At the suggestion of u/where_muh_good_mens, I have combined and expanded a few of my earlier posts/comments into a longer piece.

I am now approaching 30, and that has caused me to reflect. I ran the gauntlet of online dating in my mid-twenties. It seemed to provide more opportunities than I could realistically expect IRL, since I was the sort of "quiet, polite, and hard-working" man who women treat like a piece of furniture. I want to say for the benefit of younger men out there what I wish someone had told me—“dating” when you are young is not worth it in this cultural climate. It siphons away immense amounts of time, effort, and financial resources during some of your most pivotal and productive years. And, more fundamentally, women have debased themselves to such an extent that the very concept of loyalty towards a romantic partner is lost on them.

Female entitlement, fueled by dating apps and social media, has poisoned relations between the sexes and pulled quality relationships beyond the reach of the vast majority of men. In this dating environment, males outside the top 5-10% are largely ignored, and can count on exploitation and disdain from the minority of women who acknowledge our existence long enough to accept a date. Men who are kind, loyal and have stable careers are baffled that these qualities, held up by the culture as cornerstones of sexual success, no longer guarantee even a modicum of female respect. Gradually, loneliness tightens its grip, and weeks and months of begging for scraps on Tinder wear down the good man’s integrity and self-worth to the point that he finds himself absorbing all manner of female abuse and incivility. He swallows vile behavior that he never would have tolerated while in a healthy emotional frame. The gynocentric culture encourages men to internalize blame for their shitty treatment at the hands of women, and I think it requires exceptional strength to break out of this frame.

I will use myself as an example—I’m an honest, decent man with a solid professional career, ample savings, and zero debt. I will never be dazzlingly handsome, but I stay in shape and know my way around the finer points of dress and grooming. It was stunning and surreal to craft thoughtful, individualized openers, only to meet with silence 99% of the time, even from crass, uneducated, obese, bottom-tier hags. Still, over the ensuing months and years I scraped together dozens of first dates. I offered the best version of myself on all of them, because I was naïve enough to believe the lie that this was what women would respond to. I constantly second-guessed my actions to ensure that I was being generous and considerate, yet never too clingy. I gave homemade gifts and planned creative outings with those few who stuck around. And yet, over and over again, I was lied to. I was ghosted. I was strung along, and then ignored. On more first meetings than I wish to count, I played the dancing monkey, making her laugh and driving conversation forward, usually with precious little effort from the other side of the table. And then, despite a positive and encouraging interaction, I would typically be out the cost of snacks and drinks and never hear from her again. Not even a courtesy “no thanks” by text.

On the rare occasions that things progressed further, the callousness and ingratitude were, in retrospect, even more egregious. If being ghosted after one date is shitty, being dumped by text after a half dozen, by a spineless cunt who lacked the decency to say the words face to face, is far shittier. The lack of basic accountability is truly staggering to behold. How can these women—fellow adults, ostensibly—look me in the eye, agree to see me again, only to blow me off without a shred of manners or remorse? As these individual insults pile up, you will come to realize that the problem is too pervasive to be handwaved by explanations of ‘bad luck’ or ‘a few bad apples.’ I believe I have accumulated enough experience to say that these situations are not outliers, but reflect general norms of female behavior. For a long time I internalized this pervasive disrespect and drifted down into depression—a tendency encouraged by the mainstream advice to young men struggling in dating, which can be summarized as minor variations of WORK HARDER, BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Not only are women never told that they should compromise on their ludicrously shallow laundry lists of demands, the very suggestion that they hold any blame for the dismal state of modern courtship is shouted down with shrieks of “misogyny!” It is therefore left for the intelligent men to see through the incessant drumbeat of misandrist propaganda and realize that the behavior of WOMEN—entitled, amoral, shallow, solipsistic—is the real problem.

I believe the stunning lack of accountability imposed upon women, particularly concerning their choices and actions in the fields of sex, dating, and courtship, is at the root of the deepening modern crisis in men’s emotional health. Double standards are the order of the day—women claim it as their “right” to treat men as disposable beasts of burden, and attempt to shame into silence any who would object. We live in a culture where despicable female behavior is constantly rationalized, downplayed and denied. Women by and large thumb their noses at any expectation that they behave with transparency, decency or accountability toward the men they date. Yet we men are still expected to fulfill our traditional obligations, without any of the accompanying respect that was our fathers’ due. We shoulder the full initiative of asking women out, as well as planning (and most likely paying for) every date. Moreover, we take on the emotional labor (to borrow a feminist buzzword) of constantly shucking and jiving to entertain them—no mean feat given how many are too vapid and lazy to participate in substantive intellectual conversation. Is it any wonder that men are choosing not to waste their time on this one-sided, thankless toil?

I owe a debt of gratitude to these online male spaces for helping me to find my way back to a place of sanity and self-respect. And to the younger men I will say, don’t allow women and their shitty, narcissistic behavior to dictate your self-worth. When you have been on enough feckless first dates, you will realize how many of them are like children in adult bodies when it comes to the qualities relevant to a relationship. They are unable to look past the superficial glint of looks and status, and pitifully inept at communicating their needs and desires. They are hungry for attention and validation, and will leech off any man guileless enough to provide these things for free—only to backpedal and vanish the moment he insists on a shred of effort in return. Women will exploit your desire, as well as your socially indoctrinated trust and sympathy towards them to wring the maximum time, money, and effort out of you while giving as little as they can.

I will conclude with my advice for those young men who do choose to date. Do not be taken in by the lie of female virtue and benevolence—never be conned into giving more than you receive. Women will dissemble every step of the way in order to give themselves an “out” through plausible deniability. Never give a woman who tries to hesitate or backpedal the benefit of the doubt. Whether it is a kiss, a second date, or sex, be prepared to immediately dump any woman who responds to your invitation with anything less than an enthusiastic and immediate “yes.” The slightest trace of ambivalence should be taken as proof positive that you are being used. As a man, you must learn to put yourself first, because no one else in this society will.