For the brokenhearted, the tired, the neglected, and the disappointed...this is for you.

161 points•47 comments•submitted by Natsume25 to r/MGTOW

This one goes out to the lurkers and those on the fence in this sub. We're human, just like you, and we mean no harm. We're just dealing with the fruits of one of the most beautiful and well-coping lies we men have ever been told.

I was taking a casual walk to town to take care of some shopping and run a couple of errands for the household. I started thinking about all I lost over last year. They say men aren't supposed to cry. That we should be stoic at all times, but there are moments where just the pain of what you've experienced hits you all at once, and it overwhelms you.

I was smiling in front of people today. A couple of passerbys said hi, but I smiled and looked away because I was trying not to cry. It hit me like a brick.

Out there is a woman I love more than anyone else in the world, and the amount of fucks she gives about me is zero. I am forcing myself to dislike her because loving her hurts too much. Out there are friends I have sacrificed so much for who left me when I had nothing. Out there are family members who I cherished, but jealousy and contempt caused them to turn on me.

And out there, are people who I've hurt...sometimes intentionally, often unintentionally. Within me and my being is a trail of people that have influenced and affected me and who I have also influenced. There's a trail of brokenness and pain that I've had a hand in and many that has affected me. This is my humanity. And you know the most glaring truth in all of this?

I spent nine years that I should have used to develop necessary skills, much needed connections, and experience and tried to romanticize my life. I became an adventurer seeking purpose and got myself in a STRING of friendships and relationships with women who I honestly thought had my best interests in mind. I was a romantic, and was taught that a man should sacrifice for a woman, and in doing so, she will love him and remain loyal.

That wasn't the case at all, yet I kept trying and trying and trying. The vast majority of the female friendships/relationships ended on a horrible note the MINUTE my usefulness was up.

I had to bear witness to men treating them like crap, but having something like status or good looks that allowed them to get away with it. My kind acts, loyal friendships, good deeds, the MINUTE they were no longer beneficial, I was painted as the bad guy. I shit you not.

It made NO LOGICAL SENSE...but it wasn't a month ago as I watched someone who I, on multiple occasions, risked my health to make sure she was all right, see her give praise to a guy who gave her visible marks and treated her disposably, but was a good man deep down inside....meanwhile I was a misogynist who couldn't get laid.'

This was a FRIEND...someone who I once TRUSTED WITH MY LIFE. But after years of dealing with abuse, neglect, betrayal, and outright shitty behavior, it dawned on me...

I'm doing this to myself.

Since I've gone the MGTOW route officially back in late January, I've had plenty of time to face myself, and my deepest fears. I had to deal with the strong possibility that I will always be alone and that no woman would ever love me the way I want them to. I am supposed to be her slave, held onto the chain by the short-lived, but highly addictive promise of sex and something I crave even more than sex: emotional intimacy. With that, I was always that sucker. That poor sucker who didn't understand women.

And that's 9 years of my life with little to show for it and so much heartache and pain to get out of it. And I didn't get divorced raped or married. I can't imagine what it's like for people here who did. You guys are really heroes.

If you're on this sub, understand that most of these men are hurt, extremely hurt. They let our their cries of equality amidst a sea of feminist thought and was silenced by the media and painted as the enemy. They too, wanted to feel like they matter, that the cry of equality included them. But as they saw their hopes being crushed by the dark grip of reality, for many, including myself, it is too much.

A huge motivation for me working hard, as well as finding a purpose, was to one day find a woman. But now that I know that dream is dead, it's left me with an existential crisis that I find myself having trouble dealing with.

However, what I do know is this...life goes on.

I had those experiences. I fell in love and lost. I ventured into unknown places, and met many a person. I got life lessons through these interactions. I gained wisdom.

There is life after women. There is life after divorce. There is life after loss, because one day, there will be no life. You will be dead.

At 27, I am starting from scratch. My life will be shaped by any further decisions, and I've decided that it's time I atoned for my past sins and own up to my own bullshit.

I allowed myself to be used. I allowed myself to believe in my delusions. I was cowardly and wanted to escape my suffering by essentially becoming ADDICTED to females.

You men are not alone and never will be. This is a place for healing...to express your anger and mistrust without judgment, and once you do that, once you see life for what it is, can you take the steps to forge your own identity.

Going your own way is a process, and we are here to help you along on that difficult journey.

Much love, Natsume25