You cannot negotiate Desire. Negotiated desire only ever leads to obligated compliance. - Rollo

January 9, 2018

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Title You cannot negotiate Desire. Negotiated desire only ever leads to obligated compliance. - Rollo
Author redpillschool
Upvotes 126
Comments 9
Date January 9, 2018 5:14 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/TheRedPill
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[–]redpillschool[S,M] [score hidden] stickied comment (3 children) | Copy Link

One the most common personal problems I’ve been asked advice for in the past 10 years is some variation of “how do I get her back?” Usually this breaks down into men seeking some methodology to return his relationship to an earlier state where a previously passionate woman couldn’t keep her hands off of him. Six months into a comfortable familiarity and the thrill is gone, but in truth it’s the genuine desire that is gone.

It’s often at this stage that a man will resort to negotiation. Sometimes this can be as subtle as him progressively doing things for her in the hopes that she’ll reciprocate with the same sexual fervor they used to have. Other times a married couple may go to marriage counseling to “resolve their sex issues” and negotiate terms for her sexual compliance. He’ll promise to do the dishes and a load of laundry more often in exchange for her feigned sexual interest in him. Yet, no matter what terms are offered, no matter how great an external effort he makes so deserving of reward, the genuine desire is not there for her. In fact, she feels worse for not having the desire after such efforts were made for her compliance.

Negotiated desire only ever leads to obligated compliance.

[–]whatsthisgarg71 points72 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

If (hopefully not "when") you get to this point in a relationship, you will likely find it frustrating as hell, not just physically. You might want to think that she is just fucking stupid, that she can't see what is going on around her. Because you have been thinking "I am doing this for her, why can't she do that for me?"

This is not covert contracts, this is "to love and to cherish."

The problem with this (besides the fact that vows mean nothing to women), is that women don't think, they feel. Get that through your head right now.


However, the principle of the impossibility of negotiated desire has another side, and when you get there you will find it fucking liberating:

You don't do things FOR women; you do things TO women.


No gifts, no chores, no acts of kindness, nothing that you don't want to do. I'm not exaggerating.

I've said this before: "Relationships are hard work" is some Blue Pill bullshit; you don't work on the relationship, you work on yourself. She follows.

[–]desno7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

top notch post dude. Seems like the active effort to prevent the degredation of content is working

[–]chazthundergut43 points44 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

One of the most important articles I ever read. Really opened my eyes at a time when I needed it.

My situation was so pathetic it wasn't even in the context of lost passion in a relationship- I was in the friendzone. It didn't matter how many cool bands I liked, how well my personality matched hers, how well I could relate to her, how many times I had gone to pick her up, how many times I was a reliable shoulder to cry on, how many deep conversations we had, or how much time I spent on her.


Genuine sexual enthusiasm and availability is now my first and most important metric in how I interact with chicks, judge my relationships, and how I screen women for varying levels of commitment.

Recently that same chick who I spent over a year in the friendzone with texted me and told me I'm the perfect guy and how much she regrets not giving "us" a chance- while with her current boyfriend. I didn't respond. This girl I used to worship, who I would've ruined my life to be with- has gained weight and smokes. Meanwhile I'm busy fucking girls who can't yet legally drink.

Life is a fucking trip.

[–]2comment10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's 99% of DeadBedrooms in a single sentence.

The blindspot for most of those men is that they essentially negotiated their way into that relationship and when faced with adversity, they'll double down on what worked previously. But by worked, I don't mean their women found them more irresistibly attractive on a fundamental level, rather it enabled the typical relationship to progress step-by-step into marriage which, other than children, is an endpoint that can go no further, until it can provide no further BB reward for the woman. Any dread on leaving has long been removed by the courts as well.

The bunny at the end of the trap is fat, full and bored, the trap mechanism has been legally thrown out; more lettuce as bait ain't gonna make her nibble your carrot when she can get half your stockpile of cabbage hopping out.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

how to be desirable:

  1. be desirable

[–]jjezzza7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

First two rules of being desirable:

Rule 1. Be desirable

Rule 2. Don’t be undesirable

[–]sd4c1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Be evil. Women respect cruelty and power, when combined with remorselessness.

Most men are good. There are a few bad apples.

Most women are evil. There are a few nice, sweethearts.

Clue: all of them are either virgins, or going on penis number 1 of 1. Afterwards, the demon comes out and she never goes back to sweet again.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It’s you’re fault you’re single.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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