I’ve been told (actually, preached at) by modern feminists that as a man, I have absolutely no clue what it’s like to grow up as a woman in the world today. Women have it hard. And the reason they have it hard is men. Men are pigs. Controlling, abusive, privileged, entitled, oppressive pigs.
They tell us that from the day they’re born until the day they die, women are the subject of unwanted male attention – aggression, more like it. They can’t take two steps out the door without some guy hitting on them, propositioning them, touching them without their consent. It’s so bad that most women live in a constant state of fear. They don’t go anywhere alone. They freeze up when a perfectly innocent, perfectly nice, timid guy starts casually chatting with them because they don’t trust his intentions. And they’re right not to trust that guy, because the huge majority of men that talk to them aren’t interested in anything about them except for sex. A polite conversation is just pretense and manipulation. Even a relationship is just a power game – a ploy – by men to get more reliable and more frequent sex that they think they’re entitled to by agreeing to the relationship, hence why women are forced (by men) to treat relationships like an adversarial power conflict and use sex to incentivize desired behaviors in their boyfriends.
Is all of this actually true? Probably not – at least not for most women. But for purposes of this post, let’s take feminists at their word and assume that it’s the gospel truth that every single woman spends her entire life being harassed by men.
We’re told that this is just how it is. That this is the female story when you grow up in the world today. It’s so normal and so commonplace that a lot of people don’t even give it a second thought. Being a girl means that you’re going to get hit on and propositioned, a lot. That you’re going to get male attention, a lot. And it’s annoying and hard sometimes, but that’s just what women have to deal with.
That also means, of course, that it’s unreasonable to expect to meet a virgin or a sexually inexperienced woman nowadays. Women can’t be expected to say no to every single man, all the time. Eventually, a girl’s going to get curious, want to explore, want to find herself. It’s not like anybody wants to marry a woman who doesn’t know what she’s doing in bed, right? And not all of the guys who hit on girls are total rejects. Some are pretty cute. Not guys they’d want to marry, but they’re okay to date. And once a girl’s not a virgin any more, what’s she holding on to or saving? She might as well enjoy sex, sleep with a bunch of guys, and learn what works for her.
Eventually, however, our young heroine is going to turn 28 and meet her future husband, John. He’s not what she expected or always dreamed about when she pictured marriage as a child, but he’s a great guy, and so incredibly nice to her. So refreshing after a lifetime of dating assholes. He’s different. Better. She’s ready to settle down and start a family, and John’s a great choice for that.
“Settle down” is a very apt term for marrying a good guy and starting a family, because that’s exactly what she’s doing. Settling. And by settling, she’s making a lot of promises that at the time, she might not fully understand.
When they scream at us about the hardships of women today, modern feminists inadvertently make a very strong counterpoint: Every woman who marries is settling.
Men are pigs, right? A woman being married doesn’t stop a pig from charging toward the trough. Even after our heroine marries John, she’s still going to be the target of constant male attention, because that’s what women face today. Piggish, privileged men. Feminists tell us so, and they’re women, so they would know. So even though she picked John to be her husband, John is not going to be the last man who ever propositions her for sex.
Now just going with basic statistics here, John is not the most handsome man alive on this planet of over 7 billion people, nor is John the most successful, the smartest, the funniest…you get it. Some of those assholes who proposition our heroine are going to be better looking than her husband, more successful, smarter, funnier, or even all of the above. John was a good choice for a husband, but she knew she wasn’t marrying the greatest male specimen on the entire planet. That’s an unreasonable expectation. She loves John, but sure, an occasional guy who hits on her is going to stand out as someone she would have dated. She’s still going to be kind of attracted to the occasional guy who hits on her. That’s just natural.
Then it dawns on her what she really promised when she married John. She promised to settle. She knew he wasn’t the greatest human being to ever live, but she promised herself to him anyway. She knew, with certainty, that other men were going to continue offering her sex, because that’s what she and every female deals with every minute of their lives, right? And she knew, with certainty, that at least some of those men would be more attractive than her husband.
But she didn’t think about that when she got married. She didn’t think about the fact that she was promising to remain with her less attractive John anyway, even when a more attractive man makes her an offer, simply because John showed up in her life first.
John starts to look kind of pathetic. The life she always dreamed of is so humdrum. He wakes up, he showers, he goes to work, he comes home, he eats food, he wants sex. There are always bills to pay and chores to be done. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.
Was she ready for this? Did John understand what he was doing to her? Did he know? Did he propose to her to lock her down and trap her, and maybe saddle her with a few babies to keep her in check? That’s crazy, she thinks, but she can’t help seething a little inside. She’s not mad at him, really. He’s a good guy. She’s mad at herself. She’s mad that she rushed into marriage when she wasn’t ready. She’s mad that she got drunk last weekend while out with her girlfriends and slept with someone, confirming her deepest fears – that something is wrong with her relationship with John and she’s not supposed to be married to him. Because she wouldn’t have done that if her marriage was supposed to be. But maybe if she has a kid, that will normalize things. They’ll be a real family, right? And she needs to fuck John a few times anyway, just in case. It’s been two months. He’ll be thrilled.