Found on /r/mgtow

I live in the UK and am a pretty intelligent guy. I usually am the sort of person that is mentally strong and keeps my own inner battles to myself, but there is really only so much a person can take before it is too much.

I don't want to get into the details too much but women have destroyed me so much that I have been negatively effected in a number of ways. I think I might have PTSD, I'm unbearably stressed, angry, isolated, poor, and have tried but so far am incapable to do anything to help myself completely on my own. I won't get into the details but atm going to see a psychologist isn't an option either.

I experienced years of abuse, emotional and physical, from one LTR that no doubt had something like bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, or antisocial personality disorder, which lead to basically me living isolated with just her and being abused in all the common ways that happen from such a girl. (As bad as it gets, way way way more than just verbal stuff or threats), from this LTR I lost all my money, friends and familial connections.

Even after this I wasn't red pilled, I had not heard the term AWALT, and I (which is quiet logical to a blue pilled person) believed it was just due to the clear psychotic nature of that one girl. So I was getting back onto my feet and eventually started dating, I got into another relationship with a different girl who I thought was much better, much kinder and generally thought I wouldn't experience the same problems (and I didn't experience the SAME ones but, AWALT) we eventually started living together, a little while into this, I became exposed to her hidden medias, finding out she was cheating with numerous men the entire time. Absolutely remorseless.

Like I said I'm not getting into the details so you'll just have to take my word for it that they did many more terrible things to me besides the ones I have mentioned, some which are still actively ruining my life like haunting ghosts that won't disappear.

I have absolutely no desire to ever risk such situations again and realize that my problems ultimately were caused because I was blue pilled, lied to all my life by the media,family, society, etc, like almost all other young men, so in that sense I am now completely MGTOW, but the damage is done, how can I clear my mind from all these issues? When I sleep I have stressful and angry conversations and imaginings playing out in my head all night and morning, which continue throughout the day whenever I'm not totally distracted. Many pf these are based on hateful thoughts that really disgust me and I wish would stop. This goes on and on, it's so bad that sometimes when I'm alone, even trying to enjoy a relaxing shower, I burst out in anger saying a few words I feel like saying to one person or another. I find it extremely hard or impossible to do productive work, there are one or two avenues for this open to me that are solitary work I can do, I tried many times but I find now that unless I am doing something to help cope, I just spiral downward way too quickly, and I'm generally unable to be productive or creative at all no matter how much time I try to dedicate to it. It is hard even for me to focus or remain present at all before going off on these loops. I am also sort of at the mercy of time at the moment waiting on some things.

Ways I am coping include working out and running daily, watching tv shows or playing video games, and basically waiting on certain things to play out that are either possibly bad, or other things which provide hope, neither of which I can speed up. I feel like I have been patient so long that it is just way too much.

When it comes to giving advice that involves going out, seeing friends, making new ones, etc, I am sorry to say that a lot of these options aren't really possibilities for me right now.

I am really just looking for advice on easy things that will help?

I am making sure to do all these every day: ( I have a list)

Keep hygenic and do chores, like showering/washing clothes/cleaning

Exercise every day

Go for a run every day

Eating healthy

Reading every day

I am also trying to pray and meditate (limited success on that one) every day

Are there any other simple things I can add to this list that will help? Thanks