About a year ago I started to dislike and even hate most woman. I was really worried because I wasn't sure what was going on. I couldn't understand why my patients for their bullshit behaviour had vanished.
I was brought up with three females, my mom and two sisters. My dad lived in the same house but was really just that guy on the coach at the end of the day. He wasn't a real part of our lives.
I learned the same bullshit as everyone else. Respect woman, woman first, never hit woman etc.. I watched a lot of TV and film so you know that I learned what a man should be from those sources and not from my absent dad.
In my late 20's I started getting extremely confused about what a man "should" be. Media kept flopping back and forth (just like today). They would say "men should be macho", "men should be tender", "real men don't cry", "real men cry"," real men are big and strong", "real men are smart", "real men don't eat quiche" and many many more.
Being someone who took his cues from media I felt like a rag doll constantly asking myself if I should be more like this or like that. When I would focus on my tender side and not be "macho" I would watch a movie with some female friends who were on board with the man flavour of the month being tenderness and after watching a film where the male lead was an arrogant macho abusive man I'd be shocked to hear most of the females say "my god he was so hot"".
I was truly confused. My wife would also do the same flip flop about what men she was attracted to and I being the fool that I was kept trying to adjust myself accordingly to remain attractive to her. Then I hit a wall. I felt like I truly lost myself. I didn't know who I was anymore.
I started focusing on just me which in all honesty was very difficult. This brought up the usual problems of feeling selfish and self centred. I'm not proud to say that it took me YEARS to figure this out.
My wife and I had lack of sex issues like many marriages. Her issues were a little more complicated because she was abused as a child. She did solo therapy, we did couples therapy but the sex or the lack of never improved. I tried so hard to make sure when we had sex to not trigger any childhood thoughts...it just got extremely complicated. I am a very sexual man and it got to a point that I couldn't function normally in my business life because all I could think of was how shitty my sex life was. I didn't want to have an affair because i thought it wasn't the "right thing to do".
At the age of 50 I really had had enough. I just couldn't take it anymore. My wife and I were at each other's throats and every single thing she did drive me crazy because of the lack of sex issue we just couldn't resolve.
We started to do date nights because spontaneous sex never happened. After agreeing on a date night it would happen once in a while but most of the time the answer was "... is that tonight?, I'm tired can we do it another night?" We would argue and try and figure this all out as if we were planning a home renovation. I resented everything about her and started to hate her. But when we were good, it felt great again.
We had a huge fight on one of our sex/date nights. She said she was coming to bed and just made me wait and wait like a fool. I was fed up so I packed a bag and was heading out the door. She asked where I was going and I told her I was leaving her. She started to cry and begged me to stay and talk. (Remember I've been married to her for almost 30 years at this point). We talked and she kept saying "woman are different from men, we don't need as much sex". I told her that was fine but I'm no longer staying in a sexless marriage. I just won't do it anymore. She agreed to not switch or neglect the date nights from now on if this issue is a deal breaker. Yes that's what she said "a deal breaker".
The sex is much better now because I know when it's going to happen and I don't have to ask the old "want to fool around?" question just to get a "not tonight reply".
The best thing I did in my life was I stopped trying to be the flavour of the month. I'm just me. I also realized that being committed in actually being able to leave her was the best move ever. She was so confident before that night that I would never leave, that she took total advantage of me.
I am now a full red pill man. I take no shit from her or any woman. I tell her when she bugs me and I don't care if she's hurt by my honesty. I don't want you to think I'm mean or disrespectful because I'm not. I don't keep my mouth shut because I'm afraid she won't give me sex, I don't care anymore and she knows it. If the sex stops I'm gone.
I could have left her, but I have so much invested in this relationship. The tables have turned. It took me a heck of a long time to figure it all out but I'm happy to say I'm here now.