Because I feel like contributing, and have a little vigour.

Fuck shame.

Shame. Many people have it. I dare say a large proportion of guys in Red Pill have shame triggers. You weren’t accepted properly as a kid, grew up with dysfunction, women have rejected you, you’re not ‘Chad’, you struggle socially, you don’t lift yet. There could be many reasons.

All these things contribute to a feeling of shame. For many, it’s a low level, low lying thing. Sometimes we’re far away from the trigger. Sometimes it smacks us right in the face.

The thing about shame, and fear of disapproval is those things can stop you living an expressing your true and congruent self as an individual male.

I suspect a lot of guys on ASKtrp have shame and fear of disapproval. It’s why they want to know the perfect thing to say, what to do to pass that shit test, what to say to a girl you just met. It’s why a lot of guys don’t have boundaries, or standards or ability to next.

Shame can be part of a negative self-concept. ‘I don’t truly want to express my real self, because I am kind of ashamed of who I am’. ‘I don’t want to say the wrong thing here, in case she disapproves and I fuck it up’.

‘I’m pissed off at this chick for being flakey, but I don’t want to assert boundaries in case I go too far and she disapproves’. ‘I’ll ask the ASKtrp what to say because I don’t trust myself’. Shame. Fear of Disapproval.

Fuck. All. Of. That.

Shame is a hard one. You can do a lot of therapy to fix it. You can look at negative beliefs, poor inherited messages about yourself, affirmations, whatever. Sometimes you have to take action. Start following those urges, saying what you really think, pursuing what you want. Allowing yourself to be.

If you’ve worked your ass off to get somewhere and build some value, why would you ever have shame about who you are, what you want, what your urges are. You can work to a point where the only shame you feel is when you don’t express yourself in congruence with who you are internally.

Fear of disapproval? Fuck this, too. If you’re a strong male who doesn’t take shit, has boundaries, enforces them, standards, you are going to see disapproval. Most people want something from you. Women want your validation and attention. For free if they can. If you have the strength, when needed, to say ‘nah baby, you kinda fucking me around, so I’ma go over here where there are plenty more titties’, she’ll get pissed off.

The thing is, you have to ACCEPT disapproval. It is a way of the world. If EVERYBODY is happy with you there is probably something wrong, somewhere. The point is to ACCEPT disapproval. It’s like heights. You can fear heights, avoid heights, try to minimize them but guess what? Heights still exist.

If a girl is fucking me around, flaking, whatever, I have no problem pulling the plug. That little old ‘beta’ voice can come up; ‘she won’t like this, I should probably talk to her and explain’.

That’s all horseshit. Part of being an adult male is having the ability to set boundaries, piss some people off and live with disapproval. You SHOW people how to treat you. YOU set your own price. Putting yourself first means you’ll step on the toes of people who want you to put them first.

So, try to work on your shame. It’s progress and not perfection, but try to prize all parts of your core masculine self. To more and more a point where the sidebar internalizes and you need less advice on what to say or do, because you’re unashamed to throw all parts of yourself out there.

A good question to reflect on sometimes is ‘am I acting with integrity to my value and boundaries, or am a valuing approval more’?

No shame, get ok with disapproval.