TLDR : There's faking it and then there's making it. And then there's BEING it. The more direct your goals are, the less they serve as a tool to meet some other covert goal, the more authentic they will be, and so will you. Most of our goals in life were direct, for their own reward, and not tied to sex as the prize. Covert goals lead to loss of frame and authentic being, and ultimately precipitate a life crisis.

We've been sold on the idea that every single thing we've ever done and wanted to achieve in history was because of the ultimate reward of women and sex.

The reality is that sex is just the biggest thing on your mind right now. You believe that everything in the universe just wants to get laid because a) You're raging with hormones as your body seeks women for sex, companionship and kids, b) Sex is lacking in your life, which is usually a symptom of many other things lacking in your manly self, c) You felt a burst of extra feel good (courtesy your own endocrine system) when she noticed and gave you validation or sex and that boosted your motivation d) A breakup or a disillusionment can hurt and sap you of your motivation in other areas, which may make you conclude your motivation was all for sex and finally e) You're suffering from pain disguised as pleasure addictions.

The idea that sex is the ultimate prize of all endeavors and goals is a clear example of a covert goal - a goal where you say you want one thing, but in reality what you really want is covert and hidden. The overt, direct goal is merely in the service of the covert goal and your passion for it is entirely outcome dependent on whether your covert goal is ultimately met or not.

So "Duh, but what's the point of any all this? We do everything just to get laid man!" is a seriously flawed statement.

This is essentially a covert contract between you and your own goals. And it stops you from being direct and authentic with both your other goals and your goals of getting the sex and women you need.

Let's say you wanted to become an astronaut, a doctor, a sportsman, race cars or build cars, make musical instruments or fly planes, build muscles, become a scientist, run your own business, or just make a lot of money, build a big house and travel the word -- you can trace many of these goals right back to when you were a kid and you were just fascinated and attracted to these things as they were, for their own sake.

Those goals were then free of any covert contracts. Many of your most authentic goals came from the discovery of innate gifts, or ideas or something that really impacted your life.

No you did not do ANY of these things just to ultimately get laid. You did all these things because you liked them. And in the long run, they allowed your self to express its true potential. The actual reward of achieving your goals is in the very fulfilling experience of achieving them itself and the lessons and experiences gained in the journey.

Had you made a woman the ultimate prize for any of these goals, your motivation would have evaporated the instant you were rejected by her, and back down the slippery slope to beta valley of stagnation you would have gone. You would end up doing things that weren't authentic to yourself for her sake, to please her emotions, and eventually something within you just builds up resentment and screams at you for deceiving yourself and making covert contracts in your life.

And when you do learn the game of attraction, you realize it is actually a very indirect, dependent and inefficient way to get sex met through covert means and goals. You could just do what it takes directly and it would instantly have so much more of an impact.

This pedestalization of sex as the ultimate goal not only makes your whole point of living into a covert goal, it also leads to one other thing -- pedestalization of women.

Followed by abdication of your own frame and ceasing to love yourself and then expecting a woman to fill the void in you. Literally the moment you fall in love without recognizing what's going on for what it is, you instantly turn your life into a covert contract for the goal of sex. It's a long climb out of that valley back after that.

I'll admit, men have been really, really motivated by the prize of a woman and sex. Love and the thrill of the chase can bring out an insane intensity within you that didn't seem to exist a while ago. This is where, if you aren't mindful and honest about what's going on within you, in one moment of unawareness, things can slide down the beta slope. The whole beta indoctrination we do to ourselves is built on the covert goal of obtaining a woman as the prize for all our growth, endeavors and achievements. Eventually we start hamstering to ourselves that "All goals lead to sex!"

A reward is a great motivator, but our emotional minds are simple and fail to realize the difference between a goal, an outcome and the side effect of achieving a goal.

So people go the gym, lose weight, groom and style up, develop gaming skills, practice the Sex God Method, and the entire list. The problem is at the point of origin which hasn't yet been fixed by authentic frame -- they're doing all this not out of genuine desire for themselves and the things they work on, only for her validation. Her response is a barometer of their own self worth, and so their own frames are a slave of her moods and choices. In their own minds, they and their goals and their lives as men are all still worthless unless they gain the prize of a woman - so they remain needy and do not develop the genuine abundance that women are really attracted to. THAT is the subtle sin that must go in the end.

It is precisely the lack of honesty and authenticity in covert goals that force you to abandon your own frame and try to fit into a woman's tenous and ever changing one, to the ultimate frustration of both of you.

In other words, your frame at the point of origin is your innermost conditioning, and that is what really ends up creating your life even if you have seemingly done everything else right. That is what determines what actually ends up happening. For e.g. Why fear and insecurity are such self fulfilling prophecies. Life only responds to what is at your point of origin, at the level of your being. If that hasn't been fixed, it isn't over yet.

Instead, try to recognize the intrinsic worth of your goals and what you gain truly from achieving them. Try to recognize the worth of being a man in itself. Don't be an attractive man just to get laid. Be an attractive high value man because that is who you are and that is the best expression of your potential. Simple. Don't restrict your reward to just one outcome, who knows what might happen when the outcome is left free to go beyond your imagination?

Don't make a covert contract with your goals and desires by asking "What's the point?". This "What's the point?" has become a disease of nihilism amongst way too many people and the root cause of it is covert, unspoken and unrecognized goals being met indirectly, by those who have not attempted to truly face themselves. The moment you've asked that question, it means what you want is really something else. This lack of genuine desire will not only not allow you to give your best towards your goals, it'll guarantee you won't learn to love what you do and it'll sabotage you from meeting both your overt and covert goals.

Ultimately you won't truly love yourself or anything or anyone in your life with covert contracts and covert goals. And no woman is going to plug in that hole you've built in yourself. Covert goals will keep you feeling that something's still not right or missing and eventually you'll feel so empty you'll suffer a mid life crisis. You might then end up dropping your goals as you could no longer live with the feeling that what you wanted was something else and you were just creating resistance within yourself the whole time. Sometimes it takes life unravelling to force you to finally face what's really in your point of origin.

Recognize that sex and women are a need within you and bring them honestly out in the open. Becoming attractive starts out as a means to an end, but down the road it trickles down deep enough that it changes to being the expression of your best self as a way of being. And that is when it becomes truly powerful to actually transform your life and attracting what you needed. A counter intuitive way of getting what you want, but its the authentic one.

Once you are at this level where your new life is now a way of being and not just a step up to get women and sex, and your goals are direct ones instead of tools to serve some other covertly hidden end, you are truly outcome independent. You have gained the awareness to realize why you do what you do and what you need to do, and now others are in your frame rather than you trying to fit into others' frames. You don't see yourself as merely a tool to obtain someone else or something else (and therefore ultimately worthless), but recognize that you are really the prize and the one who is worthy of the best of what you can offer. You do not stop loving yourself and abdicate self responsibility when you fall in love and hope that the other person will then fill up the hole in yourself.

When you do not value yourself, you will seek validation and the rest of the world to give you that value instead. And that is the root of why you're ultimately not authentic at the deepest level of your being, and why you cannot value anyone else either. And that is why you fail to get what you need. Instead of the one becoming more than one, you're acting as though you're zero and want the world to make you more than zero. And you are doing this to yourself. Therefore you also can take responsibility for yourself.

Now you truly value yourself and all aspects of yourself and can see yourself honestly in the mirror. Your goals are now simpler, more direct and more authentic. You are not tortured by constantly second guessing yourself "Why am I doing this ultimately?", so your motivation is again pure and simple. You actually truly honor your goals and what you're doing to achieve them right now, and by doing so you truly value yourself.

You see how everyone is busy chasing their real covert goals indirectly underneath all that they say and believe and why that pretty much ensures a mid life crisis and burnout or disillusionment sooner or later. It is actually necessary so that they may truly find the opportunity to confront themselves honestly. These people have always been looking to the next moment for their fulfillment instead of this one, so even when they achieved their goals, they still weren't happy and still looked elsewhere for that elusive something. When every goal only exists for the next one, it was ultimately worthless in this moment. Sooner or later this pattern of worthlessness in the moment was just begging time for a hard knock and reality check.

It's absolutely fulfilling in itself when you achieve the goals you dreamed of achieving - whatever they are. When I look back at my best achievements those were complete in themselves and did not need sex as a prize to ultimately validate them or the journey. I'm pretty sure getting that rocket to land automatically on a droneship was completely fulfilling and amazing in itself - why enslave it to something else? Had they done it only for sex, they'd have given up a long time ago after realizing its a horribly inefficient and indirect way to get sex, despite the extra value it adds. Sex is fulfilling in itself as well, why enslave it for something else?

Just like every other desire, sexual desire too arises in the moment. We just rationalize and hamster ourselves into believing it was the one thing for which we did everything else for. In doing so, we've been totally dishonest with ourselves.

You have done most of the things you wanted for their own sake and their own worth, not for some other, more elusive, covert goal. You have certainly not become a scientist, or a doctor, or bought that car, or built that house, or gone to space, read that book, or played that sport, or invented most of the things in the world for the sole purpose of getting laid ultimately -- all these things have been done because we genuinely wanted to do them or because they were absolutely needed in that moment. Of course, people do find a way to use them to satisfy their needs for sex later on, but that is a later consequence down the road. Most goals in history have always been very direct.

It is true that women and sex and a good relationship might have given you the much needed kick start to becoming the man you were meant to be, and might have boosted your motivation, given you that extra feel good factor and helped you do a few incredible things, while a bad relationship might have really hurt and sapped your drive --- you have to be ultimately grateful for the lesson, but ultimately you must flip the frame the other way round and be the man you were meant to be as your natural way of being, to actually get the life you wanted, and beyond.

Merely being reactive and having your frame at the mercy of success and failure will not help you ultimately fix your point of origin. It will have a powerful impact on you, but you must not rest until it has gone as deep as it must go.

That's the difference between faking it vs making it, and then going further beyond to BEING it. The distinction is in how deep it has gone in to you. When the point of origin has been fixed you are truly at the level of being it. Accordingly, you will act and the world will respond to who you are.