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A post about a survey by GQ on how both men and women view masculinity recently came up on ASKTRP. The words used by most women to define masculinity were “macho”, “dominant” and “muscular”. Interestingly, the women characterised a masculine man as a much more “traditionally” masculine man than the men did. Classic womanese: say they want the thing that they don’t to filter out the real men from the boys.

Everyone knows a woman wants a masculine man, so it follows that she wants a “macho”, “dominant” and “muscular” man – how she defines a masculine man. TRP knows this already but it was good to get it from the horse’s mouth without bluepill two-speak.

There are some traits that are, and have been, universally accepted as normatively masculine all over the world throughout the ages. These traits are obviously attractive to women and are also good bases to form masculine male relationships on. If you have these traits, your life will be better and you will be a dominant, masculine man. My goal is to have a list of these traits as a quick reference if you are feeling stuck in your self-development and need direction.

IMPORTANTLY: YOU CAN IMPROVE ALL THESE TRAITS WITH PRACTICE.

Here they are in no particular order:

ATHLETICISM/MUSCULARITY/PHYSICAL STRENGTH – lift and eat well. Throw in some cardio and flexibility. Nuff said. Could also be improved by any number of physical hobbies.

VIRILITY – being physically and sexually energetic. Similar to above. Exercise, diet, adequate rest.

COURAGE – the ability to confront fear and go after your desires and goals despite the risk or danger. It also includes the acts of following your own sense of what is right despite the judgement of others or the consequences. This is an age-old masculine trait typical of the archetypal hero. You can display courage in many areas in today’s world, it doesn’t have to be slaying a dragon.

LEADERSHIP – having a vision and being able to charismatically convince others to follow you and/or your vision. Social dominance. Forming your own judgements on topics and not following group think is also a form of leadership. Leading conversations is also a subtle for of leadership.

INDEPENDENCE – having your ducks in a row and not having to rely on others to get your needs met. Particularly financially and practically. Learning practical skills (eg mechanics, carpentry etc) really helps with this and this area is very easy to improve on. The internet is your friend if want to learn any skill.

EMOTIONAL STRENGTH – being able to control your emotions and fears. A woman wants something solid to hold on to. Trials, hardships and experience may be the only way to build this strength up. Mental training techniques may offer some secondary assistance.

WISDOM – knowing more than the average man and being able to implement that knowledge. Making the right judgements, problem solving and understanding a lot. In a word, being smart. Having insight into many areas is incredibly valuable. Reading books obviously will educate you probably better than anything on the widest range of topics, but practical wisdom can come into this as well.

ASSERTIVENESS – Being bold in your communication with others, not being afraid to step on some toes in going after your needs. If someone crosses your boundary, you let them know. Not being manipulated by others, particularly women, and not being pushed around by others. Standing your ground and holding your self-respect. Don’t say sorry just to keep the peace.

MASCULINE SPEECH - Your word is your bond. Saying what you mean and meaning what you say. Don’t talk nonsense or be a clown too much. Verbal diarrhoea is feminine. A masculine man uses few words and means them; hence they have more power. I could go into tonality etc. but that’s a bit technical for the reach of this post and if you are doing all the others things the small things should follow.

SEXUAL ASSERTIVENESS – it’s ok to show aggression in expressing your sexuality. Always lean towards aggression rather than timidity. Women are turned on by men who express their sexuality boldly and shamelessly. If your desires are wild, it’s good to express them to the world and your woman. Paraphrasing the words of Rihanna, “what (she) wants is what you want”.

POWER – personal power sometimes does not always equal social power. And power can be elusive. However, power is very related to status. And considering power to be position in a social group, a powerful man is one of high status, therefore is attractive to women due to at least social reasons. The other listed traits should make you a truly powerful man in some way or another. Lastly, power can also come from position in society which may or may not be earned.

DISREGARD FOR CONSEQUENCES AND AVOIDANCE OF RESPONSIBILITY – this may be seen as a “dark” masculine trait. Examples are fighting, drinking too much, driving too fast, general risk taking, and other “bad boy” behaviours that are obviously inherently masculine. These behaviours are good in moderation but you want to avoid becoming a total degenerate, for your own sake. Most women are attracted to these behaviours despite saying that they disapprove of them as they show masculinity, “dark” or not. Truthfully, women also have a “dark” side, it’s just much more subtle and feeds on a bit of drama. This attraction is a woman’s dirty secret because these behaviours usually cause personal or social damage in one way or another, so to admit being attracted to them would make the woman look like a degenerate herself.

There you have it, fellas. The list of traits that are considered universally to be manly. Attractive to women and respected by men. If you want to be a masculine man you can work on these traits.