This is my story that covers a few years of my life and is incomplete because it does not have a happy ending, just things happened and continue to happen. There may be some contradictions. I'm assuming you know some things that are missing without being said, and expect you to extend me the same courtesy. About to turn 30 in a few months and have been looking into the past a lot.
I'm not going to lie and I am not ashamed to say, I used to spend massive amounts of time consuming pick up artist material. It was the missing link in my life. It explained my past and current situation(I found David DeAngelo in an ad, then The Game, Mystery Method and RSD, Simple Pickup, when I was about 18)... What did I learn? Almost everything we are exposed to in the media is backwards(the blue pill). Men are taught to act like women, expect women to act like men, and it is a recipe for failure and rejection. A good friend and I discovered game at the same time and actually had dreams of becoming teachers. that is how much we believed in its power.
Now it is troubling for me to come on TRP and see men being discouraged from all PUA material instead of being guided to the best content(some of it is excellent now). or Learning how to approach is seen as a waste of time because you shouldn't have a spare minute that you are not lifting or getting paid or making investments for 20 years from now when you may not even live that long. Its automatically assumed that your life is a mess and you are a loser in every way if you are not getting women. That you have to fix everything about yourself and then women will just show up as a side effect of being perfect. (TRP is not one hive mind but I do see the trends on a regular basis now)
That is not what pick up taught, because it is not the truth for so many men who are "good enough" but have no idea what women are attracted to. The rest of your life is at 75% and up, but women and sex are, and have always been 0-10%. Dating coaches are able to charge thousands of dollars for their services because financially successful men are clueless about this one aspect of life that is dragging them down. Feeling like you are unable to get a girl is also a huge drag on your life and can keep you from reaching your ideal self. It kills confidence and is completely unnecessary suffering.
It is okay to still want to have sex. You do not have to be perfect to want to have sex or to get laid some time this week. we are not monks. DUDE, IT IS OKAY TO HAVE SEX IF YOU ARE NOT PERFECT YET. IT IS NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL!
Not learning the truth can kill what alpha traits you have always had, what you inherited, your instincts from thousands of years ago. I learned from PUA that by talking and teasing and flirting with the majority of cute girls at my school I was attractive to them by having social proof and not being afraid, and not committing. Being seen with a lot of different girls was actually a good thing as a guy. I had girls tell me they loved me out of nowhere, and some of them meant it, I had other girls ask me to kiss them, and I brushed it off at the time like it was nothing. My year book is full of numbers that I didn't call when I should have. What would be unattractive in a woman was attractive in a man, but we are told that men and women are the same, and see stories and songs and movies written by women and betas where the men are shamed for doing what is attractive and good for them.
God damn I wish someone gave me "The Game" when I was 13. Why? Despite having so many advantages, I did not get laid in high school and was not happy. I had a girlfriend for about 6 weeks when I was 16, who was a year older and would drive me around before I could drive. She was more mature than me, she was sexy, and was active in guiding me to seduce her, she made some of the first moves. So before I knew much about attraction, I was the guy who was so "cool" that they were pursuing me, which is what is seen as the ultimate end goal on this sub now. *** I had that before, but the problem was I did not know how to be sexual with them beyond a certain point, how to escalate, how to close, how to push, how to pull. I had no confidence in my sexuality and thought everything had to be perfect like in the movies and porn.
How bad was it? I thought it was a big deal if you weren't able to find the hole right away, like instantly, or if you went to kiss a girl and your mouths didn't line up perfect, or that I would be too excited.. And people always had sex with the lights on and any little flaw on my body would be important, that she would not be worried about herself more than me. If I fucked up in any way, every girl in the world would find out and I would never be with another girl.. I also thought that a girl who liked me, if she was then talking to another guy, I should just accept that they were together now and I lost. The idea that someone else was trying to make me jealous did not exist. I had no drive to compete about 80% of the time, probably because I had porn to fall back on with zero effort. the other 20% i would get oneitis for a girl who was in a relationship. This is how bad I was with anxiety and finding ways that I would fail and could not be happy. I took something good and used it against myself. And I had no one to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I thought it was weakness to seek out help or try to improve.
***Looking back now, I see why I was not attracted to the women who tried to pursue me. Being aloof and uninterested is how their fathers were to them. They had to work for their fathers attention and initiate affection. Daddy came home after working on his career and ignored them until they made a move that he would notice. That is the girl who was always trying to get attention, and that is the girl at the bar who comes up to you who doesnt give a fuck after every other guy approached her.
What did The Game and RSD teach me that I needed to know so bad? and what seems to be missing lately on here?
- You can get someone excited, and they can like you a lot, but if you don't go further, that excitement will be transferred to someone else. Super short example: She was sad, you say some funny joke and make strong eye contact and give her a high five, now she is no longer sad and feels good because of alpha male attention that was free of outcome. It doesn't need to be from you though. She will find it somewhere else and it is now easier for the next guy who comes along and reminds her of your qualities. In The Game, Mystery describes this as raising buying temperature. Buying=going home with someone at the end of the night. Temperature=Getting hot from sexual tension and excitement. She is more open to being seduced by anyone, not just you. The blue pill lie is that she will wait around for the perfect guy, reading your love letter from across state lines and only have eyes for you. No, you turning her on created tension in her body and a want to relieve that tension. She wants to feel good right now, not in a month.
- Sex is her goal too, but it is your job to get there. So many guys here now think they can get everything on point in their lives without talking to women for as long as it takes, and then women will start approaching them, asking them out, initiating sex, and that enough women will do that the man will have a choice between multiple women and end up with the right one. The truth is this dynamic only exists in a place like high school or college, and then on dating apps, with a certain kind of woman. And if you don't know what you are doing, like I didn't know, you can fuck it all up and not recover for a long time. My missing game lead me down a dark path of questioning every part of my personality, when it was really just a few external factors, bad behaviors that could be changed, lack of entitlement and knowing what the fuck was going on. I was interesting, I was assertive and dominant, playful, etc. but the playbook on turning that into sex and relationships was broken. Porn made everything worse and is only worse today. It was bad programming. GAME IS STILL IMPORTANT. Lifting and making money increases your odds with women, but the majority of women are not going to approach you. Knowing the process and social dynamics is Alpha Male behavior.
- You will need to be able to approach. Always. if you want to have the most options. Women are not men. they have all kinds of mental processes that keep them from approaching us. In their mind, until you approach them, you are either in a happy committed relationship, you are gay, you look good but you are too shy or are a pussy. Maybe you just got out of a bad relationship and hate women now.. Or you are not attracted to them. Women are insecure as fuck. The prettier they are, usually they are that much more insecure. If they give you a smile and you don't go talk to them, their mind starts saying "well maybe he thinks I am ugly. I have gained 3 pounds in the last 6 months. Maybe there is something wrong with my hair. Did I have a stupid look on my face?" This is why so many women get stuck in the social media game of trying to get validation, people telling them they are beautiful, but they have to read it in times new roman.... THEY DON'T REALLY BELIEVE IT. They are not gaining what we think they do from it. One attractive man approaching them is worth more than 1000 losers telling them they are beautiful on a boring social media app with zero eye contact or an assertive tone of voice.
- Stop trying to become the woman and make her do all the work.. 2,3&4 are all the same premise. There is no end point where you become the hot woman as some kind of cosmic justice to your past rejections. Stop trying to become that. You're setting yourself up for disappointment. You may have some groupies. Do you want to choose from your groupies and still be unable to open a conversation with the stunning woman who is in the next aisle at Whole Foods? That just shows a lack of drive, a fear of rejection which means low confidence, and a general lack of awareness of the whole process. It is not hard. you do not need pickup lines. You can stick your tongue out and flick her off and then go give her a hug while you laugh and 99% of the attraction was just built in less than a minute. If she is not open to any of that, oh well. That's just one way to do it and you will just know by looking at her after you get enough experience.
- Clothes and shoes and haircuts are important. You can use these to your advantage, and if you don't then you are a fool. I thought it was some kind of character flaw for people to care about these things. That they were shallow and I should just wear what I want and would get results that match a man who knows what women are attracted to. I was fairly well dressed, to a certain extent, that I didn't look like a retard. My style was mostly shirts with old rock bands on them, car logos, a couple button down shirts that could have been much better. I would get compliments from other guys who thought Lynyrd Skynyrd was cool or who also drove a Chevy. But there was no sex in my clothing. It fit in with 50 year old men and stoners who think there is no good music made after 1984. My haircuts were weak and I waited too long in between. One pair of shoes, and one pair of work boots was all I had at one time, and would wear them until they needed replaced. They weren't usually clean. Nothing expressed that I had more than $20 to spend on any given day or that I was aware of social status. I didn't give a fuck. But I should have. I'm not saying that you should spend a ton on the best brands, but you can find a way to use clothes to your advantage. Don't see it as a waste of money. Being well groomed and well dressed are qualities of Alpha Males.
- The solution to getting hung up on one woman is to find/fuck ten others. The movies all show men who become obsessed with the one that got away, and then spend months "fixing themselves" and being a mopey depressed bitch to meet her standards and then convince her that he is good enough. And this is kind of what I see on TRP sometimes. If a couple women have determined you are not worthy of them, guys say it must be true and based on SMV, and you need to fix your broken self to become worth more. Go longer without sex and dating.. Ignore those ten women who would give you an abundance mentality and try to mold yourself into the perfect guy for the one who is actually good or whatever. A whole part of TRP is now a hyper version of rom com logic and practice. PUA teaches that you are already good enough to get sex and female attention and that you can enjoy those right now if you really want. Fucking or dating ten other women might be exactly what it takes to "win her back" or completely destroy the pedestal you put her on in the first place.
- Lastly, and this is what I learned from living with a woman for 5 years. There are 1000 different reasons why you did not have sex with that girl, and only a handful of them have to do with you and how great you are. For men, there are so few things that will keep us from having sex. We could be dying in the hospital and still want sex. Women are kind of the opposite in that outside of a few times a month, they have to be put into the mood to want sex, and that can change right up to the last minute(Last minute resistance). Your attractiveness alone will not be enough to cancel out other shit in her life that is making her not feel sexy, or sexual, or physically turned on. So your first thought should be that you are good enough but something else outside of your control. If she is afraid that she will fart on you or she thinks she smells bad, that is enough to keep her clothes on. She might be afraid that she will cry after sex or get a little too crazy and scare you. That is enough to keep her from coming over on day 3. She might have some kind of fetish and not think you are the kind of guy who would be into it. That is enough to stop her from giving you her number. Doesn't mean you should change yourself to a guy who likes to be whipped. (your dominance is not what this particular woman wants because not all women are the same).. Maybe she saw something that day that is bothering her. You are not her psychiatrist. That is (sometimes) the reality of the creatures you have built up to unobtainable status. 95% of it is not about you. So don't make it about you. Asking if you did something wrong after a certain point will only lessen her attraction.
- Because 7 was not last.. Do not get jealous and hateful of the guys who are good with women. Try to be around them as much as possible and learn from them. You might think they are stupid douchebags but maybe that is what you are missing from life, being able to look stupid and have fun without caring what everyone else thinks.
- Enjoy the ride. You never know that these are the good times until they are over. Give yourself a break, and learn self love beyond what you think it is right now. It's ok to want sex, or to not want sex, or to have it and not want it, to not have it and want nothing else... It's okay. You are not as bad as you think you are.