UPDATE: How does your SO support YOU during tough times?

January 12, 2017

Original Post (6 months ago, long forgotten) has same title minus update (apologies, my post keeps getting flagged when I include the OP)

tldr; my father had a massive heart attack and my SO wasn't as supportive as my defunct (or so I thought) blue pill programming expected.

UPDATE: First of all, thank you to the community for not only providing some insight, wisdom, and for confirming the course of action I felt was in line with a RP mindset, but also for the kind words and well wishes for my pops. This update is broken up into two parts:

Aftermath of Surgery Most important aspect of the update for me is my dad. After the OP, he spent 3-4 weeks in the hospital with a lot of complications. Needless to say, some of the doctors and nurses caring for him during recovery were complete fucking retards. Infections, limited mobility, inability to pass urine, lots of post-op bleeding; shit was an utter mess. His surgeon however, that young bro was a Saint. Bless his heart for not only doing an amazing job, but for being extremely patient, sympathetic, and extremely useful when educating us about aftercare. I wish him an even brighter future ahead.

6 months later, my dad is a few months into his rehab program. His BF has dropped by 5%, while he has only lost 2 lbs! He's gaining muscle for what appears to be the first time ever in my lifetime. I also enrolled in some light martial arts classes with him 4 months ago and have made it a point to attend 3 days a week to keep an eye on him. Gave him my phone and added S Gear so he can track his steps. He's walking at least an hour a day. This is the most active and fit he's been in ages. His diet still needs some tweaking, but he's become very conscious of his cholesterol, fat, sodium, and sugar intake. Oh, and he also quit smoking after coming out of the hospital. That was a 30+ year habit kicked to the curb cold turkey. Overall he has done a complete 180 and I wish for him to continue on this path. I will course correct if I notice him straying from his path.

Aftermath of SO's less than stellar response A few days after my OP, which occurred on the same day as the phone call, my SO invited me over for dinner. She cooked us a nice dinner and bought some wine. Over dinner, she fessed up and said "listen, about Sunday over the phone...I was at a loss for words. I realize you haven't said anything or shown it, but it's bugging me. I now realize that that wasn't the appropriate response and I should have been more supportive. You were going through something difficult and I hadn't been in that position before. I'm sorry, I recognize my mistake and will do better in the future, although I hope things like this don't happen to either one of us again". Right then and there I felt that I was correct in my vetting process for the LTR (remember unicorns don't exist, so stay vigilant and always be vetting either way). I said "OK, thank you".

Why did she react the way she did? A combination of things I suppose.

  1. Held Frame: I didn't react emotionally or get lost in my feels around her. Didn't show her how fucking exhausted I was running around while handling this and other aspects of life. Just showed that I'm calmly handling my shit, and left the venting for my best friend mentioned in the OP. Gentlemen, leave your whining and bitching, if any, for male friends. And even at that, I'd only count on the ones you absolutely trust. No one else.
  2. Distance / Removal of Affection: After her initial response over the phone, I withheld some affection. I wasn't in a position to start validating her feels. I had things to take care. Most importantly, although colder than usual I made sure I wasn't a grump. Always keep a cool and light-hearted demeanor. Try not to act butthurt. And even if you are, like I was momentarily, don't you dare show it.

Immediately after the OP, my mom AND my dog needed to have emergency surgery as well. Triple threat that I had to deal with. Sure enough, the SO pulled through as she said she would and showed me her word was actually worth jack. We just celebrated the 1 year mark of our LTR this month. She's been great. For now.

Stay vigilant gentlemen and keep that frame in check. It is everything. Wishing you all an amazing 2017 and hope to contribute to the community more this year.

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Post Information
Title UPDATE: How does your SO support YOU during tough times?
Author AtlasCuckd
Upvotes 11
Comments 4
Date January 12, 2017 2:32 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/TheRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/update-how-does-your-so-support-you-during-tough.39918
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/5ngp5f/update_how_does_your_so_support_you_during_tough/
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