Well, it was here that I wrote something that was way too long about Dr. Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., Devout Christian.
Dr. McAvoy wrote about her relationship with her "boyfriend". Some guy was a big meanie to her in the comments section. She took it to her "boyfriend" and she read his injury as manipulation and deceit. So Dr. McAvoy broke up with him because he was "immature" and didn't help her with her insecurities.
And as is my wont, I wrote a whole bunch of stuff about what she did and all the things she did wrong. But as I was reading and cogitating some more about this, I worked hard to distill this down into what had actually happened. And I came to it:
Dr. McAvoy expected boyfriend treatment from a fuckbuddy, mostly because she didn't want to admit to herself that he was a fuckbuddy. And her fuckbuddy tried to act like a boyfriend, mostly because he wanted to keep fucking her.
Guys, if you're a fuckbuddy or a friend with benefits (FwB), don't act like a boyfriend or a husband, even if you want to keep fucking her. Your job as a FwB is fucking and fun. Good sex, have fun with her, show her a good time, do fun things with her. That's it.
You are not a boyfriend. You are not a husband. You're not there for emotional support, for relational maturity, or for commitment. You're not there to cultivate a relationship. You're not there to build anything, to commit anything, or to expend time or resources.
You're not there to "work things out" or "fix things". When things get to a point of "we need to work things out", that's when you know you need to move on if you don't want that level of involvement, because she's trying to convert you into a boyfriend or a husband. FwBs do not "talk it out" or participate in discussions preceded by the woman saying "we need to talk". If you're not going to fuck or do fun things, then there's nothing to talk about.
You're also not a beta orbiter. You're not there to let her borrow anything, give her money, or spend lots of time doing "friend" things. You're not there to give "loan" her $100 to tide her over to next month. Just know that if you "loan" money to a woman, you'll never see it again. Consider it a gift, if you give it to her in the first place, which you should not do. FwBs are not there to be financial institutions, emotional tampons, movers, or lifters of heavy things.
If you're a fuckbuddy, don't act like a boyfriend, and don't act like an orbiter.
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