~ archived since 2018 ~

Why so Scared?

May 28, 2021
251 upvotes

Recently, I got a question from user detailing how he was scared of getting cheated on. "How you could do everything right and still get played" was the question.

On the surface, seems like a fair feeling to have right? Well I perhaps thought so too but a part of me also thought "Nah, this is wrong. All wrong. upside-down, inside-out wrong".

Let's posit that there are two types of guys who get cheated on:

  1. The guy who doesn't know if he's getting cheated on.

He doesn't understand that there is no guarantee a girl will stay loyal; nor even knows the signs of cheating and doesn't know he should always trust but verify with LTRs. By the time his ltr has already cheated and banged two new guys, he's starting to think she may be cheating. Now, most readers probably aren't under this category..they know the signs. And if you don't...well you got some reading to do.

But I think there's another type of guy who gets cheated on:

  1. The one who is excessively paranoid about it.

This guy believes every girl will cheat. Unlike the other guy, he doesn't understand there is no guarantee a girl will cheat. He will mate guard, he will do things in the ltr merely to prevent getting cheated on, he will be overly protective and will find ways to check every little potential avenue for cheating. And unknowingly, because he is obsessed with his girl cheating...it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Which brings me to this question you probably have:

"How do I prevent getting cheated on?"

You don’t.

There is no magical thing I can give or tell you that will 100% prevent you getting cheated on.

"I see I cannot prevent getting cheated on, so how do I minimise the risk of cheating?"

Now that's a question I can help to answer.

There are 2 main avenues to this answer, the first is before the LTR even exists. To win the battle before it even starts. Before you even get into a LTR, you have to vet your LTR. Spend months vetting your her, not just a few weeks. Don't consider unLTR-worthy prospects. The sidebar contains info on how long to vet and how to. Can't spoon-feed you everything you know? ;) Consult the 25,25,25 rule. Don't hop into a LTR when you clearly aren't ready for one.

The second avenue is once you are in a LTR, what do you do.

For a LTR, I recommend having this paradigm:

”Be sexual and then some. Be an experimenter. An unpredictable experimenter. Your girl is nothing but your little plaything begging to be toyed with.

Trust me, your girl is gonna like it.

What do I mean by this? You got to be her darkest sexual chapter (read that post by uncle vas), the boyfriend who she did all kinds of things for, the guy who pushed her limits and then some, the guy who she says "I've never done this before".

How you may ask?

Simple really. Write a list of fantasies/shit you want to do. And just try it. Boredom is the death of your relationship. If you are really struggling, just remember some shit from porn and act it out. I don’t care if they are dumb or impractical or they end up flopping. Just being willing to try them out can often provide some excitement.(But please stop masturbating porn...its terrible...give me one good reason to use porn. I'll wait.)

You want her plugged in public? You want to dress her up in a skimpy French maid/school girl/cheerleader outfit? Tell her. Try it. Be a sexual experimenter and then some. Test her limits.

Be unpredictable. Rip her panties off during sex. Take her for a drive, go down a quiet trail road, park somewhere and fuck her over the bonnet. Go hiking and do the same thing. Go the gym at a late hour with no staff, workout a bit, and then take her to the changing rooms and fuck. It doesn't matter if that was the plan along, but don't tell her. Make it seem spontaneous to her. When in public, shove her into a corner/wall make out. Or when you both get out the car, push her against the car and make out. But then go back to normal as if nothing happened. Being unpredictable gives her the emotional rollercoaster she craves for deep inside.

Experiment. Always be trying stuff with her. Embrace it. Be the guy who your girl can say "I actually just use him for sex hehehehe". If your girl is asked what's the best part of the LTR and new sexual experiences isn't the first or second thing she says, then you may want to change that. Don't underestimate the power of her being very sexually invested in you.

And frankly, you should always turn up the kink meter until you reach the level where your girl makes you stop. Then turn it down so it's back to where she was comfortable and use that as the base level of your relationship. If you don't do that then guess what - you're boring. She's going to get bored with you.

Another way to say that is: if your girl hasn't told you "no" then you haven't gone far enough.

Women prefer a man that they have to reign in a bit. They want a man whose passion for them seems barely restrained. And it's makes them comfortable when they see that you respected their "no".

-u/nicethingyoucanthave

Now, let me be clear. You ARE NOT doing this to prevent cheating. I don’t want you to think “oh fuck yesterday I did x crazy shit, now I have to keep doing it /up the ante otherwise she’ll cheat”.

No. That’s just being the aforementioned type 2 guy.

You are doing this for yourself. The side effect is decreased likelihood of cheating. You are doing this because you are an adventurous guy who likes doing fun stuff. Because you want to do this. Because you can. Because you want to build some crazy stories to share when you get old. Her loyalty is just a side effect, not the purpose.

But what if she cheats?

Well, I did say I couldn't guarantee she would never cheat. Just minimise.

So what do you do? Simple. Enjoy the ride, fuck her and throw the fish back to sea. The ride is over.. don't worry though, next one is right coming up.

What you have to understand is that girls are FAR MORE replaceable than guys who get it. How many good looking women have you encountered in your life? 100? 250? 500? 5000? Now, how many guys have you met who really get this shit? 1? 2? 5? 10? 20?

How many good looking 18/21 year olds are there? Answer

Every day and every year, a fresh new batch of young, good looking girls enter the market in the thousands. Can you say the same for guys who’ve internalised red pill?

The truth is , femininity is typically preserved, masculinity is built. This is what makes hot women far more replaceable than top tier men.

Don't fear getting cheated on. An obsessive fear of this only promotes the actualisation of such. And if you do get cheated on, relax..its not the end of the world. Its just some bitch who was far more replaceable than you are. All LTRs have an expiration date...maybe it's one month, one year, 3 years, 10 years or a life time, but they expire nonetheless. Your ride will eventually end (if you've been paying attention, its way more her ride will eventually end). If she cheats, whose loss is it really?

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Post Information
Title Why so Scared?
Author Protocol_Apollo
Upvotes 251
Comments 43
Date May 28, 2021 8:28 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/TheRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/why-so-scared.774814
https://theredarchive.com/post/774814
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/nn6u4h/why_so_scared/
Comments

[–]Andgelyo 38 points39 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

If you are a high value male, there is absolutely 0 reason to fear getting cheated on. Sure it might sting at first, but you know you have the power to replace her at any moment. You are enough.

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor 9 points10 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

If you are a high value male you are getting cheated on. Some/all of your plates are fucking other people too. The difference is that those guys would be furious if they found out about you. Do I really have to go through the whole "we share women" thing again?

[–]Andgelyo 7 points8 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Oh god rolls eyes I didn’t say you wouldn’t not get cheated on. Like OP said, you can only minimize the chance. The difference is that you have abundance and therefore do not care if it even happens.

[–]5ItsDantesWorld 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

It seems like he is trying to get you to believe that you will be cheated on 100% of the time.

I don't buy it either man

[–]Andgelyo 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I don’t buy it either, maybe a girl will dump your ass before she cheats but I highly doubt every girl is cheating on you lmao

[–]4ktx 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Chad here, they all are. i'm telling you bro.....

[–]Andgelyo 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Okay Chad, I believe you, I will pray to Zeus and David gandy that I will never get cheated on

[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You miss the point. It IS happening, so stop even trying to minimize it.

[–]Senior Endorsed ContributorRStonePT 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is a wonderful covert contract, and the reason men get stuck on that hamster wheel of 'self improvement™'

There are no ways to bubble wrap your life.

https://therationalmale.com/2017/07/06/confidence-and-the-safety-net/

[–]Andgelyo 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Really great read, thank you for sharing it.

As a good friend told me:

You were fine before her, you will be fine after her

[–]weebmaster32 44 points45 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post. Helped clear some of my inner paranoia up.

[–]ChrimsonChin988 43 points44 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I agree if you say the best way to minimize cheating is by vetting your LTR properly and maximizing your SMV.

I disagree about the 'give her crazy/exciting sex' part. It will definitely work short and mid-term, like 0-36 months. But are you really gonna tell me you will do that shit for 10+ years? Or even 5? Come on.

Even following your own logic, at some point you hit her comfortability threshold, then you tone it down to the 'sweet spot' and eventually that will become boring too. There's no way to avoid this. To me, you and your partner must accept at some point that life is boring and repetitive. And understand, I'm never bored, I enjoy the small stuff but nothing can be 'over the top' all the time. If you have a woman that is always looking for those kinds of experiences... she's not LTR material.

[–]T4JZ 19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This part..." I enjoy the small stuff but nothing can be 'over the top' all the time. If you have a woman that is always looking for those kinds of experiences... she's not LTR material". Hits the nail on the head.

However one point I would add is that if a reader adopts the OP's mindset and fulfils what the OP says, "You are doing this for yourself." Then ultimately you are not going to miss her too much because you got everything you wanted out of her.

[–]Gazza_19 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great point. My last LTR was addicted to novelty and new things. Once I realized that I knew we had a short lifespan and predictably we broke up about a month later. This is incredibly important to LTRs in my opinion.

[–]Endorsed ContributorProtocol_Apollo[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

if you have a woman that is always looking for those kinds of experiences... she's not LTR material.

Disagree. It’s not about her looking for that necessarily, but you being the guy who’s able to give that.

[–]beachbbqlover 17 points18 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I've been cheated on. I found out pretty quickly and didn't give a shit. I invited dude over to watch Penguins of Madagascar and have a beer. I cheated on her back within 5 days. You know what? She was so alpha widowed I was getting nudes 4 years later.

[–]lwkekdmemnejskskfkdn 41 points42 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Did you cheat on her with the guy she cheated on you with while Penguins of Madagascar n chill to assert your dominance?

[–]bigtoeneedhelp 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

How do you react to nudes? Since I’ve started having massive success plating women some of my ex’s from my BP days have been sending me nudes out of the blue. I ignored a few of them and after the 4th picture of tits I just said ‘nice but I’ll have to see them irl to assess them’ from which I set up a date to meet up. I’m hesitant to to text anything but logistics.

[–]xFeelingLucky 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

do not take the "text for logistics only" too serious, thats an advice for the 30's / 40's old dudes here. If you are between 18-29 you can text to create rapport, show some of your character through text, wittyness, high SMV. Avoid too much emojis (gives childish vibe) Avoid validation etc

[–]PabloEscalera 18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

thats an advice for the 30's / 40's old dudes here

It's not for older guys, that rule was put in place to protect novices, they tend to become pen pals with women, thus shooting themselves in the foot

[–]lolomotif12 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Has nothing to do with age.

[–]1DerekMorganBAU 33 points34 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Funny thing is I'm a serial cheater who has dated women who had a history of cheating (or got into an LTR with me by cheating on their ex with me) and they were far more anxious about cheating than I was.

If they cheated I'd be happy cause then I could just go do what I want. Hell I used to wish that they cheated so they'd stop annoying me but again, they were too worried about me cheating.

All that hassling did was make my already low "give a fuck meter" even lower. Then I'd cheat. So it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. But either way they had no control over me cheating or not.

Yet funny enough, I've never been cheated on. It's just interesting how that works cause I rarely hear of the cheaters getting cheated on. They're the ones always putting their partners on edge.

Just food for thought.

[–]ChrimsonChin988 13 points14 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

1 person always has the leverage in the LTR and will be the one who (potentially) cheats.

I doubt that it's possible for 2 people to be cheating on each other at the same time unless the marriage is just a front for the kids or a situation along those lines.

I agree with the self-fulfilling prophecy part, if your partner already hassles you as if you're cheating you might just as well go do it. (And it makes them look weak/unattractive, which also increases the odds of cheating..)

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy Link

[deleted]

[–]ChrimsonChin988 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm not talking about revenge cheating or where the relationship has already fallen apart or open relationships.

And I guess I just answered my own question in a way, because it will always be 1 of the above 3 scenarios. lol.

With that I mean there will never be 'happy' relationships which are supposedly monogamous where both participants to the LTR are sneaking behind each others backs fucking around. Because at that point either 1) it's an open relationship or 2) it's already done/on the brink of collapse and both people are unhappy to be there.

You get what I mean? It can only be where 1 person is cheating, never 2. Mathematically impossible. It's like when I steal $100 from you and you steal $100 from me, nothing was actually stolen.

[–]Geleemann 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sure. But you still stole. It's just the net difference is $0. You both still performed the act itself

[–]sobrage 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wish to be as strong as you man. My LTR left to date other guys and I wish I could just be fine about it

[–]Endorsed ContributorProtocol_Apollo[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Always enjoy your comments black Jesus.

or got into an LTR with me by cheating on their ex with me) and they were far more anxious about cheating than I was.

It's just interesting how that works cause I rarely hear of the cheaters getting cheated on. They're the ones always putting their partners on edge.

But isn’t this a contradiction? For the cheater did in fact get cheated on?

[–]1DerekMorganBAU 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

True but that's cause I was a bigger cheater. One of those "unstoppable force meets an immovable object" scenarios.

[–]Endorsed ContributorProtocol_Apollo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Based black Jesus wins again.

[–]Indis96 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post!

Exactly, you can be spontaneous as a guy, always being unpredictable and mixing up the lifestyle for both of you.

A lot of the the woman that do cheat. admit thats its out of ''boredom'' Aka her bf has become stale, the spark is settling down, tempers might flair up between the two of you, and yada yada.

End of the day if she cheats, it was her decision, and yes it certaintly does hurt deep inside, but like you stated:

If she cheats, whose loss is it really?

Exactly...She has to live with that fact that future partners might know about that, and unless they are RP aware, they are going to be the ones paranoid not knowing if shes cheating on you, like the guy that she did prior relationship....

Girls that want to claim ''it was in the past'' (as if they think their past doesnt matter)yeah im not so sure about that... Approach with caution.

And hey Girls cheat for multiple reasons, they play victim and make BS up for why she did what she did, You as a man, just have to ignore and accept reality as it is. Go take out your temper elsewhere and not on her...

Unless you find convincing info of her cheating such as actual evidence - Girl acting wierd and distant all of a sudden, Theres no point being in a relationship if you are just going to be paranoid all the time.

Sure lets be real, they are those little moments on both sides questioning if the other-so is cheating, personal little negative demons... Being aware of that and maintaining frame is crucial...

Don't fear getting cheated on. An obsessive fear of this only promotes the actualisation of such. And if you do get cheated on, relax..its not the end of the world.

Well said.

At the end of the day, No matter how MUCH YOU LOVED HER, A bitch is replaceable, a high quality man isnt...

[–]Red_Faust 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Around ten years ago I had the insight that fixed this for me once and forever:

"The problem it's not that I don't want to be cheated on, the problem is that I don't want to be worrying about being cheated on"

When you notice that the ruminating thoughts about your partner's potential lack of loyalty distract you from your priorities, and that you can't control other people's behavior, the course of action is clear:

  • LTR? it's her job to not give me red flags like hints of cover ops, hanging around with other dudes or public disrespect. Raising my suspicions would grant some investigation and very probably hard nexting. However, I don't even do these anymore. No monogamy from me --> no problems in this area.
  • MLTRs/plates? do whatever you want. However if you promise me you'll be monogamous on your end you get promoted to...
  • OLTR: you told me you'll be monogamous on your end, you earned some privileges. If I see any "red flags" like in LTR above, you get either nexted or demoted.

And that's it. "If this then that". The less other people's behavior can affect you, the better.

[–]buttgoogler 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fear of getting cheated on comes from scarcity mindset as I see it. If you realize your SMV and it's high enough, getting cheated on might sting for sure, but you wouldn't give two fucks about it some time later. Because you know you can easily find another hot bitch who will be willing to suck your cock or cook for you, you name it.

If someone's paranoid about their unicorn forever-together oneitis spreading her legs for another dude it simply means someone is not putting enough work. Fucking Dan Bilzerian or 50 cent wouldn't give a fuck about getting cheated on, because they can easily find another pussy out of all the bitches standing in the line.

[–]214365870901 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The one thing I’m scared of is “modern women”. They’re the ones partying, sleeping around. They bought into the feminist machine. Any guy willing to put up with that bullshit is Mr. Beta Male.

[–]Joker_71650 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

First off, no guarantees. Simple as that. Second, be a man of consequence. Quick example, I love my girl, but she acted like a bit of a bitch yesterday when i was taking us home from a day out. I shut it down, raised my voice and then waited. 15min later I tried to chill the situation and she tried to escalate. Okay. I let her say her piece and then took her fucking head off. Whole nine yards, will not be disrespected. Cancelled our evening plans, dropped her at our place, and hit my workshop. She came out crying and sobbing and all the usual bullshit. I guarantee she won't push me again in the near future. With me, there are consequences. Be a man of consequence. Make it clear, subtly, that infidelity will have drastic and devastating consequences. Also, you need to be a man of enough stature to administer said consequences. I love my girl and I keep our whole fuckin happy upper middle class existence running seamlessly. I hit the gym and fuck her like it's the last time, each time. Making sure she finishes several times before me. All I ask of her is to be a good wife and good mother. The alternative, should she ever go down that road, I'll burn her entire life down around her and piss on the ashes.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You are doing this for yourself. The side effect is decreased likelihood of cheating

Err.... why? I can't see how being hypersexual and pushing her limits is going to reduce cheating.

A better plan to stop cheating:

  • Let her know (be subtle) that she is replaceable
  • Know in your head that you will leave if she cheats. If you know it, she'll know it. If it's negotiable, she'll know that too.
  • Let her know (be subtle but firm) that you will drop her like a hot plate if she cheats.
  • Be amazing in bed - give her amazing orgasms. Girls value this and will not want to lose it.

Also, vet her as well as you can (non judgmentally talk about her past experiences). This won't stop her cheating, but it will help you stop dating girls who are more likely to cheat.

For myself: who cares if she cheats, I'm not so committed that it's a big deal, I'm seeing other girls anyway.

[–]largepaycheckaddict 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you’re working out all the time, are in a career you’re passionate about/making moves and you’re not hideously ugly, most women are shooting themselves in the foot if they cheat on you.

If she does cheat, it just frees up your time to either improve yourself or date other women. Cheaters are replaceable. If you’re constantly slaying at life you can probably meet a hotter, higher quality woman too.

[–]kalisto3010 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Cheating is inevitable. That's how girls break up with you. They have their replacement firmly in place prior to breaking the news to you. They just swing from Man to Man. Girls are never yours. When you're with them that means that I was your turn and that's it.

[–]thegreyone3000 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

TLDR: what’s with the star wars pic? 😅

[–]1BlondeHornyElf 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post man... this is the best mindset a man in 2020 can have... know when to stay loose and know when to get serious

[–]1sezamus 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Every woman cheats passively all the fucking time. Loyalty is an abstract for them, they cannot comprehend - Sidebar basics. "The glass is already broken" and there is million of reasons why she can flick the lightswitch and stop feeling anything towards you in a matter of minutes. "Women are sick" - wrote "The Bonecracker" http://no-maam.blogspot.com/2010/09/bonecrker-31-women-are-sick.html

[–]zino193 -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This "how can I keep her faithfull" shit sounds like that new car anxiety - how do I not break it, I can't afford a polish or a suspension change.

My dudes, cars break-down. Women cheat. Men cheat. You are scared shitless because it's a world you do not have experience with and are coming in it with a tonne of bagage. You need women to be your rock. To be your confidence light, that re-afirms you are worthy.

That's not how women work. And like with a car - if you drive it trough a field - guess what - odds are it will break within hours.

Fix that neediness outside of a relationship. When the asphalt is alpha smooth, cars run properly. Not forever, but more than what is on the warranty. When you have the experience to drive it properly - you can get tonnes of mileage and avoid 90% of the potential issues. And when you have the money to actually change parts when they break down or get a new car you will actually start enjoying driving it.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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