Couple years back when I was still an undergrad in university I had an Italian friend named Constantino who was in the U.S on a student visa finishing up his PHD. Constantino was very passionate about food, he was passionate about food in the same way that South American men are passionate about Soccer. If the subject of conversation ever turned to food, which it always did, he would get Italian loud and wave his hands in the air with excitement.

Constantino met a girl named Ashley on campus, did the generic coffee first date and then invited her over to his place for his homemade risotto. Obviously, for a 21 year old girl, this is a substantial departure from the standard American college dating protocol. However, no woman is going to say no to: "If you do not come you will die not knowing the taste of true Italian cooking."

So Ashley shows up at Constantino's house ready to be fed. Constantino gets all of the necessary ingredients and then tells her to dice an onion. As most of you know, twenty year old American women are clueless in the kitchen. Their mothers were too busy being strong and independent to teach them anything of value. Ashley has no clue how to dice an onion so instead she pulls out her phone and begins finger fucking it. When American girls can't handle a situation they bury their faces in their phones like an ostrich.

Nothing can get in the way of Constantino and his cooking, not even american female mediocrity. "How can a grown woman not know how to chop an onion? This is a travesty!" Constantino levels the bitch out for not knowing how to chop an onion. Then he teaches her how to chop an onion. Then forces her to practice chopping onions, as Constantino sees it: for her own good and for the good of her future children. Which is to say Ashley got hit with raw European patriarchy.

That night Ashley had sex with Constantino and a couple of months later she became his girlfriend. Why? Because passion, decisiveness, and confident male leadership are a huge turn on for women. So what's the moral of the story? Should I publish a Pick Up Artist book called Constantino's Italian Sex Method with a full chapter titled the Onion Neg, so that a bunch of 18 year olds can follow a script in the hopes of getting laid?

No, because that's retarded as fuck. Women are attracted to masculine traits. They don't care how those traits are exhibited as long as they are exhibited. If you are passionate, confident, and have vision, women will find a way to fuck you. If you imitate those attributes without actually possessing them, women will see through your bullshit and avoid you like a used tampon.

There are infinite ways to get laid. I do it by being a Siberian Muscle God. Constantino does it by being an Italian Kitchen Emperor. You have to find what works for you through painful trial and error. No one can give you a vagina formula, because it doesn't exist. Sorry AskTRP. We can only point you in the general direction and tell you to go figure it out, stop being a bitch, and for the love of Siberian Muscle God, go lift.

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