Treating yourself like a human

The conventional advice given to men for dealing with women is “just treat them like human beings.” This advice is typically offered as a counterpoint to our evil Red Pill ways, with the implication that everything we advocate dehumanizes women. Interestingly, however, this actually is very, very good advice. Treating women like humans is essential to successful sex lives and relationships.

Where most men go wrong is that they misinterpret and misapply this great advice. They interpret “treat them like humans” as “treat them exceptionally well—like princesses.” Think about how most human beings treat other human beings. You step out of people’s way so you don’t bump into them in a crowded street. You say hello back if someone says hello to you. You make polite small talk if someone approaches you. You might even do a modest favor for someone if it’s not too out of your way, expensive, or inconvenient. And this is a generous generalization – a lot of people don’t even do most of these very basic things for other humans. Most people are generally nice and respectful to most other people they meet, but nothing more. Humans don’t treat strangers well – they just treat them generally nicely. The bare minimum to not be socially ostracized. And humans barely treat co-workers or acquaintances much better. They’re nice, they’re respectful, and they make small talk and maybe do modest favors. Many humans don’t treat their friends exceptionally well either. They talk, they go out to eat together, maybe you give a friend a ride if his car breaks down if it’s not too far out of your way. A lot of people don’t even do this much.

Most people treat other people okay, but not exceptionally well. People generally do the right thing and help each other out...as long as it’s not too far out of their way, too expensive, or too inconvenient. They’re nice, but not exceptionally so. Treating a woman exactly like that is key – treat a woman like you would anyone else. Treat her okay. Be nice. But don’t treat her exceptionally well. Don’t go too far out of your way. Don’t do anything too expensive or inconvenient. The world will call you an asshole for it, but that’s actually the advice they unwittingly gave you: Treat her like a human being. Well, that’s how human beings treat each other.

More important than all of the above, however, where men go wrong when they treat women exceptionally well is that they stop treating themselves like humans. They make sacrifices. They give up things they want. He wants to have sex every other day with his girlfriend, but she only wants sex once every two weeks, and he doesn’t push the issue, because that’s not being nice and treating her well. He wants to hit the gym then stay at home on Friday nights, but she wants to go out somewhere fancy and be wined and dined, so he gives up his Friday workouts and spends lots of money on her, because that’s being nice and treating her well. We can type out examples of this all day, but you guys get the idea.

By treating a woman exceptionally well, many men fail to treat themselves like a human. They give up themselves to please another. They don’t treat themselves well. They don’t even treat themselves with a basic level of niceness. They never get what they want. They’re too busy giving someone else everything she wants.

Treating yourself like a human is important. Having boundaries, wants, and the self-respect and honesty to go after the life you want isn’t exceptional. It’s pretty basic. If you can’t even give yourself that, you’re not treating yourself like a human.

Going with the example above: He wants sex every other day, minimum. His girlfriend only wants sex once every two weeks. He tells her, honestly, what he wants, then, having the confidence and self-respect to know that he can find a woman more sexually compatible with him elsewhere, he wishes her luck and heads for the door. Here’s where things get “evil.” Our guy is good-looking. He works out and has a great body. He’s educated and has a good job that he excels at, and makes great money. He leads an interesting life full of cool activities. He’s fun. Her friends all think he’s awesome and think she’s awesome for landing such a man. She gets major social cred for having such a great boyfriend. He’s a catch. So his girlfriend stops him! She says she’ll have sex with him every other day, just like he wants. Even though on the inside, she doesn’t really want to. He never said, “Fuck me more often or I walk.” He just respected himself enough to maintain a boundary that’s important to him, and respected his girlfriend enough to be honest about it. And she ended up doing what he wanted, even though she didn’t want it herself, because she wanted to maintain the relationship. By being so darn desirable and such a great catch, he “manipulated” her into sex that she didn’t really want. His willingness to pursue what he wanted was a “threat.” By threatening to end the relationship, he bullied her into sex.

He wants to hit the gym on Fridays after work, then come home and cook himself a couple of chicken breasts. If she’s around, he’ll throw another breast on the grill for her. She wants to go out. She wants fancy restaurants and hot dates, like all of her friends talk about doing with their boyfriends. He doesn’t want to waste the time and money on expensive and unhealthy meals, alcohol, driving halfway across town, and dry cleaning his suit every week, just to treat his girlfriend to something fancy. He treats her like a human, not a princess, and she’s afraid to make a big issue about this, because he’s such a great catch. He’ll find someone else who shares his idea of an ideal Friday night if she complains, so she keeps her mouth shut, and even though she wants fancy date nights, she gives up on the type of relationship she wants to maintain the relationship. By being so darn desirable and such a great catch, he “manipulated” her into a relationship where she feels like she’s getting very little.

Fast forward to six months later. He doesn’t really want to be tied down or committed to one woman, so he tells her so. She’s heartbroken. She cries and cries, but he sticks to what he wants, because he respects himself enough to do that, and respects her enough to be honest about what he wants. And things get even more “evil.” Even though they’re no longer an item and he’s having sex with other women, she keeps right on sleeping with him every week or two. She knows she’s third on his rotation, and she’s just a booty call now, but she desperately hopes that if she just keeps in contact with him, he’ll eventually take her back. He’s clear with her that he’s not looking for a relationship again, but she keeps right on fucking him, whenever he texts.

Fast forward another six months. She’s found another guy who’s maybe not as good-looking, wealthy, or socially apt as her last boyfriend, but he takes her out on fancy dates, never asks for sex, and treats her like a princess. Finally, she thinks, she’s getting the life she deserves. Thinking back, she realizes that her last relationship was “abusive.” Her ex-boyfriend never technically forced her to do anything. He just said what he wanted and was confident enough to walk and find what he wanted elsewhere. And she did whatever he wanted just to keep him around. She’s so angry. He clearly abused her! He manipulated her! All of that sex she never wanted was practically rape!

That’s right. Treating yourself like a self-respecting human being, having boundaries, being honest about what you want – that’s abusive. “Real men”™ make sacrifices to make women happy. Because royalty are human beings, too, so that still counts as “treating them like humans,” right?