~ archived since 2018 ~

Why my Oneitis didn't like me

November 21, 2015

Disclaimer I'm not sure if this belongs on TRP. It doesn't match the quality of the standard TRP post but I don't care, it might help some others as hopeless as me who have not yet gotten past the hurdle of oneitis.

Body I've finally figured out why my oneitis didn't like me by the end of our brief time of knowing each other after being exceedingly interested in me when we met. I was aware of all the reasons but for whatever reason it never hit me properly until now.

I had depleted all reasons she might have liked me in the first place

When we met I was:

  • A rockstar

  • Mysterious

  • Had same interests

  • Seemingly emotionally distant

  • Seemingly experienced

  • Dominant at times

  • Uninterested in her beyond superficiality

  • and unwilling to make more than basic effort.

By the end I:

  • Had given away too much information about myself; No mystery left

  • Wasn't as strong and forthcoming as I should have been.

  • Was too nice to her

  • Talked way too much

  • Was too available and emotional to her

  • Didn't even escalate anywhere near to sex, pretty much the main reason she was even interested in me to begin with

  • Was always interested in having nice conversations. Never talked about sex or anything.

  • Too interested

Respect was at zero. Gladly I recognised that and ended communication fairly quick after I realised. But I made sure to wrap myself in a beautiful desexualised beta box before I left.

Pros about this situation

  • I found TRP, learned the SMP dynamics and AWALT

  • I was ejected from the situation (an LDR I was gunning for) before anything more damaging to my ego could have occurred.

If we lived closer then it would have gone a lot smoother and I wouldn't have made nearly as many mistakes but the outcome would have been the same because of the way I was and AWALT.

This realisation has brought me back to who I was before I even met her. Charisma, motivation, a realistic view of other women has returned. Thanks to TRP I now have a wealth of knowledge on how to (attempt to) avoid all of these mistakes and have an even better experience than I would have ever had, and my motivation has returned in spades.

Good habits have been set and new skills & knowledge have been learned because of it.

EDIT: I'm so glad this has resonated with a few people. This has honestly taken me way too long to figure out. I started reading 'The Power Of Now' and after not thinking about TRP or anything at all, it all fell into place for me. I just needed some distance from it to be able to process it objectively.

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Post Information
Title Why my Oneitis didn't like me
Author empatheticapathetic
Upvotes 40
Comments 23
Date November 21, 2015 4:36 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit /r/TheRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/why-my-oneitis-didnt-like-me.38299
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3tnnx7/why_my_oneitis_didnt_like_me/

[–]Concentrating60 points61 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

When it comes to relationships, men are like puzzles to women. When you share something about yourself, you give up a puzzle piece. If you cry in front of her, you give up about 50 puzzle pieces. Eventually, once you've revealed enough of yourself and the puzzle is completed, she may not dump you that day. But she's definitely looking for a new puzzle to complete. It's best to never show all of yourself to any woman you're sexually involved with.

[–]TRPhd7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

But she's definitely looking for a new puzzle to complete

... and this doesn't necessarily mean she leaves. She might just get a wandering eye and scratch her itch somewhere else without you knowing about it. Dem tinglez.

[–]Born2Ball19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is exactly what led me to the red pill. I could get any girl I didn't want. But when it came to that "special girl" that I was interested in, I would go into full on beta mode and screw things up. It was such a huge coincidence to me that anytime I decided that I really liked a girl, she would suddenly pull away. Some guys have an anger phase after realizing the full truth behind how the female mind really works. I was just happy to have finally discovered the truth before it was too late. Now I put zero effort in and have girls eating out of the palm of my hand.

[–]hopelessoneitis7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

My god this hits way too close home man. It takes alot of trial and error to get to a point where you dont open too much on a female.

Like you said, women that are you are not intrested in, makes it SO much easier to unwillingly like you cause you dont put the effort in making your self seem worth.

It goes against what we are being taught all these years. Be nice to someone you like so they will like you back. But the reality is so much from that.

Unfortunately most people here( including me) are not "real" MGTO to have the abudance mentality in their blood, so when you meet your unicorn you have to show your sensitive side cause you start developing emotions.

My last case of oneitis was EXCACTLY like yours. At the start all the right moves to create some attraction on her side. When she started showing active attraction, i gave in and showed a weak side of me. Also cried infront of her.

Needless to say after some months things went from bad to worse and now i withdrew from a draining situation.

As things got worse i started being even more pathetic as to WHY DONT YOU LIKE me, so i dag even deeper in the danger area.

One must understand when he starts behaving like that when it is too early or he will loose all respect. It is hard to withdraw at the right time but if you do you might still have SOME respect in her eyes and she MIGHT try and contact you again.

[–]SinisterSwindler1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Right in them feelz bro, very similar situation, i too although ashamed to admit it, had cried in front of my ltr twice during our relationship. Boy was i a stupid fool. After discovering trp everything clicked i figured out exactly how, when and why our relationship crumbled. The flashbacks and introspection have been wonderful.

[–]hopelessoneitis1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

the fact that you can tell excatly the moment a relationship starts to crumble or you are starting to act pathetic is both exciting but also scary afterwards

[–]SinisterSwindler0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The best ones are frame failure's, shit test fails and succumbing to arguments. Having flashbacks of all these moments and realising on the spot how i should have handled them was exhilarating to say the least. I kept wishing i had what i know now back then, so i could travel back in time and redo it all over again through an rp lens. I'm extremely grateful i discovered trp two years in to my first serious ltr. Grateful i ended it before any known cheating was established. I feared what my future would be like had i not discovered this sub.

[–]Senior ContributorNightwingTRP8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It takes a strong man to put all of his weakness and failures out in front of himself and honestly admit to them, then make a plan to improve himself. Now you need to avoid the toxic nature of female beauty again. It's like alcohol, very enjoyable in moderation, but over indulge and you'll make an ass out of yourself.

[–]Biglce18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

OMFG, this is insane how much this sounds just like me and my last relationship. Im telling you, Ive learned so much within this year. And honestly I fucking love TRP.

[–]50pluspiller10 points11 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I was RP before there was RP, my father raised me in the 60s, to be that "Mad Man", however... Backslide I did...

I did the same thing as you 11 years ago with a much younger woman, (I was 42, she was 26)... I came to my senses as there were red flags galore, I had ignored them at first, although I investigated the things she was telling me, hoping they were true. Alas, all lies. I spit out the blue pill that I was ingesting, and just to add, my life was spinning out of control at this time due to my oneitis and acting all BP. Just in time I got my booster shot and Inoculated with the red.... Things became increasingly clear again. I confronted her on some stuff and of course she was angry because I looked in to these things, talk about AWALT, thankfully it put the final nail into the coffin of the relationship, i walked away from her.

Since then she has had 2 additional marriages, she had just kicked out her first husband when she met me.

Damn I nearly f'd up my life with this bitch, giving up everything. Was going to give up my homes, job, kids and move 2000 miles. Every thing I built up the previous 20 years I was going to walk away from. Looking back, I would have been divorce raped by her if I didn't wake up and run before things went down the marriage path.

After the relationship had ended, she called me up some time later (3 months?) telling me she got engaged, I asked; "why are you calling me? Because IDGAS". She responded that she wanted to remain friends. I told her; "the relationship is over we are not friends. Lose my number as I lost yours, I wish you well in your life, but I want nothing to do with you".... she tried emailing me a few times but I went total ignore.

Lesson learned... You may be RP, but sometimes you can forget and lose your head, you can slip and become BP. Remember NEVER give in, never forget who you are. NEVER change who you are, nor give up your life for some woman. Don't walk, run from the BP.

BTW, she had 3 kids, her first one she had at 16. Parents who gave her everything. She was smoking hot, had done some modeling. Because we are in the same circles nationally, she comes across my radar, time to time... even at 37 y/o now she still has maintained her looks. But she lays waste to every man she comes across.

[–]tio1w[🍰] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

although I investigated the things she was telling me, hoping they were true. Alas, all lies.

Any chance of giving specifics without compromising your anonymity?

[–]AurelianWay4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Being Red pill aware isn't enough. Sometimes guys slip back into blue pill beta tendencies if they have success with women. Trying to pair bond with women was a fucking joke. I was trying too hard to develop a rapport with them when all they were looking for was another ride on the CC. I never realized how effective "zero fucks given" could be until i truly & genuinely did not give a flying fuck.

Very grateful for this sub & the manosphere in general. I have my life back on course.

[–]aherne184 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My story is a bit different because they all LOATHED me. The reason was the obsessive/creepy way I behaved around them: watching them non-stop, always waiting for a pussy access pass (IOI) that never came. Lesson learnt: oneitis => no sex with the subject.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

We all have this oneitis story. Good on you for recognizing the toxic patterns. It will never not sting when you think back on it.

[–]anti_erection_man1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

God I was there too man. The same exact fucking situation.

That's why holding frame is probably the most important skill a TRP man NEEDS to learn as fast as possible.

EDIT: Holy shit everyone here experienced this. Cheers!

Next time when you feel to let her know how special she is, just punch yourself in the dick. I sure will.

[–]1empatheticapathetic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just before I ended communication with her when she was trying her best to shit down my soul, I held frame pretty fine without even knowing about it, but it was already too late due to the other reasons. Oh well! I feel pretty MGTOW these days, and I'm totally fine with that.

[–]1Jax777895 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"was always interested in having nice conversation"

This caused multiple failures to me. Thing is, women are not made for intellectual conversation. Illimitable Men has a great article on " the vapidity of women". It is his penultimate post I believe and a must-read for anyone thinking about having " conversation" with women.

[–]BlackVale0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Let this be a lesson to all men: women do not love anyone, not even themselves or really their children. Everyone and anything is viewed solely as a resource to women, and yes children included.

Don't believe me? Look at all the excuses they give for the things they do. Look at the men they choose. Look at the way many throw their children away to the dogs due to their immaturity and lack of accountability.

They may be a good companion for a while but make no mistake she won't fuck with you unless she's getting something for you. She will only love you for three reasons: you entertain her, you pay for her security, or you stroke her ego good enough. Notice that love is absent in all three reasons

[–]ironblacksmith0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Why my Oneitis didn't like me

The answer is right there in the title.

[–]1empatheticapathetic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Kinda missed the point there. Obviously this entry level stuff doesn't apply to you.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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