Mrs. Peru pulled a freak out about an upcoming trip earlier and stormed up the stairs. She didn't like a non-important logistical change I wanted to make. I told her I was going to wash the car, and I'll be back in 10.

After I get back, She comes downstairs about 10 minutes later, fashionably late. Showed me lol

I look at her with a genuine smile (like I would with my teenager), and I say "do you want to talk about this?" She starts going on and on taking things out of context, putting words into my mouth, and pulling info from previous conversations. I just stood there with smiling eyes and let her Hamster run itself out and break the wheel casing.

Than, I say, " that's all you want. Cool , let's do it." I give her a high five.

this is where the shit test subtly turns into a comfort test

she starts to tell me about work and all the changes they are making... She can't handle any more changes.

I just Say, "yeah there are a lot of changes right now."

Then she comes into my frame

Her demeanor changes and she starts to tell me about her rough day (and it was a tough one), And I start to feel her vulnerability seep through. Just by me holding frame, her attitude has gone from me being the bad guy to me being the rock she can lean on

I just say " I know babe," and I give her a hug.

Her head is melted onto my chest for the rest of the night (content) cuz she's dead tired.Tomorrow, will be good sex when she's not dead tired.

In my BP days, I would have been lured into a big argument like a helpless fish on a hook. I would have dug into my position, and it would have been a big blow out fight because she was on edge from work.

The battle was unimportant, so I treated it as such.

Pick your battles carefully, and hold frame. But first , you have to internalize frame.

How do you internalize frame Bobby?

Good question - thanks for asking.

  • you start by stfu

  • stop DEERing

  • You read the entire sidebar

  • you lift

  • you Go through the dread levels

  • you practice.

  • When you make a mistake or a series of mistakes, you learn from it, and you change your thinking and behavior.

  • You don't beat yourself up because that's counterproductive.

  • when you fall off the horse, You get back on the horse and ride... A little bit better a than last time.

Then one day you find you have some of what all these guys are talking about, but you didnt understand it because you didn't have it...

FRAME

You can fake frame temporarily, but you will be found to be counterfeit eventually.

You can have frame, and then slip, but that's ok. It's a marathon, not a race.

But, Eventually, frame becomes who you are because you've internalized it. But this takes time, effort, persistence, and a continual drive to learn and be the best man you can be.