Summary: I'm swollowing the red pill for a while now, it changes me. Was suppose to go on vacation with my friends - they went without me without saying a word.

Background story: I've got 2 friends that I used to drink a lot with. Lets call them Tom and Peter. Every meeting was set with a lot of alcohol. Doesn't matter what kind, vodka, beer, vine you name it. We were always drinking more than most of people do and it had its consequences. Both of my friends had their hands injured, with Tom ending up in a hospital. Few times I was lost in the middle of the forest. Once had to call my father to find me because I was so drunk I had no idea where am I. I woke up the other time to see in my phone that during the time of 00:00-6:00 I was walking for 25km which I don't remember anything from except few flashes and a knee injury that reminds me about itself every time I run/rollerskate. The other times we were ending up arguing with each other... Anyway - we were not the ones who stay at home when drinking. More "looking for adventure that never ends well" people. I was in touch with them all the time mainly because its over 8 years now that we know each other and I could talk with them about anything and everything. I see them once every 3-4 weeks as I work and live somewhere else and leave for delegation often.

So when I found RP at first I was in angry phase (probably still am) and stopped looking for girls. I started improving myself at all times, I cook myself, eat healthy food (and I love it), workout every 2nd day, stopped playing video games, Inline skating in this season. In small aspects of my life I always try to do the right thing straight away instead of delaying it (for instance fix that broken garage door right away, not a week from now). Small things but I felt I'm on a good way, improving all the time. All that changed the way I talk about stuff because it changed the perspective of sitting. I stopped drinking big amounts myself but was still drinking when was meeting up with them. Always felt its off and I don't actually like it. I knew at some point I'll do something to stop it.

I was talking with Tom about that many times. I said - "We should do different things together, not only alcohol. It never ends well and you like sports too." We were training parkour for 2 years at some point together, its the best time we had back in the days. Anyway all ended with no change, I was improving he was still stuck.

This summer I was getting 5 days off from work to go on vacation. Me and my friends wanted to go on a camp, spend some time in a little house by the lake, take some girls, drink a lot, have fun. It would be our third time there and yes I liked it - but that was year and 2 years ago. Back then there was no RP. So this year I felt like its a waste of time. I was still up for it because of them and knew (or thought) they wanted me to go with them. In my mind I was like - just that last time this year. I'm not going to do something like that anymore, its just drinking, not remembering most of it and I could spend that time somewhere else traveling.

Tom and Peter knew I do canoeing every year with my other friend Mark. We love it, we always challenge ourself and its AWESOME! It happened to be this year just before our lake trip, was cool for me as I had entire vacation days planned. 3 days on the river, 4 days by the lake.

Rejection part starts here: There was a party last Saturday on which we were suppose to meet together with Tom but I had 2 more things to do at that day. Lumberjacks festival and a meeting by fireplace with some other friends from collage. So I told him about it. He didn't seem happy as he probably thought we will drink together from the very start. I was thinking about myself - drinking is not my priority, Ill spend that time better. Everything went as planned and I landed at the party at 8PM. Calling Tom asking where to find him. He says he's far away. I'm like what does it mean? He says Peter had 2 free spots in a car and went on some concert with him because it was boring at the party. I'm like ok and call off. He sends me a text then - "You can go and drink without us, we'll join you by midnight." I text him - "I don't give a fuck about drinking part, It was about meeting up with each other.". No response from him. My dad noticed I'm annoyed by having ruined evening (I hate when something ends not as planned) so we decided to spend a evening together. 2 bottles of vodka later and some nice talk I'm glad that at least I had a good time with my father and the evening was not entirely wasted. I go on the party by midnight to have some fun as I like to dance. My friends appear one hour later. I tell Tom he annoyed me and I'm mad at him. We go on the side, have a talk and go back on the spot. Its all right now, we got drunk and I wake up in the morning. Things go as always - I call him, ask how did I end up because I don't remember. He says all was fine, went to his place as I was hungry, ate something and went home. I ask - "What about that lake trip, do you know at what time exactly we go at Thursday?: (He was mainly the organiser of it as the camphouse belongs to his girlfriend parents). He's like - "We're not sober yet, we'll talk about it later." I'm like ok, give me a message.

I went on canoeing trip, had a blast, we did 90km in 3d on a very difficult river. The guy who rented us canoes was impressed as normally it takes 6d to finish that river and he never had someone doing such a thing. Awesome times.

I wake up today and expect a message from Tom but no luck. I call him, he's not responding. I call Peter, not responding. Sent 1 message saying, sup, any info for me as I'm kinda out of track? To not waste any time I proceed with what I was suppose to do. Doing some shopping. Trying to call them again after 2h. On the way back from the shop I stop by to my friend and apparently... They're already by the lake (I'm talking with his sister). I ask did we have a fight after the party. She says she was not there but heard some "fight" from upstairs. I'm like hmm... So ok seems like we had a fight then. I go back home.

Did I tell him I don't want to waste time with drinking again? Maybe. I don't remember. Anyway seems like I said something that got him really mad at me. I'm not going to call them any more. Definitely not going to drink with them any more. If want to meet up? Ok but no alcohol.

What do I feel now: I'm annoyed as hell because I still have 3 and a half day off and have nothing to do now. I have some ideas but I'm nearly furious because 3 days is not much. You cant plan much in that time. I'm also annoyed I did shopping for that camp already and there is stuff that I probably won't use for a while. Surprisingly - I don't feel sad or left out. I feel better than them. What happened to me?

Lesson learned:

  • If you have "drinking friends" they're not your friends. They don't need you. You don't need them.
  • If you don't feel like doing something - don't do it.
  • Always have plan B