Hello everyone, hope you beautiful bastards are having a fantastic start to 2020! Ah the irony.
Today I want to talk about the one thing that I stopped doing that has literally changed me the most and that I recommend you try. Disclaimer: this should be used per your discretion in leu of context.
I was helping my friends younger brother build a PC over the weekend. Although I have been slowly mentoring my friend (who is younger than me), it hasn't rubbed off on his brother. One of the things he kept doing all the time was saying sorry or "my bad". I told him to cut it out several times but holly shit was it annoying. "These are your parts, you spent your 2000$ on this, so if shit goes wrong, its on you, apologize to yourself, not me for fucks sake". And it was true, I was simply making sure he didn't break anything, but every time I told him to do something a different way, or in any way guided him differently than he expected, he would apologize. Okay, sure, I am older, but not by enough to where he should be this courteous. So here begins my small lecture.
First, lets discuss to when you absolutely need to apologize, and when you shouldn't.
When you fucked up with the bros, the home boys, your best friends, the dudes, what ever. There is nothing more correct than to apologize man to man. There is nothing weak about this, as a real apology, after a real fuck up, is normal and should be done. You should not apologize of sticking it to them when they fucked up. Men (at least around me and my dad for that matter) are fucking harasses. We tell it to each other straight, and don't apologize for retaliating. You asked for it. Man to man, apologize for your fuck up, and make it right. If they fucked up, expect the same or give them a good one to the face. Personally, I see nothing wrong with that. I have had my fair share of bloody noses that I completely deserved. Keep the good ones around long enough and they will pay off to when they can have your back.
Apologize to your mom when you hurt her. Trust me, NO ONE has your back like your mom (unless she is a piece of shit). Remember, she doesn't want to let you go and will comb through every pile of biological trash you take to bed for anything that isn't "worthy of you". This may seem weak, but its not. Even if you are in the wrong, apologizing to mom is never a problem. Besides its usually between you and her anyway.
Don't apologize to your dad. Now this may seem counter intuitive, but in my experience works well. You are trying to live your own life, and he want's you to live it his way. Especially when you are under one roof. He knows this. Don't think he doesn't unless he is an utter tool. If your dad has any character at all, don't apologize. You fuck up? Fix it, but don't say "I'm sorry" like a little pup. Take the punches as they come, and sometimes, it is okay to fight back when you know your ol'man crossed the line. Sure, respect is due where it is due. You live under his roof? Its his place, I don't think I have to explain this one. Don't like his rules, move out. Sure there are times when a quick apology is fine, but when you fucked up, fix it with actions, show him you are a man who can take shit to the face and still turn things around. I wish I wasn't such a pussy growing up and realized that my dad didn't want an apology, he wanted me to go and make something of myself.
Don't apologize to your plates. You do what you want to do, if they demand an apology as an ultimatum? Let that psycho go, unless you want the headache. What are they, your wife?
Your girlfriend if she shit tests you and you fail. Sure, if you want to keep the relationship going, you might have to get on all four's and apologize, but honestly, I am over it. I only enter commitments with concrete guidelines. If you know what you bring to the table and its more than her, she owes you an apology for putting up with her shit.
In marriage, this is up to you. This is something I have not done, and don't have the experience. I am sure the married ones will chime in in the comments. Personally, its what ever you have to do to not get divorce raped I figure.
Death, divorce, sympathy, etc. This is for those situations when you say "I am sorry" as a way to to feel sorry for someone. Fucking don't. Save it. If someone died here is a sentence you can copy "...I really do sympathize with your loss, and I pray you stay strong through these tribulations". Jesus how corporate of me.
Second, how to apologize without being a fucking pussy.
Stop saying my bad unless you're just shooting the shit with your friends. When you apologize to someone, make it clear as to what you are apologizing for, be specific. Don't be general. "I apologize of taking my anger out on you mom". "I am sorry for using a harsh tone to explain why your financial status is sub par and getting worse". You get it. I can't stand a man who can't tell me what he is apologizing for, like he want's me to fuck off by saying a general "sorry". Stop apologizing for every little thing like "oh sorry I didn't know". I get this all the time when I have to fill in the gaps of a situation and someone realizes they were in the wrong. If it isn't gonna change anything, just don't say it. Honestly you can use that principle in everything you say and do. If you get caught off guard just say "Oh okay, I understand/You are right". Instead of lowering yourself by saying I am sorry, lift up the other person by saying they were right. You can use I am sorry/you are right in combination but in certain situations.
How do you apologize to a plate? Well we all know its a fucking game so use the most extravagant way possible. This is the exact opposite. Lets say you flaked on a date you set up. Do something different, and again, actions speak louder than words. If she texts you "where are you" after you bailed, just say your investment fund's office caught on fire or what ever bullshit you are feeding her anyway. Don't say I am sorry, say "I will make it up to you" after you are done telling your story.
There are many ways you can go about "seeming" like you apologized, but without actually doing so. Now you may thing, "Why the fuck do I need to do this if in the end the other person will still take it as an apology?" First; Plausible deniability. If anything, you didn't apologize, you were specific about your intent. Second, when other people are around, you look like less of a pussy and seem more confident in how you are going to fix it rather than how you are going to mope around after fucking up. Third: Builds YOUR character. This is for YOU. Not just for others. The less you say sorry, the more you will think differently. Your back up plan will stop being "I'm sorry". "I'm sorry" isn't a get out of jail free card. Its not a back up plan when shit goes wrong, you should have thought about that before hand. And if you didn't have a back up plan other than "I'm sorry", then you really aren't sorry are you? You knew what the fuck you were doing, so stop playing it off like you didn't and start coming up with solutions.
Finally, I would like to reiterate; this is not 100% universal and does not work 100% everywhere. This is just something to keep in mind and work on for young men who are new. This is for you to think and analyze your daily encounters with people and notice how you are being perceived by a two words.
Also I apologize for a potential run on's and incongruent paragraphing. Honestly wanted to keep it short but fucking hell you could write books on this stuff.
TL;DR - Stop looking acting like a pussy. I am sorry is not a plan B and if it is, you aren't sorry.