Congratulations! Somehow you have found your way to the redpill. Be it by someone who cared enough to point you towards the truth or, more likely, through your own Waterloo. You’re probably wandering through an emotional battlefield right now but get your chin up. This is the first day of the rest of your life. Either you, or someone you know has given you the gift of clarity in this screwed up culture of ours by directing you here. Most of the good people here start off on this path in the same way. They met the “Girl of their dreams.” Maybe she gave you the time of day, maybe not. Most assuredly she treated you as a disposable commodity, then broke your heart. Even though you realize she was bad for you, you can’t get over the fixation you have with her. It’s starting to burn away at you. At least that’s how most of the oneitis posts start. So how do you get beyond this soul-crushing episode?

First, you need to realize what is actually going on here. The “Girl of your dreams” doesn’t actually exist. Instead what you are dealing with is a delusion – a trick of your mind. Your mind has amalgamated everything you want in a girl and projected it onto this girl’s mortal visage. Slow down and think for a second. Remember the whole of the relationship, if it even exists, and ask yourself if this girl has treated you the way “The girl of your dreams” should. If viewed rationally, probably not. Secondarily, you have been conditioned by much of the media in our society to believe that you need to find “The One” in order to be “complete.” The U.S. constitution guarantees the right to the pursuit of happiness, but you have been conditioned to offload that pursuit onto someone else. This is, of course, madness. Thirdly, men as a whole are competitive, and failure is a moral blow. It’s been scientifically proven that people tend to mentally ingrain negative events more so than positive. Finally, much of the feeling of angst and depression are the result of cognitive dissonance resulting from the delusion crashing down around you. So lets take an in depth look at these points.

Men’s cognitive function literally declines during interactions with women. Several tests were issued in which men couldn’t quickly differentiate between the color of the ink used and the name of the color written on the page after brief interactions with women. It’s not a far leap to say that you are similarly not getting an accurate reading on “The girl of your dreams” simply because you become less intelligent around her. The bottom line is that you can’t trust yourself to make a dispassionate assessment of her. You should view any woman in much the same dispassionate way you should view a financial investment. You invest your time and money into her, and the return is sex. With each day you should ask “Is it still worth it?” Unfortunately she is a depreciating asset, or one that grows less valuable each day, month, and year. This is because her beauty fades. Go over to /r/mensrights and read the divorce horror stories. “The girl of their dreams” pulled in most of these guys, but as she depreciated the delusion began to break, and they realized what a bad investment they had gotten. Now they are just bitter. The good news is twofold: as a man, you can be an appreciating asset, and most likely you have dodged the beta provider bullet.

The media would have you believe the narrative that in order to be a whole man, you need to find “The girl of your dreams.” You need to find that one person who matches you on literally every level. The good news is that you already know this person. This person is you. What our society at large would have you believe is that you should pin the responsibility for your happiness onto another human being. Human beings, in general, are pretty poor stewards of others interests, and women, in particular, are really bad at it. The answer is of course to take the reigns of your own happiness and start working for the things you want in life, instead of expecting someone else to hand them to you. Again, you can be an appreciating asset; you simply need to start working towards goals.

Men are by nature competitive and driven. Part of the sting of post oneitis is the stigma of the failure to achieve your goal, be it banging your oneitis, or just living that flowery happy life your mind tricked you into believing was possible with her. This should make you angry. In fact, the next step on the path to recovery is to get angry. Not angry at the oneitis, not angry at yourself, just get angry at the entire system which has brainwashed you. Sometimes that anger may make you feel like you are going to explode. A common suggestion is to invest in a punching bag. Beat it down when you feel this way. Otherwise, turn that anger into a positive force. That’s right, despite what the media says anger can be a tremendous asset. The idea is to focus and harness that anger towards gainful pursuits. The key pursuits for the redpill are personal finance, personal fitness, and personal growth. There is plenty of information about these to be had in posts and on the sidebar, and they are way beyond the scope of this document. Read the sidebar. Be like Diomedes from the Iliad, for when he was angry he almost killed two gods and very nearly destroyed Troy single handedly. Nothing could stop him, nor can anything stop you once you get into the proper frame of mind.

Becoming a driven self-fulfilled individual is no easy path to take, though. As has already been demonstrated, the human brain will try to trick you, and your emotions will betray you. Many redpillers recommend adopting stoicism, which is annealing yourself to life’s pains without showing emotion. Spock from classic Star Trek is a fine example of stoicism. This is often referred to as “Frame” and a display of negative emotion as “Breaking Frame.” All of this, however, is meant to ameliorate the most oppressive result of oneitis: Cognitive Dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is the stress a person feels when they realize a core belief is at odds with reality. In oneitis, the core belief in “The girl of your dreams” is at odds with the reality of the girl in front of you. Adopting a rational train of thought allows you to perceive the world in a rational manner. By extension you should perceive a girl as human, and therefore be un-phased when she acts like a human. A rational investor would view one of these acts, and move on without vesting much emotion into the issue. Once you have reigned in your anger, begun to improve, and straightened out your mentality, the oneitis will begin to fade. More so once you start having major life successes and realize what a waste tying yourself to a false god would have been.

A final thought is that many men come here seeking a path to revenge on “The girl of their dreams” for the emotional distress they are under. Men act out anger it’s true. So go get that punching bag and get worked up. In the long run, however, revenge simply won’t supply the grand humiliation you envision. Once again, you are falling victim to you own minds trickery. Consider the Shakespeare quote “Love me or hate me, both are in my favor. For if you love me, I am always in your heart… If you hate me, I am always in your mind.” If you actively seek revenge on her, she is still dominating your mentality. If you want a real and tangible revenge, follow the advice of George Herbert: “Living well is the best revenge.” Channel all of the energy you would spend on whatever grand revenge scheme you have in mind into bettering yourself. In ten years time, when you run into “The girl of your dreams” you are going to be a successful, healthy, and well dressed man. Meanwhile her primary asset, her looks will have faded. You can compare your current positions in life, breaking for pauses while she tries to wrangle her provider spawn. Seeing her after ten years of cock carousel riding and several kids will permanently kill any residual thoughts of her, and you can leave with a shit eating grin and the confidence that you have just provided her with another regret.

In closing, you’ve been given a fantastic opportunity. Take that opportunity to go out there and do something great with yourself.

Sources:

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-interacting-with-woman-leave-man-cognitively-impaired/

http://www.livescience.com/1827-bad-memories-stick-good.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance