I spend a fair amount of time over on r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen. It's great and I enjoy the fact that it's an amusement sub. While the issues we discuss are very serious, it's nice (and healthy I think) to take a step back and laugh at the ridiculousness of it all from time to time.

I've noticed a certain behavior that is present in most of the posts over there, especially the stories lifted from r/relationship_advice, or stories that are written by feminists.

The behavior is this -

  • a woman will make a statement that is clearly false, but she presents it as an irrefutable fact.
  • the statement is her creation and hers alone. It's never, "he said he was insecure because of X.", but rather, "he's insecure because of X."
  • the false reason always puts the blame back on the man, or more accurately, a shortcoming/deficiency that the man supposedly has.
  • the statement always puts her in a "superior" position, even if it's delusional.

It’s usually along the lines of “he left me because he’s intimidated by my success” or “he ran out the door when I told him how many guys I had been with sexually, because he’s insecure about his sexuality.” Both of these statements are false.

Men aren't intimidated by a woman's success. Most of us just really don't give a shit about your success for various reasons.

A promiscuous woman doesn't make a man insecure sexually. A promiscuous woman is a risk, and avoiding a promiscuous woman doesn't have anything to do with insecurity, it has to do with risk assessment/avoidance and making a smart decision. For example, when an employer interviews a potential candidate, they are looking for both positive attributes and negative attributes. If you've had 40 jobs in 3 years, never stayed with the same employer for more than 6 months, walked away from jobs without formally quitting, etc., then any employer with brain in their head is not going to hire you. They're not insecure, they're making an educated guess at what your future behavior will be. Past behavior predicts future results. You've established your reputation, and while you may cry about it and say it's unfair, it's your own damn fault. No smart employer is going to believe/care about - "I'm glad I behaved that way because I discovered who I am. I've changed and I'm ready to settle down with one company." Even though one employee is not likely to permanently damage a company, you're still not going to get hired. If you marry the wrong woman, she will damage your life/finances permanently.

With all that being said, a company declining to hire a job hopper is viewed as common sense, whereas a man declining to be with a promiscuous woman is all because of his fragile male ego and sexual insecurity.

I digress.

This behavior isn't just irritating, it's also incredibly dangerous. When you falsely accuse someone of something, the shock will induce an emotional response that will wipe away your logical processes. You need those logical processes to refute the craziness of their accusation. Without those logical processes (and WITH the guilt that follows anger) people will often begin to believe the false accusation as fact.

Good men are avoiding women because of this behavior, because a woman can turn any issue into "you have a problem with this because you're not man enough." She can amplify the effect of that behavior by pulling other people in who will agree with her false conclusions. Society has compounded/amplified this behavior as well. It's possible to overcome this behavior, but it takes years and years of practice and years and years of misery and suffering.

That behavior, and the threat of that behavior, have driven good men away.

So the question is, is there a modern term for that type of psychological game? It has elements of gaslighting, hamstering, creating a false narrative, psychological projection, etc., but none of those fit this behavior perfectly. If there isn't a term, let's create one.

More examples - http://archive.is/ZlhSz

"Even though the feminist movement is pretty much the best thing to happen to this world since sliced bread, it’s taking its toll in the dating scene. The thing is, I’m starting to get a bit of a stand-offish vibe from guys, like they’re afraid to make a move, and I think it’s because they think that we don’t need them anymore. "

"Guys are feeling the heat and we can all tell. They’re afraid to compliment us or relate to us in the way they were always taught to and trust me, this is a good thing."

"Feminism is something I’m passionate about, but I also know how guys can get insecure when I talk about it."

"Times are a little weird right now and I guess guys are afraid that the way they approach women might offend us or give us the wrong impression. I guess this is a good thing in a way because now guys have to wrack their brain and kinda figure out how to treat women with respect and see us as whole people."

Notice the words being used here - "afraid, afraid, insecure, afraid." Once again, this is the hallmark of the behavior I'm referring to.