tl;dr I vent about my life and remind you that we all are alone. But the achievements as a result of our situation taste so much sweeter.
It's obvious most of you have personal problems. It's your pain that has led you to discover and accept this place, as fucked up as it is sometimes.
But suck it up. You're a man, you have to.
I know each of you have a story but let me briefly tell you mine. Of all the fucked up shit my parents have done to me, I realize the worst part was my mom admitting she never cared about me. From a discussion I had with her, from her own words, I got her to admit:
- Her family is her number 1 priority
- No one in her immediate family is happy
- She herself is happy and has piece of mind
I told her, the only way these contradictions make sense is if you have really low expectations and don't really care about anyone. She said, "That may be the case."
Never have I truly felt so alone. With my dad it's all pain and abuse. With mom it's negligence and apathy.
Despite all the shit they put me through, and all the various mental problems I've developed so far (anxiety, depression, obesity, self-loathing, etc...) I still came out on top.
Got my engineering degree, making 70K+ straight out of college in a town where standard of living is pretty cheap. Unfortunately, I can't even say it's been that good for even 80% of my peers, lots of them are still looking for a job or have taken a lower paying job despite coming out of the same program.
I tried to approach my parents about all the problems they've caused me during my last year in college but it only led to denial and fighting. When they actually acknowledged it, they simply told me to compartmentalize it until after college and focus on my studies.
Graduation day comes around, got a job and my degree in hand. They should have been the proudest parents around since I came out better than 95% of the entire graduating class (in terms of the major I chose and the fact that I have a high paying job right out of college) but no.
Not a SINGLE FUCKING FOLLOW UP on the "problems" I needed help with over a year ago.
Lost all my friends since graduation and I'm not gonna talk about this shit when we do catch up. Can't talk to anyone about this at work otherwise my ass is fired. On top of that, I don't really have time to pursue other interests and hobbies and make new friends because I'm lifting most days after work and lots more on the weekends. I simply don't have the time nor energy to do anything else.
It really sucks knowing you have to suffer so much in isolation. No one cares if you make it home at night, or if you wake up the next morning, or how hard your previous workout went.
But this is the challenge, gentlemen. Knowing what you know, when you finally make it to the goal(s), when you finally get one step closer to that dream, it tastes so much sweeter.
I plan to be the perfect man, the envy of all. I want to be young, shredded, tall, highly skilled, and making lots of money. I've achieved all those things except being shredded. I know, in a year, my life is going to be so much better and so is yours. But you have to feel the pain and you have to put in the time.
Suck it up, have a nice lift, and don't get married.
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