~ archived since 2018 ~

Stop Asking Questions

August 29, 2014

Scenario: Your boss tells you that a client is having an issue, and that you need to fix it. He didn't say much, except it has something to do with the system not running. That's not really your expertise, but you have some experience with it. Upon arriving, you find that you really don't know what's wrong, it's not something you've encountered before. What do you do?

If your first thought is to ask someone for help, you've already screwed up. This is one of the fundamental behavioural patterns that differentiates a leader from a follower.

Consider what you picture when you think of a leader. A commander. A CEO. A tribal leader. A dictator. What do these people all have in common? Quite simply, they're decision-makers.

If you've ever met a strong leader, the one thing most people instantly recognize is that they exude a sense of "knowing what to do". I'll let you in on a little secret -- they don't always know what to do. In fact, a lot of the time they're simply making educated guesses, but they're directing with the conviction of someone who is sure of their position. I work as a consultant; not only is this immensely important in my field, but the leaders I work with all have this quality, even when it's clear that they don't really know what the best course forward is. The morale of the company is largely decided by the apparent competence of the leader.

Why is this important? Because people gravitate towards security. No one has the answers all the time. A lot of people very rarely have answers. Someone who appears to be able to provide those answers is instantly seen as high-status. By asking questions, even the most innocuous ones, you serve to undermine people's belief in your assuredness. You see this with religious leaders. Conviction is a display of strength.

So what do you do? Well, it essentially boils down to this -- Observe. Educate yourself. Act. This is the crux of any decision-making. Look at all the variables, see if there aren't others who have been in a similar position, then make a decision based on their experience and outcome. Even if you make the wrong decision you'll be seen as assertive and having direction. What's important is that you made a definite choice.

When it comes to women this is doubly important. Stop asking "Where do you want to go for dinner?". Instead, "Let's go to that Italian place". If she balks, then change the venue. Alternatively, "Let's go out for dinner, I'm thinking either Italian or French, pick one". You've made the decision to go out, and narrowed it down to two options. Her picking between the two gives her the illusion of involvement.

Practice this in your day-to-day life. Next time someone asks you to do something you don't know how, just act. The more you do this, the more people will look up to you.

Stop fucking asking questions, start leading.

EDIT: Good article that does a better job defining this concept. courtesy of /u/farfigkreuger.

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Post Information
Title Stop Asking Questions
Author Cyralea
Upvotes 3
Comments 37
Date August 29, 2014 2:04 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit /r/TheRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/stop-asking-questions.20211
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2ex3dx/stop_asking_questions/
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