This post is more for the purpose of generating discussion.
Almost all of us can probably agree that ingesting and accepting the Red-Pill is the catalyst for one of, if not the most transitional period in a man's life. Our entire outlook on the world is shaken, scrunched up and set on fire, thrown on the ground and pissed on, and it's as if we are looking at the world through a brand new pair of eyes from that moment on.
We go through the standard and natural phases of denial, grief, anger, acceptance as we try to reconcile our new outlook on the world with our own identities and live's that we've built for ourselves pre - Red Pill.
While I myself am very much out of the anger stage, and for the most part comfortable in acceptance, I feel myself unable to, on an existential level, completely submit to and derive an overarching positive comfort from red-pill realities. Consciously I can understand every single concept discussed here, observe it in every day interactions, understand why I feel certain ways, objectively analyze interpersonal relations etc etc., however there seems to be an omnipresent discomfort or uneasiness that isn't going away, that stems directly from having to accept the reality that a woman will never love me in the way I not only believe she should but feel she should - she can't love me in the way I would ever love her. That we haven't just been lied to about women's behavior, we've been lied to about what women fundamentally ARE. We can talk about how this is all blue pill indoctrination and that the true nature of women has been hidden from us, which is true - undeniably - however I can be as cognizant of this reality as possible, as I am now, but still feel an existential emptiness as a human in knowing that no matter what I do I won't be able to shake this innate desire to bond with someone who values or even recognizes me as a unique individual and autonomous human being and not simply a walking source of resources and validation, to bond with someone who's interest in me isn't based exclusively on the extent to which I can provide satisfactory feelz in her. In a sense men are simply jesters, that's all we really are in the eyes of the opposite sex.
As a result of this my emotional state has been one of almost permanent neutrality - I'm never extremely upset, but also never extremely happy. I find myself lacking motivation to do things, especially creative things that require emotional investment. I find myself having "what's the fucking point" thoughts frequently and struggling to derive motivation. I'm completely aware of why I'm feeling like this - it's because I'm no longer living under the illusion that I have to succeed in order to obtain a hot girl and have kids. I can live in my parent's basement, lift weights every day and turn out hot women for the rest of my life if I wanted. I could spend the rest of my life, broke, having sex with the wives of men who have worked their hands bloody for years in order to obtain the objects of their biological motivations - his beautiful unicorn and children. And I could steal her with muscles, arrogance and primitive sex appeal. That's the reality.
What I'm getting at, I guess, is that it seems as men we are or seem to be inescapably hard-wired to derive motivation to succeed in life from, at least to some extent, the prospect of attaining a "good" woman and building a family and passing on our genetics. The red-pill shatters this illusion, shows you that you can turn out most women you want even if you're dead broke living with your parents, that fundamentally all a woman derives from you is how you can make her feel and that your value as a human being in her eyes is tied exclusively to how you affect her emotional state and solipsistic conception of herself. You are a sack of sperm, your views and thoughts and desires are alien and irrelevant to the person your biology is forcing you to chemically bond to, you're just a walking husk of validation and resources who is, in this society, ultimately powerless in a relationship despite your entire biology (mind and body) being the way it is for the purpose of dominance.
I'd like to hear how you guys all came/are coming to terms with this feeling - the feeling of being emotionally neutral, lacking motivation on an existential level that you can't really help - if you've never experienced it, if it's gone away or you've replaced it with something else, and if redpill has made you a happier person in general. I can say I'm incomparably smarter than I was some 5 years ago, a totally different human being, but I will openly admit I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to be completely comfortable nor fundamentally happy with the state of male existence we're experiencing now and that's a troubling thought to come to terms with.
What do you guys think? Is there a way to overhaul your biology from this irritating drive to want to bond with another person, a way to shift this unconscious but seemingly constant/perpetual desire onto something else as equally fulfilling/motivating on an existential level as wanting to find a "unicorn" and have beautiful children with?
We talk about our Mission, and building ourselves into the versions of men we want to be - but the inescapable question needs to be asked "ultimately, what for? why?" and the answer to that is something that makes me uncomfortable but does us no favors trying to hamster away or lie to myself about - we do all of this on an unconscious, biological level so we can reproduce with the highest quality women and have the healthiest children. We can't escape this, it's hardwired into us.
So when that's out of the equation, what's left? Spinning plates and making money, having experiences, traveling the world. I'm all for this. But will this nagging uneasiness that seemingly comes from our body and manifests itself as "beta" thoughts, that we just try to ignore or shut down, ever actually go away in the mind of a red-pilled man? Or is it just something we have to live with. I find this fascinating.
I didn't intend for this to be a mopey angst journal entry. I do feel like other men must feel this way to some extent and at some point in their journey, and it would be helpful to discuss it.