The Anna Karenina Principle and the Problem of Bad Relationships

”Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” -Leo Tolstoy, “Anna Karenina”, Ch.1, p.1

Tolstoy’s meaning here is that happiness requires a number of factors, each one of which must be present for happiness to follow. Each is a necessary condition. If one is not present, then the result is failure of the underlying system.

The classic example of the “Anna Karenina” principle is zebras. When Europeans first brought horses to Africa, they had a hard time surviving because of disease, the harsh environment, abundance of predators, etc. There did, however, seem to be a local option. Zebras could provide a serviceable substitute for horses, had immunities against local disease, and were accustomed to avoiding predation by lions. This made them the perfect substitute for horses.

Except….

Except that zebras are impossible to tame on the broad scale. They have independent and nasty-ass personalities. They sometimes attack humans. It’s a problem. So they were the perfect solution, except for the one thing that ruled them out. That ‘one thing’ is fatal.

People, unless they are severely broken, generally don’t stay in awful relationships, where things are bad all the time, unless they are somehow defective people, but they do stay in bad ones. They cling to them, in fact. How do you tell you are in a bad relationship?

ECs and experienced guys can pretty much look at the questions posed in the titles of posts in askTRP and 95% of the time know the answer before we click through. Yes, you should dump your drug-addled girlfriend, no matter how good she sucks dick. Yes, if she’s cheated on your 45 times, there WILL be a 46th. Yes, trickle truth is a real thing.

Why do guys have to be told this?

Because they guys want the easy path to pussy. Dumping the bitchy or otherwise defective girlfriend – but who puts out – creates the problem of “no pussy”. No guy wants to watch ONE WOMAN walk out the door with 100% of his pussy supply, because that means that they would have to go out, compete again with other guys, work through approaches, rejections, etc., until they find another girlfriend. Guys stay in bad relationships because of lack of abundance mentality + thirst + competing is tough – especially that last one. That's why you see married guys who let themselves go. They're married so they think they've "won", and they don't have to compete anymore. So they anesthetize themselves with sportsball, beer & chicken wings and blimp out, while their wives either never lose the "baby weight" or simply pork out on their own, and pretty soon they both hate each other and want to die.

There are Two Primary Solutions to the Anna Karenina Problem

No. 1 You find the “Fuck, YEAH!” girl. The "Fuck Yeah!" girl, when you suggest going out says, "Fuck Yeah! We are going out," or "Fuck Yeah! We ARE going to 'Netflix and chill'," or "Fuck Yeah! I AM going to suck your dick!" This lasts as long as it lasts, which won't be forever, so enjoy it while it does.

No. 2 You maintain sexual relationships with multiple women. 4-5 feels about right to me. For some guys it’s 2. For other guys it’s 6. Whatever, the point is, you aren’t going to put up with psychotic bullshit because you need sex, when you are getting sex on the regular from 4 other girls. One girl is acting up? You got other options. You withdraw attention, and go bang another plate, or go game other women. Generally, this is the more optimal solution.

In conclusion:

A. Make yourself exceptional in one or more ways. Women are a lagging indicator of success – If you build it, they will come.

B. Keep gaming women: Always be closing.

C. Once you achieve abundance, you will never again have to suffer the nagging, soul-crushing agony of putting up with some bitch who is just in it to create as much drama as possible and to kill your dreams, because it will be easy for you to walk away, and The Power To Walk Away is one of your greatest strengths. Do NOT stay in a bad relationship just because you're getting laid. Chances are, you will keep banging the chick for a while after the break-up, because to her, you're a known quantity and she can fuck you for 7 more years and you don't raise her N-count.