Let me start by saying, I love women. They've been misled, and as men of the last 30 years, we haven't been a great example worth following either. This post could apply to both men and women, but since this is RP, it's about how guys can do better. Here's a start:

When we accept a woman's story that she is a victim of sexism, elitism, her ex, or "asshole men," we enable her to feel entitled to shitty behavior.

White knights and beta orbiters are so toxic because they essentially say to women, (In the voice of Roger from American Dad) "Be an evil bitch honey, you've earned it. Commitment? You can always change your mind. Loyalty? That's for puppy dogs. Home? It's just a building. Kids? You'll get a settlement. Family? It's whoever you want it to be. How you feel is your truth, and you don't owe that to anyone." These guys end up miserable because they reap what they sow, but the broader damage is done.

So when a woman presents herself as a victim of something, when she is hard done by, a survivor, damaged, or "fucked up," technically, she is just reserving the right to treat you like shit down the road - and to blame you for not seeing it coming.

She's got a victim card in her hand and telegraphing you how she's going to play it. Same is true for guys, but this is an RP post.

When you accept their victim identity by rewarding it with sympathy, you are giving booze to an alcoholic. In RP, it's a sugar injection for the rationalization hamster. Don't be an enabler.

No doubt, men and women do horrible things to each other, and I've known some women who have led harrowing lives. But when we absolve them of any complicity in their misfortune, we ignore their basic human agency. Worse, it rewards the decisions that got them into the situation in the first place. Like mamma's boys who got too much coddling and didn't develop grit, too much sympathy lets women rationalize anything.

Treating people as victims to be healed denies their humanity (both good and bad) and reduces them to objects of pity. It removes their accountability to expectations, and has the effect that they do not need to behave as good people. They are no longer expected to, because a victim cannot be responsible.

Obviously, be compassionate, help people, and do good things for them, but it is unforgivably beta to do it for sex.

When we buy-in to their own denial of the link between their decisions and the consequences they experienced, we enable more of the same poor decisions.

TL;DR: If they are unable to separate what has happened to them from who they are, give them a hard next. If you don't, they will play that victim card to get the upper hand when the stakes are much higher, then demote your therapist ass into the friendzone, take the pot, and swing.