing shit which forces you out of your comfort zone is a good way to get out of it.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Once you remove the throne you put them on you’ll realize it’s easy. Start small, talk to them with no end game in mind, just practice reading people and finding out what works for you. For years I thought I had to be a lead in a group, the life of the party. I have found out I work much better and much wittier with a reactive calm approach. Subtle humor goes a long way with women

[–]Shaney961 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm okay with small talk, and even okay with doing some kino. But when things start to get sexual, or even if it's just making the initial 'hey', I just freeze up. I can usually only small talk or kino if we're in the same social group or if a friend opens a set, and that's very rare since I have no social circle where I currently live.

great name btw

[–]MickMensa2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Try to disconnect your desire to talk to her from your desire for a certain outcome. Take it step by step. Just start by introducing yourself and asking her name, and if things flow freely from there then great. If they don't you lost nothing that you had before and gained a little experience/confidence in approaching. These interactions will get better over time just from exposure.

[–]Shaney96-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

That disconnection is vital, yet difficult achieve due to my inherent neediness.

I'd like to just approach and get a positive response. I've done three, two of which were 'poor', and one was a number which ended up in a flake. The point is that even on the more negative ones, I felt great after the rejection.

I just have the problem of setting so high expectations on myself; I feel as if I'm "late to the game", and should suddenly be able to be fluent with girls and have a decent n-count.

[–]MickMensa0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Your neediness comes from your own insecurities about the person that you are, and not from a lack of either experience or success with others. I and many others also struggle with this. High n-counts and social success are like money. When you don't have them it's easy to believe life would be a million times easier or more fulfilling if you had a surplus of that thing. As humans we are holistic beings and when we get a handle on our own thoughts and behaviours, the lives we dream about will follow naturally.

It's great that you felt good even after being rejected. It's exhilarating to approach regardless of the outcome and that's exactly what it should be: fun.

Unless you are 90 and typing this from your deathbed you are not late to the game. There is always time to change yourself and your life if you are self-motivated and you shouldn't let yourself or anyone else make you feel bad about not being able to flick a switch to achieve your goals overnight.

[–]Shaney961 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, it's a sad/funny irony really.

I recall when I used to crave a relationship. Eventually, when I met my first ltr, it was when I was invested in myself and wasn't bothered about a relationship, but it was convenient at the time, so I formed one with her.

After a while, I didn't want to be in the relationship, and showed weakness, thus the relationship ended.

I'm completely self-motivated (I believe?), but I've re-gained the bad habit of comparing myself to others, and not knowing which way I'm headed - I don't have huge long-run goals and feel a little like a deer in a car's headlights in my current life situation.

[–]AwesomeCool9094 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Ask out the next 100 attractive girls you meet in an area you normally do not go (next town over or something).

Everyone will probably reject you (maybe a fake number), and you will wake up tomorrow realizing that nothing changed.

You didn't lose anything, the world moves on like nothing happened. That internal realization should kill the fear.

This is the rip the band-aid off version. The slow pull is talking to unattractive girls every chance you get (like old ladies) and slowly work your way up.

[–]aleheart0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Ask out the next 100 attractive girls you meet in an area

are these really the kinds of numbers I should aim for to get anywhere? It seems a bit counter-intuitive, doesn't it? You try to make yourself the sole source of your happiness, and then take 3-4 hours of your day trying to find a girl doing day-gaming. Could someone please explain to me the rationalization here?

[–]AwesomeCool9090 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's a one time experiment to show the op how there is nothing to worry about

[–]gELSK0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

// , Try a dance class. It's not an efficient place to pick up women, but for familiarizing yourself with a training wheels of approach, it's pretty good.

[–]Shaney960 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Great advice, and I've tried looking for them as dancing in a class is something I've wanted to do for a number of months, however there's only a dance school in my small town.

Gotta keep at it with other things.

[–]gELSK0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

// , Try meetup.com, and ask around at various studios. Sometimes they don't make ads

[–]Shakydrummer52 points53 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I only saw results after about half a year in, and that was due to working on my emotional self, working out 4 days a week, revamping my own style (new clothes, shoes, contact lenses over glasses, etc), and gaining confidence and sense of balance from really honoring the work that was put in for those healthy changes. The irony is once I started getting those results, I started to see how shallow people, and especially women were. Biggest advice I can give is don't let this place consume you, it's a tool like anything else, and if you sit here internalizing everything and spending all your spare time on here, you're defeating the purpose of this place. Learn a little bit here and there, then take that advice and get out there and experience life with a better sense of self that this place gave you the kick in the ass to acquire.

The hard part though, is not lying to yourself over your contentment. If you're jumping from one girl to the next while avoiding problems that are inward, you're shooting yourself in the foot royally. I personally found that it was only after learning how to be alone, learning how to value my time (and cutting people out who didn't), and being absolutely content with myself is when I stopped dreading the 'empty apartment'. That illustrious rock solid frame you guys crave, I feel, can only be found after that; Here's the thing, it just hits you one day where you stopped giving a shit, and you didn't even realise you stopped giving a shit. It's incredibly freeing to not be outcome dependent, and to many, it's a very intoxicating quality. You stopped giving a shit why? Because of the time you spent to build a life of contentment that comes from activities, pursuits, new hobbies, revamped goals, etc. That becomes your foundation, and when women cross the standards you set, it's water off a ducks back, because now there's just more time for doing things that make you happy anyway.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I see so many posts in this sub from people who've already made it to the top of the mountain and almost none from people at base camp.

People at base camp post fictional stories about what the mountain looks like and what they think is the right way to climb it. They get deleted if they make no sense.

You just can't draw inspiration from lack of experience, lack of expertise - it doesn't make for good learning or good reading.

You have to act like you have other options

You ALWAYS have other options. More than you think. "Chat up another girl" or at the very least: "Ignore this girl and go and have fun by myself".

ou're going to need to always be ready to next a prospective plate that's stringing you along or being disrespectful with your time, even when you know that you have no one else to go to. Then you need to get up and find someone else and try again. It seems obvious, but I feel like it needs to be said.

Absolutely right. All your time with a girl is time you're not spending getting better with other girls. Sometimes the time is worth it, sometimes not.

If you're beginning and you don't have many solid leads, you should pursue them to the bitter end. Otherwise you make excuses and bail when you shouldn't, and you don't learn what "try everything and it worked" and "try everything and it didn't work" means. Men misinterpret female signals (because they are intentionally ambiguous) and lose out, choosing to protect their ego instead of sticking it out - learning and growing.

[–]ctranger26 points27 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Great post - in a position atm where I dropped my only plate because I lost sight of that bigger abundance goal. She had options and I did not.

So tempting to re-initiate contact, try and put those pieces back together, but remember that your mind tends to play tricks on you when you start losing frame. I can't recall how I got so invested, but I'm going back out there, doubling my efforts, keeping the lesson close to my core.

[–]CanuckinFL18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good post, honest. thumbs up

[–]RedwallAllratuRatbar15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Women are like money. To earn money, you need money. To get (work) experience, you need experience. It's totally snowbally.

[–]Oscar_Cc1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Best comment ever. I mean it.

[–]RunThroughKing19 points20 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

I think you have a classic case of ignorant admiration ...you think people with “abundance mentality” are always slaying and always in “abundance” and you’re right, how else could it have gotten it’s name, it’s counter intuitive to suggest otherwise...but for most dudes it’s not like that ...I’m comfortable with a couple plates a month if that and have gone once before for as long as 6 months dry as hell and still will have no problem dropping a girl who ain’t putting out the way I want

Your problem is simply priority. You are 1st placing women and fiending for their companionship which results in you indirectly scaring all the girls away... Abundance mentality is simply a choice ...I will not waste my time with a girl who isn’t giving me all I want regardless of lack of pussy ...if she ain’t down and she isn’t responsive to my needs (mainly sex and food) then just ghost her don’t pick up calls don’t bullshit with drama txts or side tweets or snaps or whatever these girls are on

Rules for successful abundance mentality:

Know what you want; good fuck, trophy wife, kids, etc always know what you’re after and don’t change it for anyone

Make yourself attractive; gym, career, culture, languages, skills, cooking, cleaning, learn to be good and competent at things

Make yourself content; if you’re not ok with what you got goin on by yourself whether it be a hobby or a profession or a skill etc then how can you expect to spin plates ...you’ll always be lusting after female attention and will instead just look like a giant creep

Take shit from no one; if she isn’t ok with your demands there’s nothing wrong with that she’s not the problem she just isn’t attainable regardless of her looks her job her personality if she can’t be controlled to some degree she isn’t worth it and she will never respect you..you’ll just open up doors for all kinds of issues later on down the road...if women don’t fall easily for you ...you don’t have enough game

[–]king_of_red_alphas14 points15 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

Horse shit. Abundance isn’t a “choice”. It’s the REALITY of knowing you could, at the very worst, get laid in a week or two with enough effort.

Many of us are not in a position to do that for various reasons (usually looks not being good enough).

If you have the internal knowledge that you can get laid when you need to, THAT is abundance.

Simply not caring about getting laid because you have some hobbies is MGTOW.

[–]BurnoutRS3 points4 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

Abundance is absolutely a choice. You choose to recognize that you have options or you choose to delude yourself that you do until you realize its true.

Quit this "looks not good enough" horseshit. Get that out of your mentality. Do the best you can with what you have. Looks are subjective. Perception paints your reality. Do my drill if you think youre ugly. Everytime you look in the mirror force yourself to find something positive. Tell yourself how good you look. I did this for over a year before it really sunk in. Learn how to lie to yourself constructively.

You choose to think you wont succeed because you dont look good enough. Its a defeatist mentality. You put a hole in the boat in preparation for its maiden journey. Just as you choose to think you dont have other options. Just as you choose to think you dont have abundance

[–]king_of_red_alphas1 point2 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

Point taken. However, isn’t TRP about NOT deluding yourself?

I am not under the impression that my looks are a barrier to ever being with a girl, just that the idea of “abundance” is truly about having pussy on tap.

Let’s not man hamster about it being about having hobbies or simply “convincing yourself” that you could get pussy it you tried.

This is TRP. Abundance is abundance.

[–]BurnoutRS1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Youre misinterpreting my point entirely. Its more commonly referred to as "fake.it until you make it"

All the time i see guys posting this defeatist bullshit that robs them of the chance to succeed before they even start. Confidence is a skill with both mental and physical elements. Employing constructive delusion can be one of the fastest ways to change the mental aspects. In reality its not a delusion at all, it just feels like one to a person who has developed the habit of viewing themselves and their world through a negative lense.

Our world is a product of our perception. We can mold it into whatever we want (within reason) by starting at the source. Thats why people say attitude is everything. Its also why we preach stoicism and meditation because they allow a person to see how their moods and emotions arent really them. That thoughts come and go and its the attention you devote to them that gives them power.

I went through 3 stages with the bathroom mirror delusion. Initially i was pretty averse to it and could barely see anything good about my face or body. I had very little confidence. In the middle i believe I fluctuated between having an overinflated ego and low self esteem. Now that ive reached my goal of retraining my brain to see myself in a positive light; I no longer reflexively think of myself as ugly, i feel confident when i look in the mirror. Im able to see what needs work but im also able to see where i need improvement.

[–]monadyne1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Regarding the mirror: you know who pays attention to how attractive your face is? Gay dudes. Chicks respond to confidence. If you're confident but your face isn't all that attractive, they perceive you as being "rugged." If you have an IDGAF attitude and don't pay much attention to them, they ~feel~ like you must be good-looking to be so nonchalant, and react like you are attractive. These are biological responses--- deep down, she needs a confident man because the source of genuine confidence is a man's belief that he's capable of meeting all challenges. That's what she needs. We need a attractive woman, believing (on a biological level) that she'll produce good offspring for us, carrying our genes on.

So fuck the mirror. It's irrelevant. Use it for shaving and nothing else.

[–]BurnoutRS1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Whatever works for you. You know who pays attention to how attractive my face is? I do. Because thats the only person who's opinion really matters. Confidence has many elements. Self love is one of them. I repeat; if everytime you look in the mirror you say something negative, you have a negative self image, etc. It saps your self esteem. It drains your confidence.

So what do you do? Condition yourself to see the positives about who you are. Seriously this translates into so much more than "durr i think im pretty, girls think im pretty too" thats fucking retarded. The point is, a few years ago when i would catch a glimpse of my reflection I shy away. I hated looking at myself. I hated who I was. This went on even into my 2nd year of lifting.

Even as I made improvements to myself, I couldnt capitalize on them because i had a shitty self image. The mirror drill works for me. At the end of the day, the absolute best you can do is have a good clean shave/well maintained facial hair and clear skin. Outside of plastic surgery, your face is your face. Learn to love it, and learn to love yourself

[–]monadyne0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're right about how the only opinion of yourself that matters is your own, and that learning to love yourself is of the highest importance. Upvote for that, brother!

About the "good clean shave" psych studies have shown that chicks respond most not to clean-shaven faces or bearded faces but that stupid scruffy look, where you don't shave for like five or six days. They love beards because they're manly, and they love clean shaves because it signals that the guy has self-discipline and good personal habits--- but they respond sexually to that scruffy look! Women! Am I right?

My guess is that it's because the scruffy, unshaven look is kind of a "bad boy" thing, showing a guy who just doesn't give a fuck what people think of him. They respond to that self-confidence of somebody who believes he doesn't even have to try.

[–]monadyne0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

You're confused about something. This topic isn't about "abundance." It's about the "abundance mentality." The first is a rational accounting of what there actually is. The second is a ~mindset.~ It's a way of retraining the mind, at first, to see the glass as half full rather than half empty. Then it's about seeing the half-full glass as full, and operating as if that's the case. When that has become thoroughly internalized... you'll find the glass fills itself, without any apparent effort on your part. It's a process the ancient Taoist philosophers called "wu wei", i.e., "to do by not doing."

With respect, you're thinking in the wrong categories, king_red_of_the_alphas. I suggest you abandon what you know--- it hasn't served you well so far, has it? So why defend it?

Instead, know new things. You can choose to be puzzled, but I suggest rather that you choose to be delighted. Each is arbitrary anyway, so....

[–]king_of_red_alphas1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I get the value of eastern philosophy style detachment, but this sub isn’t about that.

When it comes right down to it, it’s about the harsh realities of the sexual market place and how to navigate it.

Not to say no other ideas should be given, but lately I’ve noticed the tendency of this sub to simply declare “the way to get pussy is to not want or pursue pussy”

Bottom line, I don’t think there is any true substitute for the feeling you get when you have multiple sources of sex on tap.

Sure, there are other hobbies you can have - but, say you don’t have sex or masturbate for 2 months... I don’t know about you, but those hobbies aren’t going to seem like much consolation when my whole body is shaking with sexual frustration.

[–]RunThroughKing0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I get that and believe me abstaining is no solution especially if you find it difficult to attain it ...jerk off hire a hooker make gains in the gym do what you have to do to feel alpha and on top ...that’s all it comes down to, feeling like you can have anything you want if effort is applied ...always assume yourself a beginner in anything you do and be humble enough to learn it to perfection and you’ll find people respond to you positively...

It’s not about having girls come easy because believe me from an average looking guys perspective all these girls want is a confident man with A1 dick game and there is no such thing as easy girls

[–]king_of_red_alphas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I hear that. I think the whole “no fap November” steak had me in such a stage of anger and pessimism that I was in the mindset of “how can you ever not be obsessed with getting pussy??”

[–]Oscar_Cc0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I really like your comments man. I see that exact same "bait & switch" speech here over and over again: first the harsh realities are exposed yet at the very last minute "but hey relax, girls just wanna have fun, get out of your head, etc".

I think this sub is fabulous, has lots of info and even if you don't improve at least you understand why you are not having success against your expectations.

However, the real underlying message is a bit like this:

"hey it sucks to have a male sex drive, understand you will probably not have all the sex you want when you want it, focus on something else to avoid depression; keep trying to get laid but don't beat yourself up if you fail".

Would like to hear your thoughts on this.

[–]monadyne0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

If your sense of self and the tides of your emotions rise and fall based upon the whims of others' perceptions of you (especially women's perceptions of you) and their reactions to you, then you're a codependent. That's a weak and vulnerable place for a man to be in! Why give such power to others? Seize it for yourself!

[–]Oscar_Cc0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You need to read this post:


I kind of agree with you, but such advice would be great for a kid who is sad because he is being shunned by his peers. Wasn't me back then. When I was 10 I had a titanium frame, really. I was fat, wore tracksuits only and did little exercise. I have never been happier.

Being authentic does not get you laid. It will probably make you happier with yourself, a worthy goal, but not your dick wet.

My authentic self loves international history and politics, khaki pants and black polos, but that is not hot with most girls I am afraid. Was I to find the one that did, it would be awesome, but the chances are very low.

The tragedy of adulthood is that you can no longer be an island onto yourself without paying a price.

[–]monadyne0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If your whole body is shaking with sexual frustration it means you're feeling desperate to get laid--- and chicks will pick up on that sense of need you're projecting and get turned off by it. They respond to the exact opposite: a guy sending out a signal that says, "I don't need you in the slightest you silly little bitch! What part of 'I don't give a fuck' do you fail to understand?" In their perverse way, THAT makes them desire you.

And they respond to self-mastery. Embracing the red pill philosophy may start out with it being a strategy for guys who never used to get laid to change their luck but it goes infinitely far beyond that. After all the best way to project self-mastery is through self-mastery. Learning to overcome our desperate needs, to bring our emotions into line with our intellect... that's why many people here meditate daily, and learn from Eastern philosophy. After awhile, you reach a state of thinking, "Who gives a shit about banging these bitches? That's just a pleasant diversion. The true pleasure in life is through the expansion of my being, of knowing and loving myself."

[–]xddm26530 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If it's that important to you, keep a callgirl on retainer. Then you should be able to keep the abundance mentality you can't seem to find.

[–]xddm26530 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

dang, you pretty much summed up the entire pill. The dude replying to you is giving an incel vibe (looks not good enough..? Work out and be confident, dude)

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Dude, you should want to workout and get in good shape for you, not for a chick. They are just byproducts of better fitness. Same with your career, your attitude, etc. Be selfish, pursue happiness, and bang some chicks on your journey.

[–]Oscar_Cc1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good advice, but the idea that girls will just "happen" if you do those things is false. Do them of course, but chase girls if you want to get laid.

[–]MostSolidFrame8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

One of the most genuine posts I've seen lately. This simple "how to" guide you've presented basically encapsulates what it means to be RedPilled

[–]1ozaku74 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Definitely right on the "being alone" part. It sucks, but you will need to push through, no matter how often you fail, as long as you make sure that you learn from it.

As for that empty apartment... Fill that time with meeting new people. Join a group that does stuff together, go alone on vacations with a travel group, something to meet people, to distract yourself with. Basically, all that a plate, girlfriend or LTR is, is nothing but a best friend that you are exclusively fucking. If you come home, and you have friends to call and go out together and have a blast, what is stopping you?

You can't be happy in life if you can't be happy alone. Women are supposed to amplify your happiness, but if you are miserable, they will amplify that too. Only you are important, work on yourself, have fun, enjoy life to the fullest. Get that fit body, read those books, meet lots of great people, socialize, make your life a party. You will die at the age of 80 and the thing that you will regret isn't that ton of pussy, but that you didn't work out to get in great shape, that you haven't traveled, haven't met alot of people, haven't socialized, which is what ultimately leads to it as a byproduct.

TL;DR: Learn to be happy alone, go out, socialize, work on yourself, find daily satisfaction in your long-term goals to satisfy that instant gratification.

[–]alltrueism6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Good timing on this. I have a Tinder date turned plate situation. I just keep thinking how akward the whole situation felt. She is sexual attractive but has two kids. "not the first MILF I've banged for a notch," I tell myself. Truth discovered, I feel more empty because I know I can do better for myself. I'd rather be in a dry spell than fuck someone I'm "meh" about.

[–]epictetus_irl3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Always remember if it’s not a hell yes it’s a no

[–]Bandos15-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hell yes can be dangerous as those girls might be BPD

[–]RunThroughKing1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s because you’re in a situation you can’t control

You have to find girls who are 100% knowledgable about your intentions ...that milf probably thinks you’re gonna wife her up and it’s making you feel shitty knowing you just needed some warm wetness

Always tell a bitch how it is ...always ...she’ll be cool with it or she won’t be and you don’t have to lie about shit and you’ll be happy as hell

[–]TheYekke2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Find a target rich environment- you can’t fish in a desert

[–]the_real_lunch_box2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm so glad i found this post. I have been struggling with this same issue. As a man loaded with more T than usual (lifting & TRT) its like i can stop thinking about sex. No matter how hard it try to keep busy with work and hobbies. Been on some dates lately and the scarcity mindset is ever present. I cant get laid because i cant get laid.... just wish there is a way i can stop thinking about it so I can focus more on my life, its almost impossible to stop thinking about it.

[–]king_of_red_alphas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is oddly one of the negative aspects of reading this sub.

Even when reading things about improving your life, the ever present motive is to get pussy. Even when the post is about how to NOT care about pussy, the fact that you’re reading it means you are caring a lot.

Reading TRP too often can make it difficult to stop obsessing over what you lack and desire since there are so many aspirational posts and FR’s.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The reason most posts are from those at the top is because they’ve been at the bottom.

It almost sounds like you’re taking abundance too far pushing girls away.

Faking abundance works wonders if you were like I was in my teens - lonely, sexually frustrated and blue pill. I actually thought showing a girl I liked her was a good thing.

But maybe you’re not as pathetic as I was and giving them little to no indication of your intentions.

As a girlfriend honestly put it: “I liked boys who showed me attention. But not too much.” You’ve got to get the balance.

But I agree it’s utterly depressing that until you’ve got a a great body and tight natural game you can’t just be honest.

Also women respond to happiness and the self satisfied man. You clearly aren’t there yet and this will show.

[–]banjew1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have a "LTR" but I like being alone. I just want to break up with her but she don't want it. I have to man up and break up. I just prefer to be alone. I don't know if this is abundance mentality or not, I just don't like being tied with a girl, no matter how good she is.

You have to act like you have other options

I don't have another options. My "option" is to be alone and I like that.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I can be happy being alone without any effort, I like the peace it brings and I really can't stand human interaction to be honest. I just need sex in order to function mentally/psychologically. Right now I'm trying to figure how to make alot of money so I can bang high class escorts. I can't deal with modern day women in dating, it makes me mentally ill and shortens my lifespan. I like whores...gets the job done nicely in 30 minutes to 1 hour.

[–]Gene_Pool_Life_Guard 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link

As a newbie, I'd like to add that you progress relatively faster based on how much effort you put in. Some newbies might rush in thinking there's some "trick" they haven't figured out that makes this system work.

There is no trick, only hard work and discipline.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I hear your parental platitudes: "Just keep doing the right thing", "have discipline and work hard" and "there's no finger-flicking trick, it's a meritocracy, you'll get what you deserve sooner or later".

Part of the reason why many people in this sub are angry at women in general is because it took them between 10 and 20 years, from 1990 until today (missing out on the prime time years of their life to have fun with 20 something women) to figure out that what you just said is exactly wrong, total shit and a pointer in the wrong direction.

It's when you stop putting in the hard work, stop doing the right thing, and start treating women with little better than contempt, ridicule and using all the traits your mom and dad told you were wrong to get ahead in the world that you start having some measurable success. When you try this out for the first time, even half-heartedly at first, and see women mauling each other to get at you, to get up into your business, to find you whereever you are, though you try to escape them, when you come to realization that the game goes much deeper than you imagined, you'll be right here, with the rest of us, bitter that the source of these platitudes sounds good in theory, but are the opposite of effective in practice.

By all means, listen to your parents and do the right thing, but before you commit suicide when you figure out women don't want that, give the other side a chance. You'll be alarmed at how this world is really really fucked up in the head, it wants to be tortured, it wants to be used, it wants to be lied to, it wants to be treated with contempt and hatred. And when you learn to dole out those things in the proper social context, you'll find women needing to run off to the bathroom because they need to change their underwear due to arousal.

Tricking you to wreck yourself before you enter the battlefield is the game. You doing the right thing is the defection and you will be retaliated against for that, you doing well is them losing the race, getting the short end of the stick. That's an offense and you will be punished for your platitudes. Learn to send the signals that you're ready to give it all up, to throw away all that you've gained so that women can feel the superior, you'll see what the biologists talk about when they say females are the more sexually aggressive of the two genders. You have a lot to learn. I suggest: https://illimitablemen.com/archives/

[–]martinger[🍰] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Brother, this link was worth a gold.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

My favorite is the https://illimitablemen.com/2014/12/14/the-shit-test-encyclopedia and everything touching Machiavellianism and dark triad. Everything he marks here as remastered are some of his best work.

This is the material we should have been reading when public school was cramming our heads full of things that don't matter like https://www.thetoptens.com/pointless-school-subjects

Public school is mostly daycare, if a person does not educate themselves, get educated by their parents or pay good money for a quality secondary education, that person does not become educated.

[–]martinger[🍰] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

How to best read the archive on the site? I would start from ISSUE 01 and go upwards.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

He goes off on big tangents that go nowhere and end up out in the weeds, so only do a front to back reading if you're ready for 200 hours of reading. Otherwise you have to try to filter it down to finding the stuff that addresses your deficiency.

[–]GunnarX2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is true. A tip, but not a trick, is to learn something from EVERY interaction. Get comfortable in every situation - especially being rejected.

[–]ollie5551 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m new to the red pill and I’m using the way in normal life like with woman at Work and girls I know It works You just have to read and make sure you apply what you learned in real life experience A woman is not the goal it’s something along the way with what comes with your new out look on life Don’t try and think you have frame then when a woman talks to you, you break and lose it Try hard to be with what you have in your mind and stay with it I am and it’s making my life better Go with your life and do what you want and don’t be a pussy and go with the flow when you don’t want to Follow your own path and stick with it

[–]martinger[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The topic and discussion in here is pure gold. I had the same question just yesterday.

[–]ejpusa1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And the mile high view:

4 nucleic acids are guiding u to mate, so those 4 nucleic acids can replicate, and continue populating, and keep the cycle going.

That’s all life is about. The rest is filler. That’s just the science that drives us.

[–]Thundersnow691 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

slow clap well said. This is the hardest part of figuring out yourself. You have to spend time alone. You have to embrace the solidarity of being comfortable in your own space. If your environment sucks take steps to fix it. Get your ducks in a row. Clean your room, brush your teeth. Take the good parts of the advice your mom gave you growing up and put it into practice. Identify what makes you happy on a personal level and do more of it...

[–]bot2561 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is also the reason why it is so difficult for a lot of guys who come here to drop their oneitis and/or LTR which obviously sucked due to blue-pill conditioning and beta behavior - because you know that there's nothing to go to after you dump her and that's why you keep on being her little beta tampon. This is what I've learned so far. Sucks being alone but this seems to be the right path to take more often than not until you can afford not being alone without being treated like shit.

[–]ForgedInProdigy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I like the plate dropping analogy. How fast we can look at why they broke and how we can fix it and start spinning them again is going to be instrumental to reap success.

[–]Peter_B_Long0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is true. I found this sub a year and a half ago, but didn't really begin my RP journey until 6 months ago when I broke up with my LTR of 5 years.

These past 6 months have been a roller coaster for me. I've had 2 plates (at one point spinning both) and now I have none. The abundance mentality I gained when I had these plates was authentic. I was going on dates with other girls and had a natural dgaf abundance mentality without having to remind myself because I knew I could hit up one of the plates.

It's different now that I am not spinning plates, but I still have a type of abundance mentality where I still have my boundaries. I know what I will tolerate in an interaction and I know when someone is worth my time or not.

[–]king_of_red_alphas1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Same. The confidence and ease I felt when I had access to 2 girls was so nice.

Like you, both dropped due to me being overwhelmed with work and, as a result, poorly managing things I lost both.

Feel like I’m starting from scratch again and all that confidence that came from the abundance is gone and I’m back to feeling like a self conscious thirsty chump again.

Still, as you said, the one thing I know is that I won’t ever sacrifice my boundaries of dignity no matter how thirsty I get, and I could not honestly say that 5 years ago.

[–]ramjaz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Also keep in mind that some plates are worth spinning more than others. You just have to make that judgment yourself.

[–]2Dmva100-5 points-4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Lot of truth here. Went through much of this myself. Deliberately did ONS only for 10 months to avoid attachments and nail down my game, build confidence, and destroy the illusion of pussy being some rare commodity the requires massive investment. Some days id get 5-10 numbers and no pussy. Sometimes id fuck 4 girls a week. I'd even go a full week without closing, but was still hitting the gym. Then I had a Sunday where I fucked 3 girls in one day. It's all a journey.

Learning from your failures and only chasing women for sex does help you develop and find yourself because if you purposely start your journey out like this before you get into spinning plates, you really learn alot about your strengths and weaknesses and it forces you to fill your life with other valuable endeavors, goals, hobbies, etc to avoid going crazy and feeling down just because your apartment is empty at night or you didn't find some unicorn.

[–]king_of_red_alphas7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No offense, but I think you’re far far above “base camp” if you are “only” getting 4-5 numbers for day or.. as you put it ... “even go a whole week” without getting an ONS.

If you are able to get an ONS at will then you are not really lacking abundance in any way shape or form.

This post is talking about how many of us have to grind to get to a position of just getting a shot, and how to handle that, not about “choosing” to pump and dump tons of girls.

[–]rcsob-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you op this is exactly what I needed to see today...

[–]swordshab-5 points-4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

But the company of women is too good

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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