I'm a 35 y/o raised by Mama and Papa as a hardcore BB, and I'm still recovering, but I've made progress. I've seen 35- and 40-year olds post, but not often, so I wanted to tell my story, for those of us who took a little longer to swallow the pill. Kind of a long read, and there's plenty of painful, cringe-y beta-ness, so if that's not your thing, tl;dr: TRP works at any age, on any age (and now skip to the last couple sentences of the post).
When I was 17 I lost my virginity in a 2-year LTR with Daddy Issues. She said she was a virgin, too, but damn, she loved sex. We fucked like rabbits over those 2 years. In the car, at school, my house, her house, outside during the day, outside at night. Off to a great start, right?
I heard rumors she gave head to a guy when he was in the hospital before we were together, but I dismissed them because she was special, and she promised me she was a total virgin. She also kissed one of my friends at a party when I was in another room. When I found out later, I blamed him and told him not to do it again, and never mentioned it to her. I made a lot of excuses for these types of actions from her. I also ended up proposing to her. First in a string of bad moves on my part.
I called it off when her mental/emotional issues became so clear even I couldn't stay oblivious. She started stalking me, calling me dozens of times a day, following my car and chasing me down back roads when I was driving to work, harassing friends and family. I said goodbye, and then had a year-long dry spell, due to lack of trying - I had no clue how to attract women. The next summer I was camping with some friends, and she showed up. She intentionally came to find me, although I didn't see it at the time. I was young, stupid, and horny, having only fapped in the past year, thinking of how sexy she was, I ended up fucking her, unwrapped. Second bad move. Thankfully I was smart enough to at least pull out. Never saw her again after that.
Next girlfriend was a LDR/LTR. She was the second person I ever slept with. I thought I'd found true love (again) and kept the relationship going through college. In retrospect, I was settling because I was "lucky" to have someone. At her absolute hottest she was maybe a HB7 in her college days, and it was all downhill from there. After 2 years we moved in together. We ended up together for 10 more years. Second person I fucked, and eventually, my second fiance. Thankfully, we never actually got married, but damn. Third bad move. The list goes on.
The red pill isn't just about the girls you sleep with. My parents got divorced around 2010. Without my dad, my mom leaned on me hard for support. I spent hours being her emotional crutch because that's how I was raised - I couldn't set appropriate boundaries and had to be her protector. 15, 20 hours a week talking to her about it. She told me shit I did NOT want or need to hear about all the worst parts of their marriage. To cope, I started drinking heavily and took up smoking again after 8 years. I ate shitty food and gained 50-60 pounds. Played video games to escape from my shitty life. Fiance and I barely spent time together; we'd get home from work, I'd go upstairs to play video games and drink, she'd bring out her laptop in bed. We stopped having sex. When I complained, she said she didn't like sex, and I needed to read up on rape culture and stop pressuring her. She also told me I was fat and unattractive (she was right). Mostly dead bedroom for a good 2-3 years, in all.
The last year we were together, I went to a male therapist that had RP tendencies (though I didn't know to look for it). He basically told me to get my shit together and that no man he knew - client or not - would go sexless in a relationship, and still keep that relationship, for as long as I had.
At the same time, an HB8 woman I worked with - married, with a kid - was coming on to me hard. I now know it's because she wanted a second kid, was hamstering over her husband flirting via email with an ex, and (probably) saw me as a backup beta provider/alternate way to get pregnant. She and I traveled together for work on occasion. One night we were at a hotel bar, she acted drunk (she was not), I definitely was, and we ended up all over each other. I didn't want to cause a divorce and have her kid go through the same shit I did, stopped escalating, and went back to my room alone. She got more turned on. After the trip was over, she'd make sure to touch me whenever possible. She wore sexier clothes, sometimes stuff that was almost too sexy for work. She sent me a pic of her in lingerie from her college days that she "found" as she was going through some boxes.
On our next work trip together, I got a text one night that she wasn't feeling well and asking if I could pick up something healthier for her than room service. When I stopped by with some soup, she answered in nothing but a towel - I got a confirming view of this - and invited me in while she "got dressed to eat." She never took off the towel while I was in the room and was probably just waiting for me to throw her on the bed and fuck her. I wanted to, but I kept to my conviction that I was not gonna be the one to fuck up her kid's life, said good night and left. Sometimes I wish I hadn't. Her next trip was with her husband on a vacation. They "made up," then she cut off the not-quite-relationship we had.
At the same time, Fiance #2 also got interested in another guy. I didn't think anything of it - he was more beta than I was - but I eventually found out they both went on a weekend vacation together (I thought she was just going on her own) and they had stayed in the same room. "Nothing happened, we're just friends." Truth or no, I was coming to the realization that Fiance #2 and I were finished. I still stayed for a while because I had invested so much fucking time in this woman and I thought maybe we could fix it, if we both tried. I was staring back at my 20s, now gone, and was filled with regret. Then she went on a work trip (so she said), called me up, and told me not to be there when she got back. Over a decade together, and she had no problem ending it over the phone - not even the guts to say it to my face. So, so glad we didn't end up married.
Even though I saw it coming, and knew it was good for me, I felt crushed - the beta refused to die. I needed a woman to be happy. I found an apartment and wallowed in misery and depression there for about a year. I wanted Fiance #2 back, I wanted Married Woman. I had no social life. I started getting blackout drunk on the weekends and smoking so much I fucked up my lungs. I was destroying myself over these women who were so obviously, obviously not worth my time. I cringe when I think about it now.
I took a language class (hoping to get back with Married Woman, who was from another country). This jump-started my social life again, and as I made new friends, I realized it was time to build myself back up. I started searching for new knowledge online, reading more, signing up for classes.
Finally, after 34 years with only 2 partners, I came across a PUA site that started opening my eyes. I was fascinated because it answered so many questions about what happened. I found more sites, watched YouTube videos. I accepted that Fiance and Married Woman were gone for good, and it was for the best. I focused on myself - I quit drinking, quit smoking, stopped eating shit food, and started exercising. Lost the 60 pounds I'd gained. I also had enough savings to quit my soul-sucking job and really focus on myself and figure out what I wanted to do. I restarted old hobbies that I'd stopped doing. I took up new hobbies. I did a bit of traveling. I reconnected with people I'd lost touch with over the years, and became a much happier person. I pursued old dreams I'd forgotten about.
That's when I met Hippy Girl, a 26 y/o HB8. I was MGTOW, not really concerned about having women in my life. We were taking a class together, and after class on a whim I started chatting her up and invited her to dinner after the next class. 8 years younger, no way she was interested in me, but why not try? She ended up bringing a couple guy friends along, but I didn't care, I just rolled with it. Got on their good side, got everyone laughing, displayed high SMV, worked in some kino, and bounced her from restaurant to bar to bar with me. Ditched the guys completely. I kissed her, stopped it there (2 a.m. on a work night, had to be up at 7), and got a date alone the following night for Netflix and chilling. We ordered dinner, ignored it, ignored Netflix, made out, I plowed through the LMR even though she swore she never ever moved so fast, and we ended up together for 4 months. She said she was impressed by my confidence and liked that I was aggressive/forward about what I wanted from her.
As the relationship progressed, my BB tendencies flared up and she lost interest. I didn't hold proper frame in the relationship and failed too many shit tests. I couldn't see them until after the fact, when I noticed her interest levels drop and analyzed why. I knew enough to see I was failing, but got frustrated because I wasn't sure how to recover frame, which just fed into the beta "oh shit she's gonna leave me! buy things and do more for her so she stays!" thinking. I was worried this was my last chance at an attractive pre-30 woman showing interest in me. Naturally, she left a few months ago and I haven't heard from her since. I didn't take it well, and fell a couple steps back. I also found TRP here on Reddit and have been lurking ever since, stuck in the Anger phase. It's helped me out immensely.
Now I feel like I'm on the tail end of Anger - it's mostly gone, except when I think about Hippy Girl. Logically I know AWALT, but damnit, she was my unicorn. She SAID she loved me, even when she wanted to ditch me one weekend to hang out with her newly-single ex who was just a close friend. And she was so perfect for me, we had so much in common. Well, except for a couple things. And some bad habits she had. And some stupid beliefs that didn't mesh with mine. And on and on. Heart still catching up with a brain that knows better. I've been working on GFTOW to get over her, but it's been slow; I'm at a new job I'm really into, and that's taking up a lot of my time, so I haven't been socializing/approaching like I know I should. It's on my to-do list for August.
The lessons I've pulled from my experiences:
- Figure out what you want and go after it. Passion is sexy.
- Take care of yourself. Fat and unhealthy is not sexy.
- Be comfortable with who you are and adopt an IDGAF attitude about women and other people's opinions. Don't be afraid to offend people. Women really do like it.
- Be confident. Don't just take whatever's handed to you - take what you want from life.
- Listen to what women do, not what they say.
- If you display beta tendencies long enough, she WILL jump back on the the CC, no matter how long you've been together and how committed you think the relationship is.
- Women can rationalize anything to become a victim and avoid blame. Favorite example: Fiance #2 once said if I had a personality-altering illness after marriage, she'd divorce me in a heartbeat because, "You wouldn't really be who I married so it wouldn't be like I was leaving you."
- Pay attention to red flags and don't be afraid to next when needed.
If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. I'm off to bed for the 30-day challenge, but I'll part with this final thought/vow:
I'm 35 with a lifetime count of 5 partners, but 3 of those have been in the past ~6 months, thanks to TRP. You bet your ass I'm going to keep working on it, because it fucking works.
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